YSaC, Vol. 1136: He is our hero!

2011 December 5

Taxidermy Tarantula – $30


We have MANY Taxidermy animals at the shop this tarantula is only $30

need directions go to [website that looks like it was written in 1998]



Tran-tu-a-la! (Doot doo, da doo doo)
Tran-tu-a-la! (Doot doo deet do)

Oh, sorry – drmk and I just saw the Muppet movie, and I still had that song stuck in my head. The most disturbing thing about this ad, by the way is NOT all the creepy taxidermy animals. (drmk just leaned over and demanded a stuffed puffer fish for Christmas.)

No, that pales in comparison to the fact that this business is both a shop that sells collectibles and… (wait for it) a kennel.  Yep – fail to show up by 6PM on your pickup day, and Fido is going onto the display shelf.  Although I’m not sure why you’d name a tran-tu-a-la Fido.

Thanks for the scary, Melissa!

82 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 December 5
    Lola permalink

    Dibs on the scorpions. I could make them into a pair of earrings for Christmas.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 December 5

      Yes, because so many men are attracted to a woman with earlobes down to her shoulders.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 December 5
        Lola permalink

        Didn’t say they were for me! 😀

        Adores: 1
      • 2011 December 5
        Bombdude permalink

        Hey! Don’t judge…

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 5
      CapnMac permalink

      Well, dang it, nobody tol’ me ’bout them thar big-city fashions.
      This sekret-santer biz is easy iffin all I has’ta do is clean the glue traps

      <humor*>

      ______________________________________
      *I’d not go to Micheal’s and get earring studs for expired (mostly) stinging arachnids. 1, it’s cold enough they are hibernating; and 2, Hobby Lobby is closer.

      Adores: 7
  2. 2011 December 5
    Cindy B. permalink

    I am disturbed that Sparky’s idea of taxidermy sometimes looks more like pressing flowers between two heavy books. That tarantuala, the scoporian, and the batt are all… flattened. Right? Is it just me? The batt in particular is creepy.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 December 5

      It looks like they’ve been laminated as well. That’a actually a bonus in my book – less chance they will rise up and eat my brain while I sleep.

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 December 5
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        You know, we have all those perfectly good laminating machines in schools that nobody’s using anymore, and serious deficits in education funding. I’m just saying…

        Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 5

      nana nana nana nana Bat Kite!

      Adores: 10
    • 2011 December 5
      Bombdude permalink

      It was a horsefly before sparky mashed taxidermied it…

      Adores: 4
  3. 2011 December 5
    Ralph permalink

    More.

    Much better.

    Also see these.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 5

      Ms. Brewer has a Bachelor of Freaky Art? “BFA”? Or Blank Firing Adaptor.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 December 5
        penguin permalink

        Ms. Brewer looks like she’s been taxidermied. Or maybe she is in need of a good stuffing.

        Adores: 1
    • 2011 December 5
      penguin permalink

      Tanuki with Jesus sandals. Want.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 December 5
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Yeah, there’s just a whole lotta stuffin’ going on down there.

        Adores: 2
  4. 2011 December 5
    D ; DM. permalink

    Beg pardon, Dan, but the pictures are plenty creepy. Why are they mounting so many large arachnids?

    Oh, probably because every time they do a mammal, it ends up looking like a Disney character.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 December 5
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Mounting Large Arachnids is the name of my Slayer cover band.

      Adores: 11
      • 2011 December 5
        Lola permalink

        Not your W.A.S.P. cover band? That would have been my first guess.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 December 5

          W.A.S.P. reference, Lola? You are officially my Metal Crush.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 5
          Lola permalink

          Smedley, I have never owned or listened to them, to my knowledge. However, I grew up in an area where people did.
          Klosterman’s Fargo Rock City is contemporary to and very similar to my experience growing up in its depiction of rural metal in the ’80s, not to mention a frequently funny book. However, I am still making up for being entirely too surrounded by country and metal at a point in my life when I needed to be listening to more new wave, punk, hardcore, and emo. *buys new Minor Threat t-shirt online*
          Though I’ve been known to headbang on occasion, including while sober. 😀

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 5

          Saw them with KISS quite a while back, and still have the baseball jersey t-shit.

          (And for those keeping score, there were not dinosaurs then.)

          Adores: 1
  5. 2011 December 5
    valarie permalink

    “Norman! Norman! Where is my cat Norman?” “Every boy needs a hobby, mother”

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 December 5
      mud "" slicker permalink

      Or: “…Where is my cat, Norman?”

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 5

        The cats’ name is Norman. Right?

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 5
          valarie permalink

          *sigh* For want of a comma, the context was lost.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 6
          mud "" slicker permalink

          It’s always the comma….

          Adores: 0
  6. 2011 December 5

    *sniffle, sniffle*

    Awww….teh ducklings…sigh…I haz a sad…

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 December 5
      Windrose permalink

      *chin quivering* Those are past ducks. Cute forever. *whimper*

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 5
        CapnMac permalink

        “Norwegian Blues” pining for the fjords, perhaps?

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 5

      All the other stuff looks scary – the ducklings are just little lumps of fuzzy sadness.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 5

        Quizzical duckling is quizzical.
        And dead.

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 December 5
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I’ll take “Cute Things” for $300, Alex.

          They are the cutest dead things ever.

          What are Two Taxidermied Ducklings?

          That’s correct for $300.

          Adores: 10
    • 2011 December 5
      Jen permalink

      I thought they were cute at first glance, but looking closer I reckon they look like they have some serious attitude going on. Maybe they just sassed Mama Duck one too many times…

      “You want us to cross the road? Seriously? Do you *know* how many cars there are at this time of day? Have you ever even considered using one of the many back roads along here? Honestly, they joke about chickens… And how come we never get moral-based bedtime stories? Those goslings have it sweet man. Wait, why are you hurrying? We’re only halfway across the road, you know we get confused easily! Come back b———-”

      Adores: 2
  7. 2011 December 5
    mud "" slicker permalink

    I am in the market for a stuffed Weta that I would like to use as a doorstop. Tarantulas are so last decade.

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 December 5
      D [DM] permalink

      I happen to have just such a creature, mudsy. Unfortunately, it’s a Christmas gift for a mutual friend of ours.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 5
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I hope you bought them funeral insurance to go along with that gift.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 December 5
          D = DM permalink

          I hope she doesn’t come in the lounge today. Wouldn’t want the surprise to be ruined.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 5

          I hope she doesn’t do that in the lounge either.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 5
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Hehe..I see what you did there Smeds….

          😀

          Adores: 3
    • 2011 December 5

      Ooooh….do you think?

      I mean..is there the slightest possibility?

      :fingers quiver as I type:

      Dear Bates Taxidermy,

      I am in need of a stuffed lacawates valtrus-suka. You see, several years ago I found the only ad I’d ever seen on Craigslist for a live version.

      Alas, as the ad was placed the seller was already down to two.

      The last two in existence as far as I know.

      Please let me know if you happen to have a stuffed one available, because while a stuffed laca is not nearly so endearing, charming and dangerous as a live one it will still be a feather in my cap to say I’ve procured one during the next LVS (lacawates valtrus-suka) Appreciation Luncheon and Bridge Game at the country club.

      I will finally be able to tell Ms. Mildred Featherbottom to go f*#k herself. Her and her superior collection of laca slides that she makes us watch every single meeting. I swear, if it wasn’t for my *medicinal* flask, I’d of shot the b*tch years ago.

      Ahem….as I was saying, please contact me forthwith if you have – or can procure for me – a stuffed laca.

      Forever in your debt I remain,

      Xenia Recordia
      Keeper of Figtail Feifings and;
      Vice-President, LVS Appreciation Society of Upper Bath

      Adores: 16
    • 2011 December 5
      Jen permalink

      Mudsy, given the weta’s prediliction for hiding in doorjambs or window embrasures, this could be a brilliantly hilarious idea. Or, terrifying. Either eye-ther.

      Adores: 2
  8. 2011 December 5
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    Ah yes, my earworm for the day:

    ma-NAH-ma-na
    (doot doo, da doo doo)
    ma-NAH-ma-na
    (doot doo deet do)

    Took Mini Monkey to see this T-Day weekend, loved it.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 5

      We took Lyle Jr. He fell asleep on my lap about halfway through but the rest of us enjoyed it immensely. 🙂

      Adores: 1
  9. 2011 December 5

    *clears throat and puts on a dress made of curtains*

    Big bugs on roses and whole groups of kittens
    Bright fish from China and ducklings with mittens
    Brown trap-door spiders tied up with strings
    These are a few taxidermied things

    Cream colored ponies and bears by the oodle
    Deer heads and snail shells and Schnitzel the Poodle
    Wild geese that fly with some wire in their wings
    These are a few taxidermied things

    Gorillas in dresses with blue satin sashes
    Snowbirds that stay on my nightstand by lashes
    Silver white chipmunks mounted on springs
    These are a few taxitermied things

    When the dog dies
    When the bee stings
    When I’m feeling sad
    I simply remember my dead and stuffed things
    And then I don’t feel so bad

    Adores: 29
    • 2011 December 5

      *Stands up with a tear in his eye while clapping furiously*
      Well Done!

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 5

      Encore! Encore!!!

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 5

      That has GOT to be the most remade song ever on YSaC. And still always worth it.

      Adores: 10
    • 2011 December 5
      Lola permalink

      Lyle, in this instance, I imagine the upcycled curtains as ones from from a hunting lodge/cabin that have pictures of hunters shooting things on them.

      Also? Possibly one of our best songs ever.

      Adores: 4
  10. 2011 December 5

    *looks at the ad*

    *Tilts head*

    *looks disgusted*

    Ok Sparky, I don’t say this to many people, but I’ll make an exception here. Sparky, get stuffed!

    Adores: 8
  11. 2011 December 5
    Lola permalink

    Does anyone else think that the prey animal in picture #2 definitely looks like it was not picked up from the kennel in time? I think Dan’s on the mark there – leave your pet too long and they turn into a perpetual pet, who never needs food, water, or to be let out. Just a little hi-dusting once in a while.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 December 5
      LimeLolly permalink

      And they get extra body parts!

      The trantuala has 9 legs.

      It’s like Dr. Frankenstein went on a crazy trip.

      Adores: 9
      • 2011 December 5

        According to Wikipedia, tarantulas have “four pairs of legs and two additional pairs of appendages” so it looks like the spider is actually missing a leg.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 5
          LimeLolly permalink

          Probably was stuck on the blowfish.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 5
          Lola permalink

          Re: the blowfish, I’m totally with drmk in wanting one for Christmas. Seriously, most of the other things have a squick factor (and the ducklings are just incomprehensibly sad) but the blowfish = conversation piece for life!

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 December 5

          Just can’t get away from the ovipositors can we?

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 December 5
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          I’d be happy to provide for both Lola and drmk, but all I can afford is a Hootie.

          Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 5
      mud "" slicker permalink

      I’m not thinking that’s a prey animal in pic #2. I think that’s momma carrying one of her brood.

      Either that or it’s Simon’s/Schrödinger’s cat.

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 December 5
        Lola permalink

        You know, second look made me think the same thing, but I still want to know if they got the pup/kit/whatever from a late kennel pickup.

        Ghostie: They don’t specify the type of additional appendage? *squick*

        Adores: 3
  12. 2011 December 5
    PrincessLuceval permalink

    Is there a Norwegian Blue parrot there?

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 December 5

      No, but I do see a pair of hot chicks.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 5
      CapnMac permalink

      Well, if you can wait an hour, they can make an Airedale into a fish . . .

      Adores: 2
  13. 2011 December 5
    CapnMac permalink

    Uhm, Dan, you can browse eBay and find puffer fish pretty cheap. Also freeze-dried tarantula (and other ‘stabilized’ arachnidæ and arthropodia) in some quantity and decided economy.

    Spark’ is decidely behind the times in taxidermy and in taxidermy marketing.

    Oh, and, I’m not tough enough to go look, but, I seem to remember that there is a body-form available for Bobcat (Lynx rufus) and kitten. Spark’s photo looks much, much too “creative” in draping that mould.

    Off into the cold to move giant houseplants and brave vall*mort . . .

    Adores: 0
  14. 2011 December 5

    FYI – do NOT Google “taxidermy” and “duckling” together – it WILL make you sad.

    Adores: 1
  15. 2011 December 5

    What’s most disturbing about the turangalila, other than its NINE LEGS, is the fact that it doesn’t look laminated so much as encased in plastic and styrofoam a-la-grocery store.

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 5
      LimeLolly permalink

      I think I am most disturbed by the christmas lights and gold garland around the display.

      All I want for christmas is an animal creche. *shudder*

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 December 5
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I think the silver staples around the shrink wrapped packages add just enough Xmas bling; yet they don’t detract from the total calassay impact of the whole montage.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 5
          Tankerbell permalink

          Yeah, it looks to me like they didn’t even go as high end as grocery store meat packaging. I see pieces cut out of cardboard boxes with Sarah wrap stapled over the trantuala and scorporations. Calassay, indeed.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 6

          Scorporations. I love.

          Adores: 1
  16. 2011 December 5
    Tankerbell permalink

    If you are politically incorrect enough to love EngrishFunny.com (and I am embarrassed to admit that I am), you will love the FAQs on the Ebay ad. And is it me, or did the “taxidermist” just glue some googly eyes from Michael’s on the poor PufferLamp’s face?

    I am also fairly alarmed to think what would happen if you actually plugged this thing in. Maybe it’s my fun-size BlackBerry screen, but I somehow doubt the electrical parts of the PufferLamp are UL-approved.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 5

      Not to mention what it would smell like after you had it on for a while.

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 December 6

      Kind of like the Spongebob Movie. Perhaps this is a classy homage to that spectacle of the silver screen (and also David Hasslehoff).

      Adores: 0
  17. 2011 December 5
    Burton Frank permalink

    No credit? No problem! Sparky’s Collectables. “Where your pets are your credit!”

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 6
      Lola permalink

      Burton, welcome, and please comment more!

      Adores: 1
  18. 2011 December 5
    andy permalink

    Trantuala?

    Nope! Chuck Testa.

    Adores: 1
  19. 2011 December 6
    Digitalaxis permalink

    That animal in the bobcat’s mouth is positively CHEERFUL about being dead. Look at that happy face! Who could possibly argue with taxidermy after seeing that face?

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 6
      Windrose permalink

      Especially since it started out as a Siamese cat!

      Adores: 1
  20. 2011 December 6
    Windrose permalink

    Hammy, my dear, Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Williams and Sons!

    Adores: 1
  21. 2011 December 6

    So late in commenting on this, but in my town there’s a fur coat seller next to “compassionate care veterinary”. So sorry Fluffy died… here’s some mittens! They look like Fluffy? Oh what a coincidence!

    Adores: 3
  22. 2011 December 7
    Skye permalink

    Gotta say I LOVE the TMBG references!

    Adores: 0

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