YSaC, Vol. 1041: You put a spell on me …
Hypnotist Needed
Need a hypnotist for something. discrection is necessary, but nothing illegal. Long story short, there is some recent bad blood between me and an old friend, and apparently its gotten to the point where people are taking matters into thier own hands and trying to take me out. Pretty much what I am asking is for someone to hypnotize someone and make them forget this bad stuff ever happened. (email me for the details on what happened). But also along with forgetting the bad stuff happening, I want our friendship to be the strongest ever like it was.
Wait, this could explain some things!
Hypnotist: Becky, you are now under hypnosis. Can you hear me?
Becky: Mmmhmmmm.
H: Becky, I want you to forget all about what Tim did with your best friend and the maid of honor. And those two bridesmaids. And the Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad. And your third grade teacher. And the mailman.
B: Mmmhmmmm.
H: And if anyone reminds you of it, you won’t believe them even when presented with incontrovertible evidence, or paternity tests.
B: Mmmhmmmm.
H: Excellent. On the count of five, you’ll wake up refreshed and not remember any of this conversation. Ready? One …. two ….three … eh, close enough. Wake up.
B: Hey, wait a minute!
The “this can only end badly” tag was custom tailored for this situation, methinks.
Thanks, Ellen! (Ellen also points out that this is at least the third time this particular ad has been posted on her local Craigslist. Apparently finding a decent hypnotist is more difficult than one would think.)
And the sad thing is, it all started out as an argument over going to IHOP or Waffle House after a night of drinking….
Always choose the Awful Waffle. They allow more shenanigans to go on, very entertaining at 2:am.
Is that some kind of regional thing? The pancake-house-beatdown locus for my area is very definitely IHOP.
“If you’ve never been to a Waffle House, picture a men’s restroom that sells pancakes.”
Interesting. In this area, it’s the
ladieswomen who throw punches … at least the ones “worthy” of Youtube.If you’ve never been to an IHOP, picture a Denny’s with insanely high prices and less focus on food quality.
You mean like a George Webb? 🙂
Well, George webb you take that same high-priced, low-quality Denny’s and rub everything inside with a greasy slab of ham. Especially the staff.
Greasing the staff helps keep the lit cigarette firmly rooted in their mouths as they’re flipping your eggs and hash.
Here in my town, we are wafflehouse-less, they are all Kettles.
And a good way to buy food product less-good than a person could make at home, even in a semi-inebriated state. They do wash dishes better than most people with drink on though, I’ll give them that.
The decision of Denny’s v. IHOP is easy. If you prefer turkey and ‘healthy’ ersatz
breakfast meats, go to Denny’s. If a person wants actual pork products, go to IHOP.
Breakfast Sampler at IHOP being a fave of mine–2 bacon, 2 sausage, 1 ham slice, eggs, hash browns, and a pair of flapjacks.
Curse you, now I want pancakes and sausages…
Aah…so is that what the kids are calling now?
I’ve never seen a Waffle House in NY. At least on the East Coast, they only exist south of the Mason-Dixon line. It’s a way of knowing how far South you are. Similarly, Wawa doesn’t exist north of central NJ, so you can tell where you are on the Turnpike by whether or not there are Wawa billboards.
And life comes full circle, as I’m having Denny’s for dinner :-p
(Was craving pancakes and sausage, MrEB agreed to make pancakes for dinner, MrEB’s boss said he had to stay late, but agreed to let him use his company card to buy us dinner :-p)
[Waffle House/Wawa/North-South Divide Corey]If I may so humbly say, Addicted Reader, you’re right. Waffle House is southern phenom. The closest I know to Philly/NJ is on I-95, just south of the PA-Maryland border. I gave up on Waffle House after it refused to appear along the highway when it was time to eat. Never there when I needed one and had traveled due south.
Also Wawa is a Philadelphia-NJ thing. Or it was until they built at on the Poconos exit from the NE Extension of the Turnpike. But to anyone who thinks Wawa = 7-11, you’re wrong. It’s so much more.[/Waffle House/Wawa/North-South Divide Corey]
In Baton Rouge (before Katrina) several letters were burnt out on the Waffle House sign. It will be forever known in my house as the “Awful Ho.” Very appropriate, no?
TC: actual LOL in response to “Awful Ho.” I love signs that end up saying something different from the original intention.
So ‘discretion’ is sparky talk for ‘lack of morals, ethics or common sense’? Good to know.
Good morning (or is it ‘Good night), Jen!
It was both… read the post around 11:57pm, kicked brain into gear to comment just after midnight.
Time-appropriate greetings to you also, Grampdaddy. 🙂
And rather unsurprising to learn …
Ah Sparky, if you want it done right DIY is the way to go:
– Erotic Hypnosis for Hypnotic Seduction –
“OMG!!!! This is amazing! Even this sample worked like magic!
Bob”
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Neat site!
EDIT: Ew. I read a little more. It sounds like giving someone a mental ruffie. Bleh.
Mental roofie – precisely why this is sooooooooo creeeeepy. If you’re not trying to get your significant other to ignore your indiscretions, you’re trying to get them to do something they wouldn’t normally do.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my skin before it crawls away completely.
Lola, I think you’ve come up with a new testimonial for that site:
“Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the garbage out …
Sparky is putting the NO in hypNOtism here …
I personally prefer to put the Otis in hypnotism.
Otis! My MAN!
Would that be Redding, or the elevator guy?
Otis Day and the Knights.
“A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW!”
Of course it would!
Oooo, punny band name time! I’m partial to Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band. Not the music, at all, just the name.
*Twirls bedazzled deer hooves*
You see nothing wrong here…
Long story short, there is some recent bad blood between me and an old friend, and apparently behaving like grown-ups is too much trouble, so I’m going to try this route instead.
They are trying to repair it, by making the other person forget. Otherwise the ad would read: “Take my friend… please”.
Totally went the geekdom Buffy the Vampire Slayer route in my mind here. Where’s Willow when you need her?
I think Sparky is a bit confused as to how hypnotism works. Unless the “friends” he is hoping to give amnesia to are just his alternate personalities, I don’t see how this would be possible.
If by some chance these “friends” are not his alternate personalities (or imaginary,) then Sparky should stop watching Inception constantly and go apologize for whatever dumbass thing he did.
It’s the same kind of story
That seems to come down from long ago
Two friends having coffee together
When something flies by their window
It might be out on that lawn
Which is wide, at least half of a playing field
Because there’s no explaining what your imagination
Can make you see and feel
Seems like a dream
(they) got me hypnotized
hypnotized – Fleetwood Mac
I hope Sparky calls me, even though I am not a hypnotist and have no skills in that area. I just want to write a book about the situation and make a few million dollars.
When I sell the movie rights, I will insist that Jack Black play Sparky, Kate Winslet will play the friend he done wrong, and Neil Patrick Harris will play the hit man.
I thought Kevin Spacey always played the hit man.
As he should!
Capn Mac is in the box today. We await your command, sir.
“Engage!”
Not without a ring and a bended knee, mister!
Like this?
I have a nasty reply back ready for Taco’s ring-n-bended-knee comment, but I don’t want to anger Google.
Google AdSense abandoned us without the right to appeal, so you’ll only offend Monica’s site up there. I think she (nicely of her) offered, and she posts here at times, so … you are probably safe. (In that regard. No guarantees about anything else.)
My 5 yo grandson did the whole bended knee thing the last week of kindergarten, and *married* the prettiest girl in class. I don’t know where the idea came from, but none of us tried to stop it.
So exactly how do you get your mortal enemy to go to a hypnotists…
#1
Sparky, “Hi, I’ve made you an appointment with a hypnotist…”
Sparky’s enemy, “Thank you, I’m not suspicious at all…”
#2
Sparky, “Hello enemy, the is Ed McMahon and you have just won $30,000,000 in the publishers clearinghouse giveaway, just show up and *hypnotists address* to claim your prize.”
Sparky’s enemy, ““Thank you, I’m not suspicious at all…”
Everyone* knows that all you need to do to hypnotize someone is to dangle a shiny object such as a watch in front of them for a few seconds before they are in your power.
*who’s watched too many Saturday morning cartoons (and/ or Gilligan’s Island reruns) and bases too much of his early life lessons on them
Well… it works on cats pretty well…
Fire the “LASER”
SCOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, I resent tha…
SHINY!
:scampers off:
Large Cousin Frank has discovered that hypnosis does not work for those who do not want to cooperate. Should he need to “redirect aggression” or “divert conditioned response” he begins with a stun gun followed by very, very graphic descriptions of the results of failure to comply.
He has found so much success with this technique that he is able to adjust other peoples’ opinion of him just by discussing past encounters.
One must assume that Sparky has neither the equipment to apologize nor to stand his ground. Will he post his Obit on CL?
Sooo, you need restaurant recommendations?
He needs a hypnotist to cure his friend of being a lousy tipper.
*Twirls bedazzled deer hooves*
You want to go to McDonalds…
Ah. Sparky is afraid of falling victim to a drive-by-dating incident.
Ok, so things have escalated to the point of cut brake lines and line voltage on door knobs and such–so a hypnotist is the answer?
So, just how many ads for “protection” or “hits” did Spark’ try, only to have CL yank them?
Spark’ thinking it’s “hit Mo’ ’tist” obviously . . .
“You hypnotize the guy, and while he’s under your controll I’ll nail him with this pipe wrench.”
“Uh, Sir, I thought you wanted me to hypnotize him into forgetting things.”
“Sure, sure, you can do that too. Hey, hypothetically, do you think you’d be able to lift about 180 pounds and put it into a car trunk?”
This should help:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071222114915AAWIpe0
The only place that makes me feel dirtier than Yahoo Answers (from an English point of view), is the cheeseburger-cats site.
u no no hogh u spose 2 reed stuf?
if u try reel hard u cn b betta from anythg!!1!!
u b gr8
And that is the sensation of my brain leaking out of my ears :-p
I think I like Capn’s flowery, yet indecipherable prose better than his short, yet indecipherable mxit.
It’s not just the English.
I’m thinking we need some Darwin award to give out there.
I was writing a story about a guy who invents an undo machine and then completely shreds his life by undoing what he thinks are mistakes, but then I realized it would be way too long and a little too much like The Butterfly Effect. So instead I clicked delete (my own undo button) and went back to work.
You deleted it? You fool, you’ll kill us all!
The call is coming from inside the story!
It was the little girl all along!
And her sled!
The undo machine was really Keyser Soze the entire time.
I thought it was Moose and Squirrel.
T’was Colonel Mustard.
PECIL!
Everyone on the train did it.
Everyone on Lionel Twain’s trail, that is . . .
Murder by Death, Capn?
Say it ain’t so!
And, if it is….I say Bensonmum did it!
Soylent Green is people!
M. Night Shamamalamadingdong did it.
I think I’m being hypnotized by the Capn’s new gravatar.
}}}}}you will do my bidding{{{{{{
1. make a sandwich
2. smack a sparky
3. ????
4. Profit!!1!!
I didn’t delete it. I just squirreled it away to work on later and keep to myself.
I switched computers, and this one had the “victim from…” name stored. That was a rough few days, but a longer telecon starts this Wednesday. By next Wednesday I don’t expect to be able to see straight.
The flask is all yours, Yancy.
Whatever happened to just making people strut about and cluck like chickens?
That kind of thing is for the birds.
There was always a problem with “eggs”.
*Sets aside his fried egg muffin sandwich*
And to think, I used to be hungry.
You’re welcome.
We just feed unwanted eggs to the lizards. No problem.
BURP
Let me guess… the relationship went bad, she had all her memories of you erased, and now you’re looking to do the same? Right this way, Mr. Barish.
Nice Spotless Mind reference!
*Golf Clap*
I’m pretty sure nobody here has a spotless mind… If the comments are any way to judge, anyways.
Should we then speculate on mindless spots?
I was going to volunteer my hypnotic services until I saw the part about “discrection.” You see, I have discrectile dysfunction.
You can probably get that fixed with ‘hypnotism’.
Here, let me help you with that.
All right, Mr. Jingly. I clicked on your link and my server at work said not allowed due to “Adult/Sexually Explicit” content. Shame!
“Discrectile dysfunction”. Is that anything like premature mouthflapulation? My mother-in-law has that. Very sad. Her doctor told her that it leads directly to lipcystic bitchfibrosis. They may have to do a lipectomy. We pray for that, er, her every day.
All it is is a hyno graphic illusion. Nothing explicit fm.
Mine said “Adult/Mature Content.” Apparently my work doesn’t want me getting hypno
toadedtized.Well, since you all can’t view my smut link, how about an artistic shot of full frontal nudity?
PS. Sorry, Llamanun, apparently I’m the reaons Adsense dropped you guys, with all my smutty pictures I keep posting.
Full frontal? Psh, that’s totally a side-shot. Here’s your artistic full-frontal!
*Gasp*
So graphic!
Don’t make me break out the picture of head!
Ahhh! You guys! We’re going to anger the Gods of Advertising with our profanity!!!! And then YSaCL will cease to exist! And I won’t have anywhere to snark! And zombies will get me!
I am now a hypnotized, melted-from-the-cute puddle in my chair. Way to go, guys.
What in the world did Sparky do that was seriously enough to warrant other people trying to “take him out.” It has to be something serious if everyone is outraged by his actions. I’m guessing “slept with girlfriend’s mother” or “forgot to feed her fish.”
I have a friend whose ex (emphasis on the EX) did this with his next girlfriend (and her mom) after they broke up. Keep it classy!
You could take it to the next level of calassy:
Gave girlfriend and girlfriend’s mother VD. Girlfriend’s father then caught it from mother.
Try to hypnotize your way out of that one, Sparky.
Tell the hypnotist to use “you got it from a public toilet in Tijuana.” That’s bound to work!
Actually, given the world of examples from Sparkledom, I’d be inclined to believe that this is a Seinfeldian evolution. Like a window air conditioner falling on somebody’s parked car. Or, a squished lap-dog, only not Mike Palin funny.
If this were simple Sparkyish tom-catting, it’s be on Cheaters, Judge Judy, some similar sort of gab-show . . .
Although, there could be an Adult Probation Officer fleeced at cards, that, in the words of the song, would be a “bad bad thing”
.
What was that comment about? Wow, I must have been hypnotized to forget it!
ALL HAIL HYPNOKELLI!
Helli?
*pats head while simultaneously rubbing belly*
What have you done to me, Kelli?
I have only done what was necessary.
Off Topic and completely depressing:
Just found out I lost a long time on-line friend, today. He had been sick, but I didn’t realize he would go so soon.
Love you all. Stay safe, please.
*big poncho moose-y hugs*
{{{{{LRC}}}}}
Condolences, punkin.
Curse and blessing of the intertuubs. We are more connected, so we hear as much bad news as good. But, we hear it right away, and not delayed, deferred or not at all.
Condolences, in any event.
Online hugs to you, LRC. And thank you. Stay well and safe, too.
((hugs))
So sorry, LRC.
LRC, you are in our hearts so that no matter where we are or where we go, you’ll be with us, and we will be with you.
You are getting stuuuuuuupid… Verrrrrrry stuuuuuuupid…
TC, really? You think that’s a good idea? Cause if Sparky gets much more stupid, he’ll be de. . . Never mind, carry on. 8)
Capn Mac, with all due respect, I’m going to have to disengage so that I can give you your Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Lake Constance!
Star. Date. BR5. 49.
The transgalactic tropical. birds. have. stopped. their. Assault. on the Saucer.
And only. after. most. of the millet. seed. spilled.
We. are. motionless. in. Space.
We. need. plasma.
Scotty. says. EMS has. offered. FFP–what. are. they–physicists. or. phlebotomists?
We. cling. to. diction. like. bad. Vancouverian Richard III. like. we. were. hypnotized. by. a. hairpiece–O. the. Humanity!
Montalban. gets. the. good. Milton–“”From hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.”
KKKKHHHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!
Sigh….TOS…I heart thee, dear Capn.