YSaC, Vol. 1135: I'm so sorry. He's from Barcelona.

2011 December 2
by drmk

FREE MANUEL OPERATED TYPE WRITER w/ CARRING CASE.


Hi ,

I have an olivette type writer this type writer is one of the manuel ones the keys stroke but

the ribbon dont move up..... if you know about type writers let me know if you want this one.

thanks have a good day.

Please email me your first name and your number we can arrange a pick up

Im located on [location].

Rick-TV sent in this ad, along with the following commentary:

How do I interpret thee? Let me count the ways.

1. They're giving away a typewriter that can only be operated by a guy named Manuel...but you don't actually get Manuel with purchase. Probably because...

2. A guy named Manuel who was last seen operating a typewriter has been taken hostage in Guatemala and needs to be freed, and this ad is to alert us to his plight. Or maybe...

3. This typewriter is special because it was used during the highly-publicized but unsuccessful campaign to free Manuel, perhaps from those rebels in Guatemala.

4. I don't want to know what the keys stroke, and reading that makes me kinda fear for Manuel's safety. That said, I don't think I'd want this typewriter.

Thanks, Rick-TV! And give our best to Manuel. El pueblo unido jamás será vencido, and all that.

66 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 December 2

    TOTALLY OT TRANSMISSION: Ghostie, Taco, and the Snark Crew - pay attention! You have been awarded a major award!

    Go here: http://awesomesauciness.wordpress.com/2011/12/02/586/

    /END TOTALLY OT TRANSMISSION

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 2
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      Is this a Manuel transmission?

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 December 2

        Nope, Ottoman-ic.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 2
          Lola permalink

          Ottum-manic?

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 2
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          No, no: onamonapia-ic. Come on, folks! :)

          Adores: 2
  2. 2011 December 2

    Dear Manuel,

    Your typewriter has been key-napped. It's somewhere in [location].

    If you ever want to get your ribbon fixed or your keys stroked again bring 42 bottles of correction fluid and meet me at the corner of Olivette and Royal by sundown.

    Signed,
    WordPerfect

    Adores: 14
  3. 2011 December 2
    Lola permalink

    I suspect that the typewriter isn't operated by Manuel, it's been operated on by Manuel. Its plastic surgery consisted of changing an Olivetti to an Olivette. It's singular now.

    Adores: 2
  4. 2011 December 2

    This must have been written by the Captain from Wall·E.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 2
      LimeLolly permalink

      Manwell, Open document. Manwell, I said, Open document.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 2

      That was the first thing I thought, as well.

      Adores: 1
  5. 2011 December 2
    penguin permalink

    Manuel. Strokes. Corner.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 2

      I don't think anyone here has ever considered doing that to the corner.

      Not that the corner wouldn't be grateful of the attention, but at least get it a t-shit first.

      Adores: 6
  6. 2011 December 2
    Ralph permalink

    According to Google, Manuel Olivette is a farmer who lives in Yucatan, Mexico; not nearby Guatemala. My Spanish isn't good enough to tell what type of writer he is, why he needs to be freed, or why the keys that are on strike expect their job action to result in a ribbon moving up, and how that would benefit Manuel. Possibly the problem with this listing is the manuel transmission.

    Adores: 5
  7. 2011 December 2

    So I get a Manuel operated Olivette typewriter with a carring case? If you're not going to throw in Manuel or his car, it's kind of a long drive to Olivette, MO, just for the typewriter.

    Adores: 3
  8. 2011 December 2
    PrincessLuceval permalink

    Que?

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 December 2
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Suddenly I'm craving butter.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 December 2
        PrincessLuceval permalink

        On these trays?

        Adores: 4
      • 2011 December 2
        CapnMac permalink

        ¿Por que?

        Adores: 0
  9. 2011 December 2
    valarie permalink

    We have missed the point. Manuel was unfairly incarcerated; we must free him by carring his case back to the appelate court. I do not care if his ribbon goes up anymore, I'll arrange for the carring pickup.

    *sigh* you guys are much better at this than I.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 2
      valarie permalink

      Oh damn....and that was even in the initial riff. I'm going back for more coffee.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 December 2
        drmk permalink

        No worries -- you have a beautiful gay fish.

        Adores: 9
        • 2011 December 2
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          Wow. It took drmk's comment (BBUY) before I realized what Val's avatar was. I'm sorry, I thought it was just a very pretty paint stroke. Wow.

          It ain't easy being blonde. Or a monkey.

          Adores: 7
      • 2011 December 2
        D = DM permalink

        Valarie, I think the submitter did too well on this one. I've got nothing.

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 2

      LovelyGayFishVal - we are not better, just more practiced. :-)

      Adores: 2
  10. 2011 December 2
    penguin permalink

    My brain hurts. Can we just drink margaritas in honor of Manuel and call it a day?

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 December 2
      Windrose permalink

      peng, it's too early in CA to start drinking already! Good thing I haven't stopped yet from last night. 8)

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 2

        BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

        Windy said it was too early to start drinking!

        BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

        AHHHH......whew! Thanks, I needed that.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 2
          Lola permalink

          "You can't say you have been drinking all day if you don't start at breakfast!"

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 December 2

          Why stop at night?

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 2
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          I know, right Hammy? I myself have an IV providing me with a slow Jack drip during the night.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 2

          :snerk:

          Monkey does Jack slowly, all night long.

          :snergle:

          I'll be over in the corner, watching the fishie.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 2
          Windrose permalink

          YSaC, its affiliates, and employees, does not condone senseless consumption of alcholic beverages or promoting theuse of IVs to make such consumption easier. Do not try this at home. We are professionals. Store in a cool, dry place.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 2

          It kinda looks like you might have had an "alcholic" beverage recently, Windy.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 December 2
          LimeLolly permalink

          I never consume senselessly... just rapidly.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 December 2

          Champagne is the most sensible drink I know.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 December 3
          Windrose permalink

          Juan. . .wan. . . one. Little. drinky. only juanwanone. I can hold my liquor. And the person who just said "Watch this!"

          Adores: 0
  11. 2011 December 2
    Fl'amme Appat permalink

    Is an olivette a small olive? Considering how small olives already are I wouldn't expect much of a market for smaller olives.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 2

      But you don't get the tiny olives, you get an "olivette type writer" - a machine that writes on tiny olives. You probably have to provide your own olives.

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 December 2
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Poor Manuel. Can't get his ribbon up and small olives, too.

        Adores: 12
        • 2011 December 2

          I hear a flashy red sports car will fix that problem.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 2
          CapnMac permalink

          Yeah, but it gets spendy, what with the insurance, tooth capping, gold chains, hair plugs, ahem "supplements" and all . . .

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 2

        Really tiny martinis.

        Adores: 3
  12. 2011 December 2
    Windrose permalink

    Ralph in the box today! We'll be showing Fawlty Towers episodes all day. 8)

    Adores: 3
  13. 2011 December 2
    Digitalaxis permalink

    Olivette type writers are generally classified as inferior to Popeyed type writers. At least this one has the decency to not move its ribbon.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 2
      Lola permalink

      Digitalaxis, welcome; please continue to comment more!

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 2
      valarie permalink

      If we give Manuel (aka Olivette) a Cialis, will his "ribbon" go up?

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 December 2

        I hope your fishbowl has a corner.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 2
          D = DM permalink

          It's got five. It is octagonal, after all.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 December 2
          valarie permalink

          Yes. I'll just sit there and enjoy my rainbows. And coffee. And avert my eyes from those of the opposite sex when they are undressing.

          Adores: 5
  14. 2011 December 2

    In honor of the holiday season…

    *Ahem, in my best Willy Nelson voice*


    Empty paper, cuz the ribbon don’t move
    Type your précis to your darling from you
    Pretty pecils that show “I love you”
    Empty paper, cuz the ribbon don’t move

    Crowded street, outside the Home Depot
    Downtown shoppers, Manuel is free
    There he sits all alone on the sidewalk
    Hoping that you won’t pass him by

    Should you stop?, better not, much too scary
    You’re in a hurry, but your gutters need cleaned
    In the distance the clatter of keys
    And in the midst of the clatter he cries

    Empty paper, cuz the ribbon don’t move
    Type your précis to your darling from you
    Pretty pecils that show “I love you”
    Empty paper, cuz the ribbon don’t move

    Adores: 6
  15. 2011 December 2
    Digitalaxis permalink

    I'm sorry, Olivette, I can't do that. You know I have the utmost confidence in this ribbon...

    Adores: 5
  16. 2011 December 2

    Keystroke

    So that's what the kids are calling it these days.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 2

      It's what Keith Stone calls his quiet shirt time...

      Adores: 8
  17. 2011 December 2
    D = DM permalink

    I see nothing funny about this ad. Somebody should let Manuel know where his typewriter is.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 2
      LimeLolly permalink

      I'll just hand you a drink, D. That should help.

      Adores: 1
  18. 2011 December 2
    mud "" slicker permalink


    Dear Manuel:

    I would so love to procure your type writer. I need it for my favorite writer. I’m his number one fan. I’m disturbed however that the ribbon is all oogy and won’t move up in the cockadoodie carriage!!! I hope it can be fixed.

    I thought I knew a lot about type writers but apparently I have a hard time grasping what sort of paper I need to use in them. What sort of paper does it require? Is it that special kind that doesn’t smear when I run my greasy fingers over it? Does it require anything else? How about a tiny tape recorder or a homemade pair of writing slippers? I’ll get the stupid paper Manuel if you say I should, but you better show me a little appreciation, Mr. MAN!!!

    I would love to have a good day but when I was growing up in [location], my favorite thing in the whole world was to go to the movies on Saturday afternoons for the Chapter Plays. Well, they called them Cliffhangers but they also called them Serials. But it seems everyone always gets amnesia watching the next week. They cheat us! It isn’t fair! He didn’t get out of the cock-a-doodie car no matter how you want to change it! Did you want my first name? It’s Annie.

    So Manuel, I hope there’s not anything else wrong with it. Hope it’s not an oogie mess. Please don’t be just another lying ol’ dirty birdy. My gun has two bullets in it. One for me and one for Olivette.

    Regards,

    Annie

    p.s. My friend Paul found out that my little ceramic penguin in the study always faces due south. Oh yeah, and how much does it weigh?

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 December 2
      D = DM permalink

      There are no words. Only doors.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 December 2

        Look out, Stephen...Mudsy's in da house. One of my favorites (book, not movie, tho I love Kathy Bates). Doors!

        Adores: 0
  19. 2011 December 2
    CapnMac permalink

    Hmm, have to wonder about the email Manual wrote me about having found 500,000 pesetas in a bonsai olive garden, and could I type a US$50,000 type cheque for to send to make the ribbon move again.

    Should I worry that the return address is in Mozambique?

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 December 2
      D = DM permalink

      You should worry whether you gave me... er, Barrister Pastor Manuel Ortgega K'mube your correct Social Numeral of Security.

      Adores: 1
  20. 2011 December 2
    ladycrim permalink

    The typewriter comes with a hamster named Basil.

    Adores: 3
  21. 2011 December 3
    Windrose permalink

    Archie, if you read this, would you please email me at my dot windrose at sbcglobal dot net? Would be much appreciated. 8)

    Adores: 0
  22. 2011 December 3
    Windrose permalink

    Ralph, as one loon to another, Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Milwaukee!

    Adores: 0
  23. 2011 December 3
    Karmyn permalink

    Manuel should have known better than to go to [location]. Do you know what goes on in [location]? That's where gay fish go to poop on blue rocks.

    Adores: 0
  24. 2017 January 9

    We need a lot more intsihgs like this!

    Adores: 0
  25. 2017 February 16

    Děkuji za zajímavý článek; jen jedna poznámka: Tvrzení: "jen 8 % verdiktů končilo částkami nad jeden milión"Hypotéza: 1 % verdiktů končilo částkami nad 1 mld.Hypotéza není v rozporu s Tvrzením. Hypotéza, pokud platí, může mít zásadní (ex-ante a pro postiženou společnost i ex-post) dopad na americký byznys.=> Z Tvrzení neplyne, že punitive damages v praxi U.S. jsou OK.

    Adores: 0

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