YSaC, Vol. 1106: Well, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.
Bed,wedding rings, pig – $40
I have a used queen mattress and box spring for $100 i have a wedding set size 11 that i paid $250 for in august that i will sell for $140 and i have guinea pig with cage and all for $60 you may call me at ######## or ####### Thank You for looking
Winston knew he had done it this time. Breaking up the relationship had seemed like a good idea at the time. After all, the man was allergic to guinea pigs. It was only a matter of time before he pressured Linda to get rid of her pets, and then what would happen? So with Pickles’ help, he devised a plan.
Anyone who had ever seen a bad romantic comedy could have told them it wouldn’t work. These sorts of things seem so simple – a little lipstick here, some perfume there. Who knew it was supposed to be perfume on the sheets and lipstick on the collar?
Thanks for the tragedy, Ellen, and we miss you, Mindfield!
This little guinea went to Craigslist,
This little guinea listed a ton.
This little guinea used no punctuation,
So This little guinea sold none.
Thus this little guinea went “derp derp derp” all the way home.
Look what happens when you try to woo Lady Gaga.
A mattress does not a bed make……..
It’ snot nice to make fun of him! He’s obviously trying to bury the shame of being left at the alter bu burying his rings in a queen size guinea pig mattress and box spring.
How would you feel if you were left at the alter after your guinea pig wouldn’t say “I do”
So I can get a used mattress and box spring, a wedding set, and a guinea pig with a cage for $60 or I can buy the mattress set for $100 and the rings for $140?
Sparkles, are you perhaps covered in fur, have a long tail, a fondness for tuna, and naps in warm sunny spots?
guinea pig math ?
(gets out the Rodentulator)
Let’s see now … $100 + $140 + $60 … carry the chew block … Nope, still don’t see how Sparky arrived at the $40.
Winston? Pickles? I…..I…..I….can’t comment right now…I’m too overcome…
Freaky puppy, where are you?!
*goes off with fluffy pillow and box of tissue to cry*
Shouldn’t the pig be in a dress?
I can never remember exactly how to set up a Roman Catholic wedding.
First you call the Church Police. Uhm, then watch Hudson Hawk a bunch of times. That ought to do it.
And there’s something about standing and sitting a lot.
I think you get to take a shot at some point as well.
I thought forced Hudson Hawk viewings were the proper penance for the sin of hubris, not the setup for weddings.
(Hm, wait, now that I think about it those aren’t mutually exclusive…)
“Shouldn’t the pig be in a dress?”
That’s just so mean. The bride tried and tried to lose weight before the wedding. Give her a break.
Wow, Dan (MBBUH) has invoked the Spell of Copy Right to bring back Mindfield! I sure hope it works.
Psst, it was the Ostrimu.
It has to work. That spell is right up there with Rite of Ashkente.
Just need three small pieces of wood and four cc’s of mouse blood.
I have no idea what you are talking about, Kelli.
I never said anything.
Wait, I thought Winston and Pickles were genie pigs. What is this “guinea pig” of which you speak?
Also, given that Sparky is selling only one guinea pig, apparently our heroes have been separated again.
Ah, yes, the whirlwind romance that leads to the impulsive elopement and the whirlwind divorce. I’ve known some people whose marriages bit the dust surprisingly quickly, but that has to be some kind of record.
I dunno, Lola, I had a cousin who got married on a Saturday and was separated by Monday..true story…they got separated during the honeymoon drive to Lake Tahoe. Once there, she flew back home and six weeks later the marriage was annulled.
Wow… someone didn’t pay for their half of the gas money, I’m guessing.
CJ, that has got to break some kind of land-speed record, I am sure. Woah.
I know, right? This after we’d schlepped to Denver during the hottest summer on record to spend days on end in houses with NO air-conditioning (who needs it, except when it gets to 100 degrees and that never happens except every day we were there) and then had to put two small kids and a husband in HOT wedding attire to be part of a wedding that didn’t even last as long as the damned ceremony!
Me, bitter?
Nah…this was, after all, over thirty years ago.
The worst part was the groom all but told my hubby the night before the wedding that he didn’t want to go through with it. They’d known each other about 12 hours at that point, and so what was he supposed to do. He asked me what to do, the next day as we were driving to the church.
Sweet clothespin jeebus.
I really wanted to tell cousin but was certain she wouldn’t believe me or him. She told us later that she probably wouldn’t have and that she’d been pissed if we tried. Love, it seems is totally without eyeballs sometimes.
I once heard about a wedding where no one in attendance gave it much time, as the bride was sporting a black eye courtesy of the groom. Still lasted longer than two days, though. 🙁
Lola, that’s too sad.
Reckon this is the Sparky a while back that had the 40-years-younger lover and was selling a mattress set? Sparky was upgrading to a queen in that ad. And now selling the mattress set and a wedding set too. Maybe it didn’t work out.
I just can’t figure how the guinea pig fits in. And I don’t want to.
Don’t even try. My flask isn’t big enough to deal with that. I discovered this the hard way.
If only I had the conversion handy from human to guinea pig years, perhaps that other ad would make more sense now.
Must.Resist.Urge.To.Make.Obvious.Correlation.
Must.Resist.
Must.Must.
I shall resist inserting a comment here, even though it would be pretty easy to squeeze it in.
Hazelnut coffee slices?! Aw man, who made those?
*Munches on the left-over decaff slices*
*Whistles innocently*
Jud becudz I hadz a code duddent meend it wud me who wed da bed.
*Brandishes Newspaper*
Hammy! We do that outside!
HamsterCan??
Size 11 wedding set? Those are napkin rings, Sparquette.
Or quite possibly onion rings.
They’d have to be pretty thin napkins or pretty small onions – the size 12 ring I wear on my middle finger has an inner diameter of about 21 mm.
Skip, I’m gonna have to go with, “things I inherited from my crazy redneck grandmother”.
I was thinking junior clothing size 11.Child bride?
Obviously, this was the Reader’s Digest Condensed version of the ad. Let’s take a look back at the original submission.
Queen size mattress and box spring – comes complete with wood chips, water bottle, and small bag of food. Must provide own carrot.
Wedding set, size 11 – has diamond-like stone glued in. Minor scratches on band (from hatchet), not too noticeable. (Hey, not my fault – she wouldn’t give it back!)
Guinea Pig, satin, white with pearl needlework on bodice. Squeal no longer works – only used once.
Caviidae emptor.
The Buyer of the Guinea Pig?
Coffy, hope you enjoyed your day in the box! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Mindfield. Hurry home.