YSaC, Vol. 1116: Burn, Baby, Burn – Dante’s Inferno!

2011 November 7

Dantes Inferno Book – Written in the 1880s.


I have a Dantes Inferno Book. The book was written in the 1800s and then later translated by M. Gustave Dore and republished in the 1880s. Dore added illustrations to the book. Dore also did illustrations for the famous Edgar Allen Poe. This book would be an amazing addition to anyones collection. It is in fair condition. The last two pages have fallen out but are still with the book and the third from the last page has been torn but both pieces are still with the book. I did a lot of research on this book before I decided to sell it. For fair condition it usually goes for around $300 but I’m willing to part with it for only $150. I hope the person who buys this book gets as much enjoyment out of its history as I have. For any questions or more information call/text ###-###-#### (I can take pictures and send them to anyone if interested)

Research, huh? Well, TWO can do research. Let’s see what I can find out about this book.

Hmm.. according to my research, Dante’s Inferno was written in the early 1300s by Dante Alighieri. Dante was an Italian poet and philosopher who is known as one of the founders of Italian literature. In 1905 Dante was working as a clerk in the Swiss Patent office when he experienced an “Annus Mirabilis” (something to do with licorice, I think) and managed to explain the photoelectric effect, Brownian motion, special relativity, and why hot dogs come in packs of eight while the buns come in packs of six, all in a single paper titled: “On the Origin of the Species.”

Dante was later embroiled in the Guelph-Ghibelline conflict, and was exiled from his native Florence to Rome for many years. (True Fact: His fine and death sentence in the event of nonpayment were both lifted by the Florence City Council – in 2008.)*

Despite the invasion of Florence in 1312 by Henry the VII of Luxemborg, Dante was still not free to return to his native city, and instead led a massive invasion of Russia. This force was decimated by disease and poor logistics, and was eventually defeated at the so called “Battle of All Nations” in Leipzig, Germany. Due to a clerical error, however, this battle did not include Iceland, Laos, or Mauritania. On the other hand, San Marino’s army was counted twice, because he went around to the back of the line in hopes of snagging another muffin. As a result of this defeat, Dante was forced to move to the island of Elbonia, later made famous by Scott Adams as a source of low cost labor for Dilbert’s company.

The “Dante’s Inferno Book” was part of a larger series known as the “Divine Comedy.” The oldest surviving copy was produced in 1330, and the first printed edition dates from 1472. Dante is today known as the founder of the Italian language, as well as the Shriners, the Whigs, the Justice League of America, and the Howdy Doody Fan Club. He committed suicide in 1945, and was buried with his lover, Eva Braun.

Whew. This book is definitely worth $150.

Thanks, TD!

*Note: This is actually true.

71 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 November 7
    Ralph permalink

    “I did a lot of research on this book….”

    Abandon all hope, ye who internet here.

    Adores: 24
    • 2011 November 7

      True fact: there was a feature film in the 70’s based loosely on Fahrenheit 451 by some guy named Ray Cadbury (who previously earned great fame for chocolate). In the film, some bored firemen take turns placing copies of Dante’s book on a stack. The fireman who causes the stack to fall loses and buys lunch. At one point the stack is 450 books tall. The movie was called The Towering Inferno. It was quite touching.

      Adores: 18
    • 2011 November 7

      Research

      You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 November 7

        I wonder if Sparky writes fanfiction. He certainly has the fiction part down pat.

        Adores: 6
  2. 2011 November 7

    I want Sparky to send the pictures to my Uncle Joey who is serving five to eight at Brushy Mountain which is known colloquially as “The Third Circle.” Sparky does claim he can send them to “anyone.”

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 November 7
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      Creepy, a Tennessee reference. Are you from ’round these parts, soldier?

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 November 7

        I’m clearly a sailor and not a soldier. And, my experience with Tennessee is limited to the time I spent in Millington when I was in avionics school. My passing familiarity with Brushy Mountain is from John Hiatt’s “Tennessee Plates.”

        Adores: 1
  3. 2011 November 7

    I did a lot of research on this book before I decided to sell it. My sources included Chick tracts, back issues of Weekly World News, and the comments section of a completely unrelated article on my area newspaper’s Web site. Some of these sources were in other languages, such as Swiss and Medieval Esperanto, but I managed to get Gustave Doré to translate them in exchange for a kayak.

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 November 7
      Lola permalink

      Medieval Esperanto is IF’s Decemberists/chant-mashup band.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 November 7

        Otherwise known just as the Decemberists.

        Adores: 9
        • 2011 November 7
          Lola permalink

          Yes, exactly.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 November 7
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Now I want to start up an all-Esperanto band. And have Shatner come on as a guest vocalist.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 November 7
          Lola permalink

          You know, I like Esperanto music, even though I never seem to be able to understand what they are singing.

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 November 7
        Karmyn permalink

        Does IF have a Bon Jovi cover band?

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 November 7
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          You’re Never Too Old for Shame is the name of my Bon Jovi cover band.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 November 8
      Karmyn permalink

      My Bon Jovi cover band is called Plastic Dashboard Jesus. And my twitter children are named Jon, Richie, and Tico.

      Adores: 1
  4. 2011 November 7

    Pfft, totally got it wrong didn’t he?

    Everyone knows that Dante’s Inferno was written in 2010 and was based on the popular video game of the same name released by Visceral games.

    When comparing the two, it’s hard to believe that the writer of Dante’s Inferno the book (Dean Koontz) had even played the game. They were not very similar at all.

    *Shakes head in disgust*

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 November 7
      D = DM permalink

      Probably due to Koontz’s habit of translating everything he writes into Biblical Hebrew then back into English, to preserve the original meaning as intended by President Benjamin Franklin.

      Adores: 3
  5. 2011 November 7
    Windrose permalink

    I thought they closed down the Inferno, too much underage drinking and tattooing going on. The owner, Dante, was rumored to proposition any woman who came in if her name was Beatrice. Too kinky.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 November 7

      They just moved the club to Portland. We’re very tolerant of underage drinking and multiple tattoos. Anyway – Dante’s is where hipsters go to experience life. (they already know there is no afterlife) They regularly host Karaoke from Hell and the Sinferno Cabaret. (It’s where I first saw the wonderful Storm Large with her boys – Storm and the Balls.)

      Adores: 12
      • 2011 November 7
        Lola permalink

        kc, I wish I could adore this more than once. Please post more!

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 November 7

          aw shucks, Lola. You’re making me blush.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 November 7
          Spaceman.Spiff permalink

          My adores remain ‘broken’ despite clearing cache and cookies and the like.

          I’m resisting temptation to send Adores for you.

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 November 7
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Poor Dante. He wasn’t even supposed to be there that day.

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 November 7
        D = DM permalink

        I’m gonna get on Craigslist, I’m gonna do some research, and I’m gonna sell this book, I’ll sell this book, I’LL SELL ANY BOOK THAT’S WRITTEN!

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 November 7
        Lola permalink

        Dante, on the circles of hell: “Bunch of savages in this town.”

        Adores: 4
  6. 2011 November 7

    Wait! The last three pages are missing?

    But, but…how does it end?

    Does Bella choose Edward or Jacob?

    I must know!

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 November 7

      But, but…how does it end?

      The dog dies.

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 November 7
        D = DM permalink

        Dante’s Inferno… is people!

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 November 7
          Lola permalink

          … In Hell.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 November 7
          D = DM permalink

          Someone once told me that if you add “in Hell” to the end of fortune cookie fortunes, it will make you stop eating Chinese food.

          Adores: 8
      • 2011 November 7

        They were on Earth the whole time.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 November 7
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Dante wakes up with Suzanne Pleshette.

          Adores: 15
    • 2011 November 7

      Virgil was his father, Dante was really a ghost, and Beatrice was the name of his sled.

      Adores: 9
  7. 2011 November 7

    This is what happens with cats try to sell books on Craigslist.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 November 7
      D = DM permalink

      Even the most revered cat historians make mistakes occasionally. You would too, if, you know, ninjas.

      Adores: 5
  8. 2011 November 7
    Lola permalink

    Dan, I must say I am surprised that you did not include a reference to the Eurovision Song Contest in your synopsis. Not only was it one of the major battles fought by Dante during the Karaoke Wars, but – and this seems even more relevant to Sparky’s selling points – it clearly is Infernal in origin.

    Adores: 7
  9. 2011 November 7
    Lola permalink

    Dore also did illustrations for the famous Edgar Allen Poe

    Not to be confused with the famous Edgar Allan Poe.

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 November 7
      D = DM permalink

      I can illustrating your book!

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 November 7

      Edgar Allen Poe is Ethan Allen’s half brother. He writes Gothic horror novels about designer furniture.

      Adores: 17
      • 2011 November 7
        Lola permalink

        I heard he also writes novels about gothic designer furniture.

        Adores: 9
      • 2011 November 7
        camille permalink

        I particularly liked “The Tell-Tale Armoire.”

        Adores: 11
        • 2011 November 7

          I’m fond of the “French Proventional Dresser in the Rue Morgue.”

          Adores: 8
        • 2011 November 7

          I’m fond of his poetry – especially “The Raven and the Writing-Desk.”

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 November 7

          kc – I thought it was titled “French Prudential Dresser in the Rue Morgue”. No wonder I haven’t been able to locate a copy.

          I did, however, recently finish “House of Usher Sofas”…it was an anthology of truly frightening stories about haunted couches.

          *shivers*

          Adores: 9
  10. 2011 November 7
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    What I HAVE to know is: How do Bill and Ted figure in?

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 November 7
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      Bill is never heard from again, and Ted goes on to ruin Hollywood.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 November 7
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Oh, but they’re coming back…

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 November 7

          Dear Hollywood,
          If you are that desperate for story ideas, I will send you these napkins I have doodled on. One has a porcupine on it. My preferred method of remuneration is small denomination bills stuffed into large canvas sacks with dollar signs stenciled on the sides.

          Adores: 12
        • 2011 November 7

          Dear Hollywood,
          Keanu Reeves has the emotional depth of a glass of orange juice. Stop asking him to act in things, it’s just like asking Hellen Keller what color your shirt is.

          Adores: 10
        • 2011 November 7

          Question. Who’s the worse actor of these two: Keanu Reeves or Steve Reeves?

          Discuss.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 November 7
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Steve Reeves was not too abysmal.

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 November 7

      The catulator says …

      “Scritch my chin.”

      Dammit, that’s the answer I get for everything!

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 November 7

      What I HAVE to know is: How do Bill and Ted figure in?

      Why, most excellently of course!

      Adores: 9
  11. 2011 November 7
    CoffDrop permalink

    Paperback or leather-bound coffee table edition?

    Adores: 2
  12. 2011 November 7
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    Wait a minute: I thought Dante worked at a convience store and was friends with the clerk at the video store next door. And had two potty-mouths loitering outside.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 November 7
      Lola permalink

      He also wrote in his spare time. See? Don’t make fun of those people behind the counter ( and don’t forget, just because they serve you doesn’t mean they like you). Their lives might be better than you suspect. Of course, they could also get thrown out of a funeral and have their (ex?) girlfriend accidentally commit necrophilia in the restroom thinking it’s them, but that would probably be one of their more unusual days.

      Adores: 5
  13. 2011 November 7

    Totally OT – grandbaby #7 is a GIRL!!! SQUEE!!!! Due on 02/12/12!!! SQUEE!!!!

    Ahem…that is all.

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 November 7
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      All new babies should be girls. After hanging with my stepdaughter and nieces, boys are so BORING!

      Of course they come in handy when you need the peanut butter jar opened. Or a light bulb changed. Or the potty plunged. Or a spider killed.

      We need: Baby boys for unpleasant tasks; Baby girls for beauty and joy and happy stuff.

      DISCLAIMER: When they reach age 13, all girls should be changed to boys. I forgot my teenage years, sorry, had a moment.

      Adores: 3
  14. 2011 November 7
    LimeLolly permalink

    But… I still don’t know what the book was about. Will it fit in my bookcase between the historical romance novels and Dr. Seuss books? Will I have to get a flame-retardant book case… I need to know these things.

    *Awesome post, Dan. :)*

    Adores: 7
  15. 2011 November 7
    SpaceBug permalink

    If I spill those loose inferno pages in my lap, can I file a lawsuit?

    Adores: 9
  16. 2011 November 7
    Spaceman.Spiff permalink

    [ot corey]
    The Great Hotdog Quandary is that (in days old) hotdogs were in packages of ten (10) and hotdog buns are in packages of eight (8).

    Bun-length and quality hotdogs now regularly come in packages of eight, which is simpler.

    Those buying knack und brat wurstchen will have to cope with a five (5) each packaging scheme, though.

    For which there is a work-around of using flatbread or tortillas as ‘wraps.’

    {[o/t o/t] place a paper towel on the counter, place a bun thereupon, add hotdog, and roll up in paper towel; this combination will microwave 50 seconds @ 70% power very nicely.[/ot]}

    Hmmm, chilli dogs . . . so much like sin–pleasure at the eating, varying levels of Perdition later . . .

    [/ot]

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 November 7
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      Dammit, Cap’n! Now I’m hungry.

      Adores: 1
  17. 2011 November 7

    You guys are all awesome. The only thing you forgot is playing hockey on the roof, and the fact that it was Dante himself who invented hockey in 1166.

    Adores: 9
  18. 2011 November 7

    Dan, you forgot the best parts!

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 November 7
      LimeLolly permalink

      *snicker*

      OH NO, MAMA MIA!

      Adores: 2
  19. 2011 November 8
    Windrose permalink

    Uh. Er. Oops. I owe punches to whomever was in the box yesterday. Argh. Sorry, life is throwing me curve balls right now, and I’m a little out of sync. Step right up if you were there. Yesterday. In the box. With the candlestick.

    Good afternoon, Bonaventure!

    Adores: 1

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