YSaC, Vol. 1107: But how is babby formed?
Baby along with kid apparel. Lots of them. Boys and girls. Get soon!
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen … you buy one piece of kids clothing here at Babies4Free and we’ll give you a baby to go with it! They don’t call us Babies4Free for nothing! We’ve got fat ones, skinny ones, blonde ones, brunette ones — and somehow, they ALL look like Winston Churchill! Come and get your baby today! One per customer, void where prohibited.
Baby Warmer and Dispencer – $10
And when you act now, you’ll also get the RONCO baby warmer and dispenser! Has this ever happened to you? You reach for a fresh baby, but it’s cold — and your whole pile of babies gets knocked over in the process. What a mess! With the RONCO baby warmer and dispenser, you’ll get one perfectly warmed baby at a time. With our easy BabyOneMoreTime patented dispensing technology, you’ll never have to worry about wasting another baby; just grasp and pull firmly to dispense your temperature-controlled baby.
BABY LIQUIDATION – $1
Okay, this time the “Will It Blend” people have gone too far.
Thanks to vicki, Tara, and Ariel!
I run a dayhome. I need a Ronco baby dispenser. SO much more convenient than having to pick the little buggers up and cuddle them when they’re cold.
As for the liquidator – well. I have often though the Time Out Chair is not as effective as it could be. I’m guessing I’d only need to run one (warmed) baby through the Liquidator “pour encourager les autres” and I’d never need witness a tantrum again.
Heh! I doubt the littlest tykes would understand. I do a lot of flying and the Baby Liquidation service would certainly come in handy – and such a reasonable price…….
Get your babies instantly at Instant Babies Online!
Just add water!
They shoot out from the cup holder! It’s like magic!
Do they take coupons?
Looks like the ‘Stork’ is downsizing, too.
Somehow, I just know that given the title and the subject that there’s a very dark tower and a gunslinger involved.
I’m just not sure how.
What I am sure of?
I really, really, really don’t want this information to get into the hands of one S. King. I will never sleep again.
Drmk, just so you know, all of your product pitches played out in my head in all caps, as if the late BILLY MAYS WAS SAYING THEM.
Channeling from beyond the grave is just one of the many services provided by the Llamanun (BBUH).
Is “Channelling From Beyond the Grave” the name of your Dead Can Dance cover band, IF?
It is indeed. We’re quite popular this time of year.
The Baudelaire orphans looked out the grimy window on the train and wondered if their lives would get any better. Violet, for one, was getting tired of Sunny’s nonsense outburst, and Klaus was done translating for her. “Tidloody!” exclained Sunny, which meant something like, “Well, excuse me!” Violet picked her up, put her in the Baby Warmer and Dispenser. Then she and Klaus went about their business, leaving some other unsuspecting family to come along and take Sunny home.
I love a happy ending!
Don’t have babies, not sure I want babies … but for $10 I get a baby AND a “dispencer”? I may have to rethink my stance here. Who can resist a deal like that?
Correct me if I’m wrong, Lola, but doesn’t the corporeal model you’re currently sporting tend to come with the dispenser built in?
With the built-in models you have to make the baby yourself. I think the free-standing ones come with a prebuilt baby.
Yes, that’s correct, but getting someone/something else to do the dispencing [sic] for $10 sounds like a pretty good deal.
Ah, outsourcing, eh? I’m part of the 99%, does this mean I’m supposed to protest this? #occupyuterus
Y’know, IF, somehow, when I think of you occupying my uterus and a baby person occupying my uterus … they are not the same thing.
And after thinking that, I don’t know if I need to go to the corner, or my bunk, and whether you should accompany me, or we should be separated as punishment.
*pours flask contents over coffee slice, tries not to think about anything at all*
Occupyuterus sounds like the end result of cross-breeding an octopus with a platypus.
Ye gods, the mental image that produces. It’s like a furry Cthulhu with a beak.
Ghostie, have you been in the wisteria outside my bedroom window?
After 3 kids in 3 1/2 years, I’m done with my baby “dispencer”. You can have it!
I want my baby back baby back baby back… sale…
Are we sure that it’s a dispencer of babies, rather than a dispencer in the form of a baby? Because my baby(/toddler/thinks-he’s-a-preschooler) is very good at dispencing things into his diaper, and it’s usually warmed as well….
They are sort of like oversized, occasionally stinky Pez dispensers, aren’t they?
Worst. Pez. Ever.
PEZIL!
Vaguely on the subject… in the process of congratulating a gestating couple yesterday, my sister and I began writing an alphabet book for unexpected pregnancy, in the style of Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book. An excerpt, submitted for your approval:
A is for Alcohol, got us into this mess
B is for Boobs, in a state of undress
C is for Condom, we’ve just now remembered
D is for Dread of a new family member
E’s for EPT, a test we can use
And F’s for the expletive I’ve just let loose.
6 down, 20 to go… we’re totally illustrating and publishing this bad boy. We’ve already decided on G is for Gestate (or Gestation), but feel free to make further suggestions…
Z is for zipper, which you shouldn’t have undone?
G is for Gracious, my belly’s getting big
H is for Husband, that horny little pig
I is for Itchy, the way my stretchmarks feel
J is for Jesus! Is that my ass, for real?
EDIT: Oops, missed that redoing the G.
Gestation, frustration!
The Lacation Nation
O is for Ovulate, you can count the days.
P is for Pediatrician, those fees will amaze.
Q is for Q-tip, you’ll use dozens a day.
R is for Rectum, it’s safer in that way.
Feel free to use, adapt, modify, edit, etc.
S is for Sleep, which you will never.
T is for Trimesters, they last forever.
R is for Rectum, it’s safer in that way.
I sure hope this was typed without thought, ‘cuz I really am not going into any further discussion along those lines.
(ps: Uncle Googly would probably consider us a pron site.)
I should have said infertile?
K is for knees, way too far apart…
Please, sir, can I have some more?
just grasp and pull firmly to dispense your temperature-controlled baby.
Hmmm, that’s strange – it’s exactly what Grampmommy’s OB/GYN said a number of years ago – many, many years…
I remember back in the day, the Snark Lounge was full of up and coming commentors. Then HHNF and Graham got a room, the freakishly smiling puppy ran away, and it hasn’t been the same. No sir, I don’t like it. What? Oh, yeah.
Sister Lyle, Punchity Punch Punch!
G;’Night, Nadya Suleman!
Sorry folks, I was pretty ill this morning so didn’t make it in to snark with you all.
I should be up on my snark again tomorrow… health permitting.
Get well soon, Taco!