YSaC, Vol. 985: Kind of Blue.

2011 May 9

walkin the talk? (dabba dee abba da-ee)


when you close your eyes, the star you see is the bindi you wear.
its sort of like the spectra of the rainbow except red isn’t the end-game
just picture a sunrise and you’ll better understand

white means you are close to the next stage of enlightenment
yellow
orange
red
purple
blue
black

yours was blue, but now it is getting darker.
soon you will see only the dark-star
if you are lucky

atonement for transgressions when able is righteous
atonement
at one ment (mind)

at that point, after atonement, and with enough work,
the dark star emerges and turns blue again
and you still have so long to go

original lyrics to eiffel 65 = “im blue and in need of a guide, im in need of a guide, im in need of a guide, im in need of a guide”

or you can wear it as a pretty accessory too.
it comes with a t-shirt “i read a book once”
and a convenient buddha patch
gar-un-teed to bring enlightenment at the next drum circle or your moniez back

*raises hand* Waiter? I’ll have whatever she’s having.

(Wait, did I really just make a When Harry Met Sally reference? I should be ashamed of myself. For that, and for totally coveting Meg Ryan’s hair in that movie when it came out. It was 1989, folks … I didn’t know any better. Nobody did. Her hair was awesome in that movie, by 1989 standards. Thank goodness civilization has continued to progress.)

So if I’m understanding this correctly, whatever color I see when I close my eyes is how close I am to enlightenment. Or is it determined by how annoyed I am by the song in the video? I’m assuming that the murderous rage I felt at the earworm would really set me back on the path to enlightenment, regardless of the color of the computer screen-shaped image I see when I close my eyes.

What was that I just said about civilization progressing? Yeah, I think I was wrong about that.

Thanks, TacoSis!

175 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 May 9

    What disturbs me is that this person may actually be a licensed psychologist practicing one of the newfangled “techniques” called “Brainspotting”.

    “In “inside window” Brainspotting the therapist and client participate together to locate Brainspots through the client’s felt sense of the experience of the highest intensity of affect/body distress. Brainspotting can be done with one eye or two. Brainspotting can be directed at distress and Brainspotting can be directed at establishing and strengthening resources. ”

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9
      Lola permalink

      Brainspotting – “We’ll take your money and make your life full of distress, just like heroin! But you don’t get high. There’s that little detail …”

      Adores: 8
    • 2011 May 9
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Funny, I always just use brain bleach when I have brainspotting problems.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 9

        If you’re have some problems with spotting, I know where you can get some pantyliners skull liners.

        Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 9
      Lara permalink

      If that’s the only thing disturbing you here, I’m concerned.

      Adores: 2
  2. 2011 May 9
    LimeLolly permalink

    “gar-un-teed”

    :snerk:

    I’m picturing Justin Wilson whipping up a batch of hushpuppies while telling a story of fishing with his daddy.

    Adores: 6
  3. 2011 May 9

    Ooooh…Look…It’s a double rainbow.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9

      If you see a double rainbow it means you were a unicorn in a past life.

      Or there’s an amoeba living in your optic nerves.

      Adores: 14
      • 2011 May 9

        I thought is was the Sterno…

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9

          Sterno causes you to see music, not rainbows.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9
          mudslicker permalink

          It’s probably ’cause you fell asleep and forgot to take your contacts out.

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 9
        Lola permalink

        If it’s a varigating rainbow, it could be an ocular migraine.

        Or, the acid is finally kicking in.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          I say it’s the acid

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 9
        SpaceBee permalink

        I see tessellated rainbows.

        Too… …much… …YSAC…
        has given… …me…

        …BEES EYES.

        aieeeeeeeee

        Adores: 9
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Wait, you don’t mean eyes made out of bees do you?

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 9
          SpaceBug permalink

          Oop, dropped an ‘

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 9
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      But no green. Clearly, this is the result of a vast conspiracy headed by Al Gore.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 9

        Or Al Sharpton…

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 9
        Lara permalink

        The answer is always Al Gore.

        Why do I have to get up in the morning?
        Al Gore

        Who is that passed out on the lawn?
        Al Gore

        Why is the sky blue?
        Al Gore

        Adores: 9
    • 2011 May 9
      SpaceBee permalink

      Aieeeeeeeee da ba de da ba di

      ::still running::

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 9

        Why don’t you use the BeeTruck?

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          SpaceBee permalink

          Bees, bees, too many bees.
          Tessellated trucks, tessellated rainbows.
          da ba de da ba di aieeeeeeee

          \☺/
          ≈│
          ≈/\
          / /
          ` `

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          Nice dancing! You seem rather disconnected though. Have you been doing the acid?

          Adores: 0
  4. 2011 May 9
    LurkRealClose permalink

    Dark Star crashing…

    Yup. Take enough acid and it all makes sense.*

    *This may not actually be true.

    Adores: 8
  5. 2011 May 9

    convenient buddha patch

    Finally, a way to kick my three-deity-a-day habit!

    Thank you, Crazy McSparklepants!

    Adores: 17
    • 2011 May 9

      I wonder if Crazy McSparklepants is related to the Carolina McSparklingtons…

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 9
        Asshat Sparklington IV permalink

        I’m ashamed to say it, but they are both part of the Scottish branch of the Sparklington family tree.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9

          Not too many forks in that particular tree.

          Adores: 5
  6. 2011 May 9

    Red black
    Blue brown
    Yellow crimson
    Green orange
    Purple pink
    Violet white
    White white
    White white
    White white

    All our bindis are dark stars,
    Walking the talk.
    This post leaves my brain with scars;
    I want to squawk.

    How dare they try to sell this nonsense?
    How dare they try to sell this nonsense?

    They think they’re such a catch;
    They’ve got a Buddha patch,
    Pretending it’s a chore
    T’ include a shirt and more.

    On Craigslist
    We rediscover sensation.
    On Craigslist
    We rediscover sensation.

    Walking the talk,
    We find the purpose of peace.
    The beauty of life
    You can no longer hide.

    Our eyes are open.
    Our eyes are open.
    Our eyes are open.
    Our eyes are open.
    Wide wide wide!

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 9
      mudslicker permalink

      I’m Rinso white—I’m invisible!

      Adores: 3
  7. 2011 May 9
    ToBScholarly permalink

    Blue is the color I thought that I’d wear

    And yet in the video, they are all wearing black.

    Adores: 7
  8. 2011 May 9

    Well that’s a fine how-do-you-do. I’m a dog. I don’t see any colours*. Stupid hippie neo-religions.

    * [Dog Corey] I know, despite the common misconception, technically dogs aren’t colourblind, but they have far fewer cone cells in their retinas than humans do (but many more rods), so their colour gamut is small and washed out. [/Dog Corey]

    Adores: 13
    • 2011 May 9

      You think you have it bad, I’m a spectral feline. I don’t even have eyes anymore!

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 9
        Addicted Reader permalink

        But I’m sure you can still find your way to trip the humans even without eyes. It’s like a 6th sense for cats.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9

          It’s number 8, right after Hearing The Can Opener From Another Room and Finding Open Laptops and Books To Sleep On.

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 May 9
          Addicted Reader permalink

          And right before Knowing When a Human’s Bladder is Full and Stepping Directly On It.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          mudslicker permalink

          Is that before or after Here’s my butt. Look at it. Let me get closer and raise my tail.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9

          After, mudsy, but before how about I do figure-8’s around your legs while you try to navigate the stairs without falling down and breaking your neck.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9

          Which is all before the ever popular, this present goes in their shoe, hope they’re appreciative of my efforts.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9

          Isn’t number one Here, Let Me Ignore You. Always.?

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          So THAT’S what’s been happening to me. Here I thought I was just clumsy. I’ll have to phone my family and let them know that when I trip and it’s not directly because my cat Sadie tripped me, it’s because of the spectral felines. That will bring them no end of comfort.

          Adores: 2
  9. 2011 May 9
    SisterLyle permalink

    I found this one some time ago… and I’m still too baffled to come up with anything this early in the morning. I’m going to go slice myself some coffee, concentrate on separating words out into phonetic segments until something comes to me.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9
      Lara permalink

      I’m just glad I finally know that ment is the same as mind.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 9
        Windrose permalink

        We’re all mental.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          Speak for yourself, Windy. I think I may have lost my mind. 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          Mine left on the midnight train to Georgia awhile ago which is saying something since I’m in Ohio. Sometimes I wonder what it is doing. Is it seeing anyone? Then I remember I still have my eyes.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2011 May 9

    yours was blue, but now it is getting darker

    There’s a shot for that.

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 May 9

      What happens when your table is red, though?

      WHAT DO I DO?!

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 9
        Lola permalink

        Sell it.
        For free (that’s the secret part).

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          I am much more concerned about forgetting that THE CARSEAT IS PINK.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9

      There’s a shot for that.

      There sure is.

      I’ll fetch me musket.

      Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 9

      Nope, they found out the shot isn’t as effective as the pessary.

      This corner’s comfy, think I’ll make myself at home.

      Adores: 3
  11. 2011 May 9

    Aww…look…the Smurfs are sad. Musta been a bad year for the berry patch.

    Adores: 5
  12. 2011 May 9

    [corey]
    Hey sparky, the lyrics are “Da ba de da ba di” not, “I’m in need of a guide”.

    It’s a fairly minor thing, as those lyrics made the top 10 misheard lyrics of music history back in 2005. Can’t remember who did the “study”. Probably MTV or something.

    It was ranked above “Pour some sugar on me.”
    [/corey]

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9

      Brool Story Co: Back when the song was relatively new, one of my bosses asked me to find the lyrics because she was having a debate with her son about them, who thought the lyrics went, “I’m blue, if I was green I would die.” I obliged and she got to prove her son wrong.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 9

        I’ve also heard “I’m in need of a diet” and “I’m in need of a dye” from others.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          Addicted Reader permalink

          My favorite was “I’m in need of a guy.” And from my parents’ era, “There’s a bathroom on the right.”

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9

          AR – Ah yes…the old “bathroom on the right” line…one of my favs. As is the one my sister came up with “with 400 hundred children and the cops in the field”.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9
          SilvaNoir permalink

          I thought it was “I’m in need of a guy”. humph.

          But even when I know the lyrics it doesn’t stop me from hearing the wrong ones. For example: “blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche another runner in the night…”

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Silva, I don’t care what the “official” lyrics claim, that *is* what he’s saying!

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9

          Reminds me of another favorite song: Fishmaster.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 9
          Windrose permalink

          Silva, the only wrong word is duece instead of douche. 8)

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 10

          Technically, “wrapped” is wrong, too.

          Blinded by the light
          Revved up like a deuce
          Another runner in the night

          The “deuce” in this case being the Ford “Deuce” Coupe.

          Although if we’re using the original Bruce Springsteen version, it’s “cut loose like a deuce.”

          Aaaand now I have both Manfred Mann and Beach Boys stuck in my head.

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 9
      Lara permalink

      I would think it would be a blessing not to have a member of that band on your spaceship. I mean, these are supposed to be a more intelligent species since they made it to our planet right?

      Maybe they just needed to make a right back at Albuquerque

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 9
      Ziaheart permalink

      I always thought it was dah bah dee bah ooh dah (close enough and still nonsensical) but now that Sparky has opened my ey- ears, I hear “I’m in need of a guide”, too. Anyone know the cure for this?

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 9

        A sharp blow to the head should do it.

        *Hefts Mr. Crowbar*

        Need help with that?

        Adores: 0
  13. 2011 May 9

    Yo listen up, here’s a story
    about a sparky who lived in a dumb world.
    And all day and all night
    and everything he says is just dumb,
    like him inside and outside

    And Dumb his brain with it’s one little cell
    And a dumb cortex
    And everything is dumb for him, and hisself
    And everybody he knows
    ‘Cause he ain’t got nobody to smack him.

    He’s dumb, “I’m in need of a guid, I’m in need of a guide…”

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 May 9

      Also, I apologize if that seemed more mean spirited than I normally am. Tron woke us up at 2am this morning and wanted to get up and play. After telling him that wasn’t going to happen he proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs for a good hour before finally passing out.

      I was so wound up by then that it took me a few hours to mimic the unconscious state.

      Taco no in good mood today.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 May 9
        Lola permalink

        *backs up 18-wheeler loaded with pallets of coffee slices*
        Taco, where’s your forklift?

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          Damn, I left it in my other pants.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9

          I bet you tell that to all the girls.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          My Other Pants is the name of my Weezer cover band.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          Except TacoMa’am. I’m betting that she wouldn’t want to hear that.

          IF: I bet they do an excellent cover of “The (Other) Sweater Song.”

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          The other sweater is blue

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 9
      Lara permalink

      I personally think they meant to say they were in need of a Guido.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 9

        Aren’t we all?

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          Mmmm, no.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          Depends on if I have room in the freezer.

          Adores: 5
  14. 2011 May 9
    Angel permalink

    So Auto-Tune is used by aliens? I’m not surprised.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 9

      I think the Super-Bowl halftime show this past year is evidence enough of that.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 9

        I’m still mad that I satisfied my curiosity and watched it on YouTube. That’s twelve minutes of my life I’m never getting back. And I could have used that time to make myself a sammich!

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9

          Or to watch an apple turn brown.

          Adores: 7
  15. 2011 May 9
    Windrose permalink

    I’m just going to sit here on my lily pad and see what I want to see. Dark star, Death Star, it’s all the same to me. Dobabididdy.

    Adores: 4
  16. 2011 May 9
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    While Blue (Da Ba Dee) is undoubtedly earwormy, I’ve come to associate Blue with this song and video. On the surface it’s one in a line of song-based pitches for undergarments, but lurking beneath that minty marketing shell is a pitch-perfect, Weird Al-worthy sendup of Coldplay and the neo-Britpop sound.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 9
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Aw, bloody hell, now I’ve gone and managed to earworm myself. Time to fire up Pandora and crank some Broadway showtunes as a counteroffensive.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 9
        Lola permalink

        I keep hearing Elvis Costello’s “Almost Blue.” Works for me.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          LurkRealClose permalink

          I’m getting Neil Young “Blue, blue windows behind the stars…” and I’m ok with this.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          Nice choices Lola and ponchomoose. I love “Almost Blue”.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          Oh and Neil Young too. I prefer him to most Neils. Neil Diamond, Neil Sedaka, Al Gore…

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9
          Angel permalink

          Elvis Costello is my favorite artist ever; so much so that I named my son Declan after him. Now that’s dedication.

          Ok ok it’s also a name that my family uses from generation to generation but that wasn’t why I used it.

          Adores: 8
  17. 2011 May 9
    Windrose permalink

    Ah-kun, you are in the box again. It has corners, too, just in case you need one.

    Adores: 4
  18. 2011 May 9

    [Semi OT]
    Ah-Kun made it into TWO boxes today. Both here and also my weekly “The Corner”.

    DOUBLE BAUXED! Rev up your brass knuckles Windy, you’ve got some punchin’ to do.
    [/OT]

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9

      My blog’s top search hit these days: Hardcore Video.

      *Facepalm*

      There are some disappointed 14-year-olds browsing to my blog.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 May 9
        Lara permalink

        They lack creativity in their search terms so it’s their own fault.

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 9

        Maybe they were looking for that Hypnotist music video “Hardcore You Know The Score.” Maybe.

        And maybe Elvis is swapping fried sandwich recipes with Sandra Lee.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 9
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

          Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 9

        Some poor soul has been searching for “modern major mineral” (with quotation marks) for over a week and getting my site. I have no idea what they are actually looking for.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Presumably, they’re after that lesser-known Gilbert & Sullivan comic opera, The Geologists of Taco’s Pants.

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 May 9

          I am the very model of a modern major mineral
          I’m calcium, magnesium and silicates and chemicals
          I’m used for keeping healthy and I’m good at things industrial
          I am the very model of a modern major mineral

          Adores: 23
        • 2011 May 9
          SilvaNoir permalink

          many doors for that, smiley puppy!

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          I’ve gotten three people so far getting there by some variation of “markis parker trokers”.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          That was awesome Mindfield

          Adores: 0
  19. 2011 May 9

    I’ll take How You Can Tell Fungi Have Gone Bad for $600, Alex.

    The answer – A craigslist ad you post after consuming bad ‘shrooms.

    What is

    walkin the talk? (dabba dee abba da-ee)

    when you close your eyes, the star you see is the bindi you wear.
    its sort of like the spectra of the rainbow except red isn’t the end-game
    just picture a sunrise and you’ll better understand

    white means you are close to the next stage of enlightenment
    yellow
    orange
    red
    purple
    blue
    black

    yours was blue, but now it is getting darker.
    soon you will see only the dark-star
    if you are lucky

    atonement for transgressions when able is righteous
    atonement
    at one ment (mind)

    at that point, after atonement, and with enough work,
    the dark star emerges and turns blue again
    and you still have so long to go

    original lyrics to eiffel 65 = “im blue and in need of a guide, im in need of a guide, im in need of a guide, im in need of a guide”

    or you can wear it as a pretty accessory too.
    it comes with a t-shirt “i read a book once”
    and a convenient buddha patch
    gar-un-teed to bring enlightenment at the next drum circle or your moniez back

    No, I’m sorry, the last phrase should say t-shit, not t-shirt. And that brings us to the end of round 1 of Jeopardy, back after this.

    Thanks for joining us for round 2. Our judges discussed our contestant’s answer for the $600 clue in How You Can Tell Fungi Have Gone Bad and they’ve decided to grant him the credit because he may have phrased his answer in deference to the censors, so he automatically said t-shirt instead of t-shit.

    [ot] over the weekend I finally succumbed to the encouragement of a friend and started my own blog, The Blog of a Tall Tale Teller. I had so much fun writing the story of Satan picking up the negligent dad, especially describing the visuals of the scene. As much fun as I have writing stories, I decided to start sharing them in my own blog. So far you can only find two stories there – the Satan story and one I wrote several months ago that was not posted on or inspired by YSaC. Come by and read the second half of the story posted below, and while you’re there say hi.

    [RING]

    [RING]

    Dr. Frankenstein’s body shop, you ice ’em, we splice ’em, Igor speaking.

    Delivery? Well, depends. Where from?

    [other end of call]

    That four-alarm fire? Sorry, afraid we can’t take ’em.

    [other end of call]

    Why? Well, last time Master tried using burned corpses was the same night as the big party we had, and there was some confusion, and the caterers accidentally served some of our surplus parts to the guests. Food Safety came by, and man, you should’ve seen the mess. The townsfolk call him a mad scientist, but man, that night he was off his rocker P I S S E D!!! He wasn’t even that mad the time animal control picked up his weimelabracockershephermastidoberman creation. When they decided to put down ole Spot they pumped that poor dog with all of their supply of barbituate and he still kept wagging his tail like crazy. Man, they really freaked out when it fell off. Of course then they knew right where to take him. They also billed Master to resupply their cabinets, and he was sure mad that night.

    [other end of call]

    Sorry, I can’t tell you what to do with all them corpses. The only other time Master accepted a donation of cadavers from a fire it smelled like bbq for months down here. Poor Master almost went full-on vegan after that one. He couldn’t eat any red meat for at least two years. He’s only recently been able to start eating bratwursts again without his eyes closed. The only publicly-donated corpses we accept now are from horse and buggy accidents. The bigger the better. One time we received a shipment of corpses from a 4-buggy pileup. Man, those buggies musta been going crazy fast. Some of the body parts we put together sure looked like they used to belong to horses. You know the mayor? 19-inch-long neck, buck teeth, not that bright? Yeah, he came from our shop.

    [end advertisement-of-self ot]

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 9
      Lola permalink

      Link, plz, Yancey!!! Thank you.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 9

        This link takes you to the complete story I posted above and clicking on my name takes you to the blog.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          😀

          Adores: 0
  20. 2011 May 9
    Artsy Computer Geek permalink

    I like the ad box that popped up with today’s words of wisdom Why How to Medicate Meditate.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 9
      Angel permalink

      My ad box is for Teen Wolf on MTV. HA!

      Adores: 5
  21. 2011 May 9

    Yet again, I am forced to channel Jane Lynch in A Mighty Wind – “We call ourselves WINC – Witches In Nature’s Color… This is a religion that exists only in my own head.”

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 9
      ToBScholarly permalink

      I love you for mentioning that movie.

      [matt, corey, whatever] I own the soundtrack… and NOT for its mocking value. Because I truly enjoy the music. I don’t care what that makes me. [/matt, corey, whatever]

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 9
      Lara permalink

      [OT]I love Harry Shearer immensely even though I always picture him as he was in Wayne’s World 2. Or pulling a foil covered cucumber out of his pants. Picturing those two images juxtaposed is disturbing me.[/OT]

      Sidenote: He has an awesome radio show called Le Show. You can get it off of his website.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 9
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Le Show is a fantastic balance of snark and thoughtful information – usually about the Army Corps of Engineers, foreclosure and the current banking fraud, or nuclear energy. I particularly enjoy the juxtaposition of Shearer talking about Our Friend the Atom and his work on The Simpsons.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          Yup yup yup. I think his playlist is awesome too. I have found many great artists I didn’t know about through that show.

          Adores: 1
  22. 2011 May 9
    funky monkey permalink

    ‘it comes with a t-shirt “i read a book once”’

    Unless that’s an allusion to something hip that I don’t know about cause I ain’t hip, that’s pretty damned funny. I’d wear a shirt like that.

    I now have that song stuck in my head. Awesome.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9
      Lara permalink

      I have also read a book once. Hell, I’ve read some books multiple times!

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 9

        I booked a red(head) to jump out of a cake once. Unfortunately we neglected to mention that it was yellowcake.

        I mean, we said we were sorry, but her next-of-kin wasn’t having any of it.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          It’s hard to explain suffocation in uranium to relatives.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9
      Lola permalink

      funky monkey’s name immediately gave me the earworm to “Brass Monkey” which in turn reminded me that there was a radio blurb this morning about the Beastie Boys’ new album and video/short film, in which the radio announcer mentioned that it had been a quarter-century since “Fight for Your Right to Party” came out, at which time I was in high school but not quite old enough to drive. Thanks, NPR, for making me feel positively geriatric when you put it that way. See if I send you any money in the next pledge drive!
      /curmudgeonly matt in need of a flask and some Geritol

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 9
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        I heard the same thing, but what got me was Mike D talking about how he has to explain to his children that he gets paid to swear. The idea of my teenage idol having spawn of his own, not to mention the notion of Mike D, Family Man, completely wrecked any delusions of youth I had remaining.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          I hear you, dude. I don’t even have a lawn but hearing that made me want to go yell at some kids to get off of it, except I think they’re his kids.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 9
          LurkRealClose permalink

          Oh, sigh. Now I’m imagining Mike D changing diapers, helping with long division homework, and driving the soccar car pool. It’s un-nerving. Kind of hilarious, but un-nerving all the same. Like Lola and IF, I feel old, now.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          What makes me feel old are the “things kids graduating high school this year will have never known” (or “have always known”) pieces.

          You bet your ass I’ve got the plans laid out for the most awesomest lawn on the block, complete with an automated active pedestrian denial system.

          Yeah, you go ahead and try reaching those azaleas without a valid RFID fob.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 9
          Jen permalink

          Oooh and also – apropos comic, though I think someone here linkety linked to it last week or so…

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 9

          It might have been me as I’ve linked XKCD multiple times; though I know others drop XKCD links here as often as I do.

          Geeks travel in packs, you know.

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 9
        funky monkey permalink

        Sorry about the traumatic flashbacks caused by my name. My punishment = I still have the da doo ba dee da boo da going thru my noggin. I can barely work.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          No worries, fm. The radio segment had already done the most damage anyway.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 9
        Jen permalink

        I avoided the ‘funky monkey’ earworm as I don’t know what it is, but instead ended up with a truly hilarious/terrible (hilterribous?) earworm which I’m delighted to inflict on share with others!!!
        This is Suzanne Paul – a lady famous over here for doing infomercials in the 90s for utter rubbish, and with a bizzarely out-of-place West-Midlands accent – and her ‘dance track’ called “the Blue Monkey”.

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 9
        TelcaCat permalink

        I saw a picture of them today. They really ought to change their name to Beastie Grandpas or something. They are hardly boys. Of course, this makes me older than dirt. Mindfield, may I borrow your cane to shake at the youngs? I assume you have one as the ultimate accessory to your pedestrian denial system.

        Adores: 1
  23. 2011 May 9
    ToBScholarly permalink

    So what section of CL is this posted under? Is Sparky selling something? Buying something? Looking for love?

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 9

      Probably personals. Generally if something is really, really bizarre and pointless it’s in the personals.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 9
      Lara permalink

      He/She is looking for a blue alien to call their very own.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 9

        Will he love him and pet him and hug him and squeeze him and call him George?

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 May 9
          Lara permalink

          Yes!

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 9
      LurkRealClose permalink

      It appears to have been posted in rants and raves, which leads me to suspect that Sparky is looking for love in all the wrong places.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 9
        ToBScholarly permalink

        Shows how much I read the actual Craigs List – I didn’t even know there WAS a rants & raves section.

        I am not sure that is an area I would read voluntarily. My fragile brain may implode.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          It’s the nutty center of the CraigsList candy bar.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 9
          Addicted Reader permalink

          There’s candy inon CraigsList? Where???

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          AR, I wouldn’t get too excited. Even if it is kosher, it’s probably still one or more of the following (in which case you probably don’t want it anyway – this is CL):
          – got an accordion on it
          – stained by a late auntie
          – misspelled to the point you don’t even know what they are advertising
          – only available to you if you walk past a specific Starbucks carrying a certain type of handbag
          – only for Markis Parker Trokers
          – PINK, THE CANDY IS PINK
          – blended in with the cheese (a) on a Lionel Ritchie head, or (b) in a nacho cheese fountain
          – French Perventional
          – divided by zer- (oh shi-)

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9

          Rants and Raves is the 4Chan of Craigslist.

          Or so I’ve been told.

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Good call, Lola. Good thing you’ve got my back!

          Adores: 1
  24. 2011 May 9
    ginsu permalink

    Appears to be a classic case of Skittles overdose.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 9

      Nah. Skittles OD presents with a complete lack of punctuation and spacing in addition to questionable grammar. This was more like a normal snack session of a particular type of brownie.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 9

        Freaky-puppy…

        Don’t you mean:

        NahSkittlesODpresentswithacompletelackofpunctuationandspacinginadditionto questionablegrammar Thiswasmorelikeanormalsnacksessionofaparticulartypeofbrownie

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          I would have had I just gorged on Skittles. But then I would have been too busy tearing ass around the city chasing mail trucks to bother typing that.

          Adores: 8
  25. 2011 May 9
    Lara permalink

    I don’t think you could walk this Sparky’s talk. Unless Sparky is secretly a very clever dog who can type. OMG MF!

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 May 9

      Sorry, it’s not me. I need a lot more beer in my bowl before I reach those levels of incoherency.

      Adores: 8
  26. 2011 May 9
    mudslicker permalink

    OT: Why do I have “Numerology: Your Name is No Accident” ads on my sidebar? I was totally hoping that my name was just as much an accident as was my birth.

    The Truth is a cruel Mistress. 🙁

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 9
      Lola permalink

      I was seeing those as well, and wondering what qualified as an accidental name. Despite what they may be frequently called by so-called loved ones, I don’t know anyone whose government name is actually an expletive indicating unpleasant surprise.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 9

        My Mom calls me Smartass sometimes.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          But not by accident, I’ll wager.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9

          Nope, I pretty much deserve it almost all the time. 🙂

          Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 9

      Why does the idea of nominative determination have anything to do with numerology?

      And yes, nominative determination is a real thing — I guarantee it, or my name isn’t McDonald’s Fry Cook.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 9
        mudslicker permalink

        Are you sure it’s not 666? Because I can totally see the numerology connection there.

        Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 9

        The best thing that Numerology taught me is that vague, generalized yet still pseudo-declaritive statements totally apply to me if I consider them after I’ve supplied my own context!

        Awesome, huh?! Numerology is way more accurate than fortune cookies when the predictions are considered retroactively! How spooky is that?

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 May 9
          mudslicker permalink

          Numerology is way more accurate than fortune cookies

          …in bed.

          Adores: 8
        • 2011 May 9

          I would support numerology more if it came with a dessert. Do they make Numerologic Fudge?

          Adores: 5
      • 2011 May 9
        Addicted Reader permalink

        Oooh, you get to be a cook? My name is Bathroom Mopper, so the best I can hope for is to work somewhere where people throw up in the bathroom less than once a day.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 9

          This is starting to sound like a Goblins group.

          Can I be, “Throws Large Teeth”?

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 9

          Can I be Stake Whittler?

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh, I’ll definitely be, Shirt Shoveler [aka Shit Shoveler].

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          That would be an awesome superhero name!

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 9
        SpaceBee permalink

        Then I’d have to be:
        Laitfer Wurke

        Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 9
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Mine was. My parents were dead-set on having a boy. Wouldn’t let the doctor tell them what I was going to be. Didn’t pick out a girl’s name. I was going to be Charles Jr.
      Surprise, I was a girl. In the hospital after I was born they scrambled to think of a female form of that, and so I’m named Charlene. Which is why I don’t like my name :/

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 9

        Could have been worse, they could have named you Juniorella or something like that.

        Adores: 9
        • 2011 May 9

          Or just gone ahead and named your Charles Jr.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 9
          Jen permalink

          *Gasp* Not her Charles Jr*!!!

          *Upsetting not.a.euphemism of the day.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 9
        Windrose permalink

        I knew a family that had six girls, and every one had a boy’s name with a feminine middle name or a feminine form. They were sure they were having boys each time. They finally adopted a boy. The one I remember was Danetta.

        Edited by WR with help from AR.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 9

          No joke, there’s a girl who went to my middle school who was named Bobette. That was her full name. Bobette.

          Still not as bad as the girl who went to my elementary school who was named Ecstasy, though.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 9
          Lola permalink

          I went to school with a Bobette (or possibly Bobbette) as well. Her sister had a gender-neutral name. There were no boys in the family that I recall, so perhaps the parents were disappointed in this fact.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 9
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Psst, Windy, you dropped some e’s. Do you have to send yourself birdseed for fixing your own comment behind the scenes?

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 9
          Windrose permalink

          EEEeeeeek. Ahem. Thanks, AR. I’ll put it on my tab.

          Adores: 0
  27. 2011 May 9
    CapnMac permalink

    such good snark
    even if much of it left me behind
    such is life long enough lived
    not all references grok

    but, needing an XP disk to do a Repair install and not having one is a bad combination, too . . .
    too much to do, and I need my desktop back.
    and do not have enough actual CDs to format and start over (the o/s cd’s absence being telling).

    now, back to my weary, away away

    Adores: 3
  28. 2011 May 9
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Close your eyes.

    Center yourself.

    Focus on your star.

    Tune out inputs from the world around you.

    Have you found your still place?

    Good.

    ::whack::

    That’ll cure what ails ya’.

    Adores: 7
  29. 2011 May 10
    Windrose permalink

    Punching out a little ahead of time, Ah-kun. Today was a very tiring day.

    Taco, if you want me to punch out at your blog, too, we need to discuss payment terms. I demand no less that what the Llama-nun and Ostremu pay me.

    G’Night, Zorotl!

    Adores: 3

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