YSaC, Vol. 916: It must have been some kind of root vegetable.

2011 February 2

Europian Wedding dress – $275


Buatifull wedding dress,color -off white!! Feet size 6-8-10 but you have to try because its Europian sizes,elegant with cristal beets,sparkls.If you relly intrested please mail me or call me xxx xxx xxxx and came try!!! Cash only ,no any checks!!!!

Clearly, Europians measure things differently; I’m not entirely clear on what my feet size has to do with whether the dress will fit or not. (That being said, I prefer my shoe size to my actual dress size; I can always claim I wear a size 6 with a straight face!)

Is it just me, or does this look like the dress out of Beauty and the Beets? (Er, sorry, Beast.) Either that, or it’s a leftover prom dress from 1987. All it’s missing is the Madonna-inspired lace gloves. Not that I know anything about late 1980’s prom fashion, mind you. Nope, I definitely didn’t spend my prom listening to the DJ play the Cutting Crew’s (I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight over and over again. (And over, and over, and over.)

*twitch*

Thanks for the memories, Amanda!

189 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 February 2
    Lola permalink

    elegant with cristal beets,sparkls

    Isn’t anything self-identified with a Sparky by definition not actually elegant?

    Is anyone else wondering why there’s no picture of the back? What’s wrong there? Or is the ruffled beading so intense it’s not meant for the eye of man – or woman?

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 February 2

      Picture yourself in this dress at homecoming
      With Little tiny feet and little cristal beets
      Somebody calls, they want to buy it now
      A girl with vegetable eyes.

      Ugly prom dresses white and off white
      Towering over your head
      Look for the girl with cristal in her eyes
      And she’s gone

      Sparky in the sky with fresh beets,
      Sparky in the sky with fresh beets,
      Sparky in the sky with fresh beets,
      Ah Ah!

      My posthumous apologies to most of the Beatles.

      Adores: 23
  2. 2011 February 2

    See the lady in her sparkly dress.
    Boy, that feet size really does impress.
    Europian elegant excess,
    That’s when she falls in line.

    ‘Cause she got the beets.
    She got the beets.
    She got the beets.
    Yeah, she got the beets.

    Adores: 32
    • 2011 February 2

      The Go-Gos FTW! Great earworm while I’m working on my taxes.

      Adores: 4
    • 2011 February 2
      Lola permalink

      Perfect, considering how (drmk is right) ’80s it is.

      Adores: 1
  3. 2011 February 2

    Google Sparkley Beets and you get a Sparkle Beets Purse (it’s made in China so Europian sizing does not apply) and a recipe for Beet Sparkle Salad.

    The things you learn.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 February 2
      Lola permalink

      What, no recipe link, Archie?

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2

        Although I cannot attest to the edibility or deliciousness of these recipes, your wish is my command Mlle. Lola:

        Beet Sparkle Salad
        http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1743,153190-230202,00.html

        Sparkling Beet Cup
        http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1848,157161-250192,00.html

        Sparkling Beet Salad
        http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1843,157161-251192,00.html

        Mr. Eyebrows maintains that horseradish makes an impact upon entry as well as upon exit, so my guess is that it is the ingredient that adds the “sparkling” element to these assorted dishes.

        P. S. If someone would kindly show me how to make less lengthy linkys, I would be ever so grateful. I might even sparkle.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          OMG — My grandmother used to make something like the “Beet Sparkle Salad” when I was a kid. Can’t say I have favorable memories.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 February 2
          Bombdude permalink

          Archie, remember to change my square brackets to the normal HTML greater-than and less-than angle brackets:

          [a href=”insert link here”]words you want to display[/a]

          so your first recipe would look like:

          Beet Sparkle Salad

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Lola permalink

          Ooohh … thanks … mmmm, the sparkly element is horseradish? Pass. The only way I can handle horseradish is in horseradish vodka. The vodka has the flavor but not much of the heat.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2

          Alrighty BD, I’ll give it a shot:

          Beet Sparkle Salad

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2

          Success! Many tanks BD!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          mudslicker permalink

          And the Beet Goes On….

          [beet corey] Pay particular attention to the section on Beeturia [/beet corey]:

          http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=49

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2
          sarajean80 permalink

          So if you eat red things, your waste products might turn red. Something to remember.

          I didn’t read the whole thing, does it say how many beets it would take to turn your tears red? Just for curiosity’s sake, not because I want my picture in the Weekly World News or anything like that.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Hey, if you want your 15 minutes of fame, that sounds like a pretty easy way to get it.

          I had to get taken to the doctor when I was a baby because I turned yellow. I would only eat the orange baby food, not the green baby food. And since I was born slightly jaundiced, my parents were concerned.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2
          Jen permalink

          My mum’s best friend turned herself orange – keratin overload from too many tomatoes and too much spinach, apparently. The Doctor said it was the first time he’d ever told someone to ‘eat fewer vegetables’.

          Also – cirtus jelly and beetroot? *gag* That is the fifth-most disgusting thing I’ve seen on the intertubes (three of the remaining four were posts on this site).

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2

          It’s a TRAP!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2

          Uck. Chitlins.

          Adores: 1
  4. 2011 February 2

    New band name: The Crystal Beats (had to change from beets because it makes a better band name my way)

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 February 2

      HI ED!

      *Waves*

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 February 2

      With their new hit single, “Sparkly European Feet.”

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 February 2
        sarajean80 permalink

        Much better than their first album “Iridescent American Feet”, although I did find the single “Hobbit Toes” oddly danceable.

        Adores: 9
  5. 2011 February 2
    Meredith permalink

    The only person I could see wearing a wedding dress with cristal beets is Luna Lovegood. I hear they keep Nargles from ruining your reception.

    Adores: 13
    • 2011 February 2

      It’s even more magical since it was imported all the way from the moons of Jupiter.

      Adores: 8
    • 2011 February 2
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Awesome!

      Adores: 1
  6. 2011 February 2
    mudslicker permalink

    Europian Wedding Dress

    White? Really? Who are you kidding Europa? I think I’ll ask the bull his opinion on that color choice.

    Adores: 14
    • 2011 February 2
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Wasn’t the bull white? Or am I mixing up my gods raping women in the form of animals?

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 February 2
        Jen permalink

        I believe it’s a reference to the superstition that white’s the colour for those of unimpeachable virtue. Which is why I wanted to wear peach. Except it makes me look jaundiced. Le sigh.

        Plus, who’s Sparkina kidding? This dress was almost certainly made a size 6-8-10 because the dress which is legitimising your bustard mistake ‘unexpectedly early’ bundle of joy needs to be expandable.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I understood the reference to white, but I started thinking about the mythology referenced and came up with a white bull.

          I read somewhere* that the whole white-wedding-dress business started with a recent English queen (I’m too lazy to look it up, and I forget now which one, or exactly how recent, but I’m pretty sure within the last 200 years) who wore a white lace dress to promote the English lace industry.

          *Somewhere trustworthy, of course. You can believe everything introduced like that, just like the rest of the internet.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2

          AR, it was supposedly Queen Victoria who started the whole white wedding dress thing when she married a not-distant-enough relative (the British royal family: what happens when cousins marry).

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          ratty, European royalty as a whole is what happens when cousins marry. There’s a reason their family tree is used in every genetics class to illustrate X-linked inheritance – few enough outside inputs.

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 February 2
        Topper permalink

        According to Wacky Cousin Wiki, repository of all things truthful on the internet, it was indeed white.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Whoo, I win!!!

          Also, Topper, did you mean to say that, or did your alter ego forget to switch back?

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2
          Topper permalink

          Dammit.

          Please pay no attention to the meat puppet behind the table topper.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Lola permalink

          AR, I’m told – and am not up on my royal houses of Europe like I once was,* so I may be recalling wrongly – but due to Queen Victoria and her offspring (and their offspring) who married into the royalty and aristocracy of Europe there was a strain of hemophilia widely dispersed. Is this what you are referring to? Was there anything else? I’m curious. I have been told that the hemphilia of the son of Nicholas and Alexandra may have distracted their attention from the revolting peasantry, with permanent repercussions.

          *Young nerd interests ahoy!

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Exactly correct, though I had slightly misremembered. It wasn’t so much marrying of cousins as all the other royal families marrying Victoria’s granddaughters.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Lola permalink

          Ah, I’d never seen that before, but am definitely not surprised it exists. Interesting!

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 February 2
        mudslicker permalink

        AR: Yes, the bull was white. But I was referring mainly to the fact that she was no longer “pure” as Zeus had already, so to say, snatched her maidenhead.

        Adores: 1
  7. 2011 February 2
    Too many cats permalink

    My wife watches Say Yes to the Dress; I’ll ask her if any of those dresses are “elegant with cristal beets,sparkls.” On another note, I started watching that Cutting Crew video (the hair! the clothes!) but I drifted off to the Mr. Mister video on the same page.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 February 2

      The random trenchcoat!

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 February 2
        Addicted Reader permalink

        And this* is why I never watched music videos – they make no sense!!

        *Well, this and the fact that there weren’t that many music videos left on MTV by the time I was watching it. I was alive when MTV launched, but not yet making m own TV-viewing choices.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 3
          Too many cats permalink

          Wow you just made me feel old. I was wasting my youth watching videos in bars when MTV was new and available in Canada only on satellite.

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 February 2
      Bombdude permalink

      What? No Aha videos? “Taaaaaake Oooooooon Meeeeeee!”

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 February 2
        LurkRealClose permalink

        Literal Video Version of Take On Me.

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 February 2
          mudslicker permalink

          Awww…I got all distracted by the James Blunt “You’re Beautiful” literal version. See all my stuff! 🙂

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 February 2
        Meredith permalink

        I adore that video, and by association, your comment.*

        *Improper use of commas is my specialty.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2

          Meredith, you’ve been charge with improper use of a comma. How do you plead?

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          ::whispers::Psst, Astro, proofread!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Windrose permalink

          *hands Astro a d* I think you left this on the entertainment center.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2

          Thanks, Windrose. I’ll put it with all the “t”s I’ve been collecting for when we next see Bridgee.

          Adores: 6
      • 2011 February 2
        LurkRealClose permalink

        Why thank you. Here, have another.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          LurkRealClose permalink

          Huh. This comment, it did not post where I thought it would post. Pretend this is up there.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Windrose permalink

          It’s kinda out there, as well, LRC. 8)

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2

          Aren’t all of them?

          Adores: 7
  8. 2011 February 2
    ToBScholarly permalink

    $275? The cost of Saran Wrap skyrocketed when I wasn’t looking.

    Adores: 8
  9. 2011 February 2
    Windrose permalink

    Sparky seems to have photographed the wrong thing. This is obviously the bride half of the cake topper, with those cheap rayon ruffles. Also looks like some of the frosting was swirled up on the skirt. Bet there was supposed to be a decimal point after the 2. $2.75 is reasonable for half a topper.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 February 2

      I don’t think Topper will be too happy when Bacontini finds out.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 February 2
        Topper permalink

        Oh, we have an open relationship now. I’ve been seeing the red table on the side for free. It’s cost me a fortune but it’s worth every obo.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2

          I was wondering ever since Bacontini claimed Mr. Winkey was his spooning partner…

          Also, I meant more like you’d be angry when Bacontini found out he could sell you in halves for $2.75 a pop.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Topper permalink

          Well, the rate used to be $1.00 a trick half but I guess with inflation and everything it went up. Nice to see that some things still can.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2
          Bacontini permalink

          Bacontini can’t always have de crispy bacon. Some like dere bacon a little more limp den others, so is just fine when de bacon lack de crunch.

          Why everyone laugh at Bacontini?

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 February 2
          Topper permalink

          pats Bacontini’s stem rim base glass

          Don’t worry, dear; it happens to a lot of cocktails.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 February 2
      Addicted Reader permalink

      The more I look at the picture, the more I think you’re right. Cake topper, not a dress.

      Adores: 3
  10. 2011 February 2
    Innana permalink

    You are so buatifull
    To me
    You are so buatifull
    To me
    Can’t you see

    Your beets, they are so sparkl;
    Your feets, they are three-sized–
    You are so buatifull
    To me.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 February 2

      Lady in beets, is splorching at me,
      beet to beet,
      There’s nobody here, just us beets,
      I hardly knooooooooooow this veggie at my siiiiiiiide,
      I never will forget, the nutrition you hold inside.

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 February 2
        Lola permalink

        <blockquote.I never will forget, the nutrition you hold inside.

        For some reason (perhaps just because it’s here), that sounds obscurely obscene to me.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2

          My work here is done then.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Lola permalink

          *argh*
          Bad html + no caffeine = oops.

          Though: brain + no caffeine = still capable of double-entendre and similar trains of thought.

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 February 2
        Mindfield permalink

        Beet it!
        Beet it!
        Only 6-8-10 size feet fit!
        Europian sizes, colour’s off-white
        If you’re interested, call me or write
        Just beet it!

        Adores: 16
  11. 2011 February 2
    Mindfield permalink

    Had to run this one through a translator. Several passes, actually. Came up with this:

    Buatifull – Consisting of, or containing, buat.
    Buat – A potent street drug made by mixing raw human sewage with Buckley’s Mixture and Rub A-535 in a jug, allowing to ferment for 48-72 hours, and then inhaling the resultant fumes. It is a derivative of Jenkem (q.v.)

    off white – Formerly white.

    Feet size 6-8-10 – This is one of the reasons it was formerly white.

    Europian – Of or relating to Jupiter’s 6th moon. Notably, dress sizes from Europa are typically smaller than those of Earth due to the inhabitants condensing from the cold.

    Cristal – A champagne that has become commonly associated with rap and hip hop culture. It is so preferred because it tastes like money — which is to say, like schmutz and and cocaine.

    Cristal beets sparkls – A champagne that has become commonly associated with the upper echelons of the homeless. It is so preferred because the high carbonation levels and beets flavourings help distract from the taste and burn of raw grain alcohol, but its price puts it out of reach for all but the most persuasive street beggars.

    relly intrested – To express intrest in R&B singer Relly.

    please mail me or call me xxx xxx xxxx and came try!!! Cash only ,no any checks!!!! – Since Craigslist got rid of the casual encounters section, I have no choice but to cloak what I’m really selling using veiled language in regular ads.

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 February 2
      sarajean80 permalink

      Alternative translation – “elegant with cristal beets,sparkls.”

      Cristal, in an effort to expand into the burgeoning food-flavored beverage market, has come out with a line of upscale sparkling side dish themed drinks, including everyone’s favorite – Sparkling Beet Juice! It’s the perfect companion for MeatWater.

      Adores: 11
      • 2011 February 2
        Mindfield permalink

        Ooh, there’s a meal in a bottle right there.

        “Yes, I’ll have the Rocky Mountain Oyster water with Cristal sparkling beet juice and Jones mashed potatoes and gravy soda on the side. For dessert, I’ll have the steak trifle.”

        “And to drink, sir?”

        “Meatloaf.”

        Adores: 13
        • 2011 February 2
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          That sounds like something that should have been in the last (worst) version of Willy Wonka.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          sarajean80 permalink

          Sounds like something the Epic Meal Guys would endorse.

          Adores: 1
  12. 2011 February 2

    [ot matt]Taco’s here! Had to dig my car out from a 3-4′ snow bank to get into work today (only the people I work for would be so wonderful as to still require I show up during Snowmageddon), but I lived. I ended up having to dig somebody out of the parking lot at work just so they could go home, too. Since I had a shovel, figgured it was the thing to do.

    Soo much digging.[/ot matt]

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 February 2
      Mindfield permalink

      Surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be this morning. Lots of snow, but made as bad as it was mostly due to the high winds piling up nice big drifts. The plows were out doing their thing pretty well, so the streets weren’t all that bad — but even better was that the roads weren’t bad at all because everyone was apparently staying home to avoid how bad the roads were going to be. I managed to get to work in just about the same time it would normally take me.

      Looks like the city was on the ball and ready for action this year.

      I still have to shovel the little walkway outside my office though. It was already shoveled once this morning, but now it’s buried again.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 February 2

        I only ended up being 30 minutes late. Once I got to the main roads things were fine, just the big ass snow bank around my car that needed adressing… and then the poor woman who the jackass plow packed in. And I had to dig my car out twice more on the way out to the nearest plowed road. Too much like real work.

        I wasn’t expecting it to be quite as bad as it was given the slight amount of snow we seemed to be having as of 1am, but as you say, once you got off the side roads there was no traffic and the roads were clean, if still fairly slick.

        On the positive side, most people called in ‘sick’ today so it’s going to be quiet enough for me to get a butt load of PMs done. I appologize is this means I won’t be around much today.

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 February 2
      sarajean80 permalink

      I almost feel bad about the lovely 63 degree weather we’re having right now. (The high today, according to my local station, is 71 but we are supposed to get back down to 40 by Friday.)

      Almost.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 February 2
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        SJ — I’m glad you said it first. I hate to gloat, but it almost makes it nicer here after seeing all the “snow news”. It certainly is a strange winter.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2
          Meredith permalink

          In this case snow news isn’t good news.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2
          Laurelhach permalink

          It snowed a couple weeks ago where I am, but several days later it was a sunny, pleasant 75°. My sister and I had an epic snowball fight in shorts and t-shirts.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Bombdude permalink

          Hear hear! didn’t even bring a jacket to work…

          And you’re right on that one Meredith, but snew is!

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2

        Today is just wonderful here in NC.

        Also, I’m excited because we got our first project in Latin today. On March 7th we are to come to school dressed in authentic Roman garb (doesn’t have to be anything fancy).

        You know what that means? As long as my toga’s an accurate length, on March 7th I don’t have to wear pants.

        Adores: 12
        • 2011 February 2
          mudslicker permalink

          Yeah, but beware of your toga on March 15th, Caesar!

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2
          Lola permalink

          Don’t forget your laurel wreath! Could come in handy if, er, a breeze or something comes up. 8)

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 3
          mudslicker permalink

          I think that’s a fig leaf. A laurel leaf would only cover his head. We must remember these rules. Hehe

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 February 2
        Mindfield permalink

        Well, the weather seemed to be clearing up around moon – just light flakes. But then winter got pissed off and started hurling large flakes all over the place for the rest of the day.

        It’s more or less stopped now, but all in all we got a fair old snow job. I can now say I am entirely over winter and I’m ready for spring, now. Fortunately, neither Wiarton Willie nor Punxsutawney Phil saw their shadows today, so early spring for everybody!

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 February 2

          Yes, but Sir Walter Wally says the South’s gonna be cold.

          As well as accurate to the calendar.

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 February 2
      LurkRealClose permalink

      Taco: The people I work for are also this wonderful. I took a vacation day.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 February 2
      Lola permalink

      I essentially skated during parts of my commute. A quarter-inch doesn’t sound like much, but when it’s ice and it’s a smooth glazing all over everything, it’s more than enough to make things “interesting.”

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 February 2
      ToBScholarly permalink

      I had to dig (in my pajamas) just to be able to open the sunroom door to let my dogs out.

      My dogs (look closely – yes, that is a Saint Bernard), who took two steps into the 2′ snowdrift, got scared, bolted back inside and immediately laid down on their beds.

      Genetic predisposition my butt.

      Adores: 15
      • 2011 February 2

        Bull Mastifs are like that too. A Dog that can stand 4 1/2′ at the head and is easily cowed by an agressive ‘chiwauwau’ (Chihuiuahuiaeuaueah) [sic sic].

        Adores: 7
      • 2011 February 2
        Windrose permalink

        There must be a monk and a cask of brandy around the throats of Saint Bernards before they can brave the weather and save little boys in the snow and stuff like that. So either your monk is not worthy or you bought the cheap brandy. 8/

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2
          mudslicker permalink

          Two Buck Friar Tuck @ Trader Joe’s.

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 February 2

          Speaking of monks, I think Taco’s going to lose this round of Scrabble.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          mudslicker permalink

          Taco plays by entirely different Scrabble rules. I think his game is called Scramble.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2

          YAY LETTERS! *Throws them at the board* I WIN!**

          **I Actually love Scrabble. Interestingly, when I actually try to spell correctly, I can. So my spelling typos are actually more of a laziness/carelessness in my lack of proofreading than they are a true inability to spell.

          Plus my grammar ain’tn’t so goodly. So coma missuse is a fare kop.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 February 2
          Jen permalink

          Coma misuse: the opening scenes of Kill Bill.

          What? I meant the laziness of it as a ‘past reveal’ plot device! Sheesh…

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Mindfield permalink

          Two Buck Friar Tuck @ Trader Joe’s.

          Monk’s Dog 20/20 is a good alternative.

          Adores: 2
  13. 2011 February 2
    Windrose permalink

    Alert: We have two birthdays this month that I am aware of. One on the 8th and one on the 26th. Can you guess who the birthday celebrants are?

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 February 2
      Laurelhach permalink

      I KNOW ONE.

      *whistles innocently*

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2
        LurkRealClose permalink

        Ah Ha! Is one of them Laurel?

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          Windrose permalink

          For which date? 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          LurkRealClose permalink

          Oooooo, did I win a date with Laurel! Excellent!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          It’s been a while, but we might have to ask about age of consent.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 February 2
          Laurelhach permalink

          Does the dated have to agree to the date? On what date would the dated be dated? How does the date affect the dating of the dated? What if the dated considers it a bit dated for the dater to be dating the dated after a certain date?

          Adores: 3
    • 2011 February 2
      Angel permalink

      Hint: answer is on the forums. I found 3, by the way.

      Happy Birthday to each of you, Feb 3rd, Feb 8th & Feb 26th celebrants!

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 February 2
        Windrose permalink

        Angel, thanks for the heads-up! I’ll check the forum right away!

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 February 2
        Windrose permalink

        Okay, THREE February birthdays now noted. Also commented in the Book Club forum. Have I mentioned how much I love this site and you people?

        Adores: 4
  14. 2011 February 2
    eeee permalink

    It’s like they tried to type the ad with a “Europian” accent. “You size seex? Sure, it maybe feet you; these they Europian sizes so numbers are beeger.”

    Adores: 6
  15. 2011 February 2
    LurkRealClose permalink

    Feet size 6-8-10

    But, but, but……I only have two feet, and they are both size 10. I’m so sad this dress will never fit me.*

    *This may not actually be true.

    Adores: 6
  16. 2011 February 2
    LurkRealClose permalink

    I can’t believe I forgot all about Cutting Crew. Thanks for the link, drmk (bees be upon you). I’m going to have an all 80’s snow day! Just let me find my leg warmers and fingerless gloves and I’ll put my hair up in a side ponytail.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 February 2
      Lola permalink

      Cutting Crew would have been welcome (at least by me) at my prom. Being in the sticks, we had a preponderance of heavy metal (yes, even in 1990 we danced to “Stairway to Heaven”) and country, with the occasional random rap song thrown in. You can imagine my joy* at the DJ’s selections.

      *Nonexistent.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 February 2
        Mindfield permalink

        Living in the big city, all of our school dances predominantly revolved around rock, which I wasn’t particularly keen on. I didn’t mind some, but my interests were sorta more electronically inclined. Probably why I never went to many dances.

        Adores: 1
    • 2011 February 2
      ToBScholarly permalink

      So you opted for the Flashdance 80s rather than the Madonna 80s? Good choice. Too many sequins in the latter.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 February 2
        LurkRealClose permalink

        Oh, I could go either way (that’s what she said *smirk*), just let me dig out my old Seventeen Magazines and Jessica McClintock catalog.

        Adores: 3
  17. 2011 February 2
    ToBScholarly permalink

    Does the dress come with the blue hue? Or is that extra? How about the mole?

    Adores: 1
  18. 2011 February 2
    Mindfield permalink

    Threesome in the box. Threesome in the box! Giggity!

    Windy’s gonna need her boxing gloves tonight.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 February 2
      Lola permalink

      That’s a … spacious and accommodating Golden Lotus, right there.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 February 2
        LurkRealClose permalink

        I’m sure I’ve read some fanfic about something like that, at some point.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          sarajean80 permalink

          Was it SpongeBob hentai-inspired slashfic?

          That stuff gave me nightmares.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 February 2
          Mindfield permalink

          SpongeBob Nopants?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2

          And unto his creation He uttered, “Squick.”

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2
          mudslicker permalink

          I think He uttered, “Squid.”

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Mindfield permalink

          SpongeBob Got Back.

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 February 2
      Meredith permalink

      I’m in the box! I’m in the box! And right now I’m doing the little freeze frame jump from the 80’s Toyota commercials. YAY!

      Yes, this does thrill me as much as it appears to. Kinda makes my day, to tell the truth.

      OT: My boyfriend finally forced me to watch Adaptation last night, and it was far better than I anticipated. By the reviews when it came out, I was expecting a trippy Memento-esque depress-a-thon. It wasn’t the best movie I’ve seen, but as a writer who stuggles with the fact that none of my stories really go anywhere, I totally “got” it.*

      *Yes I know the movie came out years ago, but I was busy watching Charlie Chan movies for the millionth time.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 February 2
      Windrose permalink

      Whoa, we’ve had more than that at one time, and I had to do relay punching. Three isn’t too bad. But I better put up a Total Capacity sign some day.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2
        sarajean80 permalink

        Better do some stretches before Punchity Time rolls around, you don’t want to sprain a wing.

        Adores: 2
  19. 2011 February 2
    pifflepuff permalink

    I like the dress. Stuff they sell these days is all tight-a** and stupid looking. At least this is SPAAAAAAAAAAAARKLES!!

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 February 2
      Meredith permalink

      pifflepuff, do you also long to date men who sparkle? Because there is help for you.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 February 2
        sarajean80 permalink

        Don’t be too hard on pifflepuff, there comes a time in everyone’s life when they experiment with frosting and sprinkles. Or caramel sauce and marshmallow fluff if they are really adventurous. I remember this one time, I had some Jolly Ranchers …

        Oh, wait … That says sparkles.

        Never mind then.

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 February 2

          What did you think she said? Spackle?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2

          Also, sj, you’re spewing all over Bianchi’s line again.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          sarajean80 permalink

          It was like that when I found it, I swear.

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2
        pifflepuff permalink

        I don’t need a sparkly man support group, ointment, or topical analgesic–I’m a lesbian!!!! 😀

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 February 2
          Windrose permalink

          welcome, Pifflepuff, you’ve come to the right place! We have a lot of — Oh, wait. Sorry, I thought that said librarian. 8) You’re still welcome, and you aren’t the only one, I’m pretty sure. We will try to restrain our ethnocentric points of view when possible.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 3
          LimeLolly permalink

          So I ‘still’ don’t get to use the sparkly tropical analgesic ointment?

          Harrumph. One day…

          Adores: 0
  20. 2011 February 2
    LurkRealClose permalink

    Oh! The Safety Dance literal video might be the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

    Yes, yes I did just spend the last hour watching literal videos on YouTube. Yay snow day!

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 February 2
      Meredith permalink

      Tell me you watched the “Total Eclipse of the Heart” one. I almost peed my pants watching that.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 February 2
        Addicted Reader permalink

        It took forever to load, but you’re right, that was totally worth it.

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2
        Jen permalink

        Having been introduced to literal videos by malign forces who want her to fritter her life away on Youtube (me), my friend has taken to singing lines from those literal videos, especially “creepy kid smiling”, at the top of her lungs when the songs come on in clubs, bars or supermarkets.

        Adores: 4
      • 2011 February 2
        ToBScholarly permalink

        That one is my favorite as well.

        Adores: 1
  21. 2011 February 2
    Camille permalink

    I don’t think we should turnip our noses at root vegetable couture. Even if you don’t carrot all about fashion, I yam sure you can find it in your heart to root for this buatifull beeted gown, particularly when you imagine the elegant bride standing at the altar as the parsnip performs the wedding ceremony.

    Adores: 18
    • 2011 February 2
      Angel permalink

      *Sniff * I imagined it so buatifully that I leeked around the eyes.

      Adores: 9
    • 2011 February 2
      Mindfield permalink

      1) I first misread that as “welding ceremony” and thought that was funny.

      2) I just realized Sparkle meant “beaded” … and it took reading a punny snark response for me to get that. I don’t know who that says more about. (In my defense I really wasn’t reading Sparkle’s ad for comprehension. I mean, who does that?)

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 February 2
        Camille permalink

        Given the vegetable theme, perhaps it should have been a weeding ceremony.

        Adores: 11
    • 2011 February 2
      LimeLolly permalink

      You say potato..

      Adores: 4
  22. 2011 February 2
    LimeLolly permalink

    Sad thing is, I love beets but not with the ruffles. It gives me indigestion and a dry mouth. Heart palpitations, too.

    Adores: 4
  23. 2011 February 2

    beet

    I see Lady Gaga’s gone vegetarian.

    I have no idea how this ended up beneath LimeLolly. I posted it after the three comments below me, and I saw them above this comment.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 February 2
      LimeLolly permalink

      I have magnetic personality, no?

      Adores: 3
  24. 2011 February 2

    Does the person in the picture on the left have a beard?

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 February 2
      Windrose permalink

      Yes, he does. Must be why the marriage didn’t work out.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 February 2

      You know, you might just be on to something.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 February 2
      ToBScholarly permalink

      The Powers of Observation trophy definitely goes to you today! I never would have seen that!

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 February 2
      Lola permalink

      A beard, but no adam’s apple; go figure.

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 February 2
        mudslicker permalink

        Just like Tranny Jesus….

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          sarajean80 permalink

          Told you so.

          The answer to many of life’s little mysteries is “Tranny Jesus”.

          Adores: 8
  25. 2011 February 2
    CapnMac permalink

    [Off topic but apt] My day is a bit discombobulated as the Texas power grid has had some issues. So, our friends at ERCOT (sadly, not a disney misspelling; but a mickey-mouse operation nonetheless) mandated “rolling brownouts” for most of the state. The local utility then had to engage in “staggered” blackouts in varying neighborhoods as it rebalanced its distribution load.

    So, I was stirred out of bed by UPS units keening from the power being out. Which was out long enough to drain all the UPS batteries; and to discover which battery-backed up appliances needed better batteries (or had only been designed with 15-20 minutes’ backup).

    Oh, and it was 20º with a Wind Chill of 6º at 0805–so my town is afflicted of an epidemic of stupid. Only a forty degree temperature change. Which has been forecast since Sunday. <sigh>

    Now, on a separate but related note, the DFW area did get a record snowfall (like 50-75 year storm record) of 12-15″; so that’s been news since they are shut down. So, far too many around here (200 miles south) have been having “misery envy” and look for snow closures at every turn.

    Been a long day. Especially what with having to explain that modern gas appliances require electricity to be efficiently operated (no one wants to pay for a pilot light–the CO input in super-tight houses a detriment, too). Then having to explain that, yes, the heater burns gas, but it is electric ignition. And, it uses that same electric fan to circulate the heated air as circulates the chilled air in a/c season. Oh, and yes, your gas water heater also uses and requires electricity, too.

    Then, the power went out again at noon, for another 31 minutes. Do, dance of restarted clocks again.

    Made me feel sorry for the folk at the three fried food joints at the end of the street. Being in the kitchen in lunch rush with the exhaust fans spooling down watching the friers cool in the dim emergency lighting probably as fruestrating as the customers stymied by inoperative registers.

    Oh well, perhaps we can sweep up all the ills of the Year of the Tiger off into the dustbin of history, and let Year of the Hare start anew.
    “Gong Hay Fat Choi!” “Suì suì píng ân!”

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 February 2
      sarajean80 permalink

      I am totally using “Dance of the Restarted Clocks” the next time my power goes out.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 February 2
        Addicted Reader permalink

        It’s an awesome phrase.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Camille permalink

          I am envisioning it as it might be performed by the hippos in Fantasia.

          Adores: 4
      • 2011 February 2
        Mindfield permalink

        I think I need to get my eyes checked today. Once again I scanned that wrong and it came out “Dance of the Retarded Clocks.”

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 February 2
          mudslicker permalink

          I thought it said Dance of the Retarded Clocks as well. I better eat some beets. Maybe it will help my eyes….

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2

          May I say for the collective that we people love you too, Windy!

          Edit: Madame Bird, please read this as a response to your exclamation above. Somehow it drifted down the threads and ended up here.

          Adores: 2
  26. 2011 February 2
    Windrose permalink

    OT Random observation: I have a new worker in my unit who may or may not have had sexual harrassment issues. And they expect me to keep this person on the straight and narrow.

    *blink blink*

    BWAHAHAHA!

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 February 2
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Brass knuckles!

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 February 2
      Mindfield permalink

      Canine shock collar. Not only is it an effective training measure, it’s pure entertainment!

      “Hey, cutie, what say after work we heaNNGGKKKGKG

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 February 2
        Lola permalink

        Oh, so that’s why your dog avatar is smiling so!

        Adores: 0
    • 2011 February 2
      sarajean80 permalink

      Baseball bat. I have one* under my desk at work and so far not one of my coirkers has attempted to harass me. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

      *I really do. Someone found it in the lobby and turned it in to the Lost and Found, which is under my desk.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 February 2

        Make sure to wander the building with it over your shoulder in the mornings, muttering and wearing one of them anime hats we talked about yesterday.

        They’ll leave you alone, that’s for sure.

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2
        LimeLolly permalink

        Do you keep the Narnia bureau under your desk too? Just how big is this space under your desk?

        Adores: 1
    • 2011 February 3
      Windrose permalink

      My point is, I am more likely to be making off-color jokes and violating good taste than this poor worker. Oh well, I like the shock collar idea. And when I first became a supervisor, 10.5 years ago, a co-worker gave me a miniature red leather cat-o-nine-tails, so I’m good in that area. Hur hur hur.

      Adores: 0
  27. 2011 February 2
    CapnMac permalink

    Nova has been running a series on The Pioneers of Television.
    Last night was on Crime Stories.
    Where they brought out an interesting tidbit on Mission Impossible, that they always had “sort of” place names, rather than name specific places.

    So, “Europian” rings to my ear like one of those sorts of place names.

    Which means I’ve been fighting mental images of Tommie Cruise in a backless dress showing too much beet, and there’s not enough Crystal to gulp down to not get that “wrong way” cough from the ruffles-n-scallops to go away.

    Edit: this popped up four places from “where I expected it. Snow related 5nn error?

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 February 2
      Jen permalink

      Yeah, the comments down here seem to be more snuggling than nesting. Very odd.

      Adores: 4
  28. 2011 February 2
    LimeLolly permalink

    I’ve been trying all day to make some well-thought out, erudite snark.

    Instead, I’m giggling like mad over: European so you’d better run to restroom, quick.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 February 2
      Mindfield permalink

      Sometimes, we just need to go back to our roots and laugh at something purely childish and well below our maturity level.

      *trumpets into the crook of his arm*

      Adores: 6
    • 2011 February 2
      CoffDrop permalink

      to restroom, quick

      I just had a Food-Baby
      A really ugly kid
      There really was no option
      But to slam down the lid
      I took the silver handle
      And I sent that kid away
      I surely hope I do not have
      Another one today

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 February 2
        Addicted Reader permalink

        Um.

        Ew.

        Let me try again:

        EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 February 2
          CoffDrop permalink

          Sorry, I’m not myself today……..

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          How so?

          Also, no need to apologize here. That’s well within the acceptable range of jokes. But I still have the right to say “ew” as loudly as I want.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 February 2

          Yeah, the line doesn’t even blink at the stuff you’ve just posted. You’ve got to get pretty nasty if you want to send it running, and then you give chase. Upon catching it, you pin it between your legs and proceed to dry-hump it until it’s given up all hope of escape. Then you drag it into an abandoned cinema, and proceed to…

          TMI?

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 February 2
          Lola permalink

          Speak for yourself, Astro.

          I prefer an abandoned factory. And lube.

          What?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 February 2
          Addicted Reader permalink

          As long as you take it out of the Snark Lounge first, what you do with the line is none of our business.

          Adores: 1
  29. 2011 February 2
    Moira permalink

    Oh, god, I needed this laugh today.

    My supervisor decided to have an attack of stupidity and gave me some truly idiotic things to do. I did the lesser of two stupids and then went over his head and got backup to avoid doing the other which would have prevented fully 30% of my users from being able to work when they get in tomorrow.

    I’m out tomorrow. Let’s see if I still have a job when I return on Friday.

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 February 2
      Moira permalink

      Comment wonkiness.
      I suspect a deleted spam post.

      Adores: 0
  30. 2011 February 3
    Windrose permalink

    Mindfield, Meredith, and Tawd. . . I mean, Todd. Here’s your group Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’night, Niagara Falls!

    Adores: 0
  31. 2011 February 3
    Windrose permalink

    LOL Very Wonky comment placement. Oh well, off to bed with all of us.

    Adores: 0
  32. 2013 November 2
    HamCan permalink

    If your a peein’ you didn’t beet it…

    Adores: 3

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.