I FOUND A ROOSTER
if he belongs to you …please describe.
Well, let me think. He was sort of … rooster shaped, and rooster colored. Oh, and he’s a terrible speller.
What? Oh, the rooster you have is an excellent speller? Oh, that’s not my rooster, then. Sorry to bother you, ma’am.
Thanks, Katie!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
| WordPress Hates Me – A Novel Approach on YSaC, Vol. 573: The nacho cheese fountain finally has some competition. […] we come to the part that WordPress hates. My long-time attachment to a humor blog called You Suck at… | |
| 2794: The pale rider saga – Chapter 2 part 2 | Library of the Damned on Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all! […] Ah, the good ol’ dinning table. […] | |
 | bianchisound on YSaC, Vol CXCII In case anyone ever checks. I just saw this ad and missed everyone here. Enjoy! https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/pho/d/nellis-afb-womans-feet/7164431024.html |
 | Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1800: So long, and thanks for all the bees. Wow, it’s amazing to finally find this site. I’d say I’m late in getting here, but I know I’m right… |
| Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1243: A little hard of herring. I thought this joke smelt, but this guy really knew how to drop the bass. And it flopped around everywhere… |
Dear Rooster Finder,
You asked the owner to describe the rooster.
Well, does he look lost? If so, then he’s definitely my beloved rooster, Jebediah.
Please return him to Dry Gulch, USA as soon as possible. There’ll be some ‘shine in it fer ya.
Sincerely,
Annie Mae
Well, my rooster is generally great to be around – he tells great stories and usually makes everyone laugh. He enjoys hiking, skiing, and fine pottery collecting. Be warned, though – he’s a nasty cheat at poker, especially if he gets a little tipsy.
Welcome, Accident! Please comment again.
*hides flask from rooster*
“Rooster Accident” would be a great name for a band.
Rooster Accident is IF’s cover band for the Yardbirds.
I say, I say, my rooster is quite the ladies man. So if a bunch of your chickens are knocked up, it is probably my rooster.
Wow, that’s a good lookin’ coc-
*zing! to the corner!*
*coconut ?
I haz de lime 🙂
You’re such a silly woman.
Confucius say, man who hold rooster in hand while driving going to Bangkok.
Does he sound like this?
Chicken Hawk:
Yeah they come to snuff the rooster
Yeah here come the rooster, yeah
You know he ain’t gonna die
No, no, no, you know he ain’t gonna die
Now die old man!
Boy’s about as sharp as a sack full of wet mice.
“Sack Full of Wet Mice” is IF’s “Josie and the Pussycats” tribute band.
My rooster is this tall, :makes vague gesture with hand: is made of rusty metal, and likes to knock on doors and
stalkstare at people. His name is Beyonce.Does he like to hang out on the roof when the wind blows? Because my rooster Walter is always up there. I can’t get him to come down.
I have not now, nor have I ever, blown a rooster named Walter! What a cockamamie story!
🙂
“Knock knock mother f—ker”
I love the Bloggess.
YOU KNOW SERGIO?!
Don’t forget that Beyonce breaks up marriages. Has your marriage been ruined by the rooster?
He’s tall, speaks with a southern accent and may be picking on your dog by setting up elaborate traps.
Check here for a recent photo: http://tinyurl.com/24lrun
My rooster is a little over five feet tall, has brown hair, green eyes, and likes tater tots. Be careful, she hits hard and has been known to have deadly gas. Her mood changes often. But that could be because she’s 13.
My neice’s nickname is Rooster.
My rooster has beautiful plumage. Last I saw him, he was resting due to being tuckered out after a long crow.
He’s also known to pine for the fjords from time to time.
I think your rooster is a parrot, a Norwegian Blue to be precise.
And is also past due to be made into nuggets, perhaps?
Heh. “Nuggets”. Snort.
SPARKIDUS
What manner o’ thing is your rooster?
ANTONY
It is shaped, sir, like itself, and it is as broad as it hath breadth. It is just so high as it is, and moves with its own organs. It lives by that which nourisheth it, and, the elements once out of it, it transmigrates.
SPARKIDUS
What color is it of?
ANTONY
Of it own color too. Now may I have it back?
^^^THIS. THIS JUST MADE MY DAY.
Thank you Dave, many doors and coffee slices to you.
Ah, Dave – just fabulous. Many doors to you.
Dave, be sure to pack some magazines and ferret snacks for your day in the box tomorrow. 8)
Really, this ad is way more elegant than mine. Let’s see if I can find the one I posted about the rooster I found… oh, here it is:
ROOSTER!
———————————
ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!LLAMA!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!ROOSTER!
You found a llama? Was it bewhimpled and holy?
*Snicker*
Bewhimpled
*Baby Ruth*
I thought it was bee-whimpled with this crowd.
I’m now picturing the Holy Ungulate (BBUH) in a whimple made of bees.
We’ve removed the Llama-nun’s whimple and replaced it with a crown of bees. Let’s see if she notices.
[spelling corey] “Wimple” is traditionally spelled without an H. [/spelling corey]
I think, if it were a wimple full o’bees, whimple would be more appropriate.
Dammit.
You’ve failed me again, spell-check!
I think it’s been hanging around Taco too long.
Please don’t squeeze the Charmin…
I knew that, but didn’t want to make Ghostie look bad.
Uhm. He doesn’t belong to me, but I bet I can describe him anyway.
Male domestic agricultural fowl. Adult. Crows, not just in the morning. Tries to get on all of the hens.
What do I win?
Oh, Lola, you should already know that when Sparkies are involved nobody wins.
We had a rooster that was inexplicably attracted to our ducks. They might not be very bright birds, but at least they’re tasty.
We had some duckies, no eggs would they lay
We had some duckies, no eggs would they lay
My wife said, “honey, we’re losin’ money
Because our duckies, no eggs will they lay.”
One day a rooster flew into the yard
And caught those ducks right off their guard.
He’s laying dead now, in the town of Wooster,
Ever since that rooster, flew into our yard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hQhi4oyH6k
Is he a veteran of the American Civil War who served under Confederate guerrilla leader William Quantrill, where he lost his eye. Was he twice married, first to an Illinois woman who left him to return to her first husband after bearing him a single, extremely clumsy son (of whom he says, “He never liked me anyway”), and second to a Texas woman who wanted him to be a lawyer. Is he described as a “fearless, one-eyed U.S. marshal who never knew a dry day in his life.” He was “the toughest marshal” working the Indian Territory (present-day Oklahoma) on behalf of Judge Isaac Parker, judge of the United States District Court for the Western District of Arkansas . Did he shoot a total of 64 men in eight years, killing 60, all of whom he claimed to have killed in self defense, in the line of duty, or fleeing justice?
If so please return him Pacific View Memorial Park…
Oh Hammy! I heart you!!!
A bazillion doors are headed your way…..you might wanna duck.
Duck!
Duck!
Cock!Goose!!Beat me to it….
My rooster is NOT ON FIRE!
Hopefully it’s just golden brown, with that nice crispy skin…
That’s it! I’m headin’ to KFC for lunch! Who’s with me?
Sigh…sadly I’m not…I have to..go..see..Dad…
He needs clothes, apparently diapers don’t fit well under denim so he needs sweatpants. I got him some, so am heading over there in a little while to visit.
Dread.
Knots in tummy.
This in not a happy place…but I do like seeing Daddy.
*whimper*
That was my grandmother for a while. I know it’s hard. Hugs to you.
Hugs, CJ. What you do is not easy, but you keep doing it. This is only good.
Thinking about you, CJ. Dad knows his girl is taking care of him, even if he isn’t able to show it.
Hugs, CJ.
Hugs, a cup of tea, and comfort food CJ
May you have time to go to KFC after your visit. *hugs*
*wipes tear from eye*
You peeps rock.
Wishing many things, like it was Sunday and this RoundTop, the better to get you far, far, far, better chicken than KFC.
And a slice of pie (Royer’s charges extra to not serve with Bluebell ice cream).
You should come chill with us.
*chokes back the tears…no really, I am*
I heart all of you.
You don’t know it, but these comments today have been exactly what I needed…especially after seeing Daddy.
With no shoes.
In socks…his shoes having been pilfered by another resident.
Daddy is unsteady on his feet, so socks plus slick linoleum equals high chance of falling.
*Words* were had with nurses and aides on floor.
Might as well have been speaking to the Chicken Hawk for all the good it did me.
*Angry* words had with social worker, hours later one shoe turns up. Big effin’ deal.
I haz a heavy heart…gonna go hang with the peeps Taco loaned me.
Damn…sorry drmk and dan, don’t mean to be a downer.
Wait a bit longer, dear-heart.
I’ll only be an hour away, and do have some excellent skills at dealing with the recalcitrant and “we’re Staff and you’re not; so we’re just nodding until you go away” types.
You just have to be careful, I’m told I often “shout” by speaking quieter. Might wind up whispering at that bunch–and when the lean in, off balance, it’s tough not to ninja the lot of them.
Big hugs, CJ. Big, big hugs.
CJ, Just imagine we are all going with you. That place won’t know what hit it! 8) I’ll rig the bingo machine, and Lola will spike. . .everything.
Got some Church’s right here. Did you want the taters and gravy or coleslaw?
Better times are coming. Hang in there.
Oh, and I’ll bring the boots. The metal ones.
“My rooster is NOT ON FIRE!”
If I say that Flaming Cocks is the name of my new homosexual boy band, will that get us in trouble with the ad folks?
Just to be safe, I won’t say it.
PS: I put myself in the corner earlier, so don’t EVEN threaten me. Monkey, please.
homosexual boy band = retundant
In any case, Homosexual Boy Band is already the name of IF’s homosexual boy band.
aren’t they usually retardant?
If they’re not they should be.
We’re a little bit meta. But we bring the house down with our closing number.
He tried to tell me the light was bad out in the coop. He’s writing the sequel to his autobiography. And the cockatiels keep shredding his paper. He’ll no doubt be happier with you.
He won’t be happy without his brother! You know they survived one of the hardest hit rain storms to ever hit Maple Ridge together.
But i don’t want to be a pie, I don’t like gravy.
How about a magpie?
Hammy – That is probably my favorite Mel Gibson movie.
He is the Most Interesting Rooster in the World.
I had the rooster in my yard. It was very muscular & loud rooster. It had feathres they was white and some was orange. The rooster is very loud and has a sharp claws. If this the rooster you have, email me tell me what did I feed the rooster before he ran away.
I really hope the rooster see this.
I almost didn’t recognize you without your green quilt.
D’aww look at the puppy.
I’m shocked that that actually worked… I officially have no idea how the Internet works now.
And the puppy is ridiculous, but he’s my little buddy anyway.
Insanely cute virtually always wins out over ridiculous.
No one, in fact, actually knows “how the internets” work.
Any semblance to knowledge is merely mass hypnotic suggestion (aided and abetted by watching the rapidly blinking lights and pictures <G>).
Lola, you are right, and unfortunately not just with puppies.
Does this rooster play checkers? Cause my rooster plays checkers.
What? No? It only plays Jenga? Then it’s not my rooster.
I think I found a picture of that Rooster!!!
http://sandwichcontrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/john-wayne-rooster-cogburn.jpg
Well! If it ain’t Rooster Cockburn.
I’m sorry. I know that’s getting irritating. I just can’t stop.
MonkeyBinchCockRooster please.You see?! This, right here, is why YSaC is becoming the leading hardcore porn site on the internet! For sham, you two, for sham.
Shamalamading
cockdong…“YSaC is becoming the leading hardcore porn site on the internet”
Citation needed!!!
*Points at HamCan*
Put that thing away!
Taco,
We should’ve suspected that something was up when the site’s motto changed to “YSaC? Because it’s got balls.”
Sure, we’ve got balls – big ones, little ones, brass ones, those squishy ones that are supposed to help relieve stress but make an unpleasant gurgling noise when you manhandle them, hard ones, blue ones – all kinds of balls.
There’s even a great big pit of balls in the Lounge – we had to do something with that hole in the corner.
I read elsewhere on the net a comment by someone who worked at a place with a ball pit, specifically one which this person had to clean.
I will never, ever go in one again. And if you decide to? Don’t bring a black light. That is all.
You’re welcome.
Rooster rooster, give me your cock-a-doddle-do.
I’ll have crispy, your drumsticks I love to chew.
I won’t make you into porridge,
I can’t decide the bears age.
But You’ll taste sweet,
Like capon meat,
On a BBQ made for two.
Making a cock joke is a hard on to resist.
Explain
It’s much too splangdorf, you know?
*Sighs*
Are we still on splangdorf? That is so asparafried.
D/DM please catch up.
I’m trying, you guys! Sheesh. Maybe somebody could corey these memes out for me?
Quick, somebody write an updated memes song and somebody else, update the dictionary! Or whatever that was we had. Glossary? Concordance? Pile o’ papers with writings on ’em?
My rooster is large and tawny-colored with four legs. He has a fluffy mane around his head. Like most roosters, he enjoys roaring as the sun rises over the horizon.
noni- that was amazingly close to my rooster.
We must have the same brain.
Anita? Anita Brain? Is that you?
I though her name was Abby – Abby … Something. I can’t remember.
That’s her cousin.
That’s not a rooster, it’s a rabbit.
Is said fowl striped and fits on a 3 x 7 square possibly from fingerhut?
Hey be careful with that Not.A.Rooster
My rooster, she is fluffy and stripped. She has a long tail on one end and sharp teeth on the other. She eats only the freshest elk and gazelle meat. Oh, and for some odd reason, the hens, they are scared of her.
In the eighties, I lived in an apartment complex where someone had a bantam rooster. I saw him strutting proudly in the courtyard, with every cat in every apartment facing the courtyard glued to the window. A kid later asked me whether I had seen that really cool pigeon.
I read that as “Batman Rooster” and was so, so jealous until I re-read it.
Now I’m depressed that Batman Rooster doesn’t exist.
With a little glue and black felt, Batman Rooster CAN exist, my wee Taco.
ADDENDUM: I’m dying laughing at my desk imagining the light-in-the-sky-thingy for Batman Rooster. Bwahahahahahahaha!
He could be the terror the flaps in the night!
Wait… that sounds oddly familiar…
“He could be the terror the flaps in the night!”
With the proper punctuation, we can make this ordinary Taco sound like beloved actor and pitchman William Shatner:
“The terror, the flaps, in the night!”
Zero may be a hero, but the Comma is Your Mama!!
Holy rooster batman, that an impressive cock you have there.
Thank you Robin, it was a gift from Batgirl.
*TACOSPLODEY!*
http://sunflowerstudio.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451e40769e2010536ef1e48970c-400wi
There ya go, Taco.
Huh… far less awesome than expected.
Ya know why Sparky had to put an ad on CL for the rooster he found? Cause the rooster was inCOCKnito! Ha!
What do you call it when chickens bring about the end of existence? The ACOCKolypse!
Okay I’m finished.
………………
Now it’s time for a COCKtail!
Man, jokes about poultry always cock me up.
I don’t like being cocked up. Well, unless he’s bought me a really nice dinner.
@D/DM: Without the comma that would read in an entirely different way.
If you have too many of those, you’ll be COCKeyed.
I hope the rooster gets returned to its rightful owner. I can’t imagine how upsetting it would be to wake up and discover your cock is missing.
Hold on…phone’s ringing.
Hey guys, who is John Wayne Bobbitt and why is he calling me?
ETA: Yay, I can post again!
Welcome back, Disapproving Baby’s Mama!
Disapproving Baby’s Mama is IF’s Destiny’s Child cover band.
I’d love to see the expression on DB’s face when they do “Bootylicious.”
Quite some years ago, Mr. Bobbit was engaged but it did not work out. The Arizona Star reported it thusly: Bobbit Still Unattached. I giggled like an insane anime schoolgirl.
Kinda smarmy, always hanging out with alcoholic sister, and looking to flip orphans for a profit.
I think I dated him at one time.
Orphan Flippers is your Downchild Blues Band’s upbeat alternative, isn’t it?
Well, the full name is Smarmy Orphan Flippers, but we do usually shorten it for playbill purposes.
Adjusts the marquee to read:
“Short, Smarmy Orphan Flippers”
(o/t)
It’s make-everybody-haz-a-jealous-moment: Today is my last day of work for over a week. I’m on vacation til Sept 26! I’m doing my happy monkey dance!
*jiggle wiggle jump jump*
Oops, I think I just had a Rooster Accident. I’ll go get some paper towels.
You want me to describe the rooster? Ummmm…Well, he was pretty quiet, aside from that crowing thing. Kept to himself mostly. He seemed like a nice guy. He never caused any trouble. Why are all these cops here? Is something going on? Do they suspect fowl play?
There’s no way your rooster did it; he’s a big chicken.
That chicken gave me a bad coupon.
I wish I could give you more doors for that, IF.
And when you tried to use it IF, I bet you had egg on your face.
Ernie!
I used to have a rooster.
But he was pretty lazy. Asked him to chase mice and he was all ‘Meh’.
So I asked the vet what I could do for my lazy bird.
He agreed this was a grave situation and gave me some pills.
Now my problem was a pepped-up pecker that gave me no rest.
So, I threw the bird outside and let him chase whatever caught his fancy.
If he made it to your house, don’t send him home until his pep has petered out.
Jeh.m.p.c.r.c.i.g.i.o.c.n, Punchity Punch Punch! Of course it will take time for that to travel around the world to you, but I know you deserve it!
G’Night, Chicken Tech!