YSaC, Vol. 901: Good grief!

2011 January 12

free pure bread beagel


I have a pure bread beagel free to a good home only!!! He is about 13 wekks old please call ########## or email ########@aol.com ThaNks for looking !!!

Pure bread beagel, huh?

Or perhaps they have one of these:

Snoopy Sandwich Toaster

Thanks for the link, cougirl!

221 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 January 12
    tigprincess permalink

    Hey I’m first to snark! Passing over the obvious (great Snoopy cartoon, dan) I’m intrigued by the sudDen randOm capitAlisatiOn in ThaNks. Maybe, however, in Sparky’s world this is how you spEll things when you measure tiMe in wekks? (or is he from foreign countries where they don’t speak / write / think MericUn ?)
    *going to lie down now, feeling dizzy*

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      BUt there’s a possibilitY that MaYbe his shift key is on the Blink, And it randomly GEnerates capitaL letters.

      Perhaps another possibiLity is that hE is embedding A SEcret code.

      Adores: 9
      • 2011 January 12
        Lou Stool permalink

        Why would I want a bagel?

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 12

          Interesting thought, Mindfield…

          **studies suckage**

          “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.”

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Why wouldn’t you want a bagel? What, you don’t like my bagels?

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Besides, it’s winter. You have to have bagels in winter. Apparently.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Lou Stool permalink

          Oh, it’s a bagel from Lola? That changes EVERYTHING!

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Oh, it’s a bagel from Lola? That changes EVERYTHING!

          *blush*

          I … I don’t know what you mean. Do you expect the flask as well?

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Lou Stool permalink

          What am I gunna do with an empty flask?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Who says it’s empty? It has whatever you want in it!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Lou Stool permalink

          Just figured that if it was yours it was emptied hours ago.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Ah, no wonder I’ve had nothing for this all day–I had an English Muffin for breakfast. QED

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 January 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        :reads Mindfield’s comment:

        I have a sudden urge to buy a bagel from an eerily smiling puppy.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Why, I just happen to have some available! Competitive prices, 0% financing, new and pre-owned in stock! Ask about our fully-loaded packages!

          Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 12
        Ziaheart permalink

        Must… lease… bagel… from… puppy…

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 12
          Yancy permalink

          Used bagels – who wants that crap?

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 12
        NotMyName permalink

        Mindfield, some of those capital letters spell out:

        “BUY MY GEL PLEASE.”

        Anyone else notice that?

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          I think you missed a few capitals there — but just in case, I do happen to have a few leftover tons of ballistic gel. No questions asked or answered.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Oooh, is ballistic gel like Semtex?
          Bombdude? Is this real or is MF … making it up?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12

          If the Mythbusters used it, it must be real!

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          No, nothing like Semtex — I’d like to remain off the no-fly list for the time being. This is ballistic gel. It’s like Jell-O you can abuse, though it doesn’t taste nearly as good.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          LurkRealClose permalink

          I’m pretty sure some people abuse Jell-O. Jus’ Sayin’

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 12
          Bombdude permalink

          Sorry Lola, I wasn’t here to see the question.

          I have some real hellacious deadlines at work for the next 3 or 4 months, so my snarky time is gonna be short during lunch, and at night, when it’s mostly used up.

          However, I can say that I do abuse Jell-O… Ya don’t think I’m actually gonna eat that stuff do ya?

          Adores: 3
  2. 2011 January 12
    Jessabell permalink

    Hmm, pretty sure the word that is spelled incorrectly is “beagel.”

    Obviously this person is peddling a pure bread BAGEL.

    Not sure how he or she knows the gender of said bagel, but I’m not the expert here.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 12

      I wonder if he also has a large puter angle for sale?

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 12

        I could use one of those; there isn’t enough angle on my putter. My balls keep ending up all over the place.

        What?

        Adores: 6
    • 2011 January 12

      Silly, bagels are all female! What did you think the hole in the middle was for?!

      *Note: I realize that makes me sound suddenly creepy. I endorse no such activities as you lot are thinking of. Especially with moldy thirteen-week-old bagels.

      Adores: 20
      • 2011 January 12

        Don’t worry, Astro, that was my first thought too. The male of the species is called a hoagie roll.

        Adores: 11
        • 2011 January 12

          Rule 34 now applies to the bakery. Thanks a lot* guys.

          Sorry, the alot doesn’t get thanked today.

          Adores: 14
      • 2011 January 12
        Mindfield permalink

        Seriously, man, I was about to wonder what was wrong with you. That bagel is way too young.

        Adores: 10
        • 2011 January 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Is there such a thing as a jailbait bagel?

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Of course there is! And if you get caught with one, they’ll lox you up.

          Adores: 14
        • 2011 January 12

          *Cops burst in*

          OK, Mindfield, we know what you did to that poor bagel. Spread um!

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Whoa, hey now, what we were doing was totally consensual. It wanted to be eaten! And I tell you truthfully, the cream cheese was the bagel’s idea. I was hesitant and I tried to tell it that I’m not into that kind of thing, but the bagel insisted.

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 January 12

          Likely story! I bet you’ll pretend you didn’t know that bagel was only 13 wekks old! You were probably so baked at that point you didn’t even hesitate in de-flouring it.

          It’s a sad world these days. Bread barely has a time to rise up before it’s beaten down again. Boys, throw him on the rack for a few days, maybe then he’ll play boule.

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Now look here, that bagel had a package date label way past 13 weeks, and it certainly looked like it knew what it was doing when it came to getting some ‘oven. I’m the victim here!

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          Distraught Bagel Mom: She was pure, I tell ya! Pure as the New York Snow! She never would have asked for cream cheese. *sob*

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 January 12

          There, there, WR… they’re just trying to run a schmear campaign.

          Adores: 13
        • 2011 January 12
          LurkRealClose permalink

          One vote for EB for comment of the day. “Schmear campaign” Bwahahahahaha!!!

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 12
          CapnMac permalink

          Isn’t
          Schmeer Campaign

          opening for

          LoxNcapers
          ?

          Adores: 1
  3. 2011 January 12

    Grabs catulator from warm perch on top of dryer…

    Let’s see…you take 13 wekks, divide by the tribble of quatrotritechaley, multiple by the atomic number of ThaNks and add in some fresh bread..and the answer is…

    …pistachio/rutabaga ice cream…

    Hmmm….think my catulator is defective these days…everything comes up sugar-based…sigh..

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 12
      Ziaheart permalink

      Better than mine! Mine always gives me fur-balls.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      I think I see your problem. You keep including pi in the equation, and as you know, any multiple of pi is going to influence the outcome heavily to the sweet end of the spectrum. If you substitute with 4n / ((Thomas’ English Muffins) Bears^2) I think you’ll find a more accurate solution.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12

        Substitution made…and now the catulator says..

        “Mwroawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww”

        *flips catulator upright*

        Ok, I’m getting…

        …mincemeat pi…

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Oh dear. I think your catulator has developed a buildup of static electricity. Try petting it for a few moments while touching something metal.

          Adores: 5
  4. 2011 January 12

    Pure Bread Beagel is IF’s Limp Bizkit cover band.

    Adores: 12
    • 2011 January 12
      Limelolly permalink

      Do they sing that oldie Growing Up Yeasty

      Adores: 3
  5. 2011 January 12

    If this means bagel, then they are selling a thirteen-week-old bagel. Sounds moldy. Ew.

    If this means beagle, then they are selling a beagle made of thirteen-week-old bread. Sounds moldy. Ew.

    Adores: 16
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      It’s not moldy, it’s aged. Mold only forms if it is left in an environment that doesn’t allow moisture to evaporate before mold can form. This, sir, is not a moldy bagel.

      It’s a very large crouton.

      Adores: 13
      • 2011 January 12

        But this is a pure bread bagel. Sparky probably keeps it in a bread box, which, if I remember correctly, contributes to mold.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          How about a compromise: It’s crunchy on the outside, soft and moldy on the inside.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12

          Okay.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12

          Just cut the moldy outside of the bagel off. The inside will be nice and sharp due to the aging process. Remember, bagels are exactly like cheese that way.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          What if it’s a cheese bagel? Do the effects cancel each other out and result in an eternally fresh bagel?

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12

          Yup, and if you spread jam on a cheese bagel it levitates.

          Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 12
      CapnMac permalink

      No, not “weeks,” but “wekks”–which is the unit of time measure proportional to how long one must wait in a waiting area for medical attention to something embarassing while almost everyone you know is also present. It is similar in value to the length of time medical persona will leave you exposed in the least complimentary ways to the greatest number of gawping passers-by.

      It is a relativistic unit, where other observers might measure it in mere seconds; but, subjectively spans decades.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 12
        Addicted Reader permalink

        It’s good to have a name for that Cap’n, thanks!

        Adores: 1
  6. 2011 January 12

    Interested parties should apply at the Beagle Bagel CafΓ© (and there actually is such an establishment).

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12

      There’s also the Regal Beagle.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 12
        Mindfield permalink

        It isn’t the same since Jack left, though.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12

          Amen, puppy, amen. πŸ™

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12

        The only authentic beagle cafe is the Warm Puppy Cafe where Snoopy lives. And yes, they have bagels.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12

          Don’t pet the puppy!

          Adores: 1
  7. 2011 January 12
    LurkRealClose permalink

    Good blizzard morning to you all! I have made it into work, but may need to replace some of my tires. I could smell them burning as I tried to get out of my parking lot at home and then into the parking lot at work. This is why I have a shovel in my car.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      We’re presently getting hit with a little more than the fringes of the giant system that passed over GA and swung north across MA and NY. In the GTA we didn’t get hit quite as bad as people further west, who enjoyed some lovely whiteout conditions. Here it just came in as heavy snowfall, and so far we’ve managed to accumulate a good 15cm or more in some areas. It’s still coming down though and another tail will hit us by the weekend, so we’re far from seeing the last of it.

      I actually managed to make it to work on time too. Even in southern Ontario, the first snows turn everyone into jabbering idiots wondering where the hell all this frightening white crap came from, but so far everyone seems to have adjusted faster than normal this year.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 January 12
        Lilly permalink

        I beg to differ re: GTA people handling snow well
        http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/toronto-police-officer-seriously-hurt-by-stolen-snowplow/article1866679/

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Wow, and I thought the Detroit plow operators were bad.

          To be fair though that was a psycho nutjob. One who wasn’t employed by the government, I mean.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          LaKitta permalink

          See, I read GTA as “Grand Theft Auto” and assumed (from the title of the article) someone spent their snow day playing a real life version.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Who the [insert offensive curse word here] steals a snow plow? It’s not exactly stealthy, fast, or easy to hide.

          @LaKitta: Me too!

          Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 12

        Well, it’s a balmy 23 in Dallas this morning…sigh…

        Not to worry, predicting 60s for the weekend.

        One more thing to love about Texas – mercifully brief winters.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Lou Stool permalink

          Maybe so, CJ, but how are those summers working out for you? You should check out a Canadian West Coast summer sometime. It makes the 6 months of rain oh so worth it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12

          Lou – first Happy (belated) Birthday! I meant to post that yesterday but got caught in a spiral of hate.

          Secondly…psst…I’ll tell ya a little-known secret about us Texans…

          We love the heat…most of us anyway.

          Yeah, we’re crazy like that…maybe the heat’s fried our brains but most of us thrive in it.

          Cold, on the other hand, is simply intolerable. I grew up in Missouri…in October my feet numbed from the cold. By February I was frozen from the hips down…and it took till June to thaw. I hated it, so I came to Texas in ’77 and stayed.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Lou Stool permalink

          Thanks! I’m still trying to get rid of the lice LRC got me, but otherwise, it was a great day. And the West Coast winters are quite mild.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12
        nonsensicalcat permalink

        Here in Atlanta, everything has been shut down for 3 days. We’re super afraid of snow.

        As a former northerner, I find it kind of hilarious.

        Adores: 9
        • 2011 January 12
          Lilly permalink

          That reminds me of when I moved west to enjoy their Canadian west coast summers for awhile — the resulting panic after 1 in of snow in January was entertaining. Especially the conversations that went along the lines of, “what do you mean you don’t own winter boots”, and “of course it is slippery, you shoveled but didn’t put any salt down, now it is sheer ice”.

          now I feel bad, the cop in the story above died — but in my defense I was not amused this morning during rush hour when it caused the streets around the accident to be closed and transit re-routed.

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12

      No school yesterday, and wouldn’t ya know it, I’m home sick today. I’d better recover, because exams start tomorrow.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12
        Lou Stool permalink

        Get well, Astro.

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12

        Yeah, Astro, hope you feel better tomorrow.

        Now, go use this time wisely…master __________<<<insert video game of choice here.

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Astro — check out CHS website. GHE delayed finals by one day due to the “snow day” yesterday.

        Get well soon.

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12

      Irony: Wisconsin isn’t getting any snow this morning.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      I keep a shovel in the car but it’s for … purposes unrelated to driving.

      Adores: 11
      • 2011 January 12
        Bombdude permalink

        SJ, you just let me know if you need a second pair of hands for… Well, you know…

        Adores: 2
  8. 2011 January 12
    DGiovanni permalink

    I want to thank all the helpful weather info… It is oh, so helpful… I am shut up in my basement with no windows, t.v. or radio, only this internet thingy. And wouldn’t you know the only site I can get to is YSaC… Thank goodness someone realized people like me came to YSaC for the hard-hitting and in-depth weather reporting that we can find nowhere else…

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      Someone really needs their morning coffee slice. Feel free to help yourself, plenty to go around.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12

        We also have what I say is a very moldy bagel and what Mindfield claims is a very large crouton. I wouldn’t recommend eating it, but it can always remind you that things could be worse.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          “Moldy Bagel-Crouton”

          Either band name of the day, or a member of the royal family – your call.

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 January 12
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Hey, Gramps is back! Where ya’ been?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12

          Hi Gramps! Welcome back!

          Astro, it’s Dwarf Bread.

          Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12
      Lola permalink

      You know, this isn’t quite a [matt] or a [corey]. Sir, I think you have pioneered, however inadvertently, a new category.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12

        I think, since it leans more towards the “matt” side, we should call it…

        [chuck]

        No reason, I just like the way it sounds.

        Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12
      Windrose permalink

      *prepares editing tools, just in case* I want you to know, I was coming to YSaC before we started sharing weather information. You are an upstart, and you risk being shunned.

      In other news, my part of the world is supposed to have weather with lots of that bright yellow light in the sky and temps in the 80s. I do wish you right coasters would stop hogging all the winter.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 12
        Lola permalink

        Windrose, take all you want! We have plenty.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Seconded!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Thirded! If fact, I wish you had taken some of the 100+ inches of snow we got last year.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12
        DGiovanni permalink

        I did not mean to offend, but as I said i can only get to this site from my binkered in basement, so… I combined a “Passive-Aggressive” note with a YSaC post and “Ta-da!” Given enough time, my next trick may be a photo-shopped snoopy holding a bagel…

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12

          Make sure he’s using his hand to hold it and not his…

          Gotta go.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Who’s up for a game of ring toss?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12

          We can use the Beagle!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Not to worry – we is almost never offensed here. However, we DO NOT want to know about you being ‘binkered in your basement’. What you do privately is your own business, and you can call it anything you’d like.

          You need a t-shirt for that?

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 January 12
          Addicted Reader permalink

          No offense taken. The problem with good sarcasm is that it can sometimes be hard to tell from bad sincerity. Once we’re sure that you’re one of us, comments like that will be well received.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Is a binkered basement one that has Matt Groening’s cartoon character Binky in it? What’s that like? Aside from, apparently, limited contact with the outside world, of course.

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Lola, wasn’t ‘Binky’ a Berke Breathed character in “Bloom County”? Or maybe I just missed ‘Binky’ in Mr. Groening’s world.

        Umm, like – “whatever”.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Grampdaddy, Binky was the rabbit star of the Life In Hell strip.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Gramps, you’re thinking of Binkley, the neurotic one with the monster in his closet.

          (Yes, I loved me some Bloom County and Outland.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Ah, Lola and Mindfield – you are, of course, correct. I blame it on my age — the ‘l’ is the first thing to go.

          *Oh, Opus, where are you when we really need you!*

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 12

      And Today’s Whether report, brought to you Asshat Sparklington Industries Decontamination Division! When you think of toxic waste, think of Asshat Sparklington!

      And now Taco with the Whether, Taco?

      “Looks like there will be weather today. Lots of it in fact. In the South we’ll be seing a big mound of weather, followed by smaller flurries of weather drifting in from the North. Speaking of the North, there will be weather there too! After a morning filled with tons of weather, we’ll see it slope off sharply in the afternoon to a much lighter helping of weather by nightfall. Temperatures today will be above absolute zero, so make sure to dress accordingly. Back to you, Sparkles.”

      “Thanks, Taco. Boy, that sure is a lot of weather today. I’ll be certain to drive carefully tonight, that’s for sure. In other news, Asshat Sparklington Industries announced their new line of bread beagles today…”

      Adores: 13
    • 2011 January 12

      DG, sorry you are stuck in your basement. That sounds like no fun at all. Thanksfully, you get YSaC. Your morning would be very bleak if the only site you got was, say, Bravo TV or something along those lines. It would take more than slices of coffee to rescue you.

      On the informative side (in my best Pacino growl), “We’re just gettin’ started!”

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12
      Supreme Ruler permalink

      Use this: http://02d9656.netsoljsp.com/SarcMark/modules/user/commonfiles/loadhome.do

      It helps prevent misunderstandings.

      Adores: 1
  9. 2011 January 12
    Todd permalink

    OMG… Isn’t “beagel” how Charlie Brown misspelled it at the spelling bee? He’s giving away Snoopy!!

    Adores: 5
  10. 2011 January 12
    Grampdaddy permalink

    I don’t know – thinly sliced, toasted, buttered, with some nice marmalade…. This might be just the thing to go along with a slice of coffee.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12
      Windrose permalink

      GRAMPDADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, this is like a Christmas and New Years gift in one! Welcome back!

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Has been a long time – yes? I managed to get here today because school was closed. High winds and blowing, drifting snow make for dangerous roads.

        Let’s see – have been lurking on a regular basis, but by the time I get home most days, all the good snark has been used up and all I have are the dregs – the old coffee grounds in the bottom; the loose tea leaves swirling about, waiting to tell a tale of woe….

        Or, “Whoa!, Grampdaddy – you’ve got nothin’ to add here.”

        SOoooooo, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyful Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, and Happy Birthday to everyone I’ve missed. Also, hope you are feeling better soon, and I’m glad you recovered.

        *Please choose one or more of the above, as appropriate.*

        Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 12
      Lola permalink

      So, Grampdaddy, what kind of Major Award-related gifts did you get this year?

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12

        OMG…I just remembered a post-A Christmas Story viewing conversation with hubby…who decided to ask Uncle Google about the “major award” in the movie.

        Hubby: “Oooh…look you can get one of those….”

        Me: “No”

        Hubby: “But…”

        Me: “No”

        Hubby: “I could…”

        Me: “NO”

        This went on for a few minutes until I was able to distract him with something shiny.

        Another bullet (or in this case tacky piece of Americana) dodged.

        As an aside – did you know that every year there’s an auction held and the winning bidder gets to spend the holidays (two weeks) inside the house from the movie? Possibly awesome.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          CJ, my favorite Major Award-themed item from this year was the string of lights – instead of little snowflakes or pumpkins or whatever, they were mini-MAs. I thought of Grampdaddy when I saw them!

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Lou Stool permalink

          Seriously? I would love to live in that house. Rescuing the neighbourhood from Black Bart and his minions, yelling at the Bumpus’s hounddogs, and spending long hours wrestling with that blasted furnace! Ah the times the Stools would have…….

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Lola, did you think of me because of my shapely legs, or because of the fishnets?

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12

          Yeah… I’m gonna go brush my teeth.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Fishnets, Grampdaddy. I was jealous of yours.

          Adores: 3
  11. 2011 January 12

    Reading the comments, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who saw “Bagel” in the first read though.

    Now I’m hungry for some reason… and a little paranoid. STOP STARING AT ME, LEMMY Mk2! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!

    Adores: 5
  12. 2011 January 12
    Indigo permalink

    A pure bread beagel with no papers? Sparky should throw in a few Sunday Times, or at least a brown bag.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 12
      sarajean80 permalink

      I got a napkin with my bagel.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 12

        My bagel came with a small packet of cream chese and a plastic knife to spread it!

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12

          Chese is pronounced “Shez” btw. It’s totally French. I should know, my wife is fluent.

          Chese is, as everyone knows, a minced walrus spread.

          Adores: 12
        • 2011 January 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Be glad it isn’t Greek. Greek and “spread it” sounds like it could be unpleasant unless your bagel is prepared.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 January 12

          Yay Grampdaddy’s back!

          Edit: Er, maybe this was not the best place to stick this given his notation above.

          Yay, Grampdaddy’s front!

          2nd Edit: Hmmm, this isn’t working either.

          Hi!

          Adores: 13
        • 2011 January 12

          There are two ways to interpret that sentence.

          1) The way Archie meant it.
          2) A celebration of Grampdaddy’s wondrous posterior.

          I chose to pretend the second interpretation doesn’t exist.

          EDIT: Get outta my brain, Archie!

          Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 12
          Indigo permalink

          Minced walrus? They can hardly move! Calling it “mincing” is a stretch.
          The thought of a Walrus Spread in the May Playboy is the reason brain bleach was invented.

          Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          What about a Walrus Spread in, say, November? Would that be any better, Indigo?

          Thanks for commenting. Please do more as you are inclined.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12

          Walrus?! But they hardly know us!

          Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Why, thank you, Archie, for celebrating my front – hasn’t happened in years!

        Taco: 2) A celebration of Grampdaddy’s wondrous posterior.
        Butt, you promised you wouldn’t tell!

        And most folks are more amazed by my wondrous anterior. (There’s no accounting for taste. πŸ™‚ )

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 12

          Already, I have peered inside of Taco’s head escaping with my life and a witty commentary, dusted off Grampdaddy’s heretofore unheralded front for celebratory purposes and it isn’t even 9 a.m. on the left coast! I have nothing to fear for the rest of the day.

          *sails forth to face the world*

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 12

          I thought people usually celebrated your wondrous anteater.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          I thought people usually celebrated your wondrous anteater.

          Gee EB, how nice of you to say.

          I think……

          Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Dusted?! A good vacuuming is more thorough

        What??

        Adores: 1
  13. 2011 January 12

    [OT]My brain picked a 7 second clip of music from my CD this morning to play in my head. The problem is, my brain can’t remember all the notes for the whole thing, so once it hits the end of the 7 seconds, it short circuits, adds a couple “joiner” notes, and then loops back to the beginning.

    The end result is that this 7 seconds of music has been looping endlessly in my head without transitioning to the next part. Ima go stab my brain with a Q-tip to make it stop.[/OT]

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 12

      That happens to me a lot. I’ve always assumed it was senility.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        That happens to me a lot. I’ve always assumed it was futility.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12

          I like to use coupons and find deals. I’ve always assumed it was frugality.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12
          Bombdude permalink

          I like to use coupons and find deals, I’ve always assumed it was poverty…

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12
      Windrose permalink

      Taco, my brain decides to loop in an entirely unrelated tune, hence leaving mash-ups of The Battle of New Orleans and the Theme Song from Davey Crocket. Let me know if the Q-tip thing works.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 12

        Hehe, mine does the unrelated tune thing, too.

        I think I read somewhere (or I’m making this up, it could go either way) that you get a song stuck in your head because you can’t remember all of it, so your brain is mulling it over until you get it. So, I just track down the song to listen to it once or twice, and then listen to other catchy music…. It works about 80% of the time, I’d say :-p

        Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12

      I’ve been dealing with the same two measures of The Firebird Suite for the past three days.

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 12
      LaKitta permalink

      While cooped up avoiding all that weather, I’ve been rereading the Sherlock Holmes cannon whilst the lass listens to the Bway Beauty and the Beast soundtrack on a loop. Now I can’t pick up my book without hearing Belle’s showstopper (“Is this Holmes?/Is this where I should learn to be happy?/Never dreamed/That a Holmes could be dark and cold/I was told/Ev’ry day in my childhood:Β Even when you grow old/Holmes should be where the heart is/Never were words so true!/My heart’s far, far away/Holmes is, too”). Come to think of it, the could be Watson’s big ballad.

      Adores: 2
  14. 2011 January 12
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Now I want a bagel.

    Mr. AR’s new job is right next to the Kosher Dunkin Donuts. He got lunch from there yesterday. This could be dangerous, both for our spending and our waistlines.

    I’m currently stuck at home waiting on new tires for my car. When I got out of the car at work yesterday, I heard hissing from the front tire. I got back at the end of the day, and sure enough it was flat. Fortunately, I park in a garage, so at least I wasn’t standing out in the snow, though the AAA guy had a hard time finding me. Once he did find me, he got the donut on and I had the immense thrill of driving in a couple inches of unplowed snow on a donut. This morning I took the car to the service station down the road. Tire is not repairable, so I’m waiting until the new tires arrive, or something. Oh well, more time on YSaC.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12

      That reminds me that one of my tires started giving a low pressure warning. I suppose I should stop by the gas station on the way home and fill it.

      Stupid tires and their need for air. I never had any air and I turned out just fine!

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 January 12
        Addicted Reader permalink

        That explains so much…

        Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 12
      Lola permalink

      Since we can’t get the tires for you, at least we can amuse-u-while-u-wait.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 12
        Addicted Reader permalink

        You (both “you”=Lola and “you”=collective you) always amuse me. It’s why I keep coming back, even when I don’t really have the time to do so.

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12

      I took hubby’s truck in to the shop for a tire rotation on the same day that every other person in town decided to do the same.

      I got there early, but it was clear that my “early” was not nearly so early as others’ early.

      I waited, for two hours, to get this done.

      The upside was YSaC, but I think I left everyone in the place convinced I was ready for an “i love me” suit. I would read something, burst into uncontrollable laughter, set the phone down, wipe my eyes, lather, rinse, repeat.

      I noticed the chairs around me emptying, and not from folks picking up their vehicles. I also noticed furtive glances from the store staff and whispered voices in my direction.

      Good times indeed.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 January 12
        Mindfield permalink

        If you wanted to ensure absolute privacy for at least ten meters around you, you should have laughed uncontrollably, wiped the tears, and then instantaneously adopted an angry expression, looked at the first person staring at you, and said in a flat voice, “What?” And then, without waiting for an answer, started laughing again.

        Not only is watching people back slowly away and trip over mop buckets and toolboxes endlessly entertaining, you’ll probably get your car bumped up the priority queue just to get you out of there. Win/win!

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 January 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Smiling Puppy, I love the way you think! That’s the kind of thing I used to do during staff meetings when I was in the corporate world.

          Probably explains why I’m no longer in the corporate world….

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          It’s how I always get seats on buses and trains, too. It’s amazing how the stop after the one I get on at always seems to be everyone else’s stop.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12

          I love you, freaky puppy.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          I have a dream. Some day, at least a dozen or more of us commentors will gather in the same place on the same day at the same time, and using lap tops and cell phones, carry on a conversation here, but laugh out loud at the park or library or zoo or wherever we end up gathering.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 12
          LaKitta permalink

          And the lurkers can come and literally lurk, and every once in a while we’ll hear the shrubbery titter.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 12

          *titter titter titter*

          Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 12

      *sigh* It’s the Day of Tires, apparently… I just got to work an hour ago, which feels really weird because people have been eating lunch and I just barely had breakfast… My problem was that Big O Tires apparently didn’t seal something right with a weight on my tire… or something… so I’ve had a slow leak ever since I got these tires. (But that’s kinda good, because it means that the flat wasn’t caused by me running over anything, so it wasn’t my fault!) And my mechanics are angels, and came out to put the donut on AND fixed my big tire, all at no charge. These guys are great…

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Wow, “Big O Tires” sounds strangely…… erotic. Just have to ask, what is their advertising slogan?

        “For the Ride of Your Life”

        “Come to ‘Big O’, We won’t Jerk You Around”

        “When it’s Wet and Slick, We’ll Keep You Movin’ ”

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12

          AHhaha, nothing so exciting. “A team you trust” or something like that.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Please tell me that when they were done they said “Come again!”

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 12

          Uh, oh… I’m pretty sure MrEB was actually the one to deal with the new tires on my car (earlier this year). Should I be worried??

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          sarajean80 permalink

          Depends; has he had problems with the Big O in the past?

          Oh, look! There’s still a few cobwebs in this corner.

          :gets out vacuum:

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          This, of course, reminds me of an old Steve Allen routine in the early-ish days of talk shows. He would call up businesses. He called a cleaners. “Big-A Cleaners? How much to clean my big A?”

          Ah, those were the days.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 12
      LurkRealClose permalink

      Kosher Dunkin Donuts

      I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 12
        Lola permalink

        Yes, I was wondering … is that its actual name?

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 January 12
          Addicted Reader permalink

          It’s a Dunkin Donuts like any other, except that it doesn’t serve meat products and there is a rabbi who checks in regularly to make sure that everything they’re serving comes with kosher certification. All of the DD stuff is kosher, at least until it is unpackaged and potentially exposed to treifness. Except at kosher ones, where there is no traifness. There are 2 kosher DDs here in B’more, and at least a couple in metroNYC. Probably other places too. Krispy Kreme is also one that can be kosher if supervised. There used to be one near here, but it closed. I cried.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          That must be nice for you. Smart of the owner/manager to choose to do that. Perhaps they, too, cried when the Krispy Kreme closed, and did what they could.

          Adores: 2
  15. 2011 January 12
    Litarider permalink

    My niece just mentioned a 1-year-old “bagel, no extras” that she saw advertised in the pet section near Tacoma. Related to this pure bread beagle or mere coincidence? Maybe the new “designer pet” trend marries dough and dogs? Get your very own doug!

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      Beware of Doug.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 12
        Lola permalink

        Mindfield, I want to marry you all over again. I love Larsen.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          Hey, get a forum, you few! Many? Whatever.

          Adores: 2
  16. 2011 January 12

    I totally read that as “pure bread bagel.” Couldn’t figure out what other kinds of bagels there might be . . .

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      You’ve got those mixed-breed marbled pumpernickel ones — the mongrels of the bagel world.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 12
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Or those “Everything” ones – they’ve been around the block a few times.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Yeah, those are like the prostitutes of the bagel world. They’ve got everyone’s seeds on them.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12

          That’s why I always make sure to wrap my bagel.

          Adores: 6
    • 2011 January 12
      Windrose permalink

      Nicci, I love your avatar picture. Kitties and Puppies are nice and rats are dandy, but babies are my biggest weakness. waaaaah. 8)

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 January 12

        What about toddlers? πŸ™‚

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 13
          Windrose permalink

          D’waaah! Especially that toddler. 8) Still rather baby-like, so still makes me all soft and fuzzy feeling.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 January 15

          I’ve got an even cuter picture in the most recent post on my blog :-p

          Adores: 0
  17. 2011 January 12
    Aileen permalink

    I read “beagal” as “bagel” about four times before getting it right. Makes it even funnier.

    Adores: 1
  18. 2011 January 12
    Grampdaddy permalink

    “free pure bread beagel”

    You know, Sparky could have gone with “free pure bred bagel”. Makes me want to go brain-bleach my mouth.

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      It’s an Aryan bagel. *throws fist in the air* White Flour!

      Adores: 13
      • 2011 January 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        Mindfield, there’s a Reverend Sharpton with the Multigrain Alliance on line two for you.

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          Tell him he’ll have to wait. I’m on the phone with Muffin Luther King Jr. at the moment.

          Adores: 9
  19. 2011 January 12
    Lola permalink

    OT: Did anyone else get their Adores reset? Suddenly, I have apparently not clicked any, even though I know that to be untrue.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      My doors seem to be sticking. Try clearing cache and refreshing. Could just be your browser having an Alzheimer’s moment.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 12
        Lola permalink

        I need things cached for now, but will try that later. Thanks.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          I can’t tell, since I adore people from home in the morning, and now can adore you all from the work station. New Policy, y’all! This is legal now! On breaks, of course, but still. Better than before. But I get clean new doors at work.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Windrose, I noticed you were on during the day. Glad it’s legit. I thought perhaps you’d just said “eff it, let them catch me and fire me and be even more understaffed, hahahahaha!” or something.

          Aren’t you going to blow out of that popsicle stand soon? I hope that plan is still on. We need you at home, snarking all the time! 8)

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          Lola, well, uh, y’see, Chthulhu needs to get a job with medical insurance benefits, and then I can retire. Otherwise the cobra will do me in. In four years I will hit that magical age with a zero and a six, and then I won’t increase my retirement percentage any further. After that I would be working for free, basically, so that is the final word right now.

          PLEASE remember us in your spiritual endeavors, and maybe I won’t have to wait that long. 8)

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Lola permalink

          Hoping for the best for both of you, and the sooner the better.

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12
      NotMyName permalink

      Windy, would you mind deleting this comment, please?

      Edit: Apparently I can’t delete without going into the Command Center ™ and I can’t get there from here easily. I will update at home, unless this is acceptable.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 12
        Mindfield permalink

        β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
        β–“β–“β”Œβ”¬β”β–“β–“
        β–“β–“β”œβ”Όβ”€β–“β–“
        β–“β–“β””β”΄β”˜β–“β–“
        β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
        β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–“
        β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
        β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
        β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“

        A door, for anyone who needs one.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12
          NotMyName permalink

          But…I don’t know how to do that.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 12
          Mindfield permalink

          ALT + a 3 number combination between 176 and 206 using the numeric keypad. (Replace ALT with Command on Mac.) Or in Windows just pull up the character map in Start->Accessories->System Tools.

          They’re my go-to characters in places where you can’t post pictures. Works better in forums where you can change the font type and size though.

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 12

      My doors have been wonky-woo for days. Or else I’m having serious old-timers moments.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 12
        Bombdude permalink

        I prefer fun old-timers moments. Who wants to be around ’em when they’re all serious… & stuff.

        Whatever…

        What’re YOU lookin’ at?

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 12
          LimeLolly permalink

          Okay, okay… we’re getting off your lawn already!

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 12
      Addicted Reader permalink

      I’m not sure, but I think that some things I doored before have fresh +1 buttons after I reloaded the page.

      Adores: 0
  20. 2011 January 12

    β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
    β–“β–“β”Œβ”¬β”β–“β–“
    β–“β–“β”œβ”Όβ”€β–“β–“
    β–“β–“β””β”΄β”˜β–“β–“
    β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
    β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–“
    β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
    β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
    β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“

    Ooh..looky! A door! Wonder what’ll happen when I open it???

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12

      Creeeeeaaaaaak…..

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12
      Mindfield permalink

      It’s pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 12
        sarajean80 permalink

        Time to roll for initiative!

        :rattle-rattle:

        Dammit, I got a two.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 12
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Uh-Oh – that means it got bigger.

          Wait for it, wait for it…..

          Yup, it grue-some.

          Yeah, well, they’d laugh in first grade!

          Adores: 12
        • 2011 January 12
          NotMyName permalink

          Bwahahahahaha!

          I guess that means I’m in first grade. When’s the finger painting?

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          Right after milk and graham crackers, and nap time. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12

          Naptime? Yes please!

          (We recently had the cubicles and seating areas rearranged. I’m still in the same place [The Pit] but my supervisor now has an almost-closed-off cube [The Lair] and there is also an unused 3-walled cube near his desk [The Nook]. We keep saying someone should bring in a hammock or Monster Sac or something to make it The Nap Nook, but it hasn’t been approved by On High yet…)

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 12
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Snack time, nap time, finger painting – I want in!

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 January 12

          β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’
          β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“
          β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’
          β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“
          β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’

          Yay! Checkers!

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 12
          Windrose permalink

          LOL Astro, that looks so odd in the talk among yourselves box. 8)

          Adores: 4
  21. 2011 January 12
    LurkRealClose permalink

    And, since you asked so nicely, I would like to let you all know that we continue to be having weather in New England.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 12
      Grampdaddy permalink

      I’m gonna guess it was the weather we had in Indiana yesterday. We enjoyed it so much we decided to share it.

      You’re welcome.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 12
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Stay safe!

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 12

      Stay snarky!

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 13
      Mindfield permalink

      Stay thirsty, my friends!

      Adores: 2
  22. 2011 January 12
    CapnMac permalink

    [curiosity] A few years ago, a certain anti-virus company that claims medical expertiese found a malware, which they named beagle.a

    A different anti-virus company, one which used to be utile, also named their discovered instance of the malware as well: bagel.a

    Yet another antivirus company, also with spurious medical assertions, then compounded the trend, but publishing about the bagele.a malware

    To this date, these are described as different malware (and to vaying subvarients; beagle.t; bagel.s; and bagele.q). The fact that each company can “boost” its numbers of “viruses protected against” can cause significant amonunts of sarcasm. At least among those deep enough in to know how spurious the average AV claim is.

    Adores: 0
  23. 2011 January 13
    Windrose permalink

    Twice now, Richard has stopped in once, made a Don’t Suck-ish comment, and then disappeared into the sunset. Sigh. Punchity-Punch-Punch, Richard Chimera!

    G’Night, Pleasant Hills!

    Adores: 0

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