YSaC, Vol. 1001: One fish, two fi — AAAH! Get it off!

2011 May 30

glass bottom boat – $200


THATS RIGHT IT HAS A 1 INCH THINCK PLEXI GLASS WINDOW TO SEE UNDER WATER. RE DID THE FLOORING WITH FOAM INSULATION ALL AROUND.

EMAIL OR CALL
SEBASTIAN
xxxxxxxxxx

 

 

You know what the problem is with normal glass-bottom boat tours? You can’t reach into the water and pet the fish! Well, here at Sebastian’s Glass-Bottom Boat Tours and Salvage, we’ve solved that age-old problem! Imagine being out on the open water with your loved ones, merrily bailing water, when your youngest spies a cuddly viperfish* — oh, the joy at being able to reach down and touch the sealife! It’s an educational experience for the whole family!

Thanks, Marilyn!

 

*Note: not cuddly.

82 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 May 30

    Coming soon: DATF’s Snakehead Petting Zoo, Marina Drive, Alexandria, VA. Fun for the whole family!

    Adores: 3
  2. 2011 May 30
    LimeLolly permalink

    I’m thinking the only water that this boat could stand up to is a glass of water.

    Maybe not even then. Waterboarding is so controversial these days.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 30

      It would make a nifty sandbox though.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 May 30
        LimeLolly permalink

        Absolutely. My child just doesn’t get enough splinters and spray foam in his diet.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 30

          Spray foam keeps them regular.

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 30
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Remember that sandbox vote from awhile back. I was wondering if some crazy brave sole hauled it away and “repurposed” it.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 May 30
          Ziaheart permalink

          I think it would have been too late for a sole to pick it up, once it’s been turned into a sandbox.

          Adores: 1
  3. 2011 May 30

    Sparky, a plywood boat, Plexiglas, and spray foam – No good can come of this.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 30
      Laurelhach permalink

      On the upside, not much evil can come of it either–the doomsday device fell through bottom, and the fish can’t figure out how to turn the dial to ‘utter annihilation,’ so the device remains permanently set to ‘mild irritant.’

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 30
      LimeLolly permalink

      Add a tarp, and a tree with a strong branch, and you’ve got the makings of a decent habitat.

      Adores: 4
  4. 2011 May 30

    Alternate title: Glass bottom boats, you make my fishin’ world go round.

    Adores: 16
    • 2011 May 30

      Ooh, I like that one!

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 30
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      I was just a redneck dad
      With some sprayfoam that I had
      And a boat that barely floated anyway
      Left alone with my best saw blade
      And some glass I got in a trade
      Hey there Craigslist, make a rich man outta me.

      Are you gonna take it on the lake?
      Look, you can grab that watersnake!
      Are you gonna watch this boat go down
      Glass bottom boats, you make my fishin’ world go round.

      Adores: 14
  5. 2011 May 30

    I can’t wait for this to show up on Instructables.

    1. Take a couple huge hunks o’ plywood.
    2. Cut them into roughly the shape of an iron. Put one on top o’ the other when you cut so they both come out the same shape.
    3. Cut some other hunks o’ plywood at least as big as the other pieces.
    4. Put one o’ the iron-shaped pieces on the ground.
    5. Take one o’ the other hunks o’ plywood and wrap it around the side of the iron-shaped piece, hammering it into place as you go.
    6. Do the same with another hunk o’ plywood on the other side.
    7. Stand some beer cans up inside — be sure to drink the beer first! A couple dozen will do.
    8. Put the other iron-shaped piece on top o’ the beer cans.
    9. Nail that into place. If you’re too drunk by this point to have good aim, make sure you have extra nails on hand.
    10. Take some caulking and go all around the bottom of the boat, then repeat for the inside around the edges.
    11. Cut and nail a 2×4 across one end for something to sit on and drink your beer.
    12. You got yerself a boat!

    OPTIONAL

    13. Get out yer sawzall and cut a square hole in the bottom, and then the top part of the boat, somewhere ’round the middle.
    14. Cut some plexiglass to fit.
    15. Use some foam insulation to seal the plexiglass in place.
    16. Glass-bottomed boat!

    OPTIONAL OPTION

    17. Leave out the foam insulation from the top window and screw on some hinges.
    18. Extra beer storage!

    OPTIONAL OPTIONAL OPTION

    19. Oars. Might need some oars.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 30
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      20. might need a life jacket or a bigass truck inter-tube..

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 30

        Whaddayer need that fer? Just takes up room for beer!

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 30
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          You could always use the intertube to hold the cooler with the extra beer. A’int you never been tubin?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 30

          Oh, yeah, and then we could fill the innertube with beer! It’ll be our own portable keg. I like the way you think.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 May 30
          Windrose permalink

          *sip* This beer tastes like rubber. *gulp*

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 30

          Yeah, you’ve had Keystone beer? Well, this is Bridgestone.

          Adores: 8
        • 2011 May 30

          I prefer the Firestone fortified wine, it has a charming steel-belt aftertaste with just a hint of asphalt.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 May 30

          I’d rather a Pirelli Noir myself. It has a lighter nose but a bold vulcanized flavour that pairs very well with roadkill.

          Adores: 1
  6. 2011 May 30

    Even by the remote chance this thing doesn’t sink like a boat with a poorly sealed hole cut in its bottom, what exactly is Sparky hoping to see in the water? Small boats like that are normally used on small ponds and lakes, which (around here anyway) have water that’s about as clear as a coffee slice.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 May 30

      I would imagine that its most useful function would be searching for your drunk friend who fell overboard.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 May 30
        LimeLolly permalink

        Or to identify which gator got him (in my neck of the woods).

        Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 30
      Windrose permalink

      My thought was that this ad had to be from around Catalina Island, or somewhere in Florida. The water near the island is clear enough, shallow enough, and teeming with sea life close enough to the surface that the boat would be useful. There are fleets of glass bottom boats that will take you and the whole family on a tour. There’s even a movie called the glass bottom boat.

      Oh, wait, my corey tags are in my other pants. Never mind.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 30

        Believe it or not, it’s from Canada.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 May 30

          Northern Ontario would be my guess, then.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 30

          Red Green?

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 30

          Vancouver.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 May 30
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Sure, Blame Canada.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 May 30

          @kelli: Nah, not enough duct tape.

          Vancouver, huh? The weed capitol of Canada, so … not really surprised there, either.

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 May 8
        Marilyn permalink

        Actually Surrey :o) Anyone from the Lower Mainland of BC will understand completely.

        I’ve been at school and haven’t been to this site in so long – it still gives me an asthma attack from laughing so hard!

        Adores: 0
  7. 2011 May 30

    Contact Sebastian, the crab from “The Little Mermaid”? I guess the seafloor needs more drunken, drowned idiots to nosh on.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 May 31
      Jen permalink

      Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter, take it from me!

      Ever hopeful that it would prophesy a successful night in the bars of Ish* at last**, Sebastian’s joyful renditions of Under the Sea were about to become more real than he could have imagined…

      *Tonight, the part of Ish will be played by Vancouver, Canada.
      **Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more but look at this totes anamatonomically accurate drawing I did LOL bewbs.
      Man, Uni really ruined Disney for me… ok ok ok I’m going! Stupid corner.

      Adores: 0
  8. 2011 May 30
    Grampdaddy permalink

    I think it really is an ecological workstation to study marine habitats and stuff. Therefore, to be truly “green” it needs a non-polluting energy source – like a sail. That is an easy addition:

    1) Drill large round hole in bottom of ‘boat’.

    2) Get a long 2×4 to put in hole.

    3) Tape in place with duct-tape.

    4) Staple sheet to 2×4.

    5) Install wet bar in crew’s quarters.

    I’ll be in the lounge if you need any help.

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 May 30
      Windrose permalink

      Ah, Grampdaddy, how we’ve missed your common sense and mature guidance through Sparkyland. 8)

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 30

      I take it the “crew’s quarters” is defined as the other side of the boat?

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 30
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Well, crew’s quarters normally are in the lower levels, and since Sparky’s wonder only has one deck, it is probably safe to assume that the ‘wet’ in “wet bar” is accurate.

        Probably a waste of time to request a dry martini…

        Adores: 1
  9. 2011 May 30
    Artsy Computer Geek permalink

    I think the best thing about this unique boat is that it left the sponsor bot speechless.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 May 30
      LimeLolly permalink

      When in doubt, confuse ’em. Words to live by.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 30
        Windrose permalink

        I thought AdSense was saying, “Blankity blank blank.” No?

        Adores: 1
  10. 2011 May 30

    I can almost hear Jamie Hyneman – “Well, there’s your problem…”

    It’s definitely an educational experience, though. The main thing you learn is not to buy poorly- modified boats from idiots who may well have been under the affluence of incohol when they had the idea in the first place.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 May 30

      That’s odd… the Jamie Hyneman in my head is saying ‘Let’s find a way to blow this up.’

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 30

        Look at that boat. You could blow it up with a wet cherry bomb.

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 30
        CapnMac permalink

        No, the real problem is that Adam keeps looking at the 175HP outboard and wondering if they can get Grant to calculate just how fast you have to go to not have the hole be “in” the water . . . And Kari’s comments as Tory gets nominated to drive would make it all worthwhile.

        Sorta.

        Adores: 1
  11. 2011 May 30

    Cut, cut, cut a hole
    I wanna see some fish.
    Floating, floating, floating, sunk
    I guess I got my wish.

    Adores: 14
    • 2011 May 30
      LimeLolly permalink

      Take your jammies and your toothbrush. You’ll probably be sleeping with the fishies tonight.

      Adores: 4
  12. 2011 May 30

    Things must be really slow in the depths if Davey Jones is resorting to selling crappy boats to get some more souls to man his crew.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 30
      Laurelhach permalink

      I’m afraid of the sort of souls that boat would buy. I’m seeing lots of drugs and several regrettable homemade tattoos.

      Adores: 2
  13. 2011 May 30
    Windrose permalink

    Everyone try to stay up late tonight to congratulate Jen on being in the box. I know Mindfield left it clean and well stocked for her today.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 30

      I’m afraid to ask what he stocked it with…

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 May 30

        I think Windy mistyped and meant to say “…left it clean and stalked her well today.”

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 May 31
          Jen permalink

          Well, long-distance stalking is much more difficult, but so much rewarding for it.

          Also, ZOMG I’m in teh bawks!!!! *ahem* Sorry, trying to work with geology (srsly? There’s a reason I never took Science) has damaged my brain.

          Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Thankee in advance, Mama Windy, I’m’a wear my bestest helmet for this!

          Adores: 3
  14. 2011 May 30

    In our patented huge-hole-in-the-bottom boats, it’s like you’re actually down there with the fish!

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 30
      Windrose permalink

      Should I bring my hugely expensive camera with the massive lens?

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 30

        And wear your super-expensive dry-clean-only silk pantsuit and matching Ferragamo stilettos.

        Adores: 4
      • 2011 May 30

        Why? Did they find Bill O’Reilly’s ego at the bottom of Lake Okeechobee?

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 30
        Grampdaddy permalink

        You have a massive lens?!! I thought Taco was the only one allowed to have anything massive on this site.

        That does give me an idea though: How about a massive TacoThong! 40 yards of day-glo orange spandex. Big enough to make Taco proud, but no destroyed retinas for the rest of us.

        Adores: 1
  15. 2011 May 30

    OT

    My first mostly coherent spam message! “I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here regularly. I am quite certain I will learn many new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!” Whoot!

    /OT

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 30

      I LOVE learning many new stuff! Will the many new stuff be in your next?

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 May 30

      So, you do realize that the spammers search for that text so they can find out what blogs they can spam further, right? And that they don’t actually read the context in which their text occurs? So … they’re going to think they can continue to spam THIS blog.

      Thanks.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 30
        Windrose permalink

        Consider it an early Beesmas present! Who knows, you could do a spin-off and call it You Suck at Spam Bots.

        Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 30

      Nothing interesting on mine in the past week or so, but one of them (of the “I like your blog” variety) did post on my “Scam” story, which I thought was quite appropriate.

      “Oh yes, I know him what did the scam. He posted in the comments of this very story.”

      Adores: 0
  16. 2011 May 30
    Ralph permalink

    But it “…IT HAS A 1 INCH THINCK PLEXI GLASS WINDOW….”

    Sillies, you’re supposed to THINK it has a 1 inch plexiglass window. If you think really hard, the water will stay out of the hole.

    Adores: 2
  17. 2011 May 30
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Ya know, you COULD use this to moon scuba divers – just plant right there on that plexi and grin. Of course, you would run the risk of slivers and expanding foam in your “personal areas”.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 May 30
      Windrose permalink

      I was going to say something about my personal areas have never had the items you mention, but I am thinking better of it. I spend way too much time in the corner, most days.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 May 30
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Suppose we could discuss things expanding in personal areas, but then we’d just end up in the corner, searching for the line.

        Adores: 2
  18. 2011 May 30
    CapnMac permalink

    [extensive cory-ing]

    Ok, as a guess, this ad represents another nadir in sparkelesque expression.

    I think they have discovered that 1″ plexiglass is really expensive. What the Mackenzie Bros actually want is someone to sell them a $3-400 hunk of vaguely-rectilinear plexiglass for only CN$200 .

    Oh, the 1″ thickness? That’s because that’s (surprise!) how thick the boat is. Really, you could use a sheet of 1/4″, if it were properly done.
    But, I will have bias here, since I know what stringers, purlins, coamings, knee timbers and the like are (and the tedious, boring, reasons for “why” too).
    I’ve built boats, too. Out of plywood–it’s a good material. Shoot, built one out of 1/8″ plywood that turned out reasonably symmetrical.

    Hurts to think some Bob-n-Ted (or Julian-n-Ricky) are out there hacking at them with circular saws.

    The over-cuts on the deck certainly suggest that Sparq’ had some other idea in mind.

    Now, off to the east of me, I’ve seen some bateau d’jean fitted up with viewing windows–those are largely single-thickness craft, makes for an easy install. Those craft also had a plywood viewing hood around them. To address the situation one has when looking into water in sunlight. The silly stuff reflects light.

    Oh, and plexiglass is a terrible material for this. Unless purchased from a specialty shop, for use in a working optical environment, it will scratch to opacity in very short order–like as fast as it takes to trailer that, ah, ahem, “craft.”
    [/coreyⁿ]

    Adores: 0
  19. 2011 May 30
    David:) permalink

    Ohhh I have an old dingy out in the garage, so if I cut a hole in it and (maybe) glue some plexiglass into said hole, I can now sell it on craigslist for 200 bucks?

    Gotta run and do this now, will respond to ad later!

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 30

      Is it inflatable? ‘Cos you can’t use plexiglass on those. Try Saran Wrap instead. Or clear packing tape. Or Saran Wrap affixed with clear packing tape.

      Adores: 0
  20. 2011 May 30
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Why is anyone bothering with plexiglass anymore anyway? Transparent aluminum was invented in 1986 by a guy in San Francisco. Right before the whales were released from the Cetacean Institute in Sausalito. Am I the only one who remembers this?

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 May 31
      Windrose permalink

      Let me see what I can find on that. *picks up mouse* Hello, computer!

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 May 31
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Trekkie geek-out FTW!

        Adores: 0
    • 2011 May 31
      Jen permalink

      Sausalito sounds like either a 90s bar or terrible ‘diet’ sausages:

      “Mm, I sure do love sausages, but won’t I get fat?”
      “Not with NEW Sausalito – just like your favourite saussies, only Lite-oh! Now with 50% more vintage Crisco and superfluous vowels!”
      “Oh Sausalito, what’d I ever do without you!”

      Note to self: posting atfer punchgin may have intendedededed relutst.

      Adores: 1
  21. 2011 May 31
    Windrose permalink

    Hey, Jen! Nice helmet, love the bedazzled trim. Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Vancouver!

    Adores: 2

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.