YSaC, Vol. 1088: The costume should be satin, not cotton, not chintz.
Hey folks – do we have any dwarf furries on here? ‘Cause we’ve got just the job for you:
petite male to dress up as lion
we are a house of friendly college students. one of our roommates is turning 21 in october
we need a guy to dress up as a lion or whatever preferred wildcat (maximum height must be less than 4ft tall)
we have a man made jail cell/cage but your time there would be limited. ..
we would pay you $15 and then access to whatever alcohol you want and a slice of bday cake 🙂lion outfit will not be provided
this is a serious posting
please respond with a short paragraph about yourself
Oh, I get it. “Short” paragraph. I see what you did there. Also bonus points for picking the correct “your.”
But seriously though, – you’re looking for a short person to show up to your party with their own lion costume and be locked in a cage in exchange for fifteen dollars and a can of (almost certainly) crappy beer? That doesn’t SOUND very friendly.
Thanks, Steve!
The cake is a lion.
I’m willing to bet that what they’re really looking for is a tiger.
Or maybe a liger.
If they weren’t so specific about needing a petite male, I’d think maybe they were looking for a cougar.
(Now to see if the CougarLife ads show up again.)
Meej, Google Ads has decided we are pr0n and can no longer offer their ad services. (Yes, the interim purveyors of the “Cougar Life” ads think we are too racy.)
I don’t get around here often enough to have noticed.
The irony is amusing, though.
Wait, what? Did that actually happen?
Yes it did.
Hey, wait a minute. That other little person would make $200 plus tips and wouldn’t even have to go into a cage. Cheapskates.
Then again, I’m glad it’s a “man made jail cell/cage.” You couldn’t pay me enough to be in a naturally occurring jail cell.
Not to defend anybody that would write up a post like this, but they’re dedicating as much funding as possible to kegs and hard liquor. They’re hoping any respondent would be more motivated by thirst than by financial gain. Having said that, I can’t see how this could end well.
One thing: The voices in my head? This post is oogy enough that it made those voices shut the hell up.
Hammy: not.a.cake?
I wonder if the guy that responds and shows up in a lion suit finds a goat in the cage with him. You know those crazy college kids!
The dogs in my head are still barking.
If anyone needs me…
Sorry, I’m a little short this month…
If I said that wasn’t amusing, I’d be lion.
Corner? Already?
My advice is to NOT follow the yellow brick road.
Also, don’t eat the yellow snow, and stay away from the brown acid. This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.
Well, dudes never did give nothin’ to the tin man that he didn’t, didn’t already have. He had to raise a stink at the dean’s office to get his $15.
I hated America. Just for the mere reason that they kept refusing to give that damn horse a name!
I nominate for comment of the month. Adoor! Adoor! Adoor!
These are serious college students. Obviously they study hard all the time. See them hardly studying. Once in a great while they need to cut loose and party on, Garth! And they also want to include a few of Aesop’s fables in the party theme. Cause, you know, lions. 8)
Dear Sparky McSparkcase,
I am interested in your unique employment opportunity and wish to respond to your ad. As you can see from the attached image I own my own panther, whom I call Mr. Snuffles. He is a very friendly cat and is well under four feet tall. While he is not the lion you requested, I am willing to paint stripes on him for the evening in question. I do ask that you reinforce the bars of the cage if you plan on giving him any alcoholic beverages – Mr. Snuffles is an angry drunk and has a tendency to eat faces first and feel sorry for it much, much later.
Hope to hear from you soon!
I have just a few questions here:
(1) What’s with the sexism? Petite females willing to dress as lionesses are not welcome?
(2) $15 is not much of an incentive. Have you considered throwing meat at the caged feline? That might help you recruit a better class of carnivore.
(3) What flavor is the birthday cake?
This is what worries me.
The only college parties I ever went to that involved a cage was because the party’s entertainment included a band, and the band was put there for their own protection (kind of like in the Blues Brothers movie, only not because of crowd hostility, more like because the crowd was just a bunch of drunken lunatics* who might mosh into the band accidentally or drunkenly).
*Hey! I take exception to that remark! 8)
Chicken wire fences work wonders.
My memory is that it was more substantial than chicken wire. My memory is also suceptible to the ravages of time, cheap beer, bad live music, construction boots to the head from someone bodysurfing the crowd, and the cold meds I’m currently on. (It’s been an … interesting day. Is it possible to have a partially out-of-body experience?)
Wiki wouldn’t lie. 😀
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_wire
::hums a few bars of Rawhide::
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5N35kQAPv0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5N35kQAPv0
I couldn’t wait for the “moderation pause”
No.
I had a huge story typed out for this, but the %*@&ing computer here likes to change focus randomly to the entire page instead of the box. Lost it all with the backspace key.
So instead of trying to remember and rebuild the whole thing, I’m going to drink coffee and hit myself in the face with a mallet until the rage goes away.
Lola, flask please on Aisle Taco.
Considering today’s post, I thought that said: “…mallet until the furry goes away.”
You changed it just to make me look…….
🙁
Sorry, I’d noticed the weird parallel to Furry before you posted your reply (probably typing your reply as I fixed my post).
I think you did it on porpoise….
hehe…
*passes flask*
The flask may or may not contain Tylenol 3 syrup. At this point, I don’t remember.
OK, but first I need to know if the roommates are male or female. It’s important to me for my costume selection…….
*dances a little jig because she gets the title reference today*
It’s what makes the muskrat guard his musk.
😉
I heart me some mudsy!! And some Oz, definitely a whole buncha Oz.
Okay…I’ll throw this Oz in for free!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118421/
Enjoy! 🙂
Naked men? I’m shocked Mudsy.
Yes, yes, yes, I’m sure you’re shocked kellibean.
🙂
You’re listening to News at 10:14 on WTACO radio.
At Sparklepants University a frat party went terribly wrong late last night, leaving 16 dead and many more wounded. We go over to Hans Splorchtmeister live on the scene:
Last night at about 11:23pm tragedy struck. A frat party being thrown for Sparky McSparklington IV turned deadly when a caged little person in a tiger suit went wild. The tiger had been hired by Bonkers Skuttlebait, a close friend and frat-mate of McSparklington. According to his friends, McSparklington had been a long time admirer of caged little furries and had expressed his desire to have one in attendance for his birthday party.
Things had seemed to be going well, until they stopped going well. Late in the night, after being repeatedly taunted with handfuls of raw meat and poked with a cattle-prod rented for the evening, the little tiger snapped. It’s still unclear how he managed to tear the door off the makeshift cage, but the aftermath speaks for itself. By the time police arrived on the scene, 16 were dead and 27 more wounded. An eyewitness recounts these horrible events:
“It seemed harmless enough fun. We gave the dude $15 and birthday cake to hang in the cage for the night. We kept handing him beers and then shocking him when he tried to drink them; it was pretty funny. When he escaped and killed his handlers, we all thought it was part of the act. I mean, we were all pretty drunk so it didn’t seem odd at the time. It was when the little guy ate Sparky that we began to suspect something was wrong. A few hours later the beer ran out and that’s when we started noticing all the bodies. That was some jacked up *BEEP* right there. A four dollar door charge and they only have 1 half-barrel of Icehouse Light?! Deplorable.”
It is still unknown exactly why the little tiger went on the rampage. Police were able to subdue him early this morning with a combination of tranquilizer darts and catnip. At a press conference this morning the chief advised caution when hiring small spectacles for parties:
“We’ve seen this a lot at the precinct. A few guys think it’ll be funny to keep a caged furry for the evening but it turns out bad. People forget that even docile furries are still wild animals. It doesn’t take much to trigger that killing instinct, and once they go wild there’s no stopping them. We highly recommend that if you do need to have a spectacle of this kind at a party, get a stuffed animal instead. In the 50 years I’ve been in the force, we’ve only had two incidents of stuffed animals attacking people. They are far more domesticated than furries.”
In the wake of the tragedy the college is cracking down on frat parties featuring caged furries. New mandates require at least two licensed handlers accompany any furry hired for a party. Further, all cages are to be made to wild animal restraint specifications rather than being constructed from wooden doweling and duct tape. The tiger is being held without bail and is expected to be euthanized and tested for rabies this afternoon. Back over to you, Bunklesnort.
Thank you, Splorchmeister; a sad day indeed. In other news: Borky McSparklington II became the first man to ever have his genitals in geosynchronous orbit. More on this after the break.
Since my story was eated, you get that instead.
And yes, the “tiger” thing is on porpoise.
I got you a not.a.lion for your birthday, but I eated him.
Hugs,
Fiwerr K. Ingoftheforrrrrrrresst
Doors and goldstars!!
Pix, plz! 😀
I’ll do better than pics, here’s some video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrNfBkgPj4Y&feature=related
Will wurk for fud
petite furry male lukin fer wurk
i have no costume but dont need one as my ekssepsionaly long back hare makes me appeer as a lion
luv collage partys if free drink provided u supply cage
im 4feets tall and 14 in wide and 12 in back to front (18 if i happy)
i r seryus i need fud an drinks
At least you can go as not.a.lion!
Doesn’t matter what big cat, just must be a cat to sit in a jail cell!
IF, you so deserve this Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Hanover!