YSaC, Vol. 1036: Sometimes an unbrala doesn’t feel like it should.

2011 July 18

unbrala patio propain heater


Good shape wend blew it over once and only used maybe once willing to trade for tools or a home computer or a flate screen hdtv??call jack @###-###-####

“Hey Earl – how many times did we use that propane heater?”
“Um, let me count.”

*pause*

“One”

*pause*

*long pause*

“Tw… no wait.”

*pause*

“One! um.. maybe.”

“Well then I guess we’ll post it on this here Cragisl..*THWACK* OW!”

“The Mistress of Window Pain demands the Pro Pain heater!”

(I know the recurring character means we may have jumped the shark here, but as long as Ted McGinley doesn’t show up, we should be OK.)

Thanks for the link, Mary!

77 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 July 18
    C "All Your Sunshine Are Belong To Us" J permalink

    *rubs temples whilst chanting “I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful”*

    Sigh…

    Jack, Jack…Jack…

    I’ll make you a deal. I don’t have any tools or an HDTV, or even a home computer (though I am impressed you could spell ‘computer’ correctly), but here’s what I do have:

    A complete set of 1996 Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedia

    A dictionary and a thesaurus.

    Please, Jack, for the love of all that is holy, take these items in trade…AND USE THEM BEFORE YOU EVER POST ANOTHER AD, SPEAK ANOTHER WORD OR INTERACT WITH HUMANITY AGAIN. EVER.EVER.EVER.

    *rubs temples whilst chanting “I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful”*

    Adores: 11
  2. 2011 July 18
    LimeLolly permalink

    Not discounting the atrocious spelling, I love the fact that they are willing to make an uneven trade.

    “I have this used chewing gum collection(only chewed once) that I will trade for a car, preferably a sports car”.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 July 18

      I will see your used chewing gum collection and raise you …

      :checks under bed:

      Some cat fur and a partially eaten piece of cardboard.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 July 18

        Oh yeah?! Well I have a big wad of dryer lint, a pair of banana peels that are just starting to turn black, and a car air filter, complete with dirt.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18
          Windrose permalink

          A can of bird cage scrapings, half a tub of Greek yogurt, and a box of yard sale left-overs!

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 July 18

          You know, this fluffy stuff might be dryer lint instead of cat hair. Most of my dryer lint is cat hair anyway.

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 July 18
        funky monkey permalink

        I’ll throw in a pair of MP3 headphones, a mashed up pack of chewing gum, a dried up bottle of nail polish, an old cake of soap, and the remote from our old tv.

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 July 18
        C "All Your Sunshine Are Belong To Us" J permalink

        *looks under bed and finds – one tub filled with kids toys and an empty shoe box*

        Y’all have much more interesting flotsam under your beds.

        I’m jealous…and frightened.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 July 18
          funky monkey permalink

          I know, the soap worries me. I don’t remember putting that there. Must have been during my New Year’s Eve blackout.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18

          I don’t know what’s under my bed (besides a couple under-bed boxes, and probably some cat toys… I’m scared to see how large the kittens under there are) but I can check my desk drawers for ya….

          Let’s see… A pair of socks, Midol, Island Margarita-flavored anti-bacterial stuff, a couple rubber bands, some ankle weights, and an unopened bag of chips.* Anybody have a nice DLSR they’d be willing to trade? MiniEB is too fast for my current camera’s shutter speed…

          *All completely true.

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 July 18

        Two spoonfuls of leftover macaroni and cheese, a pen cap, and the god of hangovers.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 July 18

          God of Hangovers was the best spinoff of the God of War games ever made.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Just don’t confuse it with the spinoffs God of Layovers or God of Leftovers.

          One has to do with airports and the other has to do with casseroles.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 July 18

          Holy Leftovers is IF’s Meatloaf tribute band.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 July 18
          mud "" slicker permalink

          I thought that was referred to as Communion.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 July 18

          I think you’ll find that’s Bilious, the Oh God of Hangovers. (A pedant wrote.)

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 July 18

          Exactly, Ratwoman :)

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 July 18
        tigprincess permalink

        Hey there – I’m moving so the stuff I’ve found under the bed and in the deepest darkest corners of my drawers would power a supersonic spacecraft or create a new CraigSpark form of humanity (well, ape-manity). Found a cat toy – cat died in 2005 so shows how often I ‘spring clean’.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18

          I have called exactly 10 different places “home” since 2005, so I hope I don’t have that problem pop up…

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 July 18
          Windrose permalink

          Hey Tig! 8) Bet the cat ghost was looking for that toy, too.

          Adores: 1
  3. 2011 July 18
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Anybody know if this will run on amateurpain? I’m all out of propain and hate to pay the high price.

    Adores: 13
    • 2011 July 18
      LimeLolly permalink

      I can get you a discount. 8)

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 July 18

      Propain is a scam anyway. Just add some salt and cayenne pepper to the regular stuff and it’ll run just as well.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 July 18
        Grampdaddy permalink

        So, this is another case of “you don’t get what you pay for”?

        Adores: 2
  4. 2011 July 18
    funky monkey permalink

    I’m upset that Dan (BBUY) is picking on Jefferson Darcy. Shame! He totally saved Married With Children! He was the perfect sidekick for Al.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 July 18
      flip permalink

      You’re a youngster FM – He was also a regular on Happy Days, Dynasty and Love Boat.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 July 18
        funky monkey permalink

        I do fondly remember him in Revenge of the Nerds. Sigh. He’s a pretty decent comedian.

        Adores: 1
  5. 2011 July 18

    You expect me to trade a home computer or flat-screen HDTV for an unbrala patio propain heater? If it were brala, you might have a deal, but since it’s unbrala, no.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 July 18

      I thought guys liked it when you went unbrala, especially if it’s cold enough out that you need a heater.

      Adores: 14
      • 2011 July 18

        ghostie, not *all* guys are interested in the contents of a brala.

        Adores: 1
    • 2011 July 18
      CapnMac permalink

      [patio heater & computer pricing corey]
      In the sparkie-logic that 1 for $5 or 2 for $12 is a good deal;
      brand-new, very-fancy, top-end patio heaters run about $300 retail.

      A person can get a smaller, not-quite top-line, laptop for $300 retail.
      A person can get a new 19″ HDTV for that price, too.

      A smart buyer (ok, that’s not any sparky ever) could get a lot of pre-owned computer for $300.

      Now, Spark’s gray-market, on-sale from the discount mart, used, patio heater, probably was never worth $100.

      Since all of Sparkdom is unclear on the concept, my prediction is that he’s getting just what he asked for: Jack.

      [/corey]

      Adores: 7
  6. 2011 July 18

    The only time where I agree with the propain people is when we’re talking about this sparky. I’m all about his pain.

    Otherwise I’m generally antipain, especially when referring to myself.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 July 18
      C "All Your Sunshine Are Belong To Us" J permalink

      The only “pain” I like is the kind I can inflict on people like our Jack McSparkyson here.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 July 18

      The only benefit to pain induced by a professional (i.e., medical professional) is you get professional-grade painkillers.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 July 18

        But they don’t call it pain; it’s “discomfort”. As in “You may feel some discomfort when we drill a hole in your jaw, here are some vicodin.”

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18

          Or “pressure.” That’s my favorite. Though, it WAS mainly pressure (and tugging) that I felt when they sliced MiniEB out of me under spinal anesthesia. Pushing on top of my stomach to get the kid out, and only being able to feel tugging/movement? That’s a weird sensation, right there…

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18
          Windrose permalink

          Was there a loud “POP” at the end? 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 July 18

          I think it was more like a “splurt.”

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 July 18
      Ziaheart permalink

      I’m pro pain as long as it’s the French kind.

      Adores: 3
  7. 2011 July 18

    I’m BAAAaaaack! Was on vacation for the past week so I’m a bit out of the loop. But now I’m back, refreshed, and ready to take o–

    Ooh. Oh. Wow. That’s new. I have a pain in my lower unbrala. Not your average pain, either. This is professional grade stuff. If y’all will excuse me I think I need to see a doctor about this. Preferably one who will trade in consumer electronics.

    Adores: 17
    • 2011 July 18
      C "All Your Sunshine Are Belong To Us" J permalink

      Welcome back, freaky puppy!

      Adores: 0
  8. 2011 July 18
    funky monkey permalink

    When I see “propane” I think of Hank Hill.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 July 18

      Propane and propane accessories.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 July 18

        Taste the meat, not the heat.

        Adores: 5
  9. 2011 July 18

    I will trade you a grammar slap for your heater since you are propain.

    Adores: 8
  10. 2011 July 18
    Windrose permalink

    Oooh, I’ve seen those flate screen hdtvs. I think Fingerhut sells them. You inflate the screen, hang it on the wall, and put the rest of the tv unnerneath that.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 July 18
      funky monkey permalink

      *snort* Fingerhut. Are they still around? They sold some of the crappiest campiest cheap crap you could find anywhere.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 July 18
        C "All Your Sunshine Are Belong To Us" J permalink

        Oh yes, they are! They keep sending me “LAST CHANCE!!!!” catalogs in the mail. Why, this month alone I’ve gotten two of them.

        I’m beginning to think that “last chance” crap is just a ruse.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18
          mud "" slicker permalink

          It’s a carefully crafted country kitchen fingerhutty ruse that comes in both dusty mauve and country blue.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 July 18
          CraigsLister permalink

          They keep sending me “LAST CHANCE!!!!” catalogs in the mail.

          I think they stoled my idear
          I recently opened several lines of ‘LAST CHANCE’ parafanaili-
          paraphonayli-
          mercendiz-
          stuff.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 July 18
          funky monkey permalink

          I remember sitting at my Grandma Monkey’s house, bored out of my skull, browsing thru those catalogs. Your car’s finish dull? They had a liquid for that. Your tomatoes not perky? They had a potion for that. Does your old man’s pen run out of ink too soon (wink wink)? They have an ointment that will help him. And every ugly version of pocketbooks and drapes and cushions….come to think of it, I bet that’s where Grandma got that purple shower curtain featuring the lyrics to Amazing Grace.

          I’m sorry you missed out on that Taco.* I’m sure they have some version of it where you live. Like down here in TN it’s Hardee’s, up North it’s Carl’s Jr.

          *Um, not really.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 July 18

        Not only are they still around, but I am preapproved for a line of credit with them which I will never use because I have some shred of taste left.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 July 18
          tigprincess permalink

          my favourite is the single slipper – must cause accidents when answering the door?

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 July 18

      Must be a “not where Taco has ever lived” kinda thing. I’d never known of Fingerhut before this momement.

      I wish to go back to the times before I knew of it; I was happier then. I laughed more.

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 July 18

        Wasn’t fingerhut where Sparky bought the original Not.A.Lion.? Or was that Avon?

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 July 18

          I thought Fingerhut was the zombie equivalent of the Pizzahut. Apparently, I was way off.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 July 19

          Astro, I think that sparky was comfused because I remember both those catalogs being mentioned. I also think someone said Fingerhut was owned by Avon or somesuch explanation.

          Of course, I’m getting old and my brain may be making stuff up.

          Adores: 0
      • 2011 July 18
        Windrose permalink

        Oh Goodie, Fingerhut is having a Christmas in July Sale!

        Adores: 1
  11. 2011 July 18

    Dear Jack;

    I am sorry I knocked your heater over but it kept arguing that the Marque de Sade had the right idea.

    Most apologetically yours,

    Wend

    Adores: 7
  12. 2011 July 18
    mud "" slicker permalink

    So is this one of those inventions that would have been the perfect comeback to your mother when she yelled,

    “Shut the door behind you! What are you trying to do—heat the outside?”

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 July 18

      Mother: “Shut that door! Were you born in a barn?”

      Jesus: “Well, sorta…”

      Hey look, the corner now has flames!

      Adores: 14
      • 2011 July 18
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I think that’s the cattle that are lowing. I’m guessing here, but perhaps “lowing” is a euphemism for “passing the methane”…

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 July 18
        Windrose permalink

        Groucho Marx: If you look at it, it’s a barn. If you smell it, it’s a stable.

        Chico Marx: Let’s just look at it.

        Adores: 6
  13. 2011 July 18
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    I have a home computer that the wind knocked over maybe once. Give me a call and let’s make a deal.

    Adores: 6
  14. 2011 July 18
    CapnMac permalink

    Wait, isn’t a Flate one them critters what’cha cuts in two and y’gets two Flates?

    Hey, Sparky is trying to pull a fast one . . .

    Adores: 5
  15. 2011 July 18

    Oh, you remember Unbrala.
    “Silver and plain, uses propain.”

    They had the upside down glasses.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2011 July 18

    Bob: So, Jack… I’ve got some tools I’m willing to trade for that top-heavy contraption you have there.

    Jack: Awesome! Are they the ones I specified?

    Bob: Heavy bolts, some washers, a riveter with an entire bag of rivets, industrial strength super glue… Yup, all accounted for.

    Jack: Great, thanks. *takes the tools and helps Bob load the heater into Bob’s truck. Heads inside the house as Bob drives away* Jill! I got the tools you wanted!

    Jill: Great! Now I can finally secure that heater to the patio so Wend stops knocking it over. What did you trade them for, anyway?

    Jack: … Well, shit…

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 July 18
      funky monkey permalink

      It’s the Gift of the Sparky Magi!

      Adores: 4
    • 2011 July 18

      That’s my favorite Beesmas story!

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 July 18
        mud "" slicker permalink

        You mean the one where she gets him a patio propane heater by selling off her bicycle and he gets her a bicycle curio cabinet by selling off his patio?

        I love that story….

        :)

        Adores: 4
  17. 2011 July 18
    tigprincess permalink

    OK – technical question (Dan?) – how do I register a change of email address? Thanks TP

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 July 18
      Windrose permalink

      Does it tell you at the bottom of the page that you are logged in as tigprincess? You need to log out, and you should get all the fields to fill in. Put in the new email address. Submit a comment. That should do it. You may also need to go to the forum and re-register there.

      Adores: 0
  18. 2011 July 18

    Hey, I’ll trade you my flate screen TV for it. I always get dizzy when I try to blow it up to watch TV.

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 July 18
      Windrose permalink

      Wow, Larry, what a clever idea! Where did you get it, I wonder?

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 July 18
        LimeLolly permalink

        Does Fingerhut sell good ideas? No… guess I’ll have to go to Target, then.

        Adores: 0
    • 2011 July 18
      Ziaheart permalink

      Okay, I like your quilt much better. I’d like a trade, please! Unfortunately I don’t have pain anything but maybe that’s a good thing.

      Adores: 0
  19. 2011 July 19
    Windrose permalink

    kelli kelli kelli, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Frontgate!

    Adores: 0

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