YSaC, Vol. 986: Pilcrow party!
Wanted
test paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraphtest paragraph. call xxx-555-5555
I can see why this person wants some paragraphs.
Actually, this was posted in the art/media/design jobs section.
My theory is that they are looking for someone who knows how to use paragraphs.
I would like to apply for this position.
As you can see, I know how to use paragraphs, and use them frequently.
Too frequently.
So, perhaps, we would balance one another out.
It would be a mutualistic obligate symbiotic relationship.
Besides, everyone knows the siren call for art/media/design people is this:
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisici elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
Thanks, Kyle!
The first one is actually a pretty good design ad for one of those Magic Eye things – I see a coffee slice.
(Well, actually, that’s on the desk here, so maybe that’s why.)
The second – pfft. It does suck. You can never believe anything in those Lorem Ipsum ads.
Medic!!!
Yeah, I think there’s something wrong with my eyes, I keep seeing multiple images of the same thing over and over.
Well I have extensive experience in testing paragraphs, and frequently test them to destruction, if that’s what they want…
Your paragraph test has come back positive. I prescribe lorem ipsum salts.
Remember, if there are any changes in your paragraph, see an English professor immediately.
Side effects may include dry mouth, tied or twisted tongue, and verbal diarrhea, and in rare cases, kidney failure and death. If elocutions last more than six hours, discontinue use immediately.
Lorem! Ipsem! SIT…stay…staaaaaayyy…
Assuming the Llamanun (BBUH) did not change the phone number, it looks like Sparky lives in the same place every single movie and TV show since the ’60s takes place in.
Strangely, the area code was the only non-generic piece of information in the entire ad.
The timing of this being posted, and the ‘nun’s use of lorem ipsum, is kind of weirding me out. We got food to go from a certain nationwide burrito chain last night, and the bag had one side that was fully lorem ipsum – the other 3 were correct. Because of their modern/industrial design aesthetic, I couldn’t quite bring myself to believe it was a mistake, but nor could I come up with a single reason they would have done it on purpose.
Now, everything has fallen into place. Weird, suck-sucky place.
Holy CRAP!
Oh wait… Kyle. For a second there I thought we were sporting a second Lyle.
Now that would have been confusing.
But oh so lovely. The more Lyle the better.
Except that 555 numbers are only restricted to fictional use in North America, and even then, since 1994, only numbers in the 555-0100 to 555-0199 range (though this varies regionally most regions are reluctant to release numbers above 0199 for general use). It is conceivable then that 555-5555 is a real number, depending on area code. I’m betting if we find the right area code, we’ll be connected to a pre-recorded message that says,” Congratulations, you have passed the first part of the test. Now I have your phone number, from which I can get your address. You must now complete the second part of the test if you want to live. Listen carefully: Cedar wood shavings, a 1998 Geo Metro, two dozen lugnuts, and a jar or mayonnaise. You have 48 hours. Go.”
Of course, I’m just guessing here.
The critical part that keeps you alive is whether you choose the jar, or the mayonnaise, but not both. 8)
See, you’re already starting to solve the puzzle. Jar or mayo? What is more likely to save your life?
Jello is necessary to save your life.
Well, if you were drowning in a jar you could hold the mayo…
Remember, friends, test your paragraphs and test them often.
This has been a test of the emergencey paragraph system. This is only a test. If it were an actual paragraph emergency, locations for shelters in your area would have followed.
Local time 7:44 am. Temperature 68 degrees.
BOOP
BOOP
BOOP
bbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppp
Are paragraph emergency shelters fully stocked with coffee slices and dictionaries?
Yeah, but they were built decades ago so they’re also stocked with Strunk & White’s Elements of Style, which could set the English language back ages.
I’ll bring Lola’s magic flask.
“Elements of Style” might be just the answer post-apocalyptic prose might require.
And Scrabble and Life board games.
I’ll bring my Lord of the Rings Monopoly set.
I think I have an old set of Mastermind rattling around somewhere …
We found a Stratego game piece under the stairs… I’ll bring that!
I was going to bring some marbles, but I seem to have lost them.
[init:base settings/frame collect/emergent\drill\]
rem Emergent Pagination and Compositing
rem Only a Drill
<page=yes frame=yes color=red frametext = “Emergency–This is a Drill”>
|set count 0|
[read-line]
|set count 1+ count|
|if /count/ = 5; /append <br><P> |set count = 0|;[null]|
|append /local conditions/|
|/run/|
This is a drill.
This is a paragraph of [one] line.
1605CDT 92/93 S 20g26 36% 62dp 29.78s
This is indeed a test — not of your paragraphic acumen, but of your Holmsian ability to figure out what it is Sparky is really looking for, and by treating the post as an anagram I have a few possibilities:
Aghast trapper (or an aghast trap rep, if you’re going to be in sales)
A Spatter Graph (kind of like a Rorschach test, but with projectile sneezing)
Rat Trap Ash Peg (the peg — made of ash wood — that keeps the rat trap closed)
Gather Rat Traps (dead rat removal after they’ve been trapped)
Gather Tarp Asp (colletor of poisonous snakes from a makeshift trap)
Gathers Pap Tar (collector of some type of tar possibly involving or made from human papillomavirus)
Tartar Pep Shag (enthusiastic sex in a fish condiment)
Get Harps Apart (harp repairman)
Grape Staph Tar (Mmmm, viralicious!)
Grapes That Rap (The California Raisins are so 1980s, he needs something fresh and gangsta)
Pa’s Phat Garter (Pa hasn’t been the same since he lost it)
Grasp Tart Heap (Something something orgy.)
Sharper Gap Tat (He really likes The Gap, and his original tat wasn’t very well done.)
Tag Part Phrase (he’s really stuck on the NYT Sunday Challenge crossword.)
Trap Earth’s Gap (He wants to take over either the Grand Canyon or Marianas Trench)
Paper Trash Tag (Municipal bylaws require that he tags his trash now and the department of sanitation never sent him any.)
Gas That Rapper (There’s someone he needs you to “take care of.”)
Pear Graph Stat (He needs statistics on pears in chart form.)
Grasp That Pear (He can’t reach and/or understand it. May or may not be a euphemism.)
Grasp That Rape (Definitely not a euphemism.)
Now we just need to narrow it down by figuring out what sort of person Sparky is in order to divine what it is he wants.
I think that someone at the 40 Watt got bored, and was having fun with tonight’s bill:
The Anagram Paragraph Festival presents:
Rat Trap Ash Peg
Pear Graph Stat
Tartar Pep Shag
and special guest
Pa’s Phat Garter
Sparky must live in Japan. He ran out of gomi stickers and is looking to score some black market ones.
You know, come to think of it I dated a Lorem Ipsum in high school. Nice girl; couldn’t understand a word she said though.
It’s understandable to be attracted to a Latin tongue.
She could conjugate like nobody’s buisness.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
I bet she had nice vowels. You gotta be careful though. You don’t want to find out the hard way that she actually has a dangling participle.
She took me for all my Roman numerals. 🙁
She’ll only edit your papers
Red marker flashing bright
F minus for you
I’ve seen her marks before
Correcting and failing
Ohh, your paper next
Her eyes see mistakes galore!
So many have failed her class
And you think
That you’re gonna pass
The woman is strict
No bell-curve here
The red marker rules this land
Paragraphs and words
Won’t be enough for her
If you can’t spell it all right
(Ooh, there she grades)
Watch out, boy
She’ll flunk you fast
(Ooh, there she grades)
She’s a verb eater
(Ooh, there she grades)
Watch out, boy
You’ll repeat this class
(Ooh, there she grades)
She’s a verb eater!
If she offers you macrons, don’t fall for it. They’re not really there. And after she puts your indirect objects into the dative case, the relationship really starts to decline.
Just be careful 0f women with nicely rounded diphthongs. They tend to be daughters of overprotective mobsters.
I think Sparky is probably looking for a roofer and just doesn’t know how to spell it.
Paragraph tester (paragraph tester)
Deer Sire or maid man, will you drive my brook?
It took me beers to blight, will you fake a nook?
It’s bias on a hovel by a truck named Jeer
And I bleed a gob, so I want to be a paragraph tester,
Paragraph tester.
It’s the thirty story of a smarty hand
And it’s dinging cliff doesn’t piddle strand.
The gun (The bun) is wokeing for the silly fail,
It’s a shaky blob but he wants to be a paragraph tester,
Paragraph tester.
Paragraph tester(paragraph tester)
It’s an once of time, give or make a dew,
I’ll be fighting more in a weak of brew.
I can lake it conjure if you like the pile,
I can manage it sound and I want to be a paragraph tester,
Paragraph tester.
If you really pike it you can have the lights,
It could make a pavilion for you over smite.
If you must heart burn it, you can mend it square
But I need a beak and I want to be a paragraph tester,
Paragraph tester.
Paragraph tester(paragraph tester)
Paragraph tester- paragraph tester
Paragraph tester- paragraph tester
Weekly Beatles quota filled nicely.
*has crush du jour on Hammy (partly for puppy avatar)*
If your Paragraph Test turns pink, congratulations! You will soon have a bouncing baby essay to love and cherish.
Mine’s green. Should I be concerned?
Green, you say? Um. Excuse me. *dons surgical mask, latex gloves, and EVA suit* No, no, don’t be concerned. Do see a doctor at your earliest convenience, however. *sprays disinfectant around Snark Lounge*
Mine won’t hold still long enough for me to pee on it. :*-(
…of all the weird things for this single section of the above insanity to trigger in my mind… *puts on spandex, hairspray, facepaint, and breaks out into song*
You remind me of a Sparky
What Sparky?
The sparky with the post.
What post?
The post of voodoo
Who do?
You do.
Do what?
Remind me of the Sparky.
I saw my Sparky
Crying hard as a doofus could cry
What could I do?
My Sparky’s brain had gone
and left Spark’ with no clue.
Nobody knew!
What kind of listing to use?
Bees and Bread
or Lionel R’s head
Crisco or deer hooves
Then the Sparky said….
Test paragraph test
(Test paragraph test)
Test paragraph test
(Test paragraph test)
Put that Sparky post on me!
Jump paragraph jump
(Jump paragraph jump)
Jump paragraph jump
(Jump paragraph jump)
Put that magic post on me!
Slap that Sparky, set him free!
… *goes to the corner*
Wow Lyle, I love the morning dose of Bowie! And you look so much like him!
And now I have an earworm as cosmic punishment for saying you looked like Bowie.
I truly hope you’re implying that David Bowie looks a little like an owl and not that, in all actuality, I look like an effeminate man.
It’s a very… musical day here in the snark lounge.
The lounge is alive…
With the sound of Snark-dom!
With song parodies
And euphemism!
The ‘nun fills my heart
With the sound of Snark-dom!
My heart wants to mock
Every Sparky it sees.
My snark wants to roam like the bedazzled hooves
that hang from the wall of my room.
My snark wants to fly like an ex-parrot
being smacked around by a broom.
To laugh at the Spark’ when it’s deserved so well
To sing through it all like a Spark who is learning to sell!
I go to the lounge when my mind is lonely
I know I will read what I’ve read before
My Snark will be blessed with the sound of sarcasm
And I’ll joke one more.
This is the weirdest techno dance beat I’ve ever heard.
The system is down. The system is down. The system is down.
I’m not much of a writer, but here is a puzzle for you all:
There once was a Pilcrow that lost his pronouns in the Forest of Malopropisms. This made him very sad and made his jargon allophonic. He knew it was only a matter of time before he could only utter contranyms.
Something had to be done, immediately. So he called upon his old friends Limerick and Rhyme. After explaining the problem, they all were in agreement that this was a superlative problem and offered to go with him back to the forest to search for his missing pronouns.
They searched for hours finally giving up after only finding epistrophes and dangling modifiers that Limerick actually tripped over and damaged his sarcasm in the process. It was agreed that they would cease searching for the night and try again after resting and enjoying a most excellent meal of understatement with pints of hyperbole.
The next day, Pilcrow’s Grammer arrived with the lost pronouns in her handback. In her tautological and didatic manner, Grammer participled Pilcrow with spoonerisms and acrostics until Pilcrow had no choice but agree to present perfect alliteration. He learned that one must always be ready for top-down learning and keep away from plagiarism. Pilcrow lived a good long semantic life after this experience.
**So how many English writing terms do you recognize?**
And how many spelling/writing errors can you find? *d’oh*
I think I speak for the entire Taco family when I say ‘I see no typos’ 😀
27, I think. I lost count a few times and eventually got irritated with starting over so I just continued where I thought I left off.
Bridgete… you’re pretty close.
Close doesn’t count except for horseshoes and hand grenades.
Bombs, missiles, darts…
You forgot tsunamis….
What? Too soon?
Ethics
Pecil Ipsum.
Also blowtorches, chickenpox, Molotov cocktails …
And zippers.
Since no one else is trying to guess… the answer is 33. And I counted 1 typo and 2 missing commas. But then it was written in and around my busy work day, so , meh.
Paragraph, see it here
Just a test, not a sale.
Want to see, if it works
On Craigslist now; Turing fail.
With my Spambot I will clog Craigslist
With my Spambot I will post the ads and paragraphs that
Sell you stuff, stuff I make
Make from trash, then you’ll pay.
Lots of cash, trade for stuff
All for me, every day.
With my Spambot I will sell my junk
It’s not a mail-bot or a trojan, I can’t program well
I just think I need time to go and
Test the bot I’ve tried to make
And spam Craigslist until it breaks,
I’ll fill it up with things I sell
and we’ll end up in Turing Hell.
[Short Musical Interlude]
So that’s the plan, make a bot
unleash it then, no turning back.
Watch it make, lots of spam
Or get a post, on YSaC.
With my Spambot I will Sell-
You’re welcome, IF.
And I see the mistakes only after Ajax expires. Crap.
I even proof-read** it once.
*Sprinkles birdseed around*
**Skimmed it quickly.
Mmm, millet and hemp seed! Check it now, Taco. I may have missed something.
Looks like you got it all. The two misspellings I could see and my inability to capitalize Spambot on that one occasion.
Oops, missed me using “adds” instead of “ads”. That one is pretty well classic TypoMagic in action.
Did not. 8)
*Looks around at the flanking Velociraptors*
Clever girl.
*throws a bag FULL of doors* Dr. Horrible, ftw.
I want some struff too. :-/
I’ve got some struff, but I’ll only trade it for firm obos. I also accept palpal.
I earwormed myself with this one. Been singing Freeze Ray under my breath since lunch.
My earworm is inevitably “Brand New Day” or “Slipping”. I just love how incredibly, brilliantly weird those two songs are.
I was gonna comment on which songs I liked, but really I can’t think of one from the show that I don’t.
That’s saying something as even in my favorite musical, The Producers, there are songs that I don’t care for.
And now the Gutten Tag Hop Clop is stuck in my head.
10-4 base, message received. Meet at the 5th bridge in Cicero, NY at eleventy hundred hours, and the password is “sic semper tyrannis.” I’ll bring my copy of De Finibus Bonorum et Malorum. You bring the pizza.
*waves enthusiastically at the fire truck as it screams by*
HI STEVE!!!
OT Complaint: Oh Pandora…you used to know my taste in music so well. What happened? Where did we go wrong? Have you gone HAL 9000 on me?
What are you being forced to listen to, Mudsy?
Is Pandora rickrolling you?
Why don’t you like this music, Dave?
Ab experimenta in paragraph, haec pessime vani.
Propter defectum solum paucis <P> vagus
Numen dona mihi serenitatem tranquillam manere in facie adversa egestas fluctuare animo et intellectum iugiter laborare sine labore aut adhibita vi, quamvis iucunda quantus multa vi illata-obtusa cum trauma optimus clamor appellat. . .
Pie Jesu Domine
Dona eis requiem
*thwack*
OT: I always thought the saying at work that if you let management know you like what you are doing, they’ll move you somewhere else was just a joke. 8( Turns out, it’s not, really. I had three weeks in a position I loved, and today it’s over. Back to the salt mines tomorrow.
http://www.nwcn.com/video?id=121518554&sec=551977
This cheered me up. Thanks, HHNF!
*to Fortune Plango Vulnera from Orff’s Carmina Burana*
O, da nobis omnia verbas tui, O Sparcus Lorem Ipsum,
Es fatuus quod nihil duxisti nobis, quando in Craigslist eramus.
Sparcus voluit probare multos paragraphos,
sed in YSaC videtur, nos ei ridemus.
¶-A-R-T-Y! We ain’t got no alibi! Pilcrow!
¶-
¶-
¶-Pilcrow!
Mindee, happy Punchity Punch Punch.
Wonder why we didn’t have more Python today? Not a busy day here but fun.
G’Night, Matt Mullenweg!
Story time! Once when I was a wee lass, my dad asked me if I wanted to write a letter to my uncle (read: he told me I had to write a letter to my uncle). I took a look at his letter for template and saw that he had paragraph breaks. Not yet knowing how to use paragraphs, I asked him about it, and he gave me some explanation that I don’t really recall. The end result?
My
letter
looked
like
this
except
longer
and
in
Korean.
With
Love,
[Zia].
OMG! I don’t think I’ve ever seen the full text of “Lorem blah blah blah” before…
You ROCK.
I suddenly feel an urge to do something media-related… design a webpage… nnnngh, braaaains…