YSaC, Vol. 1104: The stuff that dreams AREN’T made of.
2011 October 20
Do you like things? Not just any old things, but NEW things! Really awesome shiny things? Cool things? Things that are still in the packages? Do you? Huh? Do you?
Well, tough, because this person doesn’t have things. They have stuff.
New Stuff in Packages 10-7 – $1
Big Sale today FRIDAY 10-7 ALL NEW ITEMS IN Packages MUST See can’t not stop and not buy anything. Free Gift if you mention this ad $10.00+ Value
Big sale today new items in packages must see prices 75%+ Off Retails MUST SEE. [Directions to location]
Watch for signs see you there! You can’t stop with out buying something you will see!
Thanks
You’re welcome!
Thanks, Naomi!
BUY ALL THE THINGS!!!
Overuse all the memes.
Because, y’know……ninjas.
Pecil
Remember this one?
Master of Lasties
Catmath strikes again! It’s all $1, but it’s 75% off and worth $10. Normally, that is still $2.50, but not for Sparky!
I really want to know why it’s so important that the items are in packages. Do you get to see what you buy before paying? $1 isn’t bad if you get something you like, but what if it’s a padded box with a jar of plague virus? I bet they won’t take that back.
In my experience, you pay way more than that for plague virus. World domination is expensive.
If your aim’s pretty good, you don’t have to worry if they will voluntarily take it back.
:sprinkles birdseed around:
I’d like to buy an “r”, pretty-please Mama Windy.
Done! Better late than never. 8)
Still in the box! Mint condition!
“Unbroken shell! (As far as we can tell. No guarantees.)”
They don’t just have stuff; they also have items.
Dang it.
I just can’t resist new items in packages. It’s my addiction.
Mine’s raspberry lip gloss.
“can’t not stop and not buy anything”
So that means you can just browse?
Oh God! The dreaded triple negative… might as well go ahead and divide by zero now.
Dividing by zero with cat math results in:
agr08u4yt`2njmqefbu ds]1t`ty147 t4t i0eqhgq3r 7 4ty`uobhadsg[qer&(TY&(k31t
(Or maybe that’s just the result of any cat walking across any keyboard)
I always get lost at the second (k)not.
can’t + not = CAN!
can + not = CANNOT!
CAN’T NOT stop and NOT buy anything = cannot make purchase at big 75% off sale…
But, why ever not?! I want things, and items in packages, all new and cheap! I mean, I was planning on mentioning the ad and everything! What a tease. *pout*
Can’t not stop, gotta shop
Sparky, blew my mind off
Tonight, must see sale
Watch for signs, they done drop
Can’t not stop, gotta shop
Can’t unsee it, mind is shot
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh
So if I mention this ad I get $10 dollars plus some value. Sweet! …Do I still have to not not buy something to get the ten bucks?
Lyle my dear, the word add means to do math. The word ad is short for advertisement, or in England, advertisement. I fixed it for you. 8)
Windy, I just love it when you type with a British accent.
Welp, time to start getting my foil deflector beanie put together. All I need is to start buying stuff and items because I’m too lazy to block out Sparky’s mind control rays.
Not to mention that the signs SEE me there! The Signs Have Eyes!
No, the Signs have Is, Ns, Gs, Ss, and probably much more of the alphabet.
It’s amazing how the signs’ eyes follow you as you drive down Old Sparkytown Road to the new stuff in packages that you can’t not buy.
They are always watching – judging you, making you feel guilty for not not buying enough packages of stuff.
:mumbles to self while crocheting a new tin-foil toboggan:
OMG, you have tin foil yarn? WHERE did you get it? I must have me some.
Go see Rumplestilskin’s brother, Albemarle, and tell him I sent you. Take a couple bales of hay and an acorn squash.
Tinfoil yarn is one of the items that Sparky has new in packages.
The new stuff is only in packages from 10 to 7. So if you show up early, you can see them and touch them without the cardboard and cellophane in the way.
Windy, I don’t want to know what you do in your off hours. 8) Keep that in the corner.
Yeah, and remember: Keep Bob’s name out of it. 🙂
How exactly is Sparky planning on enforcing the “if you stop, you must buy” rule? Guns waved about in a threatening manner? Being shoved into cages of rabid squirrels? Forcing us to eat tuna cupcakes until we buy something?
That really doesn’t seem to be a sound business model.
No, dolphin cupcakes are more convincing, but they’re hard to get, plus you have to deal with the protestors.
[fish corey] There are actually fish called dolphin but they are more commonly referred to as mahimahi because no one wants to order dolphin in a restaurant.[/fish corey]
In Atlantic waters, the Spanish name is use: “Dorado.”
Which translates to “$5 more than MahiMahi.”
A fish as beautiful as it is tasty, I must say.
There’s two Manly Men in the box today! Uh. Is there a way to make that sound less wrong? As long as I am in the corner, I may as well activate the testosterone sensors, so we don’t get a lethal level in here.
I must say, I find the company most delightful indeed. 🙂
CJ, you have erudite bookends today. 🙂
Erudite Bookends is the name of my Evanescence cover band.
Yes, I do Archie…I just love a man with a big……..brain.
* nodding emphatically*
I know, I know.
I see the link for the required reading is still there. I don’t waaaaaaana take a test, Windy! I think I will be out sick tomorrow, I feel a cold coming on.
*hack hack spit hack*
Oh well, it was only a furball.
Is this what happens when an Extreme Couponer’s stockpile finally gets too big for their house? It goes from “hoard” to “stuff in packages” and is sold for an amount of money only calculable by catmath?
Trying to make sense of this ad made my migraine worse. If they have Advil! in packages!! for $1, I might need to go and not not buy anything.
Wow! I have to go! This person must not have all of the things that I haven’t not been looking for! I can’t wait to not not look!
I’m not not looking at all the stuff Sparky doesn’t not have RIGHT NOW!
I haven’t made it over yet, so not not right now I’m not not not looking at all of the stuff that Sparky doesn’t not have.
I’m not unsure that all of the NEW ITEMS IN Packages wasn’t not stolen.
Sparky would never steal. And Santa isn’t dead. And a fluffy bunny delivers chocolate to children that isn’t laced with cocaine.
I have a fluffy kitty who delivers “surprises” laced with something, but it’s usually dead bugs/leaves/cardboard/whatever she finds on the floor. Basically the same thing, only not.
Uh, that’s not chocolate…
[Matt] I can’t believe how prejudiced Sparky is against the blind. Must see just to buy his items in his packages, I’d like to shove an item up his package. [/Matt]
$1 for this guy’s package? Jeez, male prostitutes are working for peanuts these days.
My good friend Millie became a lurker today! You know the next step in the YSaC 12 Step Program is submitting ads! 8)
Hi Millie!
Mr. Ed and Mr. Fractal, please accept these Punchity Punch Punches. 8)
G’Night, Jacques E. Brandenberger!