YSaC, Vol. 845: I dream of …
2010 November 9
genie pigs
We are in need of rehoming 2 female genie pigs. They are roughfly 2 years old. Of you are interested please let me know. They need to stay together
That’s gotta be a one-off mistake, right? Or maybe this person thinks that the genie pigs are the reincarnation of the Wonder Twins, and they need to stay together so that they can transform into the form of a sno-cone and … well, a guinea pig … and save the universe. Roughfly.
Black genie pig
Free genie pig
Oh. Never mind.
Actually, it’s a little known fact that genie pigs can provide you with three wishes, but they all must involve bacon somehow.
Thanks, Erin, Rebecca, and Justin!
HamCan=in heaven!
“Oh Master, I seem to have turned us both into genie pigs!”
“It’s worse than that, Jeannie, you turned me into a female genie pig!”
“Oh no, Master! I shall call Capt. Healy and see if he has enough drachmas to go to Baghdad and enlist the aid of my uncles to turn us back into our normal selves!”
“You mean your Uncles Vasmir and Azmir? Yeah, that’s all I need. They’ll probably turn you back and me into a toad or something.”
*play goofy soundtrack and bumper music*
“Hey Jeannie and Tony! Awww…aren’t you two cute!”
*Roger reaches into Tony’s cage and gets bitten*
“Ow!”
“Knock it off Roger…did you bring back the Uncles?”
“Better, Tony, much better!”
*Roger waves a small bottle full of a glowing elixir*
“What is that Capt. Healy?”
“It’s a potion your Uncle Azmir gave me. He said it will put everything to right.”
*Roger puts the bottle up to the cage and Jeannie takes a sip*
*POOF! She transforms back into her human self*
“Oh, thank you, Capt. Healy, thank you!”
*Jeannie puts the bottle up to the cage Tony is in and he takes a sip..nothing happens*
“Here, Master, take another sip.”
“Alright, Jeannie, but that stuff tastes awful.”
*Tony takes another sip…and……*
*POOF!WHIZ!BANG!SMOKE FILLS THE ROOM!”
“Ribbit…Ribbit…Ribbit”
….weird…I didn’t finish my story….
Sigh….
…smoke fills the room and…..
“Ribbit…Ribbit…Ribbit”
LOL!! Now this comment looks weird! Hey, can you delete this one, Windy?
kthxbai!
No, I like it! 8)
No words, CJ, this was just brilliant!
Thank you, punkin!
I’ll take your genie pigs, but I have one question. Do I have to squeeze them back into the bottle after each wish? That seems like it could be a bit time consuming.
Blender
No, you don’t need a blender, just make sure the “lamp” is a mason jar. Or mayonnaise jar. Whichever.
Manda — just give the genie pigs to your kids. When the kids are done, I’ll bet the genie pigs fit back in the bottle.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out how it’s actually spelled off the top of my head. It’s just not a word that’s used very often. Genie? Ginie? Guine? Sanguine? Guinea?
That last one looks right.
Yes, the last one looks right but I prefer the more exotic-sounding “sanguine”.
Sanguine means “blood”, right?
It can mean “optimistic” (I am sanguine about the interview.) or “bloody”. (That shade of red looks very sanguine.)
Or bloody optimistic?
Latin is sanguis “(and sanguen , n.) [blood]. Transf. [blood-relationship, race, family, progeny; life-blood, strength, vigor].”
In Spanish it is la sangre, and the color gives the name of the flavored wine drink, sangria.
In french, le sang (except the Fanks do not add citrus and brandy to their vin ordinare).
The use in English, as SJ points out, to mean confident seems to come from the concept of the nobility of various humours, and a supposed releationship to one’s breeding.
I’m not quite up to looking up the entry in the OEM to confirm that, though. I find my humours being melancholy today.
I nominate “Melancholy Humors” as today’s band name!
Now appearing, at teh 40-Watt, Melancholy Humors!!
Hear them play some of their greatest hits…
“Why Bother?”
“Who Cares?”
And, my all-time fav…
“I Don’t Give a Rat’s Ass”
Opening for the Humors will be The All-Sparkly Unicorn Band with their versions of…
“Walkin’ on Sunshine”
and
“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”
No cover charge for the ladies!
Free Xanax for the depressed!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Their cover band is “Apathy and some other cool words after that, I don’t know… just write something.”
Why do the pictures look like they were taken in some third world prison for magical rodents?
It was a secret shopper cam sent by Hardcopy.
“Up next: Are your Magical rodents really as magical as the stores claim? The answer will shock you!”
If I rub the genie pigs’ tummies, do I get my wish?
*Puts on Genie pig costume*
Why yes, yes you do.
*Wags*
Hammy’s Genie pig costume
Oh Hammy you’re so cute!!!! Do you want to wear this princess crown to go with it?
Did anyone else click on the link towards the bottom of the article and get really, really sad (and a little scared) that there’s a woman (I assume) selling clothing for guinea pigs?
Is that worse than a person dressing up a guinea pig up before they eat them? Be glad you live in a place where we pick up our future dinner on the side of the road and not from our children’s pets.
Sorry that came out a little soapboxy for a Monday.
[matt][/matt]
There you go, I actually haven’t needed them recently so they need a good home.
The guinea pigs’ expression: “Just kill us now.”
Did we lose a day? I thought we were supposed to Fall back an HOUR, not a DAY!
Silly me. Must fix calendar instead of clocks.
😉
I think only Artsy lost a day, but she’s welcome to have all my Mondays. You can have my Tuesdays, Mudsy. I’ll keep Wednesday through Sunday. Those are okay.
Bubba: “Hey MAW!!!! I picked us up sum ‘possum fer dinner tonight! I’us comin home from the gas&grub when I see’d it on the side o’the road! Wooowee!! we get meat tonight!!!!”
Maw: “Tell Allison she c’n put her genie pig back in the cage then!”
It only took about 1/2 hour to realize it wasn’t Monday anymore. We don’t do redo’s on Mondays on on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Going way back up there, I think it would be creepier to dress up a pet than a future meal. The future meal’s suffering ends at dinner time, the pet gets to be squeezed into different outfits over and over and over again. I’d rather be barbecued than Barbie-ed.
[Cavy Owner Corey]Actually, Guinea Pigs are actually not averse to clothes, and it is somewhat common to attempt to dress them up.[/corey]
Going way back up there, I think it would be creepier to dress up Hammy as a pet genie pig.
I bet he’d whistle if you rubbed his belly.
*Purses lips*
*Makes raspberry sounds and drools*
Camille, I wouldn’t rub anything if I were you.
Party pooper!
*sticks tongue out at Hammy in a very dignified way*
Pickles looked at the incoming human with disdain.
“Oh jeez, here comes another one,” he said.
Winston gave a small, knowing smirk. He knew what was about to happen; it always happened, and for some reason, it always happened to Pickles.
“Wipe the smirk off, Winston,” Pickles retorted to the silent schadenfreude.
Winston feigned emotional injury. “I would never!”
“Crap!” Pickles exclaimed as the human — .a disheveled, malodorous fellow with toxic breath and more fur than they had, grabbed him roughly. Pickles squirmed and squeaked in protest as the human picked him up, picking up the volume as the human did what humans always did with their kind. It was almost painful to watch for Winston — almost moreso than the amusement he derived from watching.
The human made irritated noises, clearly becoming agitated while Pickles squawked ever louder before being dumped unceremoniously back into the cage with a fed-up grunt from the human and the wind knocked out of Pickles’ sails.
Pickles stared daggers alternately at Winston and the departing human, his fur a wild, untamed mess. “Why? Why, Winston? Why do they always have to rub? And so damned vigorously! I’ve got rug burn all over my back and I swear I’m going bald there.”
“They don’t understand,” Winston replied matter-of-factly. “They hear about Genie Pigs and assume we’re like those bloody lamps from the stories.”
“Yeah, but they still asked the genie for wishes in those stories!” Pickles pleaded.
“Only after they rubbed the lamp to make the genie appear,” Winston responded.
“Don’t they get that we are the genies and all they have to do is ask?” Pickles whined. “What are the expecting to happen, the ‘real’ genie is going to spew forth from of my ass?”
Winston chuckled. “It wouldn’t surprise me one bit, Pickles, not one bit. Humans are thick and greedy creatures.”
Pickles gave a disgusted look. “I’ll give ’em something from my ass…”
“Look on the bright side,” said Winston. “None of them have figured it out yet. We have yet to have to grant anyone a single wish because they’re too stupid and ignorant to just ask nicely.”
Pickles glanced dubiously at Winston. “I guess. But that doesn’t help my increasing need for Rogaine, does it?”
Winston shrugged. “What can you do? We’re in this cage and they are out there.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Pickles asked.
Winston shook his head. “It’s just the way it is. You get used to it because you must.”
Pickles snorted derisively, then noticed something out of the corner of his eye. “Oh, no. No, please. Not another one.”
Winston saw him, too. Another unsavory sort with an alarmingly bulbous nest of fur on its head. As it came closer he smelled sewage. It was most unpleasant. Winston was starting to feel genuinely sorry for Pickles.
The familiar routine started all over again; the cage door opened, the human grabbed, rubbed, muttered angrily, rubbed more and more vigorously to the sounds of furious and irritated squeals, and then finally grunted in disgust as it dumped its uncooperative genie back in the cage.
Pickles stared wide-eyed for several moments.
“Shut up,” said Winston through a clenched jaw, his fur wild and still flying about the cage.
Pickles started to open his mouth until Winston interrupted him with a smartly raised paw. “SHUT. UP. I don’t want to hear it. Not one word. Just shut up.”
Pickles gave a small, knowing smirk.
Blast. That should read, “…a disheveled, malodorous fellow with toxic breath and more fur than they had, grabbed him roughly.” Galldurn absentee edit button.
Small fee. Bird seed. Fix it right up.
Oooh…Windy!! Can you fix mine, up there? I’ll send you a whole bag! I don’t know how it posted my comments before I hit the “Submit” button, but it did…right as I got to the punchline. 🙁
The last line of my long-winded Jeannie episode should read…
“Ribbit.Ribbit.Ribbit”
Thank you!!
You are too kind! Pile o’ bird seed coming right up! No coyote. Promise.
Both done, put the bird seed in the floppy drive and hit send. 8) Let me know if you want your correction posts deleted now. Although I like how it is now.
Windy — I have some nice spiced tea for you if you’ll make all my comments read as good a Mindfields.
Wonderful! Seeding now. Hopefully that grinding noise and sudden gathering of finches is normal.
Wow, I typed mine before reading yours, Mindfield, because I didn’t want cross contamination. It seems I cross contaminated anyway.
*Bows*
There can never be too many stories! All the blog’s a stage. Or, um, writing desk.
5 points to both CJ and Mindfield. Great start to my day.
Mindfield, I hope you get that book of short stories done in time for the holidays. I’m looking forward to sending it to everyone that I know.
Aww..shucks Artsy…thanks… 🙂
A book of short stories based on YSaC’s wacky CL posts? Interesting idea… 😀
I totally agree with Artsy. You both had me in tears* today!
*nearly submitted with this misspelled as teats.
Had a guinea fowl named Pickles once*.
*Always pining for the fjords it was…
That’s why you got to nail it to the perch.
Today’s theory: Sparky can type, but he can’t read. He or she can probably spell fairly well, but even when the bag of food for the pets clearly says guinea pig on it, he gets it wrong. Sparky Can’t Read. Can’t proof read, can’t see the name spelled correctly elsewhere, can’t read.
Mmmmmmm – pulled pork sammies
A while back I went to a poultry auction to buy some hens and they were also auctioning Guinea pigs, the bidding was pretty fierce on them too.
I had to ask someone next to me why people were so interested in them, apparently they are a delicacy in South American countries.
Nom, nom, nom…not.
Mmmmmmm – BBQ pulled pork sammies
Mmmm … tastes like chicken. Furry, squeaky chicken.
Rodents are tasty meat.
I have yet to find squirrel around here, though, except of the “catch your own” variety which I’m not going to do until civilization collapses. But after that, it’s all the squirrel and pigeon I can get my hands on!
[cavy corey]Guinea pigs were originally bred in Peru for food. They are entirely herbivorous, which makes me suspect that they might taste better than many other rodents. I’m too fond of my rats and Guinea pigs to cook them up and compare them, though.[/corey]
MrEB heard about cuy from someone from Peru… He always wants to ask for it when we go to Peruvian restaurants, and usually gets pretty odd looks :-p
Stephanae — what happened to you? Have the evil spirits been visiting you?
No, I got a new job overseeing the Peruvian magic cavy prison. The blue light from the cages designed to contain their evil powers tends to reflect on my face.
Oh. Then you look great!!!!
Wait – you mean all wishes don’t involve bacon?
Huh.
Most of mine involve hot fudge sauce and/or Pringles. Although sometimes the Pringles are bacon-flavored.
Bacon flavored Angelina Jolie.
The “and” in that “and/or” worries me a little.
Don’t knock it ’til you try it.
Bacontini delighted that you would wish for him. But is unnecessary. Bacontini always here for de people who want his meat.
What? Why everyone laugh at Bacontini?
Bacontini, I wished for you, and you didn’t come.
I’m moving all my stuff out of your doghouse, and heading back to my box on the street! Harrumph!
**blows a raspberry at Bacontini, winks at HamCan’s bacon-flavored Angelina Jolie**
If I pose as a poor orphan from Darfur, do you think she’ll adopt me?
Teehee!!!!
Sorry Winks, you look more like an orphan from Dur hurr.
Roughfly= tattooed, ass-kicking barfly. Don’t you dare rub his belly!
Does anyone else think these surveillance-quality photos look even look like guinea pigs? I’m not convinced they aren’t some kind of puppet or toy make from wadded-up socks or something.
Of course, that could be the cold meds talking. Or maybe the tea. I kind of think the tea was talking to me. It was like Alice in Wonderland. It said, “Drink me.”
Sounds like it’s shaping up to be a great day! Hope you feel better soon, and have some fun hallucinations in the mean time.
Right? I could probably get even better hallucinations to happen if I combined them with alcohol, but I did manage to get to work and would like to keep my job.
So I’ll leave that experimentation until I get home tonight!
Did you get really small?
Is the cat smiling?
Was the tea from Papua-New Genie? (Hope not, it could hve ‘long pig’ in it, among other mind-altering biochemistries.)
genie pigs
——————————————————————————–
We are in need of rehoming 2 female genie pigs (Who are pregnant and about to have 25 babies each). They are roughfly 2 years old (So they will be a little tough to chew). If you are interested please let me know(So I can tell you more lies about how they don’t bite). They need to stay together (One just isn’t enough for a meal)
No they don’t. There will be no guinness tears shed by either one of these guinness pigs should the other one mysteriously disappear. Sparky lies.
Now, if they were hamsters, I could see the need for them to not be separated. They must be kept together to do the next Kia Soul commercial.
*knitting tiny little hoodies as I type*
Guinness pig = Ugh, I think I dated one of those. Just because someone has a preference for a decent quality beverage does not make them a decent human being …
I had no idea my post would stir such raw emotion.
Have another slice of lemon for your tea.
Thank you, Mama Mudsy.
No, the emotion is no longer raw (it was a long time ago).
Oh thank goodness. I was worried I would lose a minute of sleep over this tonight.
BWAH HA HA.
No. 8)
Worrying about the way things might have been?
Actually, guinea pigs do bond, so they could get distressed if they’re separated.
But all bets are off with genie pigs. I’m sure they can just conjure up a new friend.
I knew there was something evil about them. The fact that they’re in separate cages suggested to me they can’t be too bonded. My evil offspring has two rats and she keeps them together. Before they co-habitated, they didn’t pay the other one much mind. But now they can’t sleep apart from each other.
I thought they were just in separate corners preparing for their prize fight.
I wonder if Michael Vick has upped his game.
My brother-in-law had 2 male guineas and we looked after them one weekend for him (because he used to look after the rats when we went away). We put the cage in the dining room near the rat cage (but not too near). All our rats at the time were girls. The girls spent the entire weekend at the end of the cage nearest the guineas – I don’t think they cared that they were the wrong species. The guineas spent the entire weekend a) hiding and b) making squawking noises to one another. Cute, but not that friendly.
Our two Guinea Pigs, Fido and Scamp, are best friends. They’ve really bonded, and they do a lot to keep each other company when no one is home.
How do you know if you’re not home?
They fit the description of happy, healthy piggies who don’t lack in social interaction.
Astro, a better answer would be surveillance cameras.
Guinea-cam.
Since it’s story time today, I’ll stream my TypoMagic for you, and I won’t go back and make corrections as I see them:
Baldwell had lived up to the name of his family all his life. Not a speck of hair had ever grown on his luminous and glowing dome, and no hair ever would. While lesser men might be concerned with this, Baldwell cherished it, loved it.
However, the life of a man who balded well was not always easy. It required huge amounts of buffing compound to keep the shine as brilliant as possible, and there were times when his normally collosal supply waned to the point where he had a meer two or three bottles. Delivery of a pallet of buffing compound, in this case EZ Floor Shine with lemon, could take weeks and Baldwell was far too frugal to buy individual bottles. Were he a better planner, he’d order the next pallet when he was down to a case, rather than a few bottles, of the polish.
No, Baldwell needed a better solution. Fast delivery of buffing compound could solve all his problems, and then the world would see how bright he could really shine!
So it was a normal day, much like today but different in that it isn’t today but some other day prior, when Baldwell was idly scrolling through a few Craigslist ads. There was a banjo made out of a turtle shell, a walrus grooming kit with tusk lubricant, a spatula that had melted into the shape of washington crossing the deleware (though to be honest it looked more like Herbert Hoover than washington), and a pair of magical, wish granting vermin.
Now, Baldwell generally didn’t like rodents. They were covered in hair and therefore his antithesis, much like a walmart cashier is direct newtonian opposition of a train stewardess dressed in drag. Yes, he hated rodents as a kind of loved arch nemesis.
Wish granting, however, changed his demenor entirely on these particular gerbils… or whatever they were. He had to have them, with but a wish he could have all the buffer he’d ever need. Baldwell excitedly coated another rag in EZ polish and wiped his scalp down. He could almost see a cupboard filled to the brim with his treasure.
A phone call and an anxious wait later he had the pigs, though much smaller than most barnyard animals he had ever seen.
Wishing on them was a problem. He couldn’t seem to make it work. At first he simply wished at them, but failing that he tried to strike up a conversation and smoothly transistion into his need of buffing oil. Sadly the pigs weren’t very good conversationalists and it was hard to get any momentum towards Baldwell’s desires.
Frustrated, Baldwell reached into the cage and extracted the bigger of the two. It was obviously the Alpha of the pack, so would be more likely to control the wish granting hootenany. He lifted the primal being above his head and screamed in a commanding voice, “Give me floor wax!”
The pig slipped from his grasp, and with a plorp, landed spralled on his head. A look in the entryway mirror, a mirror long used to test the reflective properties of an emaculately polished forehead, showed a strange but intreaguing site to Baldwell. For a man who’s never had hair, the sudden realization that your genie makes a rather striking toupe can drive him over the edge. Something awoke that day in Baldwell.
And that, dear children, is how the Toupe Genie came to be the greatest defender our city has ever known.
You may now attack with your red pens. Enjoy.
I thought that said red penis. My Greek yogurt got excited for a minute.
Try Greek?
“Mere” is the only one I spotted. I may have been distracted by the brilliance of your prose.
Yeah, I had to force myself to let that one slide when I looked back at it on the next line in order to keep to my non-correction pact.
It’s hard to believe, but for every typo that I post on this site, I’ve usually cleaned up two or three others. And when the edit feature is enabled, I usually clean up a few more before Ajax times me out.
*pulls out red pen, throws it away, pulls out purple glitter pen*
colossal, mere, Washington, Delaware, demeanor, transition, hootenanny, sprawled, immaculately, intriguing, sight …
Aw heck… I really don’t care… good use of descriptive phrasing. B+
I’ll take a B+.
Actually that’s pretty good without having done a draft… or even a proof read.
Hmmm… I think it’s worth a little more than a B+… how ’bouts a Diminished B♯ Chord in Second Inversion?
That’s the point where I lost it. :points: Right there.
I should probably have my coffee or something. Yeah… lucidity is good.
Lucidity is highly overrated.
Luciferity is even better.
The act of locating lost episodes of I love Lucy?
…And replacing them with furries.
More like the act of watching a reality show starring Beelzebub called The Fresh Prince of Darkness.
This is begging for a rewrite of the original theme song!
On a cloud in Heaven born and raised,
Playing the harp is how I spent most of my days.
I got in one little power struggle and the G-man got pissed,
He said, your going to rule the demons in a flaming abyss!
Someone with talent please improve upon this.
christina, I think it’s great as it is!
Cannot … hold pen … laughing … too … much …
*collapses*
Words of wisdom for the day …. Don’t eat left over Halloween candy while reading TypoMagic. It doesn’t make the keyboard work any better.
I believe the “magic” to TypoMagic and your keyboard working better is mugs….not leftover Halloween candy.
ov ykajh mglz weljk gteat!
Oh wow. I always thought Toupee Genie was a small, self-contained disposal unit for soiled toupees. So now I guess I have to ask, what is Toupee Genie’s mission statement?
Toupee Genie’s Mission Statement
We here at Toupee Genie have always considered quality to be at the head of our table. Our wish and desire is to get to the follicle of any problem—not just by teasing at it—but by implementing permanent solutions to multiple strands of problems. The highlight of our mission centers around letting our clients shine and curl to great heights by not pulling the rug out from over them. We recognize the bare needs of every client and are not hesitant in any way to provide a product that will aid in covering up any glaring shortcomings.
That right there is why most of the people I stalk are from YSaC.
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Typo’s stalking me again….
The only thing worse than Typo stalking you is Typo not stalking you.
At least this weekend he’ll be able to cover myself as well as MandaB and Grampdaddy in less time than usual.
My post it too long, didn’t read.
*Sigh* How could I have ever left, and missed brilliance like this? Bad EB! Go sit in a corner! (With internet connection, you know, to try and catch up, and figure out where TM changed his name…)
I changed it sometime after we lost the coveted edit feature.
Good to see you again EB!
Welcome back EB!!!!!
Glad you’re back! I was wondering if it was cakes or MiniEB who was keeping you busy.
Cakes… Mini… Actual work at work… I also have to admit to becoming addicted to going through the archives of some other blogs, and some personal projects that might someday come to fruition :-p
We need the edit button to come back home, Shane!
Does it seem to anyone else that the less we are given, the more long comments get produced?
No? Just me, then?
Okay.
Yes Moira, I agree…it seems that if the beneficient ones (bees be upon them) expound too much our snark suffers…I dunno why…
The less we’re given, the more blanks we get to fill in, which gets the creative juices flowing. I wish more CL postings were vague and sketchy and posted by people who are only partly aware they’re upright.
I thought that was ALL CL postings…
If they need to stay together, there’s only one solution.
HamCam and Bacontini need to move in together and share custody.
Oh, I can see nothing that could possibly go wrong with that scenario.
🙂
Sounds like a fantastic sitcom! I’d watch it…
The laughs just don’t stop when these two pork-based strangers move in together. One’s spent his whole life in a can – the other’s a flammable liquid with an eye for the ladies. Throw in two adorable furry rodents with magical powers, and you never know what will happen. Coming this fall on YSAC-TV!
Auditions being held now for guest stars and assorted wacky neighbors.
Called: The Odd Couples
A couple of pig-based laydeez men and a couple of genie pigs who ham it up every time the camera rolls.
Where’s my Tivo????
Let’s see …. for the guest stars we’ll need …..
– a taco with ears
– some teeth with a dog
– a hot redhead
– an assortment of cats, changing regularly, that can do math
– a small group of cute dogs
– some exploding things and maybe a tank
– some band people
– some quilt blocks
– a llama-nun, spouse and bees
– bathtub toys
– a cute mouse
– some good eyes
– fierce defenders
– cute cartoon like characters with good personalities
– some pretty and colorful birds (not eating the cats)
and last, but not least, some bacon flavored beverages
did I leave anything out>
stars not starts
Oh yeah — we’ll probably need an editor — LL you up for it?
Not really a guest star, but I’m pretty sure with Hammy starring, we need a
flufferbelly rubber.Hehe…you sort of said “fluffer”….
What’s wrong with being a fluffer? Do you want your pillows and blankies not to be fluffy? I know I don’t, that’s why I’m proud to be a fluffer.
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale;
A tale of a bacon strip
That started in a frying pan
and was there for da ladies to sip.
His pal was a salty Ham in Can,
Spiral cut and honey cured.
Five cases of full sail were bought that day
For a three day bender, a three day bender.
The party started getting rough,
The tiny strip was blitzed,
If not for some Pepto and a Tums or two
The bacon would have tossed, the bacon would have tossed.
The strip flopped around on the floor of this stinkin’ dirty bar
With Mudsy
HamCan too,
Stephanae and her fluff,
Meej the peep
CapnMac and Kelli Ann,
Here in Bacontini’s bar.
So this is the tale of our drunken haze,
We’ve enough beer for a long, long time,
We’ll have to make some cocktails too,
I can’t think of a rhyme.
HamCan and the Stripper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others uncomfortable,
By baring all four breasts.
No porn, no doors no genie pigs,
Nothing snarkworthy,
That is the nightmare,
We’ll try to cure for you.
So join us here each week my friends,
You’re sure to need a shot,
With these two processed pork products,
Here in bacontini’s bar
Hammy, how did you know my middle name and why did you spell it wrong?
I asked the genie pig, they know all the answers but the spell like Taco…
I think TypoTaco has also infected you.
That’s entearly pissable.
We have a title, a plot, a cast and a theme song. Do we really need anything else?
Popcorn and a mop?
synopsys of episode #7
Hammy uncovers the previously unknown basement and discovers a psycho doll locked in a closet.
Hammy lets her out thinking Bacontini accidently left her in there after a late night fetish.
Psycho Doll conjures up Haunted Hawk and together they wreak havoc within the bar.
The Genie Pigs are able to subdue and eliminate Haunted Hawk, but their combined wonder powers are no match for Psycho Doll and they are locked in a jar of #2 gerberts.
As Psycho Doll is about to skewer Hammy and Bacontini, she reaches for her monster energy drink and instead, inadvertently drinks from a can of coors light left on the bar.
The silver bullet saves the day (and releases the Genie Pigs).
Tagline and lead-in for episode #8:
Say, where did that weathervane come from?
Now we have an idea/outline for 2 episodes …. don’t stop while you’re ahead Spacebug. (I haven’t seen you in awhile. It’s nice to see you again.)
I’m assuming I’m a “fierce defender”? Otherwise, yes, you left me out. Not that I truly mind.
For guest stars, I could (possibly) arrange for at least part of the Cary High School Marching Band to perform.
NMN — who else could be out fierce defender?
So, wait, which one marries the Cuban drummer again . . . ?
That would be Hammy, what drummer could resist tapping that Can?
*I’ll go to my corner*
Well, if I’m in this, I want the seat next to Norm, and Woody can just bring a second beer . . .
Someone vile fiend broke into my door factory and absconded with my entire door supply. I feel violated and exposed, but I promise not to press charges if you will just return my doors to me. Be aware that in the future I intend to guard my door factory with the powers of magic rodents, couches, eagle statues, and dolls.
What browser are you using?
Firefox. I haven’t been converted to Chrome yet, even though the missionaries keep trying. Clearing my cache fixed the problem.
Yeah, I use FF and that happens every once in a while. Clearing cache/recent history does the trick.
Those pictures make no sense.
In other news, I advise against slipping in the shower and hitting your temple on the faucet. Lots of pain results.
That sounds like very solid advice. I hope you’re okay. I’m still missing about 24 hours of my life from the last good concussion I had. At least alcohol usually only robs me of an hour or two.
Your last one was a good concussion? I would hate to see the bad ones.
Ow, AR! I hope you are resting comfortably. And will feel better soon.
Ouch! Although that sounds like a good explanation for those pictures, actually.
AR!! Not just pain, but possible really bad and long term injuries! Tell me you saw a doctor so that I don’t have to worry all night, and possibly yell at you on Facebook.
Yes, please see a doctor if your headache gets suddenly much worse or if you start tasting sounds and hearing lights. Wasn’t it Liam Neeson’s wife that just died from a simple fall?
I hear hitting your synagogue hurts even more than your temple.
Some ibuprofen will help mosque the pain.
That’s a hard on for me to get my head around.
You spelled hand wrong.
Sorry. That’s always a hard on for me to spell.
Owie! Yes, please see a doctor, head injuries are not to be ignored.
Ouchie. Hope you’re okay, AR.
Ow, AR. And ditto what everyone else said. Head knocks can literally kill you, and not just the big flashy ones. If you are abnormally drowsy or nauseated, you are NOT OK. Please take care!
And if you’re doing crack, go see a doctor before you go the way of BILLY MAYS!
Is it bad that I laughed at this? It’s really just the capitalization, which seemed so necessary to typing BILLY MAYS, but… maybe too soon?
HI! BILLY MAYS HERE! DO YOU LIKE SCREAMING EVERY WORD AT AN AUDIENCE FOR NO REASON AT ALL? THEN YOU NEED CAPITALIZE-ME! THIS INGENIOUS DEVICE MAKES EVERY WORD AND LETTER OUT OF YOUR MOUTH BE HEARD FROM UP TO TWENTY LIGHT-YEARS AWAY, AT FOUR-THOUSAND DECIBELS! ORDER NOW, AND DON’T BE SOFT-SPOKEN!
Yeah, thanks Caps Lock button.
Thanks for the concern, all. I fell last night, and immediately called my sister the EMT. She asked the standard questions, and determined that I was probably fine, and said to go see a doctor if I started feeling dizzy or having vision problems.
I’m mostly fine today. Pretty sure no major damage. Just a bump on my head and a few bruises on the rest of me.
OK, but I fear you are in for some major head trauma jokes from the snarkers. Not innocent lil’ MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, of course…
Windrose, would you give me the key to the YSaC supply closet? I need to get the helmet for AR to wear for a while.
Full body padding might not be a bad idea.
OT: My pending Fakebook fiend request pile has gotten a little big. If you’ve asked to fiend me, please be sure to tell me who you are in YSaC at the time of the request. I’m not ignoring you, I just don’t confirm fiend requests without a frame of reference…except if I think your DNA spells, “zombie!!”
*returning you to your regularly scheduled snarking*
Hooray, I am already your Facebook fiend! (which just makes me think of the Veronica Mars ep about Veronica’s mother being a fiend :-p)
Mudsy, I want to be a fiend, too! What’s your FB handle? Or you can send me a fiend request, I’m Jd Aeryth (I use a fake name so evil emissaries of my past cannot locate me without my knowledge.)
Wait, let me suggest you to each other!
Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.
GlitterTank: I’ll find you on another YSaC-er’s fb friends list and do a request.
I don’t chat on Facebook. I only play games. I’m boring that way.
There’s just so much awesome in the comments today that I couldn’t possibly add anything of value. If only I had a pair of genie pigs, I could wish for perfect snark.
I think the perfect name for our sit-com would be Jin and Tonic. Or Jin and Gin. Jinamuddle? *checks the corner for fluffy pillows*
Gin and Djinn?
Djinn and Sonic. Wait, no, he was a hedgehog. Hey, would this sitcom be like Tales from the Riverbank, only with magic thrown into madcap adventure?
If they need help rehoming 2 female guinea pigs, does that mean that one or both of them started liking boy guinea pigs?
Tankerbell’s talking points:
Do genie pigs let you wish for more wishes?
Can there be an episode of Hammy and Bacontini’s sitcom where they sell something on CL but mess it up and hilarity ensues?
Yay! It’s the return of EB! I’ve missed you!
Aww, thanks Tankie 🙂 Maybe by the end of the week I can share what I’ve been working on–I need to get MrEB to finish some stuff for me…
1.) What sitcom?*
2.) In their sitcom, can they post an ad on CL and then find it on YSaC?
*I must have missed that thread of comments.
NMN, I was thinking that, too – that they should be upset because YSaC mocked their CL ad. How meta would that be? (The thread is from earlier today – just scroll up.)
Honestly, I haven’t read most of the comments today. I just zoomed to the bottom to do my “re-activating the editing” comment, then started scrolling up.
Do not forget da Bacontini’s arch nemisis!
Bwahahaha
OT (YSaC takes over real life today): I was flipping through a trade mag at work today and came upon an article about the new “hot” reds (hair color). Peeking back at me, among the other celebrity redheads, was Lola, or rather, Lola’s avatar. I had to stop myself from telling my coworkers (no irkers yet, thankfully) “Hey! I know her!”
My work here is done. 8)
Me, too, only mine was a news feed we get at work that had a story about a guy from Cary, N.C. I was like, “Hey! I have a friend from there!”
Hey! I’m from there!
Hey! I’m from here!
I know, silly Astro. You’re the friend I have that’s from there. : )
Unfortunately, most of the people featured on news feeds from NC (that I see) are the ones who make me want to claim to live somewhere else.
I am sooo glad that Antoine Dodson was from somewhere (anywhere!) else…
This is random, but drmk, when you re-activate the edit function (again) can the home page say “I am now de-re-de-activating the editing function on comments”? And then when you de activate them again, you can do re-de-re-de-activating.
Hey! That’s a do re me fa so el Julie Andrews song! <G>
I think I’d prefer doo-bee-doo-bee-doo editing.
That calls to my mind a Cross Canadian Ragweed song about youths in Norman, Oklahoma, on the range where the wind blows so strong…
I dunno, starts to sound more like Twiki from the old Buck Rogers series.*
“Re-de-re-de-re-de… Go get ’em Buck!”
*Damn I feel old…
Dunno, Erin Gray is still pretty hot
Good point Cap’n… indeed she is…
Uh huh.
Wait.
Which one is Erin again, I’ve lost so much over time…
…seems they’re all pretty hot now
Anyone else notice that the pictures not only look like the genie pigs are in cages, but that the photographer also appears to have been in a cage? I wonder if this ad was posted by another genie pig in this household who is trying to get rid of the competition, so is trying to sell his roommates on CL? That would also explain the quality of the photos.
I like your the way you think, and I would like to subscribe to your RSS Feed.
New phone today! Doors for everyone!
And a door for you, too.
Back at ya! 😉
Bavec, You probably don’t even know you were in the box today, here’s a stealth Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Cocoa Beach!