YSaC, Vol. 921: Oatmeal.
2011 February 9
mice and rats
mice and rats
Oatmeal. Hamstring. Firetruck. Bandsaw.
Thanks, Ellipsequeen!
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Exactly what it says on the tin.
Not.A.Lion!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
Talk amongst yourselves …
WordPress Hates Me – A Novel Approach on YSaC, Vol. 573: The nacho cheese fountain finally has some competition.
[…] we come to the part that WordPress hates. My long-time attachment to a humor blog called You Suck at…2794: The pale rider saga – Chapter 2 part 2 | Library of the Damned on Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all!
[…] Ah, the good ol’ dinning table. […]bianchisound on YSaC, Vol CXCII
In case anyone ever checks. I just saw this ad and missed everyone here. Enjoy! https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/pho/d/nellis-afb-womans-feet/7164431024.htmlDecelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1800: So long, and thanks for all the bees.
Wow, it’s amazing to finally find this site. I’d say I’m late in getting here, but I know I’m right…Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1243: A little hard of herring.
I thought this joke smelt, but this guy really knew how to drop the bass. And it flopped around everywhere…
nickels and dimes
mice and rats
and bears, oh my!
Roaches and flies
Detritus!
Apparently the effect is not just limited to cats. Sprites get turned into quilts too!
The residual cat ears from my kitten mafia days makes me vulnerable to the word.
vermin and pests
Dogs and cats…
Sleeping together…
Gummy Bears!
Badger, badger, badger, SNAKE!
I like cheese.
Lamp oil. Rope. Bombs.
Note to self. Don’t go to any party Astro hosts.
Add some garlic dip and a firesuit and it doesn’t sound too bad.
When you say “firesuit,” do you mean (a) some kind of stunt costume that can be lit on fire while the wearer dashes madly about but doesn’t get injured, or (b) standard-issue firefighter bunker gear? ‘Cause what with firefighters often being good cooks and all, I think your chance of a tasty garlic dip is better if you go with the bunker gear.
I was thinking of a racing firesuit, but those sound like fun as well.
We’re good cooks? My shift partners didn’t get that memo…
Well, in the sense that getting a good meal finished always will set the alarm off, usually for just long enough to ruin what’s on the stove or table.
Hey, good to see you Steve-O! How’s the recovery?
Steve-O, there are dudes (frequently HAWT, which is how I notice) at the grocery stores by me (which are all near the local firehouse) about half the time I go there, and they are buying whatever for their next meal. And they are SRS about the cooking!
Welcome back! I second AR: how are you doing?
Yay! It’s Steve-O!
Back in the saddle again. Busy as usual, which leaves little time for snarking.
**blinks. looks in mirror. blinks some more.**
Hello.
I think it’s future you. I guess you become one of the Robot Overlords at some point.
But I wanna be a ninja overlord!
Well, the problem with that, is that ninja are near-invisible, un-noticed, and stealthy–none of which makes for a good overlord/damiyo/oyabun.
That, and having that sort of position means having entirely deniable ninja around rather than actually being one.
It’s Zen; to be truly invisible means requiring complete actual visibility.
I fear this is either some sort of CL mating call aimed at Ratwoman, or *shudder* a last, desperate plea for help/warning before the rodents overtook Sparky.
(I hope she sometimes calls herself The Goddamn Ratwoman.)
I shudder to think of a Craigslist mating call. I imagine if you use it in a public place, you’ll probably be arrested for misconduct. Or public intoxication.
*runs away screaming*
I guess that means it didn’t work.
Sparky will be so disappointed.
The rest of the world rejoices. Sparky doesn’t need to be mating anyways. The last thing we need are tiny Sparklets running around everywhere, getting under everybody’s feet and eating all the vintage cereals.
Llama llama duck
(Hey, someone had to say it…)
Not.a.Lions and Tigers?
And beers, oh, why?
Mice and rats make me crazy!
Crazy? Crazy?! I was crazy once, but they put me in a room full of mice and rats!
Mice and rat?! Mice and rats make me crazy!
Crazy? Crazy?! I was crazy once, but they put me in a room full of mice and rats!
…
Thanks, Taco. I just had a flashback to the part in 1984 where they put the rat/mice device on Winston’s face to get him to confess.
*twitch twitch*
I actually don’t mind mice and rats if people want them as pets, but random feral vermin … no.
Isn’t Random Feral Vermin IF’s new David Yazbekian musical?
It’s a gritty reimagining of The Secret of NIMH.
Dress up a rat in a white lab coat,
He seems intelligent and cute,
He’s the leader of rats,
His power, the mice can’t refute.
Hated by Humans,
Loved by rats,
All of the rodents adore him.
Women are his toys,
So are all the boys,
Rat king of NIHM!
Curse my quilt!
Took me 2 hours to notice I spelled NIMH wrong.
One of these days I’m going to start proof-reading.
Not today of course.
Yet I can fairly well bet that everyone here saw that typo, saw who posted it, then shrugged and walked away.
Replace “walked away” with “returned to clicking endless links on TV Tropes” and yeah, pretty much.
unite!
Untie!
Mice and rats
Mice and rats
I have a bag full of mice and rats
Never you mind where I got them from
I wanted a bunch, so I got me some
They make me so happy when I’m feeling glum
My bag full of mice and rats
Mice and rats
Mice and rats
I like to play with my mice and rats
They scamper and scurry across the floor
Climb up on the table and under the door
They frighten my sister, the gussied-up whore
She runs from my mice and rats
Mice and rats
Mice and rats
I don’t really know about mice and rats
Apparently they need to drink and to eat
I figured this out when they chomped at my feet
They lapped at my blood and they thought it was sweet
I’m food to my mice and rats
Mice and rats
Mice and rats
I’ve got a room full of mice and rats
I dare not go in there, so I taped it closed
They’re still gnawing through, and quite soon I’ll be hosed
I’m posting on Craigslist to try and dispose of
A room full of
Freaky puppy you are truly a twisted indie-viddle. It’s no wonder I adore you so!
Heh, thanks. It was actually heading in a slightly less twisted direction that aimed to turn the protagonist into an exterminator, but at some point — probably brought on by the blood lust in the third stanza — my brain took that wrong turn at Albuquerque again.
As a resident of New Mexico, I would like to make it clear that the signs in Albuquerque are no more or less confusing than the signs in any other small to medium metropolitan area. The frequency of “wrong turn at Albuquerque” tales is beginning to impact our tourism. So please, to help the tourism of this great state, if you have a tale of “wrong turn at Albuquerque”, specify that it’s not the fault of confusing street signs. Blame it on Roswell’s aliens. Or the Taos Hum. Or anything else from Taos, really. Or blame it on the glow from Trinity Site. Blame your wrong turn on the search for La Llorona. You could also blame the wrong turn on smoke from Zozobra. Or feel free to blame it on Hollywood. The frequency of movies being filmed here means random road closures. Finally, feel free to slap anybody who asks “but don’t you need a passport?”
I don’t go to New Mexico anymore due to the poor currancy exchange rate.
What do you usually exchange your currants for?
Oh, and Yancy? If it makes you feel any better, the only reason I was at Albuquerque in the first place was because I made a wrong turn at Jersey. Never ask anyone on the turnpike for directions.
There are only 2 directions on the New Jersey Turnpike: North and South.
It’s once you get *off* the Turnpike that wrong turns abound. Such as no left turns.
Best to just stay on the Turnpike until you reach NY or Maryland. (Technically, Deleware’s at the end of the Turnpike, but only a few miles, and I keep hoping that if I ignore the state’s existence, I won’t have to sit in its traffic.)
Send someone to fetch us we’re in Saskatchewan.
Yum, I could go for some twisted indie vittles!
I can’t help but think that this ad was only one of a series of ads consisting of short three word segments.
Are you pondering what I’m pondering, Pinky?
I think so, Brain, but where are we going to get shea butter at this hour?
They’re Mindfield, they’re Mindfield and IF!
Rice and mats?
*ding*
What are things you find in a church after a wedding?
“good ansa’, good ansa’!”
Survey says…..
Makes me think of sushi. Yum.
Genie pigs and rats with unblublers.
*squeaky squeak*
“Mice And Rats” =
A Cat Reminds
Cant Misread
Scam Trained
A Mad Cretins
Miscreant Ad
Along with many, MANY others, but these seemed the most poetically apropos.
Yay, the return of ananagram time!
Ho, trega, rome mishmeepus.
Quick! Somebody put a tongue under his wallet!
Taco, CPS is on line three for you. Something about tongues and wallets around the jailbait? I wasn’t really paying attention.
Hello?
Yeah, no it looks to be a cow tongue.
Like the sandwich, but with his wallet.
No, it’s not a euphamism.
No, I don’t know what it’s doing under his wallet.
Well yes I did suggest it, but…
12:30? Sure I guess I could make it tomorrow.
The court house? All right.
Best. Anagram. Ever.
I favor Miscreant Ad, personally.
Is that anything like Misjay?
Yes, but with less whipped cream and a dash more rat.
Mmmm … Just like Mama used to make.
My friend, a stage manager, was once tasked with creating ‘an edible rat’, which she accomplished using nori (dried seaweed used for wrapping sushi), jam and custard-cream. A new one got eaten every night, on a stage be-splattered with more custard, flung from a pair of women’s bloomers. I love theatre.
“Izzat rat tart?”
“Yes”
“Dis-gust-ing!”
Jen, that is ingenious but it also sounds absolutely horrible.
It had been days. Henry couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, but he could still, if barely, type.
Years of patience had finally paid off three days ago. He had finally succeeded and producing enough mice and rats to open his own shop specializing in the afore mentioned rodentia. He had purchased cages, terrariums, collars, wheels, balls, water hoppers, timed feeders, robot whisker straighteners, inflatable happy pants, wood chips, and more. All for sale at his new store, Mice and Rats.
But that is where his good fortune had stopped. Not a single customer had shared his enthusiasm for the small creatures. No, his customer base had been too small and his prices too high. The business had failed. And now here he was, sitting in nothing but a pair of jumbo sized inflatable pants with mice and rats scampering gaily around inside. It was a poor fate for such a shrewd business man as Henry saw himself.
He had been up for days trying to come up with a new business strategy to resurrect his dreams of a small rodent store. But nothing useful had come of it.
Henry reached over and grabbed for his bologna and huckleberry jam sandwich. It was even hard to interest him in food these days, but he had made his favorite in hopes of building an appetite. His sandwich squeaked in protest as he started to bite down on it. With a resigned sigh Henry opened the sandwich to reveal Watson, a small brown spotted Agouti. The bologna was gone and all that was left was a jam covered Watson, licking his paws clean.
“Watson, what am I going to do with all these mice and rats, I-”
And then, inspiration hit! It had been staring him in the face all this time! He knew that there was a perfect business strategy that would revive his luck. Henry cracked his knuckles and opened Craigslist. This would be an advertisement the denizens of the internet would not soon forget.
@Taco – I shall use this story as a lesson for all would-be entrepreneurs. Your payment will be elebenty slices of coffee and Bakewell Tarts as it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
*Happy 50th first performance at The Cavern, Beatles*
The combination of “inflatable happy pants” and the “The Fingers of Sex” username is giving me alternating fits of giggles and squick.
Isn’t Giggles and Squick a traditional English dish?
It’s generally served steamed on a hot plate of oh-no-not-this-again.
And also excellent names for rats… *files names away for future reference*
I demand pictures of Giggles and Squick once they exist!
What is huckleberry?
I think Unc’ Wiki will say a form of multi-lobe wild berry more tart than sweet.
That, and an imprecation of being a spoiler; a rat in a mink coat, if you will.
Apparently the name is applied to several varieties of tasty berry and may be called blueberries though they are not actually blueberries, apparently. But some of them are pretty similar.
“I hate meeses and reeses to peeces….!”
This was the title of Steinbeck’s first draft, I believe.
Tell us about the rabbits again, George…
8)
Well played, madam, well played indeed.
Well responded, sir, well responded indeed.
The Classics room in the library is available for you two.
Are you suggesting we “Get a Classics Room!”, Archie?
I’ll be sitting at the “P” table wearing my inflatable happy pants and reading up on the Peloponnesian War.
🙂
Inflatable Happy Pants is the name of IF’s MC Hammer cover band.
Wait, “Tell us about the rabbits, George” is a line from Of Mice and Men? Having never read it, I had no idea. I wondered what the hell they were talking about in this song. (It’s a GREAT song, by the way.)
Gosh, you people could’ve told me there’d be spoilers today! I don’t read that ’til next year.
Why have I never discovered these guys before? I love this song. 8)
Are you SURE that’s not the Talking Heads?
You know, you are allowed to read the books before the English teacher tells you to.
Mindless following of pre-set guidelines turns Astro into a robot overlord. Subverting, pre-empting and avoiding the guidelines turns Astro into a happy, functional, contributing member of
societyYSaC.Yeah, but why read it now (and worry about returning it to library/buying stuff) when I’m probably going to read it before the calendar year is out through school?
As with so many things, the answer is “because you can”. Also, I work on NZ school time, so I thought ‘next year’ meant 2012. As in, the End of the World (as we know it). As in, no need to worry about library return fees, milk expiration dates or approaching old age. huh. The EotW sounds kinda rockstar-awesome!
You can all come to my place for the afterglow. 8)
Later reused as the working title to The Secret of N.I.M.H.
Random off the point comment: I was at podcast training last week when the trainer nerd over dubbed a picture of a stripey large cat (see my avatar) with a leopard’s roar as he said “I’ll now add sound to this lion”. OH, how I wept.
*facepalm*
“Help, I’m another lion trapped in a tiger’s body! I need species reassignment surgery. ”
Glorious! (Of course, if he was doing it in all seriousness, he needs to be smacked with a fish…)
Sis, I notice a much more, shall we say, violent trend in your comments. Smacking and flailing and such. I’m wondering if this slops over into all parts of your life. And if so, we may have to initiate you as a new member of the Prevert Society. 8)
What, is “slapping the fish” a new euphemism now?
It is now.
According to the Euphemism Generator, so is “smurfing the basket” and “hot gluing the heat-seeking wristwatch”.
“rearranging the client-server oboe”
Da-bwa?
I got “corrupting the limp Spanish gecko” and “understanding the tiny object.”
It’s like it knows.
HHNF spent her night juggling the bunny alone.
Returning after her mysterious disappearance, she sheepishly admitted she had been sculpting the yak.
You give me five hundred dollars, I give you the negatives, and no one has to know you were mangling the ham warlock.
Oh this from the girl I caught
inflating the happy pantsbaking the wookiee in her back yard.Cross-examination revealed that he had a great deal of experience understanding the ham butter.
Oh how (in)appropriate to a certain regular…
It took me several tries, but I finally got a good one: “cleaning the forbidden lion.”
“Toggling the pooch”. The mind boggles. Or possibly toggles.
The first one I got was “wiggling the enchilada”, but as there are two Mexican foodstuffs present, I clicked right along and was asked “Hey! Who’s been refinishing the soap?!”. Not wishing to make a scene, I quickly hit refresh and was told “[t]he last time I saw him, he was spreading the short trombone”. I decided to call it quits there, in light of our two CPS-able band kids.
Well, at least you weren’t placating the tiny nether pickle. That’ll get you in trouble. I, on the other hand, have no kids, so I can twirl the ivory brass sheriff all night long if I want.
“This is not an appropriate place for exorcising the trout.”
And we’ve come full circle!
Oh, for Clothespin Jebus, you mean it’s global??!!
Archie, I bet if there were a colony of aliens living underground, they would point at tigprincess and exclaim, “Klattu, brada lion!”
I’m rude. I would have actually called him on it… probably.
I’ve done it to teachers in the past. Most notably, I told my Eng 101 teacher that he was constructing a fallacious argument because the converse of a true statement is not necessarily true (neither is the inverse but the contrapositive IS true).
He gave me a dirty look.
Ooh I loved being in classes with people like you Moira! So much more fun than a group of quiet little mice, especially where the lecturer’s a bit full of themselves.
Well-deserved placement in the box today, Lola. Early coffee = exceptional snark.
Ditto! That castle-thingy was brilliant.
Thank you, both! That’s me when I’m NOT caffeinated. If you look through the archives at some of the more random weirdnesses (I still disturb myself with the “kitties in my pants” post from, I think, 2009) I’ve done, it’s a good bet that most of them are uncaffeinated. I may resemble Taco in that I’m more “normal” when I’ve been sufficiently dosed (overdosed is another story).
I like you when you have to walk 2 hours in a snow storm too! You’re so edgy by the time you get to your computer.
😉
“Edgy” is a polite description, Mudsy!
I was thinking that everyone knew it was Euphemism Wednesday.
Isn’t is always, in the Snark Lounge?
No.
Sometimes it’s “Moonlighting the Charcoal Brazier” Not.A.Wednesday.
Burns and Allen.
Martin and Lewis.
Abbot and Costello.
Frick and Frack.
Gallagher and Sheen.
Laurel and Hardy.
Uh… Rita and Runt?
Moose and Squirrel
Ren and Stimpy
Bret and Jemaine
Roadrunner and Coyote
Penn and Teller
Snooki and Jwowww
Glenn and Beck
Click and Clack
Bert and Ernie
Barbie and Ken
John and Yoko
Mickey and Minnie
Harold and Maude
Sonny and Cher
Mac and Cheese
PB and J
Tom and Jerry
Chicken and Waffles
Sherlock and Watson
Yin and Yang
Biscuits and Gravy
Hall and Oates
Smith and Wesson
I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Yes and No
Cheese and Crackers
HamCan and Mindfield
Magic and Sis
Wind and Rose
Dan and Drmk*
Morgan Freeman and God
Marley and Me
Peanut Butter and Marshmallows
SCIENCE!!! and FIRE!!!
*Bees be upon them (times infinity and one).
Lucy and Desi
Bread and Butter
To Have and Have Not
Winston and Pickles
Ebony and Ivory
Romeo and Juliet
Cheech and Chong
Laverne and Shirley
Mork and Mindy
Will and Grace
Apples and Bananas
Bright and Beautiful (etc)
Green Eggs and Ham
Bill and Ted
Jeeves and Wooster
Fry and Laurie
Fry and Davies
Fries and aioli
Aioli and anything
Edina and Patsy
That rooster who can type and that other rooster who may or may not have been his twin but who did die surprisingly*
Ben and Jerry
Bing and Bong
Sooty and Sweep
Bill and Ben
*Well, he was surprised.
cups and cakes
I prefer cakes and cups.
*L*, I just wrote a song parody to that. (See below.)
This is obviously a fan letter to Harvey Lembeck and his co-stars. And yes, I know that this is a bit obscure.
Eric Von Zipper? Ratz and Mice?
There is absolutely no truth* to the rumor that I may contain some portion of rats and mice and I am outraged** by the insinuation.
*Maybe a little truth
**As outraged as food can be
(To the tune of “Cups and Cakes” by Spinal Tap)
Mice and Rats
Mice and Rats
Things that will get chased by cats.
It’s not a sale post, I just wanted to boast,
I have more rodents than most.
Mice and Rats
Mice and Rats
I keep them in little flats.
They squeak and they eat, and run on tiny feet,
And I think they’re very neat.
Fur and tails, teeth and toes.
Wiggling of a tiny nose.
My love grows …
Mice and Rats
Mice and Rats
I have made them vests and hats.
They’re my only friends, here with me to the end,
All my mice and rats and me.
(And rats and me ….)
Rats and mice
Rats and mice
Still so confused, tho’ you said it twice.
Rats and mice
Rats and mice
Sparky’s so dumb, he forgot a price.
Rats and mice
In a jar?
Can I buy a vowel? This is so bizarre.
Rats and mice
Rodentia
Only put that in to show that I am smar(t)
Tell me if you think at all, have you got a clue,
Now who’d you think, besides yourself, would think that this would do?
Rats and mice are all so nice, but is that the end?
Did you even read your ad over before you pressed send?
Who would ever see this and think ‘hells yeah, what a find’?
This is surely proof of the decline of human kind!
Poor Sparky you’re so wrong (x8)
Repeat chorus (again, and again, until audience leaves and/or buys your adorable little disease vectors).
Edit: Based on “Jesus Christ Superstar”, which I never actually realised has only seven lines, repeated ad infinitum. WTG Mr Lloyd Webber.
There’s a FB group I subscribe to for humorous updates, and when I read this post I thought of YSAC:
Sounds like a feed from the “Overheard In…” network. I like reading those sites, but there’s always this little niggle in the back of my mind (don’t worry, it’s paper trained) that, while it’s lots of fun, you sometimes wonder about the veracity of the posts.
Having worked in newsrooms, I can believe just about any that come over that feed.
I’ve had contributions to “Overheard in NY” chosen for posting, so I know personally that at least some of them are real.
I have missed a few days in the Snark Lounge.
A belated
HIPY PAPY BTHETHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY
To Laurel!
And much love and sympathy to Windy and Astro. And hugs.
Lola, L-O-L-A, Lola! Punchity Punch Punch, Lola!
G’Night, Willard!
*looks for flask*
Thanks, Windy!
Anyone who is dedicated enough to come here for the redux, you are invited to come to Facebook and friend Demi Hungerford. Tell her Windrose sent you. 8)
But first go around the corner and knock three times on the second door.
Knock three times on the ceiling if you’ll friend me. Twice on the pipe if you’ll block me instead.
……Hey!!!…(pant!pant!) sorry I’m late! (pant!pant!)….you guys forgot “scotch&soda”…(whew!!) there, got it in…..Well, time for church…(not that I’m going…just sayin’ it’s time…)
I’m up for re-instating euphemism Wednesday, If ya’ll are up for potting the nandina….(I hate being late!!!)
Cryptic message (from the future):
Hi, Aimee.