YSaC, Vol. 967: This guy crashes in, into my living room.
Continuing “Wall of Crazy” week here at YSaC, Emily sends this, noting that this is the original spacing from the ad:
A Beautiful Puzzle-One of a Kind,full of inspiration and beauty. – $300
Lady in a Bonnet,with alot of images.
This picture is full of Beauty and inspiration.
Its from a long time ago.
You can’t take your eyes off of it.
A beautiful song and this picture goes hand and hand.
One of a kind,that would be impossible to find again,regardless of how long or where you look.
You just have no idea,what this would do for you on a daily basis.How much inspiration do you need.
Send a e-mail address,and i’ll send back a picture,that you can enlarge,and it will will show you
how remarkable this picture really is.
I would only meet in person,if interested.
###-###-####
- Location: #########
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Wow… all of those ginormous pauses really fill me with anticipation. I can’t wait to see how remarkable this picture really is. Before I reveal the inspirational picture, I will also observe that it’s nice that they’re only willing to meet in person with someone who is willing to meet with them. Kind of a reverse Groucho Marx.
And now, prepare to be inspired:
They’re right. I can honestly say I have no idea what this would do for me on a daily basis.
This puzzle is based on the painting “Beauty Filled with Spice Christ,” by Thomas Kinkade’s less talented brother. It’s full of inspiration, but what it inspires one to do, I’d best not say.
WOW!
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Awesome!
Look! It’s the Ladieth Man’s butler! He just needs a smoking jacket, Barry White and snifter of Courvathierr.
Wow… he looks so inspired.
As a bonus, read the posting like William Shatner.
It looks a little like a profile photo for a dating website.
If Sparky’s looking for a little crazy lovin’, CraigsList is the right place for him.
Something about the hair, the facial expression and the pose reminds me of Ronald Reagan; are we sure this wasn’t taken from a dating site catering to Secret Conservative Fetishes That Dare Not Speak Their Name? The painting reference is just a decoy.
Maybe it’s some kinda code.
That’s what I was wondering. Did Sparky post this after the adult section came down? Is it his way of offering his services covertly?
Kinda like how people scalp tickets on eBay.
I can’t help reading it in Christopher Walken’s voice, actually.
This picture needs just one thing to make it better: More cow bell.
Sparky needs help.
Serious help.
And lots of it.
Awe inspiring,
Bonnet on the lovely girl,
Lots of Space for rent.
Look at my big tv
I can rest my arm on it
Boo yah
My house is as full
As my brain pan is empty
Bargle nawdle zouss
Hello, My name is Sparky
I live in a big, big house
I don’t care if you are snarky
I have a really hot spouse.
I wish to sell you this puzzle
It’s hanging up there on the wall
But as I am here to confuzzle
My photo hardly shows it at all.
I feel I am so utterly pretty
that I really need this thing gone.
It tends to make me look gritty.
I hate being thusly out-shone.
So I post up this ad on this website
Complete with large spaces of prose
It will answer my ad, it just might
Or else it will again get the hose.
(I hate rhyming… and am surprised that I spelled that right on my first try.)
Dang, ghost cat! That won’t fit in the baux!
I can fold it up and make it fit in the overhead compartment.
Sure, that’s what everyone says! And then they’re standing in the aisle, blocking traffic while they’re trying to jam it in there!
*reads what she wrote* *chortle*
Yeah, it’s pretty fluffy and frilly, but when you crush it down there’s a lot of air space.
I’m a pretty good fluffer.
Pussies do tend to excite most people.
We’re all cat-lovers here.
Especially with a nice garnish.
I’ll take mine low-sodium, thanks.
This would give me heartburn on a daily basis. And a fear of ladies in bonnets.
I’d never again be able to enjoy the buttery deliciousness of Blue Bonnet with that thing staring down at me.
Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to purchase any other brand of low-fat butter substitute if that was in my house. I’d always feel she was judging my choice otherwise.
But her bonnet isn’t blue!* I would be living a lie.
*Or technically a bonnet
I noticed that too, ghostcat. That thing on her head is called a “hat,” Sparky.
Crap, my eye sight is so funky, all I saw was a huge fish jumping out of a purple stream. Somehow, it was better that way. More allegorical.
That’s about what I see, Windrose, and no amount of squinting and tilting my head makes that look like a lady in a hat.
It’s right there!
:points at picture:
:realizes what she is doing:
That probably helps you not at all.
I saw the girl first, but I can see where the fish comes from. You can see the face if you look at the middle of the fish; two eyes, nose and mouth looking off to the left; the purple is a camisole or something, with flowers around the shoulders.
However, I am still willing to bet it will sing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” when you walk by it.
Funny, I thought that was a wombat on her right shoulder.
It’s a schooner!
Ah, got it now. Thanks, ESP.
I have to say, I think it’s prettier as a psychedelic picture of a fish than as a picture of a girl in a hat.
Dangit, I was never good at those eyeball things. rabbit/duck? Yeah, always a rabbit. This picture, just the girl. I can’t see anything remotely resembling a fish…. Though I wish I could. Psychedelic fish would be awesome for this morning (after the Beast cat woke me up after 4 hours of sleep, by pulling my earring holder off the wall and chasing my earrings around the house. Can I call it quits on this whole week?)
I am honored to be able to introduce to you the new YSaC Rorschach Are You Batshit Crazy Test
Just sit back in this minty chair and relax.
Take a couple deep, cleansing breaths.
Have a bite of the slice of coffee that sitting on the red table to your left.
Close your eyes and think about bejeweled hooves.
Ok, now you’re ready.
Open your eyes and tell me what you see in this picture?
Results will be published as soon
as I make them upas all responses have been analyzed.I see…your mom
I have to say that occasionally, it’s contractual.
Bees!
I see Sparky McCreepiness giving me the once over.
I see … butterscotch pudding.
It’s on fire.
PUDDING NOT ON FIRE!
….wait, did I do that right? I think I missed that day of class.
Dude! Everyone is stealing my line!*
*By everyone I mean ghostcat and EB.
Imitation is the sincerest* form of flattery 😉
*laziest
No.
This was my initial response to the picture.
You can’t take your eyes off it!
Oh, that’s all, nothing more to add.
Sadly, this is true.
I couldn’t either, as I was trying to place that familiar face. Then I remembered. Maureen Stapleton.
Did anyone notice that this guy’s eyes were NOT on it? And really, if you cannot take your eyes off it, isn’t it pointless to place a television beneath it? I mean, you could never watch your shows.
It’s interesting that such an awe inspiring, inspirational, can’t-live-without painting would be for sale.
You would think a painting of that criteria would never leave the owner’s possession except over his cold, dead hands…
OH CRAP! The seller is a zomb
If Sparky’s arm falls off I call dibs on his watch.
I wonder how hard it would be to get brain juice out of leather.
That TV would look good in my living room.
I want the fireplace, but it could be tricky getting it.
You can borrow Mr. Crowbar. He’s friends with a lot of heavy construction equipment.
ghost cat and Windy — the fact that the TV is sitting in front of the fireplace is cause for concern for one of you.
I was wondering what kind of watch that was
I don’t know but it looks shiny.
I like shiny things.
You notice how he has his hand just right so that it sparkles at you? He is taunting you.
It looks like a Folex watch. My concern is more that it looks like something is partially covering the watch face. Something pink. Like a mitten.
That’s Mickey Mouse’s pink mitten.
You were exactly one mouse away from making that work as a euphemism.
Are you saying that Mickey doesn’t have a pink mitten? Has anyone ever checked his such and such?
That must be difficult since neither of them have hands.
If this is their concept of a beautiful picture, what’s the song? Side three of Lou Reed’s “Metal Machine Music”?
It’s a batshit crazy world after all
It’s a batshit crazy world after all
It’s a batshit crazy world after all
It’s a batshit crazy world
With just three moons and one green-ish sun
And a leer is an invitation to anyone
There’s so much crazy there
that it’s time we’re aware
It’s a batshit crazy world after all.
[chorus]
[sudden jump into a satantic gregorian jury chant.]
Vos qui veniunt in Infernum,
Vos qui sunt servos Satanorum,
Hic scribitur supram portam:
Deserete spem, vos qui intrant.
Isn’t that Edward Herrmann circa Lost Boys?
Penguin, I adore you particularly for this reference.
*girl crush du jour*
Hello, I’m Tom Vu’s Non-Ethnic Protegee! Do you know me? If not, you need to, because I know the secrets to inspiration that lead to success! Are you asking yourself where did I get this large automobile? Are you asking yourself where I did I get this beautiful home? Are you asking yourself where did I get this beautiful wife? Are you saying to yourself, “Well, how do I get there?” Well, I am going to give you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to find those answers out for yourself, and to show you how you, too, can live the dream like me, Tom Vu’s Non-Ethnic Protegee!
Do you see this picture behind me as I stand smugly in front of this large tube television? The one above the lovely fireplace mantle with the expensive yet stylish knick-knacks tastefully arranged atop it? Isn’t that a remarkable picture of a woman in a bonnet with a lot of images? It is, isn’t it? You can’t take your eyes off it, even from this artfully near-conformant rule-of-thirds wide shot where you can’t see it very clearly, can you? It is from a long time ago, this picture. Shouldn’t there be a beautiful song to accompany this picture? Yes, indeed there should.
[Mona Lisa by Nat King Cole begins to play]
Ah, that’s beautiful. As beautiful as this beautiful, inspirational picture. Yes, I said inspirational — and it is! Would you believe that this picture is the source of all my inspiration? And that in turn is the source of my success? It’s true! I owe every moment of my wonderful life to this picture right here, right behind my dashing, je ne sais pois pose. You would think that a picture like this is a one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable objet d’art, but my friends — and you are all my friends now — I am giving you this unique opportunity to own a photocopy of a print of this very picture right here!
You just can’t know what this picture will do for you on a daily basis! How much inspiration do you need? A million dollars? A bevvy of provocatively-dressed German beer wenches? The entire library of Jimmy Buffet songs personally autographed by him while he was naked? No, my friends, you don’t need any of these things, they would cost far too much and provide no lasting inspiration.
Buy a digital photo of a photocopy of a print of my beautiful oil painting for just $300 and you will be inspired forever! She is your life guide, your muse, the mistress you never have to worry about being caught with resulting in losing half your possessions and paying child support and alimony for the rest of your life in a messy divorce from a greedy and remorseless ice queen who never showed you enough affection even in the good times when you still had both testicles! Isn’t that worth a mere $300 dollars for a printout of a digital photo of a photocopy of a print of my beautiful oil painting?
With a scan of the printout of a digital photo of me standing in front of my beautiful oil painting with a printout of the digital photo of the photocopy of the print of my beautiful oil painting in my left pocket, you can be inspired to succeed in anything you want to do! Do you want to sell real estate? Do you want to run your own record label? Do you want to become famous for splitting watermelons with your tongue? All this is possible with the right inspiration! The inspiration of this picture, right here!
So call me, Tom Vu’s Non-Ethnic Protegee, and order yours now! If you are not completely satisfied, we will give you your money back*! Call today!
* Less $295.99 shipping and handling
ANOTHER EAR WORM! Actually I like this one, well done MF
the days go by…
Well that limits the audience! I mean Chairman Mao had an un-descended testicle*, could he buy this? If he were alive? And liked white ladies in non-bonnets?
*I like to bring this up on first dates.
Oh, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I think Tom Vu’s Non-Ethnic Protegee was just projecting a wee bit. Although I an not guaranteeing that this painting will not cause you to lose and/or grow new ones.
*now secretly wants to date the llama-derp*
O.M.G. It’s Dorian Gray!!!!!!
Hmmm. That would mean that Sparky is actually a young woman in a non-bonnet/a purple fish depending on who is looking at it and he just looks like a smarmy middle aged WASP because the painting is doing its young non-bonnet wearing thing for him? Now my head hurts.
I
think
that
that
was
Sparky’s
goal.
It’s called being S-U-A-V-E. Sparky BoJangles here thought he was being creatively suave.
That ‘that’, there, that one, hurts my head. But most things do before four coffee slices.
Are you sure it was that that that hurt you, and not the other one?
Ok, so Sparky is going to send me THIS picture so I can enlarge it to see the puzzle/painting over his shoulder better? But that would make Sparky HUGE and IT WOULD SCARE ME
Even wallet-sized Sparky has a distinct serial killer vibe about him.
Sparky, even if you send a picture that I can enlarge, it doesn’t mean that it will be that size in reality.*
*Things I learned from Craigslist personals (I’ll be over here, fetal-position and with my flask).
Funny, I thought Creepy McSparkies like this enlarge their picture before they send it to you.
*grateful she never internet dated*
It’s a tough call, will CL run out of crazy before we run out of sanity? Stay tuned! Same Bat Shit Crazy Time, same Bat Shit Crazy Station!
Today’s Bat Shit comes to you from our sponsor Tide Bat Shit Remover. We can get out those guano stains that other detergents leave behind. We believe the Bat Shit should be left in the bat’s behind, not left behind on your clothes.
I think that guy leaning on the TV could be the poster child for smarmy smiles.
He does kind of have that self-satisfied “I just peed in your fern” smirk, doesn’t he?
So that’s what it means when my cat gives me that look. Wait…I don’t have a fern.
Check your shoes, Lara.
I’m not wearing shoes 🙁
I am puzzled by the title – specifically, to Sparky’s reference to this work of art as a “puzzle.” Is he saying that someone framed a jigsaw puzzle, a long time ago? If so, it probably isn’t one of a kind.
Yes it is, but you don’t want to know what they used for glue.
If you stood too close to it, would it give you a contact crazy?
Is that like contact dermatitis? Because that’s something I’m not really a fan of.
After a while it gets under your skin and kinda grows on you.
Ewwwww….
Aren’t you glad I didn’t link some pictures?
Contact dermatitis is serious ick. I just had it. I have pictures I can send you so you can enlarge them and see
I do love licking my monitor….lizard.
So…is it a puzzle? If so, how many pieces. I’d only pay $300 for a puzzle that was 5000 pieces or more.
Edit: get outta my head Camille! Aaah
It’s only two pieces, but if you reverse them it changes from a beautiful girl to an old crone.
Must have been painted by that great Impressionist painter Rorschach.
Indeed, I believe it was painted by the renowned Arnold Rorschach.
Ooh..oooh…oooh…oOOOOOOHHHHHHH!
😉
Speaking of coffee slices — what? I know I already did that, but only a few people saw it, and this is important!
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=6427#comment-103164
Mmmm… I need to do some baking this weekend.
Windy – Why did you post a link to the post where you posted a link to the recipe instead of just posting the link to the recipe again?
Because today is “Click on This Link Thursday”
Wait – today’s Thursday?
Awww, do you have Wednesday’s panties on?
wait…she has panties on?
Sunday’s – These are my holy panties.
Of course I have panties on – where else am I going to keep my chewing gum and loose change?
S.H.I.T. to you all.
Didn’t we have a conversation here a while back about keeping keys and such in the area usually covered by panties?
I only keep my such down there AR.
Oh, you’re better than me, Mudsy. I keep my such AND such there.
Ghostcat, Down here! Hey! *waves* I posted the link to the post where I posted the link instead of posting the link because *deep breath* I liked the comments that were made yesterday and wanted to share them!
Ah, now I understand.
If you make it Windy, I’ll try it. I would not swear for the safety of anything cooked in my kitchen right now.
Coffee slices with refried beans?
[matte]
Their logic is inconsistant.
They mention the cake is only for coffee lovers, but then go on to use coffee crystals insisting that every coffe lover has them.
I think those who really like coffee are LESS likely to have instant. But! If you are looking for 1 cup of “concentrated coffee solution” most coffee lovers can either pull out a french press or fire up their espresso maker.
[/matte]
That aside, Ima make me that cake!
Your comment appears more semi-gloss to me…
Stop glossing over my comments, Hammy! No wonder you always take a shining to everything I say.
Granted, it does reflect pretty well on what I’m trying to say.
Shiny
Pecil.
If your Pecil is shiny try all new “Pecil Powder.”
Testimonial:
“Powdering my pecil has become a pleasant pastime,” says Peabody Periwinkle.
WARNING – Pecil Powder may contain large amounts of sodium hydroxide, avoid prolonged contact with skin. Do not feed Pecil Powder after midnight. Do not expose Pecil Powder to sunlight, artifical light, or total darkness. Pecil Powder can be used as a vitamin supplement for dragons under 400 lbs. Do not stare directly at Pecil Powder. Do not challenge Pecil Powder to a duel. Do not rub Pecil Powder on the puppy’s belly.
I’m curious as to how much caffeine is in each slice of cake…. Anybody want to do the math? (Not that I would make the cake, because I think coffee is nasty. Well, I think it smells nasty, anyways.)
There are 57mg of caffeine per tablespoon of instant, they use 5 TBSP, so that’s 285 MG of coffee in the cake total.
If you used espresso in the cake, and no instant crystals in the frosting, it would have roughly 600mg of caffeine.
Depends on how you slice it from there.
I’m not even surprized that you knew that.
I don’t think anyone was.
There was a Young Lady whose bonnet,
Came untied when the birds shat upon it;
But she said: “I don’t care!
All the birds in the air
Are welcome to shit on my bonnet!”
I like how you rhymed “bonnet” with “bonnet”… it was very calassay :-p
If I knew for sure the young lady was a poet I would have used “sonnet” :^)
Darn it EB – It’s really bugging me now, like a stone in my shoe. I gotta get it out! Here:
There was a Young Lady whose bonnet,
Came untied when the birds shat upon it;
But she said: “I don’t care!
All the birds in the air
Are welcome to fly by and shit on it!”
Acid trippin’ girl
Brac a bric and shat a shit
Psychedelic fish
My
headhat is full of eelsDoes anyone else hear this as Dennis Hopper in Apocalypse Now?
Beautiful puzzle, buy it from me
Lollypops and gumdrops are waiting for Thee
Sounds of the rude world fading away
It’s behind the weird guy who’s probably gay
Beautiful puzzle sweet as my song
I put it on Craigslist for Three hundred bones
(Beautiful puzzle beautiful puzzle)
Send me an email I’ll show you my dong
Beautiful puzzle, buy it from me
Beautiful puzzle, buy it from me
What if you meet him in person?!
You get to point and laugh?
I felt like I was being hypnotized as I slowly scrolled down the screen.
You are now a minion of the Llamanun. Join us!
And bring fresh coffee slices!
See recipe, above.
She’s new?! Let’s make her feel awkward!!!
Done and done.
Delurking to say… here’s the actual picture. I don’t think anyone’s linked to it yet.
http://deshow.net/cartoon/surrealism-painting-568.html
Apparently it’s called “Bygone Summers”. Honestly I expected more Buffy, Dawn and Joyce.
Maybe it’s enough that YSaC is debuting this work of art on Sarah Michelle Geller’s birthday.
This is like the Ducktales episode when they went to England to find the antidote for that formula that made Scrooge uncle moneybags. In the hotel there was a picture of a man with his arm on the fire place like so next to a door, and next to the real fireplace there was a fake door. So, I think what this is saying is that there is a voyeuristic peephole somewhere in there that is quite motivational and uplifting. The watch means you get two minutes to look, cause if you look closely at the shiny thing, it’s on the two minute mark. Boom. Mystery solved.
Welp, there’s a confirmed Man-Crush for citing a Ducktales episode. I gotta go take a cold shower.
Whoo-ooh
You might want to check your shrubbery for a man in a squirrel costume.
“What are you doing in my bushes!”
“Uh… looking for nuts?”
I’ll be in the corner.
I still haven’t gotten the
shamestains out of that, yet.A beautiful song and this picture go hand and (sic) hand…
I think Sondheim did it best:
Pretty woman
In a bonnet,
Makes your eyes go
Glancing… pretty woman
Pretty woman
Is a wonder.
Pretty woman!
Hanging in a frame, in-
spring you to stare.
Something in her chills the air.
Pretty woman
Is straw-hatted…
Not a bonnet,
No, sir… gaze forever,
Look upon it…
Pretty woman,
Pretty woman!
Looking like a fish, or
Holding to your gaze,
Daily will inspire you;
Your eyes will glaze.
Malaise!
Ah! Pretty woman, like Medusa,
Picks a loser,
Full of folly,
Haunted dolly
Could be her kin.
How they make a man sin!
Look forever — you won’t find her,
Any other place! There’s no other face!
Throughout time or space, like
Pretty woman,
Pretty woman,
Pretty woman
Delurking to add a link to what I generously assume is the painting sparky was trying to feature, though his cocky manner, jaunty pose and saucy smirk leave me wondering.
Anyway… http://www.josephinewall.co.uk/bygone.html
It’s called “Bygone Summers”. This being Sarah Michelle Gellar’s birthday I was expecting more “Buffy, Joyce and Dawn” and less “Flower Girl Tripping on Acid”.
Thank you, O musketed one.
[corey] And yes, this painting is available in jigsaw:
http://www.alljigsawpuzzles.co.uk/shopping/p489.htm
[/corey]
Now I see the look on this guy’s face as pride for getting the puzzle together.
I notice the price on the puzzle …. that must be a very nice frame he used.
“Man, that puzzle took forever. Glad it’s finished though, it’ll be ready for my art display.”
“Uh, Bort, it’s just a puzzle. It might be art in its own way, but it isn’t YOUR art.”
“Like hell it isn’t! Whoever painted this thing screwed it all up by paining on all those little pieces. I fixed it for him; it’s much better now.”
“…”
“You know what, screw the art show! I’ll just dump it on craigslist. How much you think a painting like this should sell for? $50? $75, maybe?”
“Uh.. Bort…”
“You’re right! That’s way too little, this is classy stuff. I’ll ask for a cool $300. Hand me that sharpy, I gotta sign this for authenticity!”
Sparky is slightly right – that’s a lot of images.
But… but… Sparky said it was one of a kind. I’m so disillusioned.
You mean something on Craigslist is not quite accurate? I suppose next you’ll tell me that people in the personals section do not always describe their anatomies correctly.
Honey, are you comming to bed?
I can’t! This is important!
What?
Someone is WRONG on the internet!
Ladies and gentlemen, TacoMagic at his finest.
**claps**
He commutes there.
There are people on her hat!!! Now they have shit on them according to coff drop! They must not be Kings
I’m more inspired by his Fonz jacket and quasi-Fonz-pointing. I’ll give this post an ‘EEYYYyyyyy!’
*has no rhymes to contribute*
*that was lame
I am ashamed*
Actually, that was not lame. That was awesome. The fonz wins every time. Even when he’s only a flickering figment brought about by furious, bleeding haired, almost Canadian freaks. Too much? My bad. The Fonz still wins.
I am nothing if not a running joke. Or a huffing-while-doing-that-weird-arm-waving-fast-walking joke.
This reminds me of those ‘WTF is this person advertising?’ posts. I think he took a multi-purpose photo, and once he realized no one was taking up his offer as a motivational speaker, he tried to sell his tv, his leather jacket, Hair Club For Men memberships, ‘earn enough money in one month to decorate your home hideously before it gets foreclosed upon’ sales gimmicks, and then….The Painting.
Was waiting for the ‘reveal’ to be [Error: Image Not Found]
Which might have been less scarring than the reality presented.
But, it took from 1230 to 1608 to clean and clear 2.5 computers of virii today.
Which prevented napping; and napping was not only needful, but the weather was perfect for it (or for nature photography).
It also prevented contemplation of the bit of psych counseling homework that was in my fortune cookie last night: “Seek out the significance of your problem ay this time. Try to understand.” Which does parse many ways, all quite odd (and the Seinfeldian appending of ” in bed” not helping either).
So, it’s remained a day needful of a maul or great mallet and using same for some gratuitous, over-the-top, near cartoon-like, pounding into puréed coulee of the deserving.
Someone at work got the fortune, “If you can’t control the wind, trim your sails.” It’s been used every time there has been a passing wind. 8)
Lara Llama durp, here’s your Punchity Punch Punch! Oh, right in the bonnet!
G’Night, Dorset!
You’re right! I can’t take my eyes off of it; I can’t look away from the grey box until I find that picture, damnit!
I’m at a loss for words. I think they were all used up previously in the comments.
:rummages around:
I’ve got a “the”and an “eponymous” left over, but that’s about it.
I’m at a loss for words, too, so let’s try facial expressions:
Ó¿Ò
Saturday Crew: Me, camille, Digi, Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Beautiful, Inspired People!