YSaC, Vol. 866: *Squick*
This one’s behind a cut because … well, you’ll see. Is your boss behind you? Does your boss not like you looking at things that mention private parts? Well, then, you might want to wait for a few minutes. (No pictures, other than the mental images that will haunt you for ever and ever … )
Raw Pubic Hairs
Pubic hairs from my Anus and Scrotal Region. They are highly sought after as a South Asian delicacy and would fetch quite a bit of money on specific markets. Unfortunately for me, I do not have the time to properly package or prepare them. I have about one years worth of trimmings, as you can imagine that is quite a lot of pubes. After prepared, they may be soaked in soy sauce for 2-3 days, and then run through a straining device. This is an excellent dish when served on top of rice or chicken. I may be reached at xxxx xxxx between 9am and 3 pm for further details.
Huh. See, I wouldn’t have gone for the soy sauce preparation myself. I find that a little too salty, and I’m not a fan of salty balls. I think I would rather fry them in sesame oil until they were just crispy, and then let them drain and cool and serve them over a salad.
Anyone still hungry? No? Well, you can blame that on Karol and Bonnie, then. They’re the ones who sent in the ad.
Up here in Canada, these are used strictly as a garnish, never as a main course.
Apparently they work on pizza, too.
“Hoover it.”
(Yes, I can quote chick flicks, too. Blame my wife.)
Well, I guess you wouldn’t have to floss after dinner…
OP: I’m not totally sure, but I think Sharpton may be on line 1 for you.
No “asshat” tag? Or am I projecting my own opinion too much here?
I thought the “no accounting for taste” tag was clever.
*Gggaaack, wheeze, cough, hack*
Now that’s a hairball.
*Looks at breakfast. Looks at ad. Looks back at breakfast.*
Yeah… I didn’t need to eat anyway. Ever. Again.
My thoughts exactly.
Can I place an order for the 50 gal drum of brain bleach? Ewwwwww.
I’ve decided that I’m going to block the ad from my memory, so that I CAN eat breakfast. It’s worked before–I barely remember anything about my junior and senior year of high school! What ad? I thought we just gathered daily for snarkage?
*waves hand in mysterious gesture*
These are not the pubes you are looking for.
Oi! Was lookit for the pubs, the Pubs!
The line “it would fetch quite a bit of money on specific markets” is what really gets to me. If I ever change careers, I tell you this: my momma didn’t raise no “anal hair reseller”.
I don’t remember “anal hair reseller” being an option on Career Day.
They do tend to be overshadowed by the scrotal hair resellers don’t they?
The real money is in ranching.
Herds of wild pubes majestically grazing in verdant mall isles, watched over by a Schlep and his trusty bushing dog.
During shearing season the pubes cries can be heard ringing out across the store fronts, “Hey man, watch it that thing is sharp!”
They were probably in those booths in the back near the bathrooms. I wondered why everyone avoided them.
Why not cut out the middle man …. or woman ….
The stubble … could that be an ice cream topping?
COOL!!! There’s a YSaK too!
Sure is … not nearly as hoppin’ as this place, though!
Dairy Queen is missing out on this market.
Thankfully. I’d hate to give up ice cream.
But you’re ok with
URP!
Oops, scuze me, I’ll go get a towel and clean that up… Thank God I haven’teaten dinner yet.
Don’t worry, Bombdude, I’ll get it. We’re on day number whatever of “three kids with a stomach bug” at Casa de B. I’ll throw this in the wash with everything else.
Tea and toast, anyone?
Manda — I feel for you. We had that fun last week. I think we went through gallons of ginger ale and crackers (most of which I washed later).
I have a son with a terrible case of chicken pox. I’m with you in spirit as well!
You washed your ginger ale and crackers Artsy? How did that sound in the dryer? :: thump thump thump crunch ::
Can I just say that I’m NOT looking forward to that stage of parenting? I haven’t puked since middle school because I can’t handle it… I had to hang out on the other side of the house with headphones on when MrEB had food poisoning a year and a half ago.
Though, Mini has been teething the same tooth for almost 2 weeks, and we are DONE with that one.
Mudsy — by the time it made it to the washer, it was pretty much in a liquid state.
The laws of physics have always baffled me.
Physics, psychics; just finicky spellin’ lessin a pet psychic law dog is ‘roun’
I know how you feel bombdude, I also find it very hard to keep pube sauce down.
Considering some of the things you’re brave enough to eat, Taco, that’s saying something.
I have consumed some very, very nasty things for money. Pube sauce is luckily not one of them. In fact I think you’d have to hold a gun to my head.
A shot of Soy Sauce, Grape Juice, and Nam Pla for $5? Sure! A shot of Pube sauce, toenail oil, and skin flakes? Death might be preferable.
How about if it’s sprinkled lovingly on a baguette smothered in Nutella and you would get immunity and couldn’t be voted off the island? How about then Typo?
Hey! Why wasn’t Pube Sauce ever on fear factor?
I think Joe Rogan snagged it all to fill in his bald spots.
Wow, could it be a show that featured sheep eyeballs and various testicular delights had standards? I am shocked.
I’m more thinking their concept team just never considered a Body Hair Bouillabaisse episode.
Just think of the ratings! Especially if the contestants were made to harvest it first.
Yeah, every time you fail a stunt, you have to contribute to the pot. In the final episode, the winner is the one who can eat the most in 15 minutes.
I think it’s about time I did one of those week-long ceremonial fasts.
Why am I thinking that the term “Awesomesauce” would not bring happy thoughts nor would it really be appropriate today.
Ickysauce!
Ickysaucesaurus!
Bombdude – Ah, yes, I should probably clarify. I was OK with none of it.
After I stopped dry-heaving, I contemplated the most absurd part of the ad. It was difficult because, as you can see, there wasn’t a whole lot that was plausible. But the fetch on specific markets line was particularly absurd because to be able to command a great deal of money on any market, something would have to be rare – which this “product” decidedly *isn’t*.
Oh. I’ve thought too much about all this, haven’t I?
OK, off to brain-cleanse. Anyone wishing to do the same can join me.
Unless it’s this guy’s specific pube hair—in which case, why isn’t he selling autographs or something?
I don’t care if they taste like filet mignon stuffed with lobster, there’s no reason for Sparky to advertise the fact that he’s had nothing better to do for a year than trim his own tree.
I just thought of something….errr never mind. I don’t want to ask actually.
Er, ummmm….would you dip that in butter sauce or A1? And, just where would the lobster get stuffed? I think I’d prefer my surf not to be shoved anywhere inside my turf, thank you.
I believe Food Network has forsaken me.
Between this guy and Mr. Tshirt, I’ve got enough DNA to create an entire army of clones. Why I would want an army of cloned asshats is beyond me. Frat house infiltration perhaps?
I believe the politically correct term is “politicians”, christina.
That’s my girl!! You make me proud!
And I’m not even wearing my “I got my bad attitude from my dad” t-shit* today.
*yes, intentional.
The only use I could see is as human shields.
Soylent Green?
Soylent Brunette
The new Buster on Mythbusters. Now, much more realistic!
You could play a real live game of Paranoia*!
*For non-P&P gamers – It’s a game. You have clones. They die. Often.
My curlies lie over your chicken
My curlies lie over your rice
My curlies are great as a side dish
Don’t worry, they’ve been cleaned of lice
Serve up, serve up
Oh, serve up my curlies tonight, tonight
Serve up, serve up
Oh, serve up my curlies just right
“Oh, excuse me waiter, but I believe there is a fly in my pubic hair salad!”
So, so wrong, and yet so, so accurate.
Could have been worse. I had a couple of alternates in mind for the fourth line:
“Just make sure to rinse off the lice”
or
“They have extra protein from lice”
You may commence hurking.
Not just for breakfast anymore.
*Squick*
Not to bring too much logic to this, but if you ran hairs through a straining device, wouldn’t the device strain out the hairs?
It would produce the heavenly “essence” of raw soy sauce flavored pubic hairs*.
*I’m sure it’s a delicacy in NO country—not even Alaska.
*Looks at the bottle of habenero infused soy sauce*
*Looks at the bottle of anal hair infused soy sauce*
Choices, Choices.
In this situation, I think even minty soy sauce would be preferable.
Good sweet Spice Christ.
There are so very, very many questions.
1.What would possess Sparky to save his “trimmings” for a year and did he discover there was a market for them before or after he started saving them?
2. While there is no doubt some sort of fringe fetish market out there for such a thing, how many people are cruising the free section of CraigsList to satisfy their cravings for year-old manscaping debris?
3. Aren’t there a number of health codes in place specifically to prevent this sort of thing from happening?
4. Are the anal and scrotal hairs kept separate or are they mixed together in some sort of hellish melange?
5.Why? Just … Why?
You know, SJ, I couldn’t of said it better myself….so I won’t.
Hi everyone! Hope y’all had a terrific Thanksgiving!
Mine was great…except for the broken toe and horrendous cold…both appearing the night before vay-kay…sigh…par for the course for me.
Hellish Melange was my favorite part. 8)
Perhaps this band will be opening for the Taint Scrapings?
Just FYI:
This dish is not usually well accepted at the Thanksgiving dinner, no matter how much time and effort you spend on it.
People can be so picky.
I dunno, if you put it in the stuffing I’m sure it would blend right in.
I think I may never eat stuffing again.
Hey! How did you get my recipe?
Brings a whole new meaning to tofurkey.
I think that’s spelled:
toefurkey
toefunky?
“manscaping debris” for band name du jour.
A room mate saved his electric (face) shaver clippings. Ostensibly to make an itchy prank when sprinkled in another’s bed sheets…
Thank you for specifying that it was facial clippings. It would be very disturbing to think that there was more than one person out there saving used body hair.
Ok, I was honestly expecting someone to leave a reference to South Park on here. As in the “Scott Tenorman Must Die” episode? Very funny episode indeed.
I was thinking more of the Ren & Stimpy episode when cousin Sven comes to visit Ren and he and Stimpy revel in sharing their “collections” with each other.
Oh, good times!
Wasn’t there one gross kids’ show where the currency was human toenail clippings? And the main character monster people found some guy who kept a whole jar full, and wanted to steal them?
Hey, you’ve been reading my Care Bears fanfic!
Time to remove SJ from my Nano Buddies list.
I’ll be in the shower for the rest of the week if you need me.
taking a guess at “Ahh! Real Monsters” as it’s the only monster show I could think of. The main character looked like a demon bunny, he had a friend who held his eyes in his hands, and there was a male monster teacher who wore high-heels I think. My memory is fuzzy.
“Salty Balls” wasn’t enough?
What about Schwetty Balls?
They go hand in hand…
I love love LOVE the hours in which we can call this dude. 9am-3pm? That’s business hours, folks. Just imagine sitting in a cubicle tomorrow morning and overhearing this guy fielding a call about his delicacy.
If Sparky works at a call center that call might be recorded and/or monitored for quality control.
Oh, I dearly hope that is the case.
I’m sure the workforce is safe from this gonad. Those are probably the hours this guy’s mother goes to work and he can talk freely in his room in her basement.
“Hello? Oh yes, hello! Glad you called. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yes, that was my posting on Craigslist, what would you like to know? Uh-huh. Yeah. Yes, they have been kept in an air-tight bag, with the bag having the air vacuumed out of it each time it needed to be resealed. Yes, they’re still quite fresh, they have a shelf life of several years. Yes. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Oh yes, they absolutely stay crunchy in milk. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. No, sorry, I can’t guarantee nutritional content, as I did not keep a log of everything I ingested since I began harvesting. Mm….yeah…uh-huh…pruning shears…yeah…well yes, they are rather thick, that’s why. Uh-huh. No, sorry, roots are not attached, these were trimmed with scissors. Mm-hmm. Sure, stubble is available on request, but it’s extra. Yes, that’s right, use it wherever you would normally use pepper. Yes. Yes. Head & Shoulders. Yes, weekly, without fail. Uh-huh. Ys, well, great talking to you too, hope to hear back from you. Bye!”
“Hello, this is the CDC, how may we help you? Uh-huh. Right. Oka-wait, what?! Are you kidding me?! I’ll send a team right away!”
*click*
“Attention, attention, we have a code
black* red. All teams suit up and get ready for takeoff. Report to the hangar immediately. I repeat, this is a code red! Bring all equipment, includingrespiratorsgas masks, tear gas (to subdue the ‘seller’), and our standard issue mini chain-guns and BFGs! Bill, please notify the president of what is going on!”*klaxon horns blaring in background*
*Nice try Mr. Sharpton, but I’m smarter now.
Chief Sitting Bull on Line 4 for you, NMN.
*Switches to color green*
Ha! There are no famous little green
menpeople!Besides, isn’t Chief Sitting Bull dead?
J’onn J’onnz on Line 5.
Marvin the Martian on Line 6.
They aren’t….but….hmmmm….
*switches to color magenta*
I will not give this up!
Patricia Quinn’s on line 69 for you, NMN.
Magenta from Blues Clues on line 9 for you. Be careful, she’s got the PETA people with her!
Line 69 if IF’s Sex Pistol cover band.
Fine…Code Clear. No one is offended.
Also, I have no idea who Patricia Quinn is.
Sue Storm on line 42.
Oh I know! You can’t be racist to your own race*! This is now a Code White!
I win. Maybe. Ish.
*I don’t think you can, anyways. It’s counterproductive.
Also, why did you assume I didn’t know who Sue Storm was. If I know who Deadpool is, I certainly know who The Fantastic Four are.
Patricia Quinn played Magenta in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I linked for the benefit of others.
Also, the Coca-Cola Polar Bear is on Line 43.
Try a Code Rainbow, NMN. Nobody can object to- huh. Just got an urgent email from GLAAD and the receptionist tells me there’s a group of clowns here to see me. Gotta go.
Code Abyss. It is the absence of color.
Oh, and my avatar is wearing Abyssal Armor. Ironic.
**hands NMN’s avatar a cellular phone.**
Your avatar is on line (-1)^(1/2).
“Hello War, how’s the apocalypse? Still trying to restore the balance*? So, how about we talk about how we can get this little altercation behind us?”
“You won’t like my terms.”**
*Darksiders, PS3. Love it.
**Actual quote from the game. The second part, anyways.
Hey Astro, is your avatar supposed to be You Diamond Fill-ups?
It’s supposed to be reminiscent of the Superman Symbol.
SuperOrc!*
*It was orcish, right, Astro? I haven’t read the forums for awhile.
Sort of. My copy of RotK was old and a little hard to read, so I mistook an “h” for an “n”.
What a coincidence, you can make a similar dish with all those toenail clippings you’ve been keeping in the jar!
Personally though, I think they’re far better as a decoration than main course. What a conversation piece.
I think he should take his “year’s supply” and get cracking with that glue gun and some glitter. Mama needs a Christmas wreath for the front door!
Hot glue, glitter, pubes, and toenail clippings. What could go wrong?*
*Well, other than little festive clumps being stuck to your clothing.
I gotta go brush my teeth… and now I’m imagining sparky using my toothbrush as a little comb. I hate you guys.
If you’re worried about your toothbrush being used as a little comb, then I suggest you just throw away that jar of pommade. Don’t even ask or venture to ponder.
We love you TM—and Sparky does too!
Gotta keep next year’s crop looking it’s best.
Hey, do I have something in my teeth?
*smiles widely*
I hope that’s spinach Mindfield!
And not jockitch…
Ok, almost started in on a sea story, but, have clean stopped, just in the interests of humanity as a whole and our community’s mental health as well.
I’m envisioning a story that is filled with hundreds of seamen!!! Is that how it starts out Cappy? Or is that how it ends?
Hmmmmmm?
His story is a hard on to tell.
Ha. Haha.
You people . . .
Just was reminded of things from the past, where being stuck on a ship long enough can make a number of juvenile and goofy things humerous as a break in routine.
But, out of context, they are just of questionable taste and/or squicky.
Ergo, y’all are much better off not hearing about it (even with the ad for today setting a very low bar).
Anyone want to come to my new pube restaurant?
I called it “What the Pho?”
You can’t miss it, it’s right next to the waxing salon.
Located conveniently next to the Wax Off body salon, just off I-90 in North Tonawanda.
EDIT: Damn you, Hammy! *shakes tiny fist*
[overly literal query] How does what appears to be an Irish setter with giant teeth have a tiny fist? [/overly literal query]
Transplant
Ever heard of Anubis? I’m related to him something like several thousand times removed. It probably goes without saying that the genepool got pretty diluted over time. Just look at my older second cousin Barf, now there’s a branch of the family tree we don’t like discussing at family gatherings. I don’t know how Lone Starr put up with him.
So…you are…Anoldbris?
Well, I was circumsized a long time ago, but I try not to let that define my character.
One presumes that, as dogs will do, it was found somewhere else and brought here to be gnawed upon. Or for playing “fetch” with. Or the “it’s mine, see:runaway!” game.
My dog LOVES that game.
See, it’s my sock, not yours! *runs away like a nut*
Allright, who’s brave enough to actually go look this up and see if it really is an Asian delicacy?
Sorry, “pubic hair recipes” is on my Do Not Google list; it’s right between “zombie porn” and “eyeball marinades”.
How about “Anal Hair Sculpting”?
That’s higher on the list.
I highly doubt there’s such a thing as zombie porn.
NMN, there is zombie porn *
*Do not click unless you have a strong stomach and are over 18. Oh and be glad it’s just stills and not video
I’m not clicking that link.
Is there also robot or anime porn? Because if there is, I have officially lost all my reserve hope for humanity.
There is tons of both.
In fact there is robot anime porn is large amounts too.
Google “Hentai”, I dare you.
NMN hentai is anime porn and they often do parodies of regular anime. And yes, child there is robot porn * and has been for a long time. Rule 34 applies.
*This link is mostly tongue in cheek, I didn’t want to link another explicit site. Also, I just realized that these two replies make me look like I am a porn expert and I just want to say I used Uncle Google, not any prior knowledge (except Hentai, but who doesn’t know about Hentai)>
Rule #34. You should know that by now NMN.
1) I actually knew about anime porn, I just couldn’t think of a second one to ask about.
2) I only recently learned about rule 34.
3) I’m not looking up either robot porn or zombie porn.
4) I wonder if this conversation will affect what ads appear for today.
Somebody once ‘Ninja Linked’ me a drawing of two Boeing 747s in a *ahem* compromising position.
Rule 34 goes so far beyond robots.
This post will be a hard on to forget.
Don’t you mean you’ll be hard on to forget it?
Typo, stop trying to bulltame him.
Okay snarkers – let’s come up with a marketing slogan for these things! The only thing coming to mind right now is the television ads for Cracklin’ Oat Bran. Remember those? Somehow “Who ate all the crunchy ass hair?” just doesn’t have the same ring* to it.
*No pun intended.
Pube Hair Crunchers! Now with gag reflex suppression addititive!
Pube Hair Crunchers! The perfect gag-gift!
Edit: Now at Spencers!
“Crunch all you want, he’ll shave more!”
Are these anything like Grape Nuts…or are they bigger and more like Watermelon Nuts?
*snort* watermelon nuts! Those would make it hard to walk!
Okay. Then how about Plum Nuts? Would they still make that “swooshy” sound as they rubbed together when Sparky walked?
I’m hearing something like stubble on courdouroy… Zip zip zip zip…
“I want my Manpho!”
“Spice-a-Roni the Bangkok, Thailand treat!”
“iPubes—yes, there’s an App for that!”
“Hamburger Helper, helped her hamburger, make a great meal!”
“Ancient Chinese secret!”
Man Munchies – for those times you crave a little something nutty!
Now with fudgy clusters!
I’m glad I’m not eating right now.
Indeed.
*sigh* so much for my effort to forget the ad… I forgot it, but it didn’t do me any good!
Curley flies.
Anal Hair Coffee Filters: The darkest cup of coffee you’ll ever brew!
“The best part of waking up is ball hairs in your cup!”
Brings a whole new meaning to straining your coffee through your teeth.
I don’t think I’d want a beverage that requires flossing afterwards.
Or during…
Curly Crunch:
“They’re puberrific!”
“Stays crunchy in milk!”
“Betcha can’t eat just one!”
“Good to the last follicle”
“The loofah you can eat!”
Fur burgers?
Bearded clam chowder?
Levi Fly pie?
A couple of those look like selections from the Sparkles Lady-Bits collection.
Okay. Then how about Plum Nuts?
Plums doesn’t seem right – prunes seem like a much more accurate descriptor.
This has made my snark flee. I handed out doors and now I think I shall go whimper in a corner.
Carry on.
I can’t WAIT for the term-related ads to start popping up on the sidebar!
If you have snark flees try Advintage or Crossline, they are available in your local YSaC archive.
I prefer snark mites myself.
I think Wiki defines them as that snark that grows on the floor of caves.
This ad gave me snark ticks…
*Twitches*
regrets, that is all I have today:
http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=eating+pubic+hair
You can’t make me click that.
I ain’t clicking it either. There are some things better left unknown and unseen.
All I can say is that bell will not be rung by moi.
I want to say that the reality of clicking that link won’t be as bad as what my imagination could conjure up, but the Intarweb has proven repeatedly that this is considered a challenge that it will win decisively and without mercy.
I think Lilly has unwittingly created a ‘Pandora’s Box’ situation here.
Except I don’t think you’ll find hope to be one of the things in this box.
I have no desire to peek in that particular box. Past run-ins with Uncle Google have proven he is a mean bastard with a sick sense of humor. It’s part of his charm.
sorry, this was my thought process — that can’t be real, people don’t really buy pubes and then eat them, this can’t be real, crap my curiosity is going to get the better of me, google that, oh for the love of bees there are over 900K of results and most of them seem to be legitimate questions about the health consequences of eating pubes, of look there is a youtube video, oh good time to go to work and distract my mind, freaking internet you have once again made me lose faith in humanity.
Also, I keep thing of this passive aggressive notes post:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/20/i-think-its-going-to-be-a-long-long-time/
Heh, reminds me slightly of that “please stop masturbating in the shower, the pipes can’t handle it” sign.
Like that’ll ever happen.
I should probably go back to passive-aggressive-notes, thanks for reminding me.
A word of advice, do not do a Google image search for Bea Arthur. Even with moderate safe search on. No porn, but Bea either did a lot of figure modeling or there is some interesting Maude fan art out there.
Why were you…no, I don’t really want to know.
Do you have to ask? Why would I not want to look for images of the awesomest woman to be immortalized in cardboard ever?
Christmas shopping? I mean, get a Bea Arthur cutout for everyone on your list and you’re done!
Beas be upon her.
In happier news, the set of coirkers who have always bothered me have been moved downstairs! Woo-hoo! No more stabbity lunch breaks!
That sounds naughty.
She said lunch breaks, not funch breaks, Hammy!
Stabbity lunch breaks: times where I have to take a lunch break and go somewhere else to avoid becoming all stabbity and psycho. (More likely event would be having an emotional breakdown at my desk. But, a girl can dream.)
Yeah, stabbiness toward coirkers is bad, even if they deserve it. Now you can have your breakdowns in privacy. 8)
…and can stop spitting in the lunches they store in the break room fridge….
Why stop?
Had serious girl-crush on EB before, now after “stabbity”, I need to know what comes after girl-crush. Girl-smash?
Girl-stalking?
I wish I could claim credit for the term, but I appropriated it from stark.raving.mad.mommy. (That is a link to a specific post… Go there and be alternatively frightened and amused) :-p
The more I read it (though why I keep reading it is a mystery), the more I think it may be a prank. I think either it’s an allusion to that South Park episode mentioned earlier or someone decided that his friend/enemy needed some phone calls about pubes.
I’m glad I’m not the only optimist here who thought that this was a prank/troll rather than a serious ad.
I want so much to believe it isn’t real, but the pessimist in me realizes that there are people who think that you have to do a currency exchange when going to Hawaii so pube sales may be perfectly reasonable in the realm of sparky thought.
I read it as a stupid Johnny Knoxville prank right from the git-go. Not even the Asians would come up with something like this—and they can come up with some pretty messed up ish to eat. And if, by taking this stance, I somehow miss out on some very real, awesome delicacy—well, then so be it!
By Asians, you obviously mean Japan.
I’m pretty sure Korea has some pretty funked up dishes, too… Cracked has some good articles, but it’s blocked on my work network.
Awww that sucks, today’s two articles were “6 Animals That Just Don’t Give a F%^$” and “The 5 Most Meaningless Warcraft Achievements.”
Yes, I read Cracked.
Yes, Japan…
+VietNam
+Cambodia
+China
+Korea
+Thailand
…and when I focused on Asian and S.Asian countries I did not mean to insinuate in any way that the the U.S. and the rest of the countries from around the world do not have their share of questionable and/or barf-able cuisine.
I lived in China for a bit. All sorts of wacky menu items presented themselves during that time, not the least of which included deep fried scorpions (they taste like potato chips) and freeze dried yak penis (I yakked upon learning what I had consumed). They definitely have some interesting cuisine, but none of the delicacies I had included pubic hair. Well, not intentionally anyway. I think.
It probably is a prank, but it’s not outside the realm of possibility for it to be a real thing. Very unlikely and implausible, but not impossible. Asians have been known to eat weirder things.*
*Those with weak stomachs and/or a fondness for cute baby birds are advised to not click that link.
I’m praying that it’s a prank, because I’m getting a yucky, fetish-y vibe from this ad. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
**On another note, would not click Sarajean’s weird food link for all the pubes in Sparkdom.
If you read the earlier conversation, you would know that today is apparently fetish day.
*Fetish Day; everyone has one. What’s yours?*
The way things are going, not having a fetish will be considered a fetish before long.
“You mean you don’t pelt your lover with jawbreakers and call them “Boris”? That’s just … weird.”
I think we just found S.J.’s fetish.
Now, the real question is: Does “them” refer to the lovers or the jawbreakers?
Is there a difference?
Yes.
Dangit Hammy! You’re in my way.
Do not cross this line
———————————–
or this one
———————————–
I crossed them both, seeing how this comment is below yours.
HaHa you are under Hammy…oh.
I am keeping my fingers over my eyes as I type this. The ad was bad enough. The snark is, as always, top of the line, and therefore equally likely to provoke unswallowing. It’s too cold for the return of the swallows, so pardon me if I hang out on Facebook today. *erp*
What Windy? Not even an eensie-teensie snark joke about….. “nesting materials” from you?
I believe your chickadee turned into a pussy. *meooooooowwwww*
Only that it is strictly forbidden! Lost a baby bird recently because the parents found string somewhere, put it in the nest, and it got tangled around the chick’s ankle. By the time we pulled the chicks from the nest, the baby had a bad infection he couldn’t shake. Hair would be worse. That is what keeps me from using dryer lint, fluffy though it is, as some of the towels have hairs on them of dubious origins, and could be a hazard to birds.
Thanks for getting me thinking about a less squicky subject, Mudsy! You’re a good friend.
That’s because you have awesome socks Windy!
So, just what are hipster birds using these days to make their nests? Styrofoam peanuts? Silly string? Gluten free spaghetti? Paper mache? VHS tapes? Lady Ga Ga dresses? North Face fleece?
The wild birds around me always like to shred any plastic blue tarps. Not a nest around that doesn’t have bits of blue woven in.
Geezzzz, this is something that I won’t be able to erase from my mind for a while… I assume he sells it to some sh**tty restaurants, maybe that’s what he meant when he said the “and would fetch quite a bit of money on specific markets” line.. lol
That also makes me think of a restaurant in Paris: I went to have lunch there and asked their menu in English (I didn’t speak French back then). One of the items on the menu was (I’m NOT joking!):
“6 nails with sauce” (nails instead of Snails)…
I laughed so hard at the restaurant, but now I assume that maybe the sauce was “pubic hair in soy sauce”… Oh no, sorry, the pubes are only supposed to be served with chicken and rice…
EW!
Anybody seen Laurelhach? Yeah, I know it’s a random question.
… Yesterday, or Sunday, perhaps?
I think she’s in school.
Oh right, high school. I forgot…
*Beep! Thank you for snarking. Tankerbell is unable to snark at this time. She will return your snark when the rinse cycle of her industrial brain bleaching is complete, which should be in about… February. Have a nice day.
Of what year?
In an attempt to avoid today’s topic, I’d like to point out the fact that Bombdude said “haven’teaten”, which I’m guessing is something German and naughty.
Ja, ist eine vurd von which ist sprachen ven sie ist busy mit der fraulein, zo ve say “Nicht now Herr Gunter, ich bien haven teaten!”
Also sprachen mit der sexen changen.
Via Babelfish:
Yes, one is vurd of which is spoke ven it is busy with the woman flax, zo VE say “not now Mr. Gunter, I bien haven teaten!”
I must be bilingual! I understood every word of Mindfield’s language strudel up there.
He’s dreamy when he gets his Hitler on….
I know, right?
Danke schoen! Ich bin hier fur die damen, liken eine Deutsch versionen der Bacontini.
Weinertini?
It’s good to see Justice Thomas putting together a strong business plan for his retirement years.
Yeah, we all know that things go better with Coke…
😉
New from General Ills, sold under the “Betty Cockhair” brand name it’s:
BiSquick! *Now with more real pubes*
Mmm. Pee biscuits.
Please submit your recipes to be considered for the Betty C
rocker cookoff.It makes a perfect crust for dingleberry pie!
Mrs. Bush is looking for her pearl necklace!!!
Call a bambulance, people!
I only have the number for the whaaambulance.
George Michael on Line #13 for Hammy!
I have the number for some amber lamps, does that help?
I’m surprised Sparky didn’t sell his gleanings to his local merkin maker.
They could have made merkin gerkins.
Yes, he could be the fuller bush man.
…and remember, I’m not only the Merkin club president, I’m also a client.
*drops trou*
:squints:
With your coloring I don’t think I would have gone with the royal purple and electric lime Not. A. Lion-striped one.
Well that or the bright red one were all we had in stock at the time, and the last thing I wanted was to be one red nose away from lugging Ronald McDongald around in my pants.
For some reason…such cheap jokes are very invigorating this time of the day!
I think my groans are having babies…
Cheap?
These jokes cost me dearly, very dearly indeed.
As they do us Hammy. As they do us….
Then my job is done here…
OT: The Beast (Roy the kitten, about 5 months old) has been driving me NUTS about the Christmas tree. It only happens when the lights are on, but ALL EVENING he climbs in the tree, bats ornaments off the lower half of the tree, and chases them around the house. Thankfully, last year I got rid of all our breakable ornaments in preparation for a mobile Mini, but putting a couple dozen ornaments back on the tree is driving me crazy!! I’ve tried hissing at him, I’ve tried putting aluminum foil around the base of the tree (kinda works—only because he prefers playing with the foil to playing with the foil to playing with the ornaments), I’ve tried squirt bottles… this cat just doesn’t discipline! My main options left are to either lock up Roy when we’re home and want the tree on, or never have the tree lights on. Any sanity-keeping ideas for me?
Get a dog.
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
My dogs wag more stuff off the tree then the kittys bat off of it.
Okay…get a second tree for Roy?
Haha. MrEB has been convincing me not to give Roy away for a while now… Usually it’s socks carried around the house, and toes attacked, and bird threatened, but the Christmas tree is bringing it’s own special level of frustration, and it’s going to take some serious convincing to get through the month… Now I understand why my mom would never let us get a kitten….
Call it a tradition. For me, it’s not Easter if I’m not finding the last of the Christmas ornaments under the furniture.
My ginger cat loves to just hang out under the tree when the lights are on. I think he thinks it’s a disco.
Put duct tape sticky side up around the tree, end of problem.
Once a ktty gets his feet stuck once they won’t go near there again.
*Duct tape use number 587*
Actually… I will see if I can find some duct tape when I get home. Maybe some painter’s tape would be easier… This will probably be the last-ditch effort before the aforementioned locking away or no lights on the tree.
Please video it, it’s hilarious!
You could attempt to rig the area around the tree so that when Roy goes under it a string is pulled, and by way of one of those old cartoon contraptions, an airhorn is blown, a piano falls, and
TomRoy can finally catch that mouse.**Yeah, my mind drifted over to Tom and Jerry halfway through that sentence.
I’ll video that, and when I put duct tape and/or painter’s tape on the kitchen counter and table :-p
NMN: That is Mr’s idea. But he hasn’t put it into being yet.
You know those plastic pads that you put under a desk chair that’s on carpet? The ones that are all poky on the bottom so they can’t slide and you swear when you try to move them because they poke your fingers? My sister has a piece of one of those, upside-down, on her stove so her kitties won’t get on it. You could try that.
Do you still have a playpen? I remember my Mom telling me that she would put the tree inside the playpen after we outgrew it so that we couldn’t get to it to fiddle with the ornaments or presents. Might work on the cat.
Wouldn’t a cat just jump over it, though?
Yeah, I thought about the playpen, but NMN is right, the cat would be over that thing in a heartbeat. He already jumps over the playpen to play with Mini :-p I’m currently trying to decide if the presents under the tree would be a deterrent or just make it easier for The Beast to hide from me under there…
(P.S. I love how everyone jumped on my OT, especially because it combines our three favorite things: Cats, helping each other, and Not Pubic Hair 🙂 )
Hey! Awesome! Not Pubic Hair is one of my favorite things too!
The presents are a definite no-no. Roy and Mini will compete to see who can open them first. My cats are all adults and they still enjoy a good nom on a present.
You could blow up a few small balloons and put them in the playpen with the tree. He’d only jump in once 🙂
Presents will probably have to be put away, my little terrors love boxes; they think every present is for them. Fearless will eat regular unadorned cardboard, wrapping it up seems to add extra flavor.
You could ask Bombdude for some C4 and…
Oh, Tank, you’re right… both of my cats enjoy a good cardboard and/or paper nom.
“I swear officer, it was just to keep the cat out of the tree!”
I have the sudden urge to go watch “The Cat Came Back” on YouTube.
One of the things I have wanted for the tree would be a good deterrent, too.
I’ve always thought an xmas train would be cool for before presents clutter up the skirting. Just a simple loop of track. Improved by wiring a mottion-detection switch into the train controls.
Not that there’s been lots of presents to put under my tree in the last few years. So, a train would be festive. And keep the cat from batting branches.
Maybe someday . . .
My dad has always loved electric trains. I have a wonderful picture of him at age 11 or so and one of my uncles playing with a train. He always wanted one under the tree, too.
One year, his present to my mom was…
an electric train.
She didn’t speak to him until he unearthed and presented her with a small box with her actual present in it.
The train now lives in a shed in the back yard. Dad was trying to create landscaping and mountains with that expando-foam-in-a-can but I think that experiment went badly wrong and he never finished creating his masterpiece.
In other train news,, my sis and I went to see Unstoppable with dad on Sunday for his birthday. It was rather good.
A motion-activated train would be awesome! I could totally get MrEB to go for that…
Resistance is futile! I used to come home daily from work to find my fatty cat Spatz lounging halfway up the tree in the branches. The branches sagged so much you couldn’t hang anything from them. I honestly believe she thought that I did this especially for her every year as a wonderful “gesture” of appreciation and nothing I did would dissuade her from this mindset. And now she’s gone and I still miss her and chuckle a little at this time of year.
Needless to say, I haven’t even attempted to put up a tree with my two latest heathens.
If it was just lounging, I could deal with that. Cute. But he jumps around and knocks ornaments down…
We’ve got an artificial tree, which means that even though there aren’t dying pine needles to be carried around the house, Roy has already bent some of the metal branches. Which will be bent next year, and the year after.
And I lurve Christmas trees. This is the first year we’ll be staying home for Christmas, instead of traveling to family… If it wasn’t for the Christmas tree, it might as well be February.
Ferbruary. Of what year?*
*See WAY above.
Block off access to the stem/trunk… all the way around the tree. Make sure what you use to block touches the lowest limbs of the tree. Two years ago with our kitten, I had cardboard boxes that I stacked and packed in so that the only way for the cat to get into the tree was to climb onto the last 8 inches of each flimsy branch and worm his way from the outside in… he only tried it once. Move all ornaments at least 3 feet from ground level. No tinsel, and bury lights way back near the trunk. Sure the tree will look funny, but the cat will learn to leave the tree alone.
Edit: For the record, we have a 9 ft artificial tree… and don’t you believe it when ornaments are touted as “non-breakable or shatter-proof”.
Have you seen this before? It never fails to make me laugh.
http://www.fluffytails.ca/christmas.asp
We’ll see if my linky link worked or not…
Beast Update: Funnily enough, he didn’t not attack the Christmas tree this evening… Though, we did just have to dig him out of the back of the dishwasher -_-
If the Christmas tree beastness continues, we may get a motion activated train. Mr will enjoy that.
Whew, what a long weekend without this kind of snark! (Family is usually good for snark IRL, but it’s not the same.)
Happy Birthday to those whose birthdays I missed!
Yeah, I’m just gonna ignore the original ad.
Let me know if there’s anything in the comments I should be sure to go back and catch up on!
The part that is truly sad about this is that soon, very soon, the big corporate concerns will be taking over the production. The small producers, who have kept the family name in the business, will soon find that they can’t compete with the huge factory-farms. One by one, square inches of pubes will lie fallow, the small growers won’t be able to make the payments on their trimmers, and the banks will step in – seizing the once verdant fields. Scissor manufacturers will feel the pinch next, being forced to cut production and close their doors.
The next thing you know, you won’t be able to get any artisan or heritage pubes – just the mediocre, bland, and blah mass-produced item.
Gotta go now, I’m bushed.
I sincerely love me some Grampdaddy. But giant corporate pube farms?
This is one crop I haven’t seen in Farmville yet.
I think you overestimate the issue. Pube growing just doesn’t scale well to an industrial level. ConShagra has been trying for years to engineer better, hardier crops that grow faster and further into the season, but they haven’t been able to achieve the richness of colour, tensile strength, curliness or taste of locally grown, small-batch crops. There’s a kind of hormonal osmosis that occurs when that many men are placed in small, cramped pens, force-fed genetically modified grain and forced to grow pubes en masse that breaks down the structure of the crop and makes it commercially nonviable.
It’s only when men are raised on free-range farms, allowed to graze on free-growing crops of steak and bacon, drink from fresh springs fed by craft breweries, command their own remote, and are left free to scratch and adjust themselves in the comfort of breathable cotton briefs that the true quality stuff can be grown, and the amount of land and electricity for the flat-screen televisions that requires for a large commercial concern to invest in is prohibitive.
Not to mention the extreme defolication that started in Brazil, spread to the beaches of California and is rapidly spreading to the rest of north America…I mean, pubal grooming could potentially raise the global hemline way above see level causing polar bears to blush uncontrollably.
Where is Al Gore when you need him!
Exactly — it’ll cause the same global pandemic of plum smugglers that we saw in the 80s, and nobody wants that.
Well, you can tell by the way I scratch my crotch,
I’m a trimmin man: no time to talc.
Pubic’s long and wax is warm, but I turn it down
I prefer bein’ shorn.
And now it’s all right. It’s OK.
And you may trim another way.
We can try to understand
The Bazillions effect on man.
Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re an other,
you’re shavin’ da pubes, shavin’ da pubes.
Feel the hair growin’ and everybody knowin’,
and we’re shavin’ da pubes, shavin’ da pubes.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, shavin’ da pubes, shavin’ da pubes.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, shavin’ da pubes.
Oh wait, that was the 70’s sorry…
Sorry Mindfield – I’ve heard it all before, primarily about chickens. Everyone said you couldn’t make a good chicken unless it was free-range, and now most chickens are corporate produced, clustered in their cubicles and clucking for their mothers. Probably nothing more discouraging than a mother-clucking chicken.
Anyway, back to the corporate pube farms: Anything done with the chickens can certainly be done with any other peckers. Just as no one has time for individually, personally choked chickens, soon the corporations will make it unfeasible to purchase hand collected curlies. There will just be one more division between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’ – the gap between the rich and poor, the waxed and the shaven.
Remember me when that day comes – I warned you!
*clears throat*
Ahem….
A poem by s hemming
Pubic Hair
Pubic hair, it makes me frown,
I shave it off I trim it down.
It sticks to every nook and cranny,
Armpit, bumcrack, willy and fanny.
It came up on me without warning,
Bald one night and fur in the morning!
Raven curls and then..one day,
No-one warned me they’d turn grey!
My son approached me one grave night,
With such demeanor of delight,
‘I’ve got pubes!’ he yelled insistant,
And whipped his pants down in an instant,
Exposing for the world to see ( the dog, his dad, his brother and me)
A growing lad proud of his stuff,
Two small lychees covered in fluff!
Pubes are wiry, pubes are tough,
Stuck on the soap, stuck on your muff,
A guy upon a sit-down mower couldn’t trim mine any lower,
But love ’em hate ’em scrape ’em away,
These pubes of ours are here to stay!
So, hope this was a good day for everyone! Sorry to have missed it. No, wait, I’m not that sorry. But it did pull in a lot of comments! Hooray for YSaC!
Camille, Queen of the Golden Lotus, (oh, might not be the best title in light of today’s feature!) Uh. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, South Asia! CARE packages are on their way!