YSaC, Vol. 962: Triangle still wins the fight, however.
Alert readers may recall that we recently reported the discovery of a new fundamental particle, easily beating those laggards at Fermilab.
Well, today, we have something even BETTER to report:
full size photon
a full size black metal fram photon with all pieces includes mattres first come first serve.
Now, your basic photon is a massless wave and/or particle which does not, technically speaking, HAVE a size. It’s not just that it’s really small… talking about size isn’t really appropriate.*
*note: This is true. Sorry.
However, now we have a FULL SIZE photon! This is great! No more messing about with prisms and lasers and truly dangerous quantities of mercury. (Although that link points to an experiment which proves that either there is no ether, or that Cleveland is the center of the universe, which is sort of awesome.)
Now instead of using all sorts of experimental apparatus to infer properties of the photon, we can just LOOK at it. This is almost as cool as that solar system four feet from Van Nuys.
Thanks for the science, Clay!
Finally, I can build my own photon torpedo!
Mmmm. Luminous sandwiches.
Glowing grinders.
Flashing fajitas.
Phosphorescent Fluffernutters.
Emitting Empanadas.
Radiating Reubens.
Pulsating paninis.
Fram noodles
Pecil.
Polymorphous perverse.
Wait, we’re not talking about ourselves?
I’ll get me coat and go to the corner.
I built my own phooton tornado.
It didn’t work out so well.
Speaking of that, gc, I’d like my ruby slippers back now. Got a party on Saturday night.
kthxbai!
I had a photon Toronado, I was always outdriving the headlights so I sold it to some dude named Einstein…
I bought it from Einstein, drove it for a while, and then sold it to you before you sold it to Einstein. The carfax report is just incomprehensible.
I parked it near a black hole and sold it to you before you bought it from Einstein.
That must have been the car my twin sister bought when she got her driver’s license. She’s still 16.
This was already reported on the Web site of the Contemporanian Royal Science Academy.
Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee.
Gesundheit.
42
Wow, I didn’t realize Hammy was such a knob.
Pardon me while I squee over all the fun references that I understand.
SQUEE!
Okay, I’m good now.
Pardon me while I puzzle over all the fun references everyone else gets and I don’t while squeeing that I actually have the time today to google, wiki and bing for the answers.
SQUEE!
Okay, better now.
*fingertips flying*
Google, Wiki & Bing are, as everyone knows, the newest internet law firm.
When you tell people, “Don’t worry, I’m from the internet.” during your geocache/geohash runs, you can cite your branch as either “Nergy Bees for Literacy” or “Google, Wiki, & Bing.”
I don’t want locomotiary substitution or remote intransitory convolution; only one precise solution is the key: substitutiary locomotion it must be!
Niiiice.
*golf clap*
But can you give it ‘with a flair’ ?
Wait, only 15 pieces of Flair are required, right?
Yes, Capn, but we want you to express yourself.
Yeah, those guys are always scooping us. Guess the YSaC High Energy Stuff Labs needs more funding.
YSaC High Energy Stuff Labs = the apotheosis/vanguard of coffee slice research
Meh. Don’t Even Reply has already done it, anyway.
We’re always scooping their stuff because it’s just so good.
I thought we scooped their stuff, put it in convenient bags and dropped it at
their doorthe nearest trash receptacle?No CJ, that’s what we do after Mindfield or Hammy has been in the box.
Well, what did you expect us to do with the newspaper in there?
And then we
set it on fire, ring the bell, and run awaymake sure it is properly composted.Darn those Contemporanians, always posting things the same time as everyone else!
Obviously, since it has properties of being both a bed and a couch, depending on how well the date/party/class reunion went depends on what it will be used for.
That’s why scientists used to think that flats rented by college students were filled with an invisible, massless substance called “The Pizzeather”. They had to explain why a bed could appear folded as if it were a couch, and they used the Pizzeather to explain the folding of space necessary for this phenomenon.
However, tests proved that the elementary particle of the Pizzeather, pizza, could not exist in stable quantities long enough for the fabled pizzeather to actually exist. Indeed pizza has an average half-life of only a few minutes when introduced into the system.
In the end, scientists had to theorize that the Futon was both a couch and a bed simultaneously, and that the configuration of the particle was simply in a constant flux, with the period of that flux related directly to the cost of beer and the phase offset of the current time (t) to the next Friday.
Of course when plotted against the good taste curve it was found that futons could not exist past the well documented hyperbolic Feng Shui region.
(That has to be the longest, nerdiest joke I’ve ever typed).
Our tax dollars at work, llamas and gentlebeans.
“phenomenon” Duduuudadudo!
All together now!
But haven’t you heard, TM? They’ve disproven the theory of simultaneity. Time and space do not exist!
What do you mean, do– *small, barely heard pop*
I no longer need a night light!
We’re all very proud of you, Hammy.
Now you just need to work on getting rid of your binky.
The bed wetting might be something to work on as well.
One thing at a time, Taco. He still has plenty of Pull-Ups.
I just had a flashback to the changing table.
Having a child has apparently left me with post-traumatic stress disorder.
Coulda been worse, TM, it coulda been a changeling table.
Aw crap! I dropped a diaper on Odo again!
He’s gonna be pissed.
Aww, I feel the love…
If you’re holding one of the puppies that warmth you’re feeling might not be love.
Ooh, those things are awesome. They’re so soft it’s like floating in a beam of light, when in use they act like a solid particle but then collapse into a wave for easy storage, and if you take it home and push it just right through one door with another in close proximity, you could end up with a second one free!
I wish Sparky mentioned what mattres it came with, though; I hate furniture with baggage.
Please note this photon has to be assembled – no easy task, as it took the combined miniaturised might of the JLA to do it last time (“The Strange Case of Julian September”). We need to get Ray Palmer on the job, STAT.
*Hi-fives a fellow DC comics nerd*
I really wanted something witty to post, but I’m no physics major, and Googling “photon jokes” made my head hurt. I wish I had a place to lie down…
Just say “double slit experiment” and we’ll gladly take it from there.
“Is that an anomaly in your data or are you just happy to see me?”
Ooh, baby, your emitter is so big!
The curvature of your space excites my particles.
Beauty is generally all relative, you know. Black holes, for instance.
**I know, I know, he’s on Line 5. Then to the corner I go.**
And then we’ll show you to the comfy couch in the corner for a nice lie-down.
*passes flask to newbie*
Let me know if you need company. 8)
Wow, Brent must be something special, none of the YSaC beauties* ever offered to keep me company lying down…
*Every last one of you ladies…
And boy, do I appreciate it! Nice to feel welcome!
Bombdude, you never asked!
[Slips into bath towel; draws faux six-pack on abs]
Hello, ladies…
There are plenty of good, sturdy Contemporanian couches in the Snark Lounge that should suit your needs, Brent 😀
All I want to know is will it take out a Romulan bird of prey?
Even cloaked?
Sparky clearly must work at 1-800-mattress. “Leave the last S off for savings!”
I like it when Dan derives dirty.
Oh wait, I promised the Llama-nun I wouldn’t e-stalk her husband. Drat.
I heard that e-stalks rose a half a percent yesterday.
*Snergle*
Yes, but it was only a virtual rise.
I’m pretty sure there’s a pill for that.
I’m not a very good investor. I only have one stalk and it keeps going up and down.
Yes, but if you can get it up to deposit your savings without the aid of investment in pharmaceuticals, you’re fine.
well-turned linguistic* phrasing = today’s girl crush
*and yes, CJ, I know you are just itching to throw a cunning in there. 🙂
:bats eyelashes:
Are you talkin’ ’bout little ol’ me?
I’m shocked* that Archie would think that a calassy lady like CJ would make any sort of joke regarding cunning linguists, perhaps one inferring that they love working with foreign tongues.
*May not contain any actual shock.
@CJ: Don’t bat those big baby blues/browns/flourescents at me, missy! All I had to do was look in the corner and there you were munching on a coffee slice.
@ GC aka SJ: Ya hit it outta da park!*
*in honor of the 2010 World Series Champions San Francisco Giants Opening Day
We have this mattress factory, Verlo, in town. They make good stuff, both our beds and our futon are from them. It’s a bit more pricey than your discount bed store, but their mattresses and photon pads are extremely comfortable and anything they sell is covered by a 15 year warranty, plus if you find your bed uncomfortable they will alter the firmness for you at no charge for the first 6 months.
Anyway, they had a really good Photon sale last year when we bought ours. We talked to the guy there a bit and he told us that it was the most successful sale they’d ever run! Those photons were shooting out of the store at the speed of light!
*coughs*
I’ll be in The Corner™ thinking about what I’ve done.
Is that anything like The Table?
Corner is what we* named the Snark Lounge a few days ago.
*me.
And here I was all proud of my nested link… *sniffle*
It was a very lovely link, Sister Lyle.
A little small, considering your family reputation, but a lovely link nonetheless…
Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that Sparky showed us plenty of the metal parts of his photon but not the fabric-y mattres?
(Note: I’d like to think Sparky has spelled mattress in this manner because he pronounces it mah-tré and thinks he’s being sophisticated.)
It’s pronounced Throat-Warbler Mangrove.
You know, that makes a lot of sense. I’ll have to do that from now on to avoid sounding pretentious.
It’s poly-styrene
He did dedicate the corner of two of the three photos to small portions of the mattres. Perhaps the photons got in the way of the rest.
I automatically jumped to the thought “hey, the people who make the oil filters I put on my car and truck now sell photons.”
Then I thought this was the ultimate Where’s Waldo picture. I mean, if they’re selling only one photon and they managed to get three pictures of it, where in those three pictures is it? I guess it’s just coincidental that the photon passed between the camera lens and a disassembled futon.
[true story corey]
My friend’s Dad went to a product unveiling for a new type of camera. During the seminar on the camera, the developers proudly announced that this new camera technology worked by capturing photons. Friend’s Dad raised his hand during the question phase and asked the obvious question, “Photons are just light, so how exactly does making a camera that uses light make this new technology?”
He was escorted out of the building by security.
[/corey]
Apparently the camera developers weren’t expecting intelligent people to attend their unveiling.
Sometimes I think marketing gurus assume the whole world is as scientifically illiterate as they are.*
“We need a word that means “light” that nobody has ever heard of.”
“I just checked the thesaurus. It says ‘photons.”
“Excellent, I think those are what torpedoes are made out of in that one Sci-Fi show. Uh.. Star Wars or something. People will think it’s all futury and stuff.”
*Apologies to the small scientifically literate marketing community.
Huh. I wonder what sort of jargon they used.
“Using our patented wave-guide entanglement aperture, we are able to capture photon emissions within a special sensory chamber that dramatically illuminates the scene, bringing you beautiful, vibrant pictures that are not dark, because darkness sucks.”
“This winter, from Anti-Establishment Megacorp, it’s the Emo Camera filter.”
:holds up roll of black tape:
“Tired of all those pesky photons brightening up your artistic efforts? That’s a thing of the past with the Emo. With our patented Photon-Block film, make every image as dark and depressing as your tortured, misunderstood soul. Simply apply the Emo to your camera lens and you’ll be the most popular Emo on Deviantart. Not that you care about that sort of thing.
Also available in Hello Kitty pink.”
Aperture Science… We do what we must because we can.
I’m so happy for you, Mindfield.
Gah … Still Alive earworm has been launched!
I’ve had to deal with car salespeople who were just about as bad.
Apologies to any car salespeople who are reading this and who aren’t like that.
I don’t know about you, but from where I sit, those pictures are absolutely lousy with photons. I even see some dark matter in there, too. If nothing else, Sparky’s handy with a shutter.
So when you travel, tell them your name is Waldo Juarez. And then they will page you as “Juarez, Waldo?”
I’m really surprised that I didn’t see that in my latest copy of “PHOTON International The Solar Powered Magazine”. I left a copy on the red table in the snark lounge. Feel free to take a gander.
** Really, you can give me all the math you want, just don’t make me look at Physics. I told my son I could help him with any of his AP classes, just not Physics.
(Did you figure out yet that I didn’t like Physics?)
One of the greatest things about physics is that you can’t be arrested for breaking its laws.
However, depending on which laws, you might end up breaking more than just laws…
I would rather give someone a goose.
I like science. It tastes minty.
I like pie.
And cheese.
But not together.
Unless it’s apple pie and cheddar cheese.
But only if you warm it – the pie, not the cheese – and serve it with vanilla ice cream, but not the cheap stuff that tastes like cold, sugary lard. No, I want the $7/half gallon stuff.
And if you don’t have that, then never mind. I’ll take a Twinkie instead.
I like pie. But I can’t have apple pie unless I make it myself and eliminate the cinnamon from the recipe. I also can’t have strawberry rhubarb unless I eliminate the strawberry at which point it becomes rhubarb pie which is an aquired taste* that I have yet to aquire. I like blueberry pie but only if you use the big plump blueberries, don’t use cinnamon, and have whipped cream or ice cream to go with it, but not cool whip, cool whip is only for pudding and jello. I think I’ll just have a twinkie too, but not the chocolate cream ones.
*aquired taste = beyond nasty, yet some people still find it edible.
Blech. Rhubarb is poisonous unless you cook it, which I feel is Mother Nature’s way of telling us not to eat the nasty things.
Where I live, poke salad is the equivalent of rhubarb. Poisonous unless cooked 2 or 3 times. Who in their right mind decided to try and eat the weeds that grow alongside the road? How many family members did it take to get it right?
[Matt] Where do you live that you get chocolate cream Twinkies? I’m so Deep inna Hearta the South I can’t find Moon Pies. And you get chocolate Twinkies? [/matt]
Smedley, they were here, along with strawberry cream twinkies, in AZ from early February to late March. They were also only available in a box, not as singles. My daughter and her friend liked them, I did not.
[nostalgia]
Oh man, my grandparents used to grow rhubarb. My grandma would make it into a salad or bake rhubarb pies. I liked it, even as a kid. In fact, I haven’t had it since I was a kid. I miss rhubarb.
[/nostalgia]
It’s a Trap!
Helpful Zit On So!
Flesh Lip Nut Zoo!
Flesh Unzip Tool!
Floozie Nth Plus!
Elf Plinths Ouzo!
Zestful Pooh Nil!
“Flesh Unzip Tool!”
Your theory is relevant to my interests, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Who needs a tool for that? I just use my fingers.
/Corner.
I think I dated her once… or twice…
Had to get a second opinion, huh?
Had to see if the first date was a fluke or just too much flask…
Zestful Pooh Nil!
Winnie the Pooh is happy he’s an anarchist.
I’m really not surprised to see larger photons. Didn’t you know that the world will end in 2012, and that’s when people will either have to die or turn into beings of light (photon energy)?
This is obviously a picture of Michael Jackson… or it could be Leslie Nielsen.
If you’ve had a few daiquiris it starts looking like Erik Estrada.
Then again, after a few daiquiris most things start looking like Erik Estrada.
It’s Friday… hand over the daiquiri pitcher.
*throws limes in* Who needs a refill?
*passes empty flask*
I stopped at the Daiquiri Express on the way home. I feel happy. Not nerky, just happy.
Daiquiri Express sounds like an airline devoted to taking people to tropical destinations whilst serving fruity, rum-based drinks. I’d like to buy a ticket. Don’t care where I’m going, I just want the unlimited blender drinks.
I’m having sweet tea with peach brandy mixed in. I may have added a little too much brandy, I’m starting to get a little giggly.
:fights urge to buy shiny things on eBay:
I have a photon almost exactly like this one. Mine is from Purolator, though, because I was too cheap for the Fram.
Hi, Ed! How’s the soap?
Alrighty, Mindee, dry off for your Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Cleveland!
Damn the photons! Warp Speed 10 ahead!
Ahem, ahem. I think you’ll find there is no dam, it’s a Soliton Wave Vortex Shunt, as per episode 5×10 and various technical manuals including the one I made up myself. Snort.
Scientists do claim the universe is made up of 27% dark mattress…
I’m curious about Kelli’s post.(way up there) Does she have weird food allergies, or is she just very “pie maintenance”??? (hehehe.)
Yes to both. Having shared meals with her, I can say that she has to be very careful around foods.
Hey, I was in the center of the universe just last night!
Compact photons are more energy efficient, but if your photon is ever in a collision, You’d be better off with a full sized model.
I’m particularly dense where particle theory is brought to light. I mean, I see your fingers moving and words are forming, but your words fall on deaf eyes. I am not blind, but I cannot see what you are saying. What is lighter than light? Is a full sized photon lighter than a regular, everday, run-of-the-mill photon? But wait! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the sons, of the neighbors. They hit another foul photon through my pane.
*Yells at kids*
I expect you to pay for my window!
*hand 8rer hi2 med2* What? My key8oard i2n’t working right.
nojazzie, I gots a new keyboard! I hates it. But at least the bottom row of keys works now. So get out of the box already. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Star Fighters!
WOW, that was fast… time in the box must travel at the, er, speed of , you know, light. well, as Scarlett O’Hara once famously said,”Get back, Loretta!”