YSaC, Vol. 867: And I want to be a veterinarian because I love children.
Need a like actually attractive apt in a lovely area thats affordable.
Ok so I don’t want to get an email about an apartment in like medina so i’m like o sweet then i get there and the apartment is like ugly and i can get a nicer apartment in parma for cheaper. Basically i need a like honestly nice apartment like idk the forest meadows..i dont want to move to those but i’d likke the apartment to be nice like those and also affordable like idk 4 sumthin to 5 sumthn in like north royalton or strongsville or some where nice not to far from parma heights because i work there and go to school there.. Im a full time student, i work part time and i’m in the army national guard. O i just need a one bedroom or a studio perhaps..but not in cleveland. You can give me a call at my cell ##########
Right. I didn’t know Moon Unit Zappa was looking for apartments in the Cleveland suburbs, but there she is. It’s hard to believe it was actually worth the effort to, like, type in all those extra, “likes.” I mean, I understand using them as verbal tics when speaking, but why would you actually write them all out?
Sir Galahad: “Perhaps she was dictating?”
King Arthur: “Oh, shut up.”
Hang on, though. This is a serious army reserve person. Maybe we should picture it being read in a macho “Sergeant Rock” drill sergeant type voice.
That’s fairly entertaining.
But wait! This person used the word “perhaps.” That’s a relatively classy word, right? Clearly, this person is a trained Shakespearean enunciator. I think we should picture the ad being read by Patrick Stewart.
Ah. That’s perfect. Thanks for the awful, Beth!
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been up since 2:30am, but I can’t make heads or tails of that.
Note to prospective landlord: Do a credit check. If the credit report reads “client haz like some credit cards and stuff and is somethin like 4-something months behidn and also a line of credit thats like delinqint or whatever” …. go for it! The key to a good tenant is consisistency …and stuff.
All the random Os make me read it as a song, “Oh IDK”, the national anthem of Sparksville.
(to the tune of O Canada)
O, IDK
My home and naked land
True parrot love
In all, like, Sun’s command
With glowing harps
We see bees rise
The true north’s strong-ass breeze
God, that’s, like, lame
Give us stuff for free
O, IDK
We are not that picky
O, IDK
We’re registered at Sears
Bravo!!! I sang it aloud, laughed excessively, and feel idk, like kinda something.
I just realized I forgot a couple of lines. Shows how long it’s been since I had to stand and sing it. 😀
Just pretend these are inserted after “strong-ass breeze”:
From far and, like,
O, IDK
We stand on lard for geese
We can do it with the U.S. national anthem as well. [Ladies and Gentlemen, please stand up and take off your hats. Snarkers, you may remain prone in your Snuggies, we know you have no respect for anything except good spelling and the Llamanun. BBUH.]
Oh, like, do you know of an attractive place
Parma Heights would be good
Like, that’s where school and work are.
In, like, Strongsville maybe
But it can’t be ugly.
Did I mention that, like,I’m in the National Guard?
Like the Forest Meadows, it should be nice like those
4, 5, IDK
But in Cleveland? No way!
Oh, like, I just need a one bedroom maybe.
I’ll be like O sweet!
If you can help me.
Awesome. I originally tried thinking of a way to wrap the SSB around it but gave up when I thought about O Canada.
Minefield, I used to think the words were “we stand on God for thee”, like Canadians were like, we’ll kick the ass of God himself if he tries to eff with Canada.”
Heh. Minefield. Mindfield? Can you change your name to Minefield, so we can have two Bombdudes*?
*Speaking of which, anyone seen Bombdude?
Effing blackberry.
But it was a cool typo. What were the chances?
Bombdude, last seen, under a gianormous squirrel. Looking for his nuts, I believe.
What?
While I think we might balk at punching out deities, don’t discount our capacity for a serious ass kicking if ever anyone tries to mess with our beer, our hockey, or attempts to return Celine Dion or Justin Bieber for refunds.
Lots of people misread or mistype my alias as Minefield on quick scans, but I’m not changing it. I don’t want to incur the expense drmk would have to shell out sending expendable creatures through every blog entry to detonate my posts.
There is a street I drive past occasionally named Midfield. I usually think of you when I see it, Mindfield.
Midfield, huh? The street namer must have had a cold when he dictated it. No matter, I’ll still build hotels on it so anyone landing there has to pay dearly in rent.
Bombdude’s in Bangalore India and only has Internetz connectivity during the daytime hours here, at work, whilst most of you are happily snoozing… Have a nice day.
Like, I can’t like wait until this like gets posted on Facebook, so I can like like this.
Wanna, like, post an ad in, like, valleyspeak? There’s, like, O idk, an app for that.
Like.
Lo, I wouldst prefer not to be the recipient of yon electronic mail in regards to an apartment in the Medina district which sayeth said apartment be, like, highly desirable only to find myself visiting the aforesaid and discover that it be, like, hideous to regard, and I am able to obtain a far more fetching abode in the Parma region for fewer shillings. At the crux, needs must I, like, require truthfully a dwelling of remarkable attractiveness such as — O mine brain doth fail me — the forest meadows, mayhap? Certainly I would not move to such a place, but it would be most grand should I find an apartment such as those and yet it be well within my means, be that such as four to five gold nonspecific denominations upon, like, North Royalton or Strongsville or suchlike which is attractive and is proximate to Parma Heights, for I am gainfully employed over yon, in addition to attending, like, a collegiate institution in that region, for I be an acolyte from sunup to sundown and do further enjoy an honoured position in the Royal Guard in defense of fair Britannia and suchlike. O, I only but require a single attached room in which to rest my weary head, or mayhap a large and unenclosed dwelling. However, needs must I beg off such an abode should it reside in Cleveland. Should you have knowledge of such a place, please good sir I would be most oblisged if you would, like, establish communications with me by way of cup and string.
*applauds*
Throws very desirable doors.
I would most happily oblisge you, Smiley Puppy. Alas, I do not dwell near the Land of Cleve.
These cursed mugs were thicker than Tacos. Are there not keyboards big enough in the sweet heavens to spellcheck it white as snow?
Tears, tears sprang forth from my eyes, and a fine mist of coffee did issue from my mouth. Well done as usual, good sir.
Thou’rt, like, too kind, milady. ‘Tis pleasing to note that mine Stratford-upon-San-Fernando-Valley dialect doth ring true in such a fashion as to be gnarled bodaciously.
“Bodaciously Gnarled” – today’s band name, and performing tonight at the 40-Watt!
They’ll be playing some of their greatest hits for you!
Remember? – “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude”
How about? – “Like, Suh-weeeeeeeeet”
And the classic hit – “Heh.Heh.Heh.Heh”
Don’t forget, “Michael Phelps.”
Hopefully someone got what I was saying. Maybe I got the wrong idea from those “song titles.”
Mindfield, you remind me of early days in the SCA. Half the population was speaking Forsoothly, the rest were barely speaking English. Party on, Stick Jocks! 8)
Although high school introduced me to Ye Merrie Olde English via Shakespeare (which I did end up putting to use when I went to see Kenneth Branagh’s version of Hamlet) I blame David Eddings for stuffing his flavour of it in my head. My friend (who I’d incidentally went to see Hamlet with) who started the Canadian chapter of N.E.R.O. (SKA’s competition) managed to rope me into a couple of his events as NPCs (which he also roped me into helping to write). I’m a terrible actor — truly appalling, I mean I’d even embarrass the porn industry, and not just for obvious reasons — so I was several continents out of my comfort zone, but I managed to pull off an Eddings-esque olde English dialogue with the PCs without completely sinking into the floor from embarrassment. Though it was never in any doubt, it cemented the reality that I really should stick to writing.
EDIT: Coincidentally, that was one of Hamlet’s soliloquies I was riffing on several posts above. Huh.
David and Leigh Eddings FTW!
Ahem…sorry. I love their books.
Or were you talking about a different David Eddings?
No, that’s the one. The Belgariad and The Mallorean in this case. (I don’t think there were any thees and thous in The Elenium/Tamuli, were there? It’s been a while.) Oddly I’m still not used to referring to the two of them since I read all of his stuff long before he revealed the woman behind the man behind the books.
Also: Post-edit correcion for my previous post: SKA is a style of music. SCA, however, is not.
I first got into it when my high school library got Polgara the Sorceress, which explained the centuries before the events in the Belgariad.
I am now fully ashamed of myself.
That first picture is from a video game, but I don’t remember what it’s called!
Team Fortress 2.
Thank you.
I’ve never played before.
It’s a multiplayer deathmatch thingy that came with Half Life 2: The Orange Box, though I think they made it available separately too. (Certainly on Steam.) Not much into multiplayer deathmatches myself so I never played it either, but I do own the Orange Box. (Speaking of which, where the hell is Episode 3, Valve? WHAR??)
There are programs that let you speak into a microphone, and the computer will put it in as text, right?
No, I’m not, like, defending this, like, person, I just, like, thought that maybe there was, like, a actually, like, good reason for, like, this ad.
That was very painful.
“Cleetus, now that Bubba has moved to Akron, what are we gonna do with the basement apartment?”
“IDK, Momma, maybe rent it to a purty girl? Let me fix it up real nice-like, and then we can advertise. On that computer thing. IDK. Craigslist or somethin’.”
“O, fine, but just make sure she has a job so she can pay us on time.”
“And maybe she’ll be a college girl, and know lots of other crazy girls. I’ll be in my bunk.”
-likelikelike…like…like…like…likelikelike-
-likelikelike…like…like…like…likelikelike-
-likelikelike…like…like…like…likelikelike-
-likelikelike…like…like…like…likelikelike-
-likelikelike…like…like…like…likelikelike-
likelikelike, likelikelike, like like like likelike,
like like like, likelike like like, likelike like like likelike. LIKE!
Jingle bells, Jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Oh what fun, it is to ride, in a one horse open sleigh. HEY!
I thought that last line was,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a mine hor’s soap and slay!
You guys, that’s morse code. Hammy’s in trouble! Man battle stations! I think the awfulness of Sparkette’s bastardization of the Queen’s English might have short-circuited the Orbiting Cave of Technological Wonders!
He’s merely stuck in the Valley of Death.
Are you sure, Mudsy? Let’s try to reach him.
Ground Control to Major Ham!
Maybe it’s the Valley of Dead Signals? You’re unlikely to reach him that way; send a messenger pigeon.
1 fing ws cr10, d wht k10 hd hd 0 2 do wivit:-twas d blk k10’s flt ntrly
I bet this gal flipped her hair, like, 15 times while typing this ad.
It would explain the discontinuity, anyway.
Any bets about chewing gum?
“Can you chew gum and walk?”
“Yes, of course.”
*Chews* *Steps* *Chews* *Steps*
“No, I meant at the same time.”
“Why would I do that?”
IDK about anyone else, but I’m wondering what, like, IDK, Private Like IDK’s responsibilities are in, like, the National Guard thingy, like.
Although she may help keep us safe by confusing any attackers to the point where they wander away in fear that their IQ will lower itself by being in her presence.
The thought of a heavily armed Sparkles just terrifies me.
I bet she bedazzled the stock of her rifle, though.
She pilots the hella-extra-speeshul-copter.
Perhaps she’s a target, or instructed to volunteer to be a hostage …
But then who would actually want to rescue her?
Like, her BFF, like, duh!
I just noticed the similarity between my avatar and sarajean’s above. I’ve gotta stop with the unintentional copycats. Or copydogs, as the case may be.
Uh-oh, copydog infringement. Good thing there aren’t any intellectual property lawspaniels on this site.
Lawspaniels?* Even as someone who grew up with some very smart cocker spaniels, I wonder if they are the type for IP practice … they may be a bit more of the literal ambulance-chasing type, perhaps?
*I’m totally loving the mental pictures from this word.
Confidentially, Lola, I don’t think my spaniel is smart enough to do any sort of legal work (other than shredding). Perhaps my next dog should be a legal beagle.
Could be just a truck driver, too–NG units can be like that.
But, Murphy is an iron, so she’s probably a mortar team leader or some such.
I hope she ends up in Ish, where she belongs.
I heard a very different kind of voice when I read this, so I took the liberty of shooting a celebrity video spot:
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7887685
Sorry, posted the wrong link initially. This one is right.
This is great — I posted a link to it on Facebook and Twitter. Thanks!
Dang, movie not found. That’s, like, the worst, like, O my GOD!
Here, Link! Here, girl! *whistles* Come on!
Should be right now: http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7887685/
Link is a guy.*
*Although some people on the internet believe Link is a she.
There are pictures. Things you can’t unsee, and didn’t really see coming in the first place.
They invade our like space, and we fall back. They assimilate Parma, and we like fall back. Not again! Not like Medina! The line must be like drawn here! This far and no further! And I will like make them pay for what they’ve done!
Draw the line, like, here? Are you sure? Maybe we could draw the line, like, back there. I mean, IDK, I only, like, joined the guard for the money. I don’t want to, like, fight, Ed. Let them have Forest Meadows. I mean, as long as we, like, draw the line before Cleveland.
Fight! Fight to your last breath, until the enemy burns to the ground! Never give up the fight!
Unless the enemy is, like, in the wrong neighborhood or the apartment is, like, IDK, really ugly? Then, like, whatever.
In Cleveland, line draws you.
How about in the voice of a beer-guzzling, cigar smoking, stained-white-T-shirt wearing overweight 45 year old man who scares people off when he goes apartment hunting and figures he has a better shot mimicking
my 16 year old daughtersome sort of ditzy college girl?Ditzy and college do not belong together.
OMG! Like, that’s really mean!
Is it? Have you ever had a Psychology assignment with a girl who won’t stop talking about her new iphone and will not focus on the class at all? I have, and it’s really annoying.
As a matter of fact, I did, but it was 31 years ago (so it was not an iPhone that was continuously being gabbed about). was annying, though. Took most of a pitcher of Shiner to cure, too (back when 18 was legal <sigh>)
well, I was trying to be ironic…. I did teach college English, and yes, ditzy often overlaps with college, but shouldn’t
But shouldn’t WHAT?! 🙂
That makes me think of, dare I say, Mr. Winky?
Am I the only one channeling Will Farrell in the hilarious scene from “Bewitched” when he’s talking about his dog?
Okay, then…carry on.
*note to self…adjust meds*
Dear Sparkette,
?4U, AYSOS like BCOS IDK like URA WOMBAT?
TTFN, DLTBBB!
I play WoW, and I didn’t understand most of that. That’s a completely different language for me.
YY U R YY U B I C U R YY 4 ME
Ooh! I got that one! Yay!
I didn’t get it, either, NMN. My brain went into fail mode at AYSOS. It wasn’t wowspeak at all, though.
Here, this will make you feel better:
Like, 6k+ GS MDPS LF, IDK, 25 ICC, TOC, or weekly.
a @(—`—`— by any otha name wd sml swEt
How familiar.
That wasn’t sarcasm.
0.5a leag 0.5a leag
0.5a leag onwrd
All in T valy o Dth
Rd T 600
“^ T LB!
“Chrg 4T gns” he sd
In2 T valy o Dth
Rd T 600
*Listens
*Adjusts knobs
*Bangs the side of the box
Nope, damn Hammy parser still broken.
Anyone want pie?
Hammy! Either speak in English, wowspeak, or german,* because no one understands you. Please.
I’ll take some pie, please.
*see yesterday.
It’s the Charge of the Light Brigade, people!!!
You know…All in the valley of Death….Rode the 600!
Thank you Hammy for the Tennyson!
*smooches*
Looks like someone is a shoe-in to win that new series Decoded. That I don’t plan on watching.
Right. I got the Tennyson (and Shakespeare) reference, but I lost the conversation/joke somewhere along the way. That’s okay, I’ll continue tripping along to grandmother’s house. Hammy is looking entirely too wolf-like to me, today, anyway.
@NMN: Okay, but someone’s not going to be getting a wave…..
🙂
@Steph: I think HamStir was upping the culture factor by giving us some literary works of art in Texting Mode—as only Debi Ditz could do it.
Hammy, where are the other 5 stanzas?
I’m waiting for your interpretation of “Cannon to the left of them, Cannon to the right of them” and so on…
4scr + 7a ugo r 4fthrs brt 4th on this cn10nt a nu nAshn cnCvd in lbRT + ddc8d 2 th prop tht (evRE1) r crE8d =
Now do Ulysses!
cum, my fRnds,
Tz n@ t% l8 2 sEk a nwr wrld.
Psh off, & sitN weL n ordr smIt
d swNdN furoz; 4 my purpOs hldz
2 sAl bEond d snset, & d b@hs
Of aL d wstrn **, untl I dy.
It mA b dat d glfs wiL wsh us dwn;
It mA b we shaL tuch d 🙂 Iles,
& c d gr8 akillEs, huM we new
:golf clap:
Did you say something about foreskin, HamStir?
😉
Lincoln just farted in his grave.
Mooooooom! Hammy made my brain asplode!
At least he didn’t try Jabberwocky or The Walrus And The Carpenter. That would probably cause massive cranial explosions.
1, 2! 1, 2! & thru & thru
T vOrpl blAd wnt snckr-s@k!
He L it ded, & w itz hed
He wnt glmfng bak.
Huge props for Julie Brown reference.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rNfZxgkH7k
I just noticed the Julie Brown reference too when I was reading today’s postings. I used to have that album! “Right now I’m a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA…”
Oh for the love of crap! Can I borrow someone’s happy pills?
This ad annoys me on so many more levels than yesterday’s ad. She’s a college student who works part time and is in the National Guard. We’re all going to die.
I demand a ‘humanity is doomed’ tag on this one.
Lola? Could you pass Mudsy the flask?
*refills flask*
*passes flask*
No flask, how about a keg? It’s probably much stronger, too.
I just need it for a little while. Just to get me over the Wednesday “hump”…..
😉
In my experience, Mudsy, a lot of quality flask time can result in a Wednesday hump.
What?
Good thinking, Lola!
*wink wink*
😉
Wait, It’s Wednesday?? Dang, I just got back to work. Shouldn’t it be Monday? (I Abslolutely do not want to do over Tuesday. *urp*)
Wednesday is a good thing, Windy. That makes tommorrow S.H.I.T and then it’s Friday!
Good point, SJ. 8)
oh boy!! A craigslist drinking game! Drink every time you read the word Like!!
I don’t think my liver would survive that.
likelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelike
likelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelike.
Heh. Heheh. Like.
Hello, Beavis!
I am the great Cornholio! Are you threatening me?
No snark from me today. Was up most of last night revisiting my dinner, lunch, and breakfast.
U must hav gone 2 wot d Pho? yestRdA.
No Hammy, but thanks for that lovely mental image.
N E tIm
🙂
Feel better!
That can’t be good for you, kelli. I suggest plenty of rest and liquids, like, IDK, Gatorade or something. Hope you get better really soon.
We’ve done far too much revisiting of meals in our house recently. I’m sorry if you caught our cooties via YSaC or Facebook. Try the applesauce. It’s excellent. 🙁
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I needed to get that out.
I spent 4 hours yesterday trying to get some microscopy images, and I went to look at them today, it it appears the software ate them rather than saving them.
So I’ll go do it again tomorrow, and spend half the time fighting with the software to make it do what I want it to do for more than 5 minutes at a time.
Argharghargharghargh.
The software ate them? I wonder if it had a side dish of fried pubis mattus to go with the miscrosopy images du jour.
I’ll go stand in the corner….
At least someone/thing got to enjoy my images, but it wasn’t me.
I’m confused. The images were of like* viruses, or bacteria? Or of microscopes? What are mircoscopy images?
*Completely unintentional.
I was using the microscope to take pictures of yeast as I did stuff to them. The images didn’t save. Grr…
Mac or PC? It’s a random question, and I don’t care which one you use, I’m just curious.
Maybe someone stole them. Is there a big market for bootleg yeast pics?
Were you dressing them up in little outfits?
I had a joke on here involving yeast, but realized it’s not funny at all. I’m not putting it on here.
I’m guessing it didn’t have anything to do with bread or beer.
The microscope is run from a PC.
I was having trouble getting one feature to work, so I thought of a work-around for it, but I think my work-around somehow did not include saving.
No dresses on the yeast cells, but they are fluorescing green!
@SJ: No, it didn’t have to do with either of those.
@AR: Hopefully you aren’t using Vista, like I am. I hate Vista, as I’ve mentioned before multiple times.
It’s like a tiny unicellular rave! I always knew those yeast were fun guys. (insert groan here)
Am I the only one who thinks this sounds vaguely pervy? Hello? Anyone?
Perhaps your PC has an infection. Try squeezing a tube of Monistat 7 into the card reader slot – should clear that yeast problem right up.
That is basically what I was going to say.
“Maybe your computer has a yeast infection?”
Looks like someone needs Norton Monistat v7.
Yes, boys, but the problem is she wants her computer to have yeast, and it doesn’t. And I know why. I stole the pictures of the yeast! Muah-ha-ha!!! Now I will have pictures of glowy green naked yeast for my Yeasterday cards, and nobody else will!
I didn’t get to see this thread yesterday, but I just want to say, you guys are awesome. Thanks for cheering me up!
My like-o-meter counted 8 likes and one “likke.” I do believe that’s a capital offence.
On a side note, I can relate to Sparkette in one sense. After having lived there for three years, I now end all my apartment searches with the phrase “but not in cleveland”
You know, Bavec, having been to Cleveland a time or two I must concur and further would end all my phrases involving places to visit/work/live/time travel to with “but not in Cleveland”.
Q: Where do Valley Girls live?
A: IDK, but not in Cleveland.
Q: Where do you find flourescing green yeast?
A: Like, IDK, but not in Cleveland.
Q: Where would a 500 pound canary sit?
A: Like, IDK, maybe in the Snark Lounge, but NOT in Cleveland!
Oh hell, my almost funny comment was eated. Just pretend I said something clever and door-worthy, like, okay?
*In “cult” voice*
Many doors for your clever and funny comment.
Yes, christina. Many doors for your clever and funny comment.
That christina, she’s so clever and funny!
And this is why I love you all. My original comment would not have had nearly the doors this one got. Incidentally, it was similar to Limelolly’s comment below, so give her lots of doors because I just insinuated her comment wasn’t awesome, and that was mean. Limelolly is awesome and so are her comments.
I’ve been to Columbus and Cincinnati, but never Cleveland. So, I’m sort of curious whether it’s worse than, say, Cincinnati. But I’m more curious about why all the major cities in Ohio start with C.
But… “Cleveland Rocks”.
It says so in the song.
To: LL
From: NMN
Per Christina’s request, here are many doors. Enjoy!
Hello, Cleveland!!! (LOL that scene always makes me laugh like it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it.)
Book Club Members, today starts the discussion. Check it out in the fora!
What was the book?!
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. It’s about skateboarding and motorcycle raceways.*
*This may not be true. You should probably read the book to find out.
I especially liked the part where the motorcycle and the skateboard had to keep their love a secret because their families didn’t approve.
Sigh, despite the Kindle app, somebody didn’t have time to read. But I could do an excellent review of a cookbook with bad grammar and liberal use of “that’s what she said” jokes. 🙂
No fair Christina, that’s my joke.
I feel like an asshat for not saying this earlier, but to Addicted Reader, Astro, and anyone else who celebrates; Happy Hanukkah!
AR taught me how to say this on Facebook: Chanukah Sameach!
Monica, I hope you lurked today and saw your place in the box. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Galleria!
Oh Cleveland, stay classy.
It’s a damn shame this person didn’t say what major they were in. I can only hope it’s communications
I can tell the Parma this guy is talking about is not the city in Italy because there are no cheap apartments in that Parma… and because it’s near to Cleveland, of course.
Pherhaps I just have to move from Italy to US in order to afford buying a house in Parma.
I mean, this girl. Is a she, isn’t it?