YSaC, Vol. 1089: Ill-begotten.
2011 September 29
Jesus kicked so much ass!
Jesus is an ass kicking maniac! He’s awesome! Who here agrees? I need feedback. Perhaps we can makeout as a result of our agreement. Let’s makeout in the name of the lord. Amen.
And verily, it was so: they did maketh out in the name of the Lord, and it was good. And but nine months later occurred a miracle, when they begat twins in the image of the Lord, who were tiny and stinky and screamy and burpy and three other dwarves, and they never made out again. Amen.
Thanks, tikachute!
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh Goooooooooooooood!
*stands back from Hammy, waiting for lightning to strike*
Also? Never, ever pet the puppy’s tummy. EW.
Anybody else have the compulsion to smoke a cigarette? And I don’t even smoke.
Here you go.
That strikes my oxymoronist funnybone*.
*created by intelligent design I’m sure
I’ll have what Hammy’s having.
*passes IF flask and cigarette*
I knew it.
Chuck Norris IS Jesus.
And here you go.
Hmmm I think the site ate my post with a link to this, so i”ll just paste the link itself:
http://www.4freaks.com/media/201115/8f0e1040da142b864144c80c113e5604.png
I’m hearing this read by the announcer that does the wrestling match commercials:
“Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Cage match, The Messiah, one night only!!! Admission $10, kids under 9 free!!!
“BE THERE!!!!!!”
PS: Why do some of the ads selected for YSaC make me think that maybe one of us in the lounge is posting boneheaded ads on Craigslist on purpose? Am I the only one? Anyone else? No?
I think it’s lurkers, not the regulars. Just my view. 8)
Tickets $10 for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the EDDDDDDDDGE!
Oh and, um, sorry for doing 2 posts but I just realized I found it amusing that Ass-Kicking Jesus’s cage match is on… Sunday. Guess that’s appropriate.
Welcome, TC. Please post more!
I heard it in the voice of John Cleese.
If more churches used Ass-Kicking Jesus* instead of boring Pacifist Jesus, kids wouldn’t fall asleep during the service. Especially if Ass-Kicking Jesus had his own action figure and animated series.
*Ass-Kicking Jesus is the name of IF’s Jesus Jones-inspired hair metal band.
Check out our Baptist churches down here in the south. There’s plenty of ass-kicking Jesus sermons and fire and brimstone type preaching. Scared the shite out of me as a kid.
If Ass-Kicking Jesus were a superhero, should John or Paul be his sidekick? And ya got Lucifer and Judas and all their evil little minions as the bad guys. Yeah, we could package this. We could make elebenty billion dollars. And spend it as we go straight to hell!
I smell smoke. And my eyeballs feel warm! Hum! Curious!
And, of course, there needs to be a special crossover episode with Monty Python’s The Life of Brian.
Astro, too bad you have to post so late in the day or early, the next day. I think you would have gotten many more adores for that comment. 8)
There’s already a Buddy Jesus action figure from “Dogma” so I’m pretty sure you could get an Ass-Kicking Jesus made and sold. Kevin Smith might even invest in the venture. In fact, I would pay to see Ass-Kicking Jesus give Jay a beatdown. (That’s a hint, Mr. Smith.)
Give you even odds that K. Smith lurks, come to cases.
(Aside: Hey, Steve, this would make a great Pearls storyline <G>)
Are you implying that lazy good-fer-nothin’ Pastis reads this blog?
Pssh…when does he find the time? What with lying about all day, avoiding swipes from Bucky and scratching Satch’s tummy…
😉
WWAKJD*
what would ass kicking jesus do
Kick ass.
I hope that involves some smiting. I love me some good Old-Testament style smiting. *pops popcorn*
Jesus Christ, Karate star
Who are you? What have you scarified?
Jesus Christ Karate star
Do you think you can beat up Jean-Claude Van Damme?
I think we’re going to need a bigger handbasket.
And a new state capital for Montana.
Can we get one with a fridge? We’ll need ice cubes and pudding (so it can be set on fire).
apparently Jesus is not only my homeboy but also my wingman — good to know.
“Have you got Jesus in your heart, or are you just happy to see me?”
Ahhh! It burns! The blasphemy, it hurts us, it does!!!
I thought Jesus was a clothespin.
(I am skipping the corner today and going straight to Helena, Handbasket.)
Not according to this.
Ah! Sweet Cheesus!
There’s also one uniquely suited for YSaC.
That one is disturbing, ghostie – especially the line that says, “Llama Jesus can also be found in Tacos.”
I resisted the urge to link the really disturbing one – Zombie Jesus.
Me loves The Plastic Cheeses
http://www.last.fm/music/The+Plastic+Cheeses
Oh here’s a better one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhMSOLVUi64
I thought Helena was in Montana.
There was a Helena in my ninth grade English class, but I doubt she’s still there.
No no no. That’s “Hannah”.
That reminds me, I haven’t been the forums yet this hour.
Do you often find yourself being a place for discussion?
The TacoCloset of Costumes must have quite the selection.
Somebody reads too much Sinfest*.
*no such thing.
When I tried to click on your link, my IT guy came to my desk and whooped the crap out of me.
Really? I can’t imagine why.
Ghostie is in the box today. I would have done an honorable mention for Taco, but Jesus told me not to.
So our Lord and Savior doesn’t do mexican?
Sigh.
*disassembles shrine made of refried beans and tortillas and guacamole*
“Quit playing with yourself”
Edit: WTH.. this is supposed to be under CJ’s post below.
No, as noted above, Llama Jesus can be found in Tacos, which means they’re clearly sacred food not to be eaten.
I’m taking that interpretation over the alternative, which I think would constitute YSaC slash fiction.
I would give extra adores for this just for effective use of smaller font.
Yeah, IR, why is part of you so tiny?
Heh. Heh he-
Nevermind.
Anyone else see “Real Genius”?
Remember how they ‘wired’ Kent’s braces and then pretended to talk to him as Jesus?
Anyone?
I love that movie. The whole scene you mention, from an unknown resident watching Mitch and Jordan in gas masks filling Kent’s room with gas, to Kent declaring “it is God” when told to stop playing with himself, is awesome. No more or less awesome than the rest of the movie, though.
I’m with you Yancy, and I watch it every time it comes on television. It’s pure comedic genius..I also quote it a lot.
“This? This is ice, it’s what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Ken, this is what happens when you get too sexually frustrated.”
Or something like that… I really only use the “this is ice…” part.
Really.
Why is everyone looking at me like that?
Oh hai corner! Mmm…caramel coffee slices!
:sharpens spectral claws on couch, curls up in sunny spot:
One of IF’s bands left a pair of crotchless leather lederhosen in here – I’ll just toss them in the
burn barrellost & found.That sounds like Pierced Lederhosen, my Rammstein cover band. I’ll send someone by.
*furiously converts Clothespin Jeebus to Ass-Kicking, Bendable Clothespin Jesus, complete with black jammies*
Now with ninja-action – Ass-Kicking Jesus!
Because… you know… NinJesus.
OT – drmk/dan – I got the “Stack overflow at line 16” when I edited my comment, but everything worked fine. It was at 09:18 CST, if that helps.
I get that a lot, too.
I’ll look into it. It hasn’t happened to me yet. Thanks for the info.
I wanna party with you, Jesus!
I wonder if Jesus was the original “planker”*…?
What? Too soon?
*screw you Tom Green!
You know, I still haven’t figured out just what the hell “planking” is or means, and no way I’m asking Uncle Google…nuh uh, not after the whole “I’m on a boat” debacle.
The only hint I have ever understood was an interview I read with Ellen DeGeneres where she said she can’t do it anymore because it throws her back out. So, I’m guessing there’s some kind of physical effort involved.
*shakes head*
Sigh…kids today…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planking_(fad)
I promise. It’s nothing brain-bleachable.
Sweet Ass-Kicking Clothespin Bendable Ninja-Jeebus!
Why?
No, really…WHY?
Why, why, why, why, why????????????????????
Because.
QED
Then I probably won’t bring up “coning” either.
http://www.geekosystem.com/coning-trend/
What a waste of perfectly good ice cream.
Well, I’ll be damned. I thought coning was something like I saw on SNL in the 70s.
I agree. Coning is just plain old ree-donk-u-lous.
Sweet mother of Coneheads!
Are y’all trying to push me over the edge today? Because I am this close!
FIRST my mutha-lovin’ car breaks down on me.
At 6:00 in the morning.
In the WORST part of town.
The *good* news is it broke down at the top of the hill that leads straight down to the entrance to my work.
You know what’s *bad*? Wondering, halfway down the hill if your brakes will work since your car is coasting, powerless, in neutral.
Test brakes…hey..they seem to work fine! Awesome.
Road flattens, turn car into work parking lot and pick a slot.
Press on brake pedal.
Nothing.
Furiously pump brakes, all the while watching looming LAKE shore get closer, closer…
Press, hard, on brake pedal.
Car finally stops.
Foot hurts.
Mechanic says it’s probably fuel pump <<<<<<<<<< read $700 or so, but the tow was free since I have towing insurance and I'm going to borrow daughters older Ford Exploder for a few days. Yes I know it has no a/c, but it's only going to be in the 80's after today's high of 100.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr………..
Hugs to ya, glad you were able to stop. Uh, where do you live in TX? And, what time are you on the roads?
Just kidding, if I saw you flying down the street I’d totally clothesline you to help you stop.
CJ, you should have pressed the Go Go Gadget Life Boat button! OR did I dream that? Anyway, glad you are alive and safe and only a bit grayer. ((HUGS))
Glad you survived to tell the tale, even if it isn’t one you wanted to be able to tell.
Turning the other cheek is really showing class. But I really think it’s sexy when he’s kicking Satan’s ass.
Jesus loves me
My ass you can kiss
I’ll find a hookup
On Craigslist.
I’ll find someone that thinks
Jesus is the bomb.
I’ll score with her
And then do her mom.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Jesus loves his Sparky!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
He’s gonna get me laid!
*lightning and thunder*
Ahhhh! MONKEY ON FIRE!
Why can’t I adore this more than once!?!?
Ditto what the ghostie said.
And why when I tried to adore Mudsy’s planker comment did it knock it down to one door instead of up to 5?
EDIT: Ok, now it’s back.
Oh, so today Adores work, and I can’t adore that every time I refresh the page . . .
Oh, disregard the above.
Back to multiple-pass adoring.
Go figure.
Praise the Lord and pass the condoms!
Ghostcat, your spectral powers are almost a match for my Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Babylon!
This HAS to be a joke entry in the personals, right? I mean, nobody would seriously use this as an online dating pickup line… RIGHT?
Hello? *taps on puter screen* Is anyone there?
I’m on it, like Taco on a typo.