YSaC, Vol. 868: Your Cassette Pet.
Homosexual Cassette Tapes (You Specify)
Hey, I found your homosexual cassette tapes,
email with identifying information and you can
have them back. some of them are missing
or damaged but most of them seem ok.
What, exactly, constitutes a homosexual cassette tape? I didn’t even know you could identify the gender of cassette tapes. If I was forced to guess, I would have said that all the tapes were female, since the mechanism for playing cassettes looked vaguely like inserting Tab A into Slot B … but I had no idea that some of the cassettes I had in the 80s were secretly on the down low with one another. (Okay, I might have had a slight suspicion about the Wham!UK cassette and the Frankie Goes to Hollywood cassette. I kept catching them snuggling one another in the tape case.)
Or, maybe they’re cassettes designed to turn you into a homosexual. You know, since homosexuals are constantly trying to recruit new members — they’re obviously trying to brainwash and hypnotize others into becoming homosexuals by using these cassette tapes as promotional material. Nothing says “JOIN US!” quite like a cassette tape of Richard Simmons.
ATTN: FOUND TAPE OF KIM’S BIRTH
I GOT A VHS TAPE OF KIM GIVING BIRTH THAT I FOUND IN A BOX I GOT AT FLEA MARKET. LOOKING FOR THE OWNER OF IT TO RETURN IT, THEY MIGHT STILL WANT IT. LET ME KNOW IF IT’S YOUR’S AND WHEN BABY WAS BORN AND NAME IF IT’S YOUR’S. THANK YOU
Hi Kim, here’s your VHS tape. Oh, by the way, I’ve seen your vagina.
Thanks, Amy and Lara!