YSaC, Vol. 1096: It was actually tandoori.

2011 October 10

I found your piss. – m4w – 19


It’s a long story, but I collected your urine from the women’s restroom at work. I found the smell absolutely intoxicating. I think you may have had curry at some point. I love curry! It was also a dark yellow color, indicating you don’t hydrate enough. On the toilet tank I found a short red hair, which is ultra cute. I assume this is you, but I could be wrong. The bathroom doesn’t get a lot of traffic on that floor, however, so it probably is. I’d really like to put a face to the pee, and we could potentially hit it off, so if this sounds like you, contact me!

 

Gah! In general, nothing good can ever come out of the phrase, “It’s a long story, but …”, but this is particularly egregious. As a red-haired female, the only reason I’m not taking out a restraining order on everyone and everything is because I don’t live anywhere near where this was posted.

Thanks, Stephanie — I’m going to be checking under the seat now for the rest of my life!

67 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 October 10

    Sparky the Pee Ninja, there is someone I’d like you to meet:

    Mr. Cattle Prod!

    *BZZZT!*

    And Mr. Restraining Order (but he’s not as much fun…)

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 October 10
      Windrose permalink

      Sis, he’s only 19! You have to turn Mr. Cattle Prod way up to have any effect.

      Adores: 7
  2. 2011 October 10
    MandaB permalink

    My house has 5 redheads with hair of varying length. We have the occasional surprise pee-location incident. I am never happy about it, although I do have to occasionally track down the culprit. Apparently this “Not Me” guy does a whole lot of naughty stuff around this house!

    *trying very hard not to crawl under the bed and hide from freaky pee stalker*

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 October 10
      Lola permalink

      *passes flask – which is definitely only filled with potable beverage – under bed to MandaB*

      Adores: 1
  3. 2011 October 10

    I saw this on an ad for peeHarmony.

    Adores: 35
    • 2011 October 10

      If he’s really desperate to find more, he could try peeBay.

      Adores: 13
      • 2011 October 10

        At least he wasn’t looking for the #2 dating service…

        Adores: 9
      • 2011 October 10
        Windrose permalink

        Now I’m picturing him as a dog checking his peemail.

        Adores: 9
        • 2011 October 10
          Lola permalink

          “FW: Pet the puppy’s tummy!”

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 October 10
      MandaB permalink

      This phrase “pissing match”… I do not think it means what you think it means.

      Adores: 11
  4. 2011 October 10
    Camille permalink

    Also, nothing good can ever come of the phrase, “I’d really like to put a face to the pee.”

    Adores: 19
  5. 2011 October 10

    Some days YSaC is the best weight-loss program on the planet.

    Adores: 11
  6. 2011 October 10

    OT – I ordered my gi-normous ninja mug today! Now, I just wonder if it’ll escape before I get it.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 October 10

      I has the jealous!

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 October 10
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Oh, it’ll get there, but the mug will mysteriously empty itself when you’re not looking.

      Adores: 7
    • 2011 October 10
      MandaB permalink

      You’ll set it down in the kitchen and discover it mysteriously perched on the bookshelf moments later…

      Adores: 9
    • 2011 October 11

      🙂

      Adores: 1
  7. 2011 October 10

    Thanks for ruining a perfectly good expression.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 October 10
      Lola permalink

      I say that all the time … excuse me, I used to say that all the time. *sigh*

      Adores: 1
  8. 2011 October 10
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Okay…so did you “find” it or did you “collect” it.

    Brings new meaning to that adorable little poem, “if it’s yellow, let it mellow….”

    Adores: 1
  9. 2011 October 10

    PEE NINJAS!!!!

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 October 10

      I take it they are masters of Kung poo?

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 October 10
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        No, the funk shui is all wrong.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 October 10

          I see, they need something that matches their yellow belts.

          Adores: 3
    • 2011 October 10

      Not normally, but if I drank a lot of Ninja Juice I might be able to manage it.

      Adores: 7
    • 2011 October 10

      Because, y’know, curry.

      Adores: 8
  10. 2011 October 10
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    http://www.explosm.net/comics/2571/

    Ew.

    Just, just…ew.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 October 10
      Windrose permalink

      Monkey, you obviously don’t live near the ocean or you would know this is the only cure. 8)

      Adores: 1
  11. 2011 October 10
    Windrose permalink

    To give this guy some credit, most people piss and moan about being single. He at least is taking a shot at finding his type of girl.

    Ew.

    Adores: 7
  12. 2011 October 10
    Lola permalink

    I read this this morning before I left home (briefly considered calling in sick, as a result) and still can’t really come up with anything beyond agreement with the tagging … humanity is f’n’ doomed!

    Adores: 3
  13. 2011 October 10
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    *reads over ad*

    Shut up, Sparky, just shut up!

    *drops voice to a weepy whisper*

    …you had me at “yellow”….

    Adores: 4
  14. 2011 October 10
    Mike permalink

    You have to see the (pee-)glas half full.
    At least mr. pee sommelier hasn’t installed a camera yet. And he talks about the smell not the taste …. ok ok I agree humanity is doomed.

    Does he just look for people who don’t flush or has he prepared the toillet?

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 October 10
      Liz permalink

      Oogh… y’know, I hadn’t even considered the possibility of some form of collection preparation. *shudder* I was just going to say “FLUSH!!!” but…yiiii… public restrooms just got a new layer of horror.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 October 10
      CapnMac permalink

      Itinerant plumber or janitor, perhaps?

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 October 10
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Squee!! Kitty!!!

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 October 10

          His eyes … It’s like he’s starting straight into my soul …

          ALL HAIL HYPNOKITTY!

          Adores: 4
  15. 2011 October 10

    I just vomited in my mouth a little.

    Faith in Humanity -1.

    I wonder what the overall Faith In Humanity score would be if there was a -1 button of that label next to the Adores +1 button.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 October 10

      Are there any numbers under absolute zero?

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 October 10

        absolute zero?

        Sounds like diet vodka…

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 October 10

          Sounds like diet vodka…

          Sounds like heaven.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 October 10
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          No way! They got diet vodka? Yes!

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 October 10
      CapnMac permalink

      Was it yellow? If it was dark yellow, you might be dehydrated. Bile is like that, sometimes.

      Adores: 1
  16. 2011 October 10
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Lemon curry?

    Adores: 1
  17. 2011 October 10
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    I glad he didn’t taste the pee to confirm the curry hypothesis. Because that would have been weird.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 October 10
      Ellen permalink

      Yeah, we wouldn’t want to push this posting into the “weird” category. As opposed to the, uh, what category is it in now, again?

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 October 11

        I’d put it in the “yuck” category

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 October 12
          TinyBallOfLight permalink

          I’d put it in the “beyond creepy stalker” category.

          Adores: 0
  18. 2011 October 10

    Excuse me, red-haired lady? I do believe urine trouble.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 October 10
      Windrose permalink

      TC, please trade in your quilt square for a real gravitar, and sit a spell. No, not on that, er, throne. Pull up a bean bag chair. 8)

      Adores: 1
  19. 2011 October 10
    Nicole permalink

    The only thing i could think of while reading this, was of the book Perfume. For those of you who have not had to read this grim novel, I think you should go read it now. It’s about this French guy whose sense of smell is insane and it leads him to go on a killing spree of unsuspecting young women…

    On another note, ew.

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 October 10

      I’ve seen the movie based on the book – it was excellent in a very disturbing way. I highly recommend it.

      Adores: 0
    • 2011 October 10
      Windrose permalink

      Read it in a writing class years ago. An interesting part of the story is that the main character had no smell of his own, no body scent. People usually disliked him immediately. I thought of this recently while reading about a test that linked depression to a limited sense of smell. Due to faulty sinuses, I am often unable to catch whiffs of things, and I am wondering if that is part of my life-long depression.

      Adores: 0
  20. 2011 October 10
    LonePaladin permalink

    Sadly, the first thing that came to mind was, “Gee whiz”.

    Adores: 2
  21. 2011 October 10
    Grampdaddy permalink

    The whole thing just pisses me off.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 October 10
      Lola permalink

      Hi, Grampdaddy! Here’s the flask, if it helps you feel better. No, it’s not a trick, yes, you drink from it like usual. Grey Goose, in fact.

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 October 10
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Why does the vodka smell like curry today?

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 October 10
          Lola permalink

          Ecch! Not mine!

          Adores: 0
  22. 2011 October 10
    Oh-Steve permalink

    I knew that guy at Occ Health doing the drug testing looked a little shady.

    Adores: 4
  23. 2011 October 10
    Ellen permalink

    I just dyed my red hair brown. Ick!
    Actually, there is quite the creeper where I work. But he is pretty old and it’s doubtful that he has ever heard of Craigslist or would even put the effort into typing this. He would just come into my office and stare. And stare. And stare.

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 October 10
      Jen permalink

      You should get him a present for being so thoughtful! Maybe some bees on the end of a clue-by-four?

      Srsly though, ew, that’s not cool. 🙁 Also, I’m quite serious about the bees.

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 October 11

      Hold up a mirror. Perhaps he’ll Medusa himself and turn into stone.

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 October 11
        Gary permalink

        It’s starting to work!

        Adores: 0
  24. 2011 October 11
    Windrose permalink

    MandaB, how was the box today? Just installed a fresh TidyBowl in the potty. So hopefully it was scented nicely, not like curry or anything. Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’night, Mayo Clinic!

    Adores: 0

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