YSaC, Vol. 979: Stark, porkier remarks.

2011 May 2

Markis Parker trokers


Free Markis Parker trokers. I have 2 of them in perfect shape. Bought them brand new and only used them twice. Im moving and cannot take them with me so they must go. Let me know when you can pick them up and I will give you the address.

Thanks!

Finally! I’ve been looking for a Markis Parker troker to go along with my lacawates valtrus-suka! I mean, my lacawates valtrus-suka isn’t a brand name, so they’re not a perfect match, but I can live with that. I’ll just have to make sure to krim the spectro-fluzjam so that they fit together properly.

Thanks, Ralph! Ralph has been a regular submitter for a while now, and we’ve used quite a few of his submissions, so it’s time for Ralph to get his own tag! (Ralph — we’d love it if you comment every so often, too!)

 

Psst: Ladies … whatever you do, may I suggest that you don’t* do a Google image search for “troker” and scroll about a third of the way down the page. I would especially recommend not* doing this if you’re a big fan of lovely abdominal muscles.

 

* Wait, no, the other thing. DEFINITELY. (But I would avoid clicking on the images themselves.**)

** This may actually be true.

109 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 May 2

    *yawn* Markis Parker used to be one of the leading manufacturers of top-quality trokers. Now that they’ve been bought out, it’s just a name.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 May 2
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      Sorry, Dave, but I’m going to have to fine you for coreying without using Corey Tags™. That’ll be 3 internets for you and 5 “Our Llamas” for the ferret.

      Adores: 7
  2. 2011 May 2

    What is the perfect shape for a troker?

    Round?

    Square?

    Inverted cone?

    A Klein bottle?

    I must know!

    Adores: 11
    • 2011 May 2
      mudslicker permalink

      Apparently about seven inches long and about 1.5″ in diameters.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 2

        How many of those could I fit in my breadbox?

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          A baker’s dozen. As long as the little trokers are in a, er um, how should I say, “rested” state.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 2
      Addicted Reader permalink

      +1 for Klein bottle!

      Adores: 1
  3. 2011 May 2
    nonsensicalcat permalink

    I’ve been troking so long with off-brand trokers, it might be nice to get some Markis Parker trokers. But they’ve already been used twice, and although Sparky says they are in perfect shape, everyone knows that once someone else trokes with trokers, even just twice, they become less trokery. I need to troke with trokery trokers.

    Adores: 13
    • 2011 May 2

      Markis Parker’s trokers are the smurfiest trokiest trokers ever!

      Adores: 2
  4. 2011 May 2

    I’m gonna need to see a certificate of authenticity with this, Sparky. After all, you know what happened the last time a counterfeit Markis Parker troker hit the streets don’t you?

    1977 New York City blackout.

    Adores: 9
  5. 2011 May 2
    SisterLyle permalink

    Trokers, trokers
    Round-y, brown-dy trokers
    Trokers, trokers
    buy them up, fun!

    Trokers, trokers
    Round-y, brown-dy trokers
    Trokers, trokers
    buy them up, fun!

    In the morning
    Selling us some trokers
    In the evening
    reeling from the snark

    Trokers, trokers
    Round-y, brown-dy trokers
    Trokers, trokers
    buy them up, fun!

    Ask a sparky
    any silly question.
    He will answer
    incoherently.

    Trokers, trokers
    Round-y, brown-dy trokers
    Trokers, trokers
    buy them up, fun!

    I took an ad out
    on the local Craigslist
    Didn’t have to pay
    to set it up!

    Trokers, trokers
    Round-y, brown-dy trokers
    Trokers, trokers
    buy them up, fun!

    Sparky can’t spell correctly
    He can’t put up the picture
    He wants you to call him
    Because he’s really vague

    Trokers, trokers
    Round-y, brown-dy trokers
    Trokers, trokers
    buy them up, fun!

    Round-y Brown-dy trokers are never seen eating cappuccino in
    Snark lounges with YSaC women.
    Yeeaahh

    Trokers, trokers
    Round-y, brown-dy trokers
    Trokers, trokers
    buy them up, fun!
    For reference, in case you didn’t catch it.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 May 2
      mudslicker permalink

      I love Fish Heads!

      🙂

      Adores: 2
  6. 2011 May 2

    Taco’s getting sick and is running on about 2 hours of sleep today; not makey good for snark.

    Maybe I should go troke up during lunch.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 2

      Don’t get caught troking in the boy’s room.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 2
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Now that’s stuck in my head!!!

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 2
        Lola permalink

        *imagines Taco, in thong, troking*

        I’m gonna need a new brain …

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          …with his massive link?

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2
          Lola permalink

          Yes … and now I need another tanker of bleach. Thanks for the reminder, Mudsy. 8)

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2
          SisterLyle permalink

          Can I call share-zies on that, Lola.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          I don’t need to remind anyone about TM’s massive link. He’s always sneaking a big wave of it around here when everyone is off their guard.

          Adores: 1
  7. 2011 May 2
    Windrose permalink

    Markis Parker was the first company to use the slogan, Keep on Troking!

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 2

      That reminds me of the days where FatherTaco was a long-haul troker…

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 2
        SisterLyle permalink

        Was that the same time he was also an undercover FBI agent?

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          In keeping with the Taco penchant for speeling, are you sure he just wasn’t an FIB agent?

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 2

          I think he was a Russian flamingo flamenco dancer first.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 2
          SisterLyle permalink

          I wouldn’t doubt it, Mud. He’s always asking me to spell things for him, which is almost counter-productive.

          Adores: 1
  8. 2011 May 2
    Windrose permalink

    AR, Enjoy your day in the box. I’m sure Typo left it in “perfect shape.”

    drmk, thank for the eye candy! Yum.

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 2

      I left my squirrel costume in there for you if you wanna use it. It’s probably still even warm!

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 2
        Lola permalink

        Just as long as it isn’t wet …

        Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 2
      Addicted Reader permalink

      I’m glad I got here in time! Between staying up late to watch the breaking news last night, oversleeping today, actually working whilst in lab, and keeping up with some very interesting discussions on FB, I didn’t get to check in here until just now. I was just going to read today’s post and skip the comments, but then I saw that I’m in the box!!!

      ::does happy dance::

      Adores: 3
  9. 2011 May 2
    Camille permalink

    It’s clearly a tongue twister. Rubber baby Markis Parker troker bumpers.

    Adores: 10
  10. 2011 May 2
    mudslicker permalink

    Not that I’ll lose any sleep over this, but does anyone actually know what Sparky is [selling] here? Something about Marcus Parker I assume. But “trokers only brings me to lower abdominal muscles and then I get distrac….HYPNO DOG PUDDING ON FIRE!!

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 2

      Well, my first thought was that ‘trokers’ was a typo for ‘trousers’, but then the ad wouldn’t make any sense.

      What?

      Adores: 2
  11. 2011 May 2
    Lola permalink

    Markis Parker and the Trokers, tonight only at the 40 Watt!

    Adores: 2
  12. 2011 May 2

    Apparently this is a troker.

    http://snasti.lg.ua/images/troker_m.jpg

    I have no idea why one might use them in pairs. Or, why the guy would not be able to take them with him when he moves.

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 2

      I’ve used those before but I’ve never called them trokers.

      Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2
      Lola permalink

      ¿Qué?

      Thanks for the graphic, Hannafate, except I’m no further enlightened (not your fault, I just don’t know what that is).

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2

        It’s a fishing lure, a curly-tailed plastic worm.

        Here is more than you will ever want to know;

        http://www.bassfishingandcatching.com/plastic-worms.html

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          I don’t think so based on that URL domain name. “snasti” translates for me to “it’s nasty” and that’s all I’ll say about that.

          😉

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2

          I did a Google search for the image URL and it pulled up a bait and tackle website in Russian.

          There are probably some “extracurricular” uses for the things, but they are only about two inches long.

          From past experience it takes about a dozen to clog up a bathroom sink. (Still sorry about that, Dad.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          See? For me it’s Jump To Conclusions Monday. And without something there to show scale, well…

          …I’ll just be over here in the corner playing with the squirrel suit.

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 2
      SisterLyle permalink

      There are two things I see when I look at that link.

      1. [Explicit content]

      or

      2. A very FABULOUS wheat harvesting device.

      Adores: 9
      • 2011 May 2
        mudslicker permalink

        It’s definitely a gummy linoleum knife.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 2
          Lola permalink

          What a useful invention!

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2
      SilvaNoir permalink

      I found a pair of Trokers. But Clarks Trokers, not Markis Parker Trokers

      http://www.shoesforkids.co.uk/images/shoes_for_Boys/Clarks_TROKER_STONE.jpg

      Adores: 0
  13. 2011 May 2
    mudslicker permalink

    tag: RK

    I give up. What is it?

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2

      Ralph Kisdale*

      *Last name may be made up.

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2
        mudslicker permalink

        I must have been absent during class for that lesson plan.

        🙂

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2

          From today’s post:

          Thanks, Ralph! Ralph has been a regular submitter for a while now, and we’ve used quite a few of his submissions, so it’s time for Ralph to get his own tag! (Ralph — we’d love it if you comment every so often, too!)

          Since the appearance of the RK tag coincides with today’s post…

          😛

          Adores: 7
  14. 2011 May 2

    Even the automated advertisement-generating thingumajig is confused by this one. I have a blank white space where the ad should be.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 2
      Lola permalink

      As do I. I think we broke Google AdSense again.

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2
        Camille permalink

        It’s too bad they haven’t invented GoogleAdNonSense yet.

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 2
          nonsensicalcat permalink

          Oooooh, I am full of nonsense. I’ll work on it! Do you think Google will hire a Nonsensical Cat for such things?

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 2

        It’s gone for the default ad – the Sofa and Chair Company of London. When in doubt…

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 2

        I’m getting a big blank spot too. I guess GoogleAds doesn’t know what the trok a troker is either.

        (Hmmm… The spellcheck gizmo says “No writing errors were found” Odd.)

        Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 2
        LurkRealClose permalink

        Actually, I think someone’s broken Google. I can’t get to it. Or to the search results drmk posted above. 🙁

        I’m at work! I have no bookmarks! I needz mai Google!

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2

          Bwehehe!

          *Runs away with the googlez*

          Adores: 2
  15. 2011 May 2
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Man, Ysac hasn’t been this slow since they faked Hitler’s death…

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2
      SisterLyle permalink

      Wait… we faked Hitler’s death?

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 2
        LurkRealClose permalink

        Um……Yay us?

        Wait, does that mean he’s not realy dead?

        Boooo us!

        Adores: 1
  16. 2011 May 2
    Mindfield permalink

    [OT]

    Gah! Our net has been down at work all morning so I haven’t been able to get on to properly snark. I can’t even post my next story to the blog. Figures. Had a nice week’s vacation, recharged my batteries, it’s been nice spring (if wet) weather, and now Bin Laden is dead. Naturally this good fortune must be tempered with something poopy to start the week back to work. Have to type this on my iPhone. Knew I shoulda brought the iPad. Anyway, hopefully we’ll be back up and running soon so I can get back to snarking like I should me doing.

    [OT]

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 2
      mudslicker permalink

      You broke the internet, MF?

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2

        Well, it was one of his goals after all.

        Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2

        I broke it — and I wasn’t even here. My skills are greater than I thought.

        It finally just came back up — just before it’s time to go home, naturally. But at least I can post my story before I leave.

        Adores: 0
  17. 2011 May 2

    *Grabs a Trout and starts poking Lyle with it*

    Trokey Trokey Trokey!

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 2
      Windrose permalink

      Don’t make me stop this blog and come back there, you two!

      Adores: 9
  18. 2011 May 2
    ToBScholarly permalink

    This whole comment thread sounds like something out of Dr. Seuss… only dirty.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 2
      Camille permalink

      [I am absolutely not going to Google Rule 34 Dr. Seuss.]

      Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 2

      So walking we were watching
      And watching so were searching
      For a trokey that was better than before.

      But trokey we couldn’t finding
      And finding so were lacking
      That we wandered to hither and afar.

      And not us finding trokey
      But trokey doing the finding
      And he walked up to us warbling so:

      “I, Trokey, am to trickey tracky
      Transpastical, Troctacular am I

      I traipse and troke and trop and trup
      Tramdooble and Trambongle so to troke and trock and tro!

      So troke with me and you will see that I troke troncastically
      So tranking trolking trumping we trungle twacking tost!”

      And by the by we tronked with him
      And trocking traiked the day away
      Following him round and back again trongling as we went.

      But to the day we question still
      And questioning wonder and ponder away,
      What the hell we did all that day, and why we haven’t since.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 2

        Crap, there’s one line that significantly breaks meter. I have shame.

        Adores: 1
  19. 2011 May 2
    Ralph permalink

    Damn, I was hoping someone here could figure this one out. Google tells me there are a variety of people named Marcus Parker, including a rapper, preachers, athletes, etc. but I can’t figure out the “troker” connection. Stroker? Trucker? Toker? I’m only ten miles from Sparky, but I’m afraid to tell him I’ll pick up the trokers so I can find out, and then discover I have to feed them and clean the litter boxes.

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 May 2

      Trokers are so cute when they’re cubs, but then they grow up into big Markis Parkers and people don’t want to deal with them anymore.

      Such irresponsibility.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 2
        mudslicker permalink

        I heard that they’re really high strung too. And the shedding! Oy!!

        Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2
        Lola permalink

        Taco’s right. Remember, everyone, Trokers are for life, not just for Christmas.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          Christmas? I usually find an abundance of them around Eastertime. I hear they’re litter box trained.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 2

          I got a Troker last Merky Beesmas. He ate all the tinsel off my red table.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 2

          You should try to table-train your Troker.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 2
          mudslicker permalink

          You should see what they did to my Peeps. Ripped out all the eyes with their teeth and stretch-armstronged their necks. Trokers are the chupacabras of Pet Smart.

          Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 2
      ToBScholarly permalink

      I am glad I am not the only one who feels compelled to figure out exactly WHAT THE HECK SPARKY IS TALKING ABOUT!

      It is driving me crazy. And Google is no help.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 3
        SisterLyle permalink

        My googling attempt of “Troker” reveals that Sparky is trying to give away a Mexican inspired Jazz troop. I’m intrigued.

        Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2

      *waves*

      Hi, Ralph! Thanks for all the submissions. I’ll go back and tag your past contributions.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 2
      Roland of Gilead permalink

      Let’s assume Sparky knows how to spell Parker; I know that’s a bit of a stretch but I have to start somewhere. Troker is close to trekker, and low and behold we come up with the Merilees Parker Trekker Store.

      It seems to be mostly DVD’s and such, so who knows why Sparky can’t take them wherever he’s going. Only The Shadow knows what’s going through this fellows mind.

      Adores: 1
  20. 2011 May 2

    :looks around half-empty Snark Lounge:

    :checks calender:

    It’s not still the weekend, is it?

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2
      mudslicker permalink

      Finals Week here.

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2

        Yup, that’d do it.

        Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2
        Windrose permalink

        YSaC Finals? Oh, heck, I forgot to study! Where did I leave the text book?

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 2

          I think there is a spare in the squirrel costume over by the naked lady table.

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 May 2
        nonsensicalcat permalink

        See, I didn’t sleep last night because I let my friends kidnap me for a festival and tacos and Rockband yesterday instead of writing the last paper of grad school. Which was due today. So I kept showing up today and reading and this is my third comment because procrastination is awesome. But I just sent in my paper and now I think I have to sleep for 2 hours or so until television wants me to watch it.
        Because last night I drank a Redbull and decided it was a good idea to move my kitchen table into my living room at 2am.

        Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 2

      It’s been kind of still the weekend here – the first Monday in May is a UK public holiday. So with Easter and the R*y*l W*dd*ng, a lot of us took 3 days’ leave last week, to make an 11-day holiday. Which was nice.

      I’m sort of not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.

      Adores: 4
  21. 2011 May 2
    Todd permalink

    Peter Piper picked a pack of Markis Parker trokers.

    Adores: 2
  22. 2011 May 2
    Ralph permalink

    Here’s another possibility: what has Sparky done to Markis Parker?

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 2

      Now, that’s just scary. He’s got two of those things, and he’s used them? Never mind not being able to take them when he moves house, he should probably be burying them in the back yard and denying everything.

      Adores: 0
  23. 2011 May 2
    LimeLolly permalink

    Trokers … isn’t that what the cat horks up?

    Adores: 1
  24. 2011 May 2
    LaKitta permalink

    OT: We’ve got some fantastic writers ( and readers!) here and there’s a wonderful endeavour over at MachineOfDeath.net. Y’all should go check it out (I think there’s an “About” tab near the top that’d be a good place to start). The short of it: there’s a machine that will accurately predict the way a user will die, though sometimes it’s not as straightforward as it seems. (Most of Vol 1 is available for free on their site but i don’t know that it includes the excellent illustrations from the print version.) For the books, they open shory story submissions to ANYONE AND EVERYONE. Volume 1 became a runaway success. Very cool guys running the show, too.

    Here is the link for the submissions page for Vol. 2: http://machineofdeath.net/mod2

    *I am not affiliated with MOD or its creators in any way; I came to their site via cocreator David Malki !’s terrific comic Wondermark.com. An honest shill from an honest fan.

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2
      LaKitta permalink

      “The problem with the machine is that nobody really knew how it worked, which wouldn’t actually have been that much of a problem if the machine worked as well as we wished it would. But the machine was frustratingly vague in its predictions: dark, and seemingly delighting in the ambiguities of language. OLD AGE, it had already turned out, could mean either dying of natural causes, or shot by a bedridden man in a botched home invasion. The machine captured that old-world sense of irony in death — you can know how it’s going to happen, but you’ll still be surprised when it does.

      The realization that we could now know how we were going to die had changed the world: people became at once less fearful and more afraid. There’s no reason not to go skydiving if you know your sliver of paper says BURIED ALIVE. The realization that these predictions seemed to revel in turnabout and surprise put a damper on things. It made the predictions more sinister –yes, if you were going to be buried alive you weren’t going to be electrocuted in the bathtub, but what if in skydiving you landed in a gravel pit? What if you were buried alive not in dirt but in something else? And would being caught in a collapsing building count as being buried alive? For every possibility the machine closed, it seemed to open several more, with varying degrees of plausibility.”

      Adores: 1
  25. 2011 May 2

    A quick Google search reveals the ad is still up on Craigslist.

    Alright, who wants to e-mail Sparky and find out what on earth he/she’s selling?

    **puts finger on nose**

    Adores: 0
  26. 2011 May 2
    Windrose permalink

    WHY? Why is there a second post up for today? The stress, I can’t take it! *runs screaming into the Snark Lounge*

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 2
      Lola permalink

      I wondered about that, too. I was trying to snark but it would mean borrowing it from tomorrow and I don’t want to create a deficit.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 3
        Windrose permalink

        Well, it’s gone now. Must have been an oops. 8/

        Adores: 1
  27. 2011 May 3
    Windrose permalink

    AR, I know you were here. Here’s your Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Marcus Parkers!

    Adores: 0
  28. 2011 May 7

    http://nh.craigslist.org/zip/2356062296.html (It is still up)

    Did anyone contact this guy to find out what the *&%K he is selling?

    I just Emailed him myself… now the waiting game.

    Adores: 0
  29. 2013 June 22

    Years go by, and we are still clueless. And trokerless. Apparently.

    Adores: 0
    • 2013 June 22

      There’s a fancy and rather dusty box over behind the auntie-juice couch that’s labelled “Trokers” but I’m afraid to open it. I know what happens when people open boxes that they shouldn’t, I’ve seen Raiders of the Lost Ark.

      Adores: 2
  30. 2013 June 22
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Troker? I barely know her!

    Adores: 1
  31. 2013 June 22
    CapnMac permalink

    Well, durf, no image
    was supposed to be http://i1307.photobucket.com/albums/s589/Mackw111/shani.jpg

    Adores: 1
  32. 2013 June 22
    CapnMac permalink

    Hmm, I had a broken computer on 11 May 2011, and thus missed this one.

    Adores: 0
  33. 2013 June 23

    Demon Ducky, you’re the one! You make snarking lots of fun! Demon Ducky, we’re so in lub wif u! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Parkis Marker!

    Adores: 0

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