YSaC, Vol. 1150: Sooner or later, they’re going revoke that reindeer’s permit.
2011 December 23
You know, it’s amazing how sometimes all it takes is just ONE word to transform an otherwise more or less benign ad into something truly disturbing. Can you spot the word here?
Fri Dec 9 and Sat Dec 10 Grandma died again estate yard garage sale – $50
We will post signs in front of the house at 8:30 after the school busses are gone.
We have a lot of stuff. Collectible glass, figurines, jewelry, painting, guitar, clarinet, tractor,
snowblower, and assorted other items.See you at 8:30.
Yep – you guessed it. “Buses” has only one “s.”
Thanks for the post, Ralph!
In other news, the rug store is having its 9th annual going-out-of-business sale.
Honest Akbar’s Discount Rugs.
Proudly going out of business since 1968.
I have always thought that in fact Grandpa killed Grandma in her sleep and pinned the whole thing on the reindeer… thus getting away with murder over the holidays. I mean, check out the lyrics to this verse:
Now we’re all so proud of Grandpa
He’s been takin’ this so well
See him in there watchin’ football
Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with cousin Belle
So what I read from all of this is that Grandpa likes to get married, murder his wives after he gets tired of listening to the clarinet and looking at glass figurines, and then blame it on innocent reindeer.
Just how many times has Grandpa done this?
Merry Christmas and delicious spied eggnog coffee slices for you all!
And of course I meant “spiced” eggnog, not “spied” eggnog. As you can tell, I haven’t finished my portion of slices yet this morning. :p
Great detective work! I’m at least hoping that Grandpa is smart enough to do the deed in different seasons, or the Elf Union might start getting suspicious.
Perhaps he claimed that his second wife was pummeled to death with rotten eggs by the Easter bunny. Grandpa got over his grief by downing a dozen chocolate bunnies and hitting the golf course.
Wifey number five was last seen in the company of a certain small green character with a big hat and pointy shoes, right around St. Patrick’s Day. Grandpa? At the bar doing green jello shots.
And his eighth wife? Attacked by a pack of wild groundhogs wearing sunglasses in early February while Gramps was playing bridge at the Punxatawny senior center.
You seem to have thought about this quite a lot.
Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
After she done tried to eat my brains
You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
She’d been drinkin’ too much Sterno,
And we’d begged her not to smoke.
But she lit up her medical dope,
And she went up in a big cloud of smoke.
When they found her she was smolderin’,
And to life she had come back,
There were tire tracks on her forehead,
And a 2×4 protruding from her back.
Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
After she done tried to eat my brains
You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
But as for me and Grandpa we believe
Now we’re all so scared for Grandma,
He’s been smokin’ her stash as well.
See him in there wearing a football helmet,
Drinkin beer and tying up his wife from hell.
A Zomb Grandma is not Christian
All the family wants her dead.
So we got out the snow blower:
And ran it right on over Grandma’s head.
Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
After she done tried to eat my brains
You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
But as for me and Grandpa we believe.
Now that Grandma is in heaven
And the PUDDING IS ON FIRE.
We counted all the curios and silver
Now we can sell all Grandma’s things again!
I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors.
Better watch out for Grandma’s parts.
If they should find an arm or brain stem,
Do not put them together in the same pine box!
Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
After she done tried to eat my brains
You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
But as for me and Grandpa we believe.
Hammy, to quote Stewie Griffin talking about God, you are so deliciously evil.
Zombie Grandma is gonna be pissed when she finds out Grandpa has been selling her stuff.
I really have no (PSD) comments to add (click) to this tragic (PSD) tale of holiday (click) loss.
Must obey hypno-duck …
Clicking, clicking, clicking….
Still clicking….
Keep it up and you’ll go blind.
Well, how ’bout if I do it just until I need glasses?
There ya, Ghostie. I changed my avatar to show what I look like after lots of clicking. 🙂
*scrolls past new avvie*
Oh geez, FM. You made me choke on my popcorn.
Guess it’s time to stop now? 🙂
So you’re trying to say I’m unattractive?
*tear slowly wells up in wee monkey eye, drips down cheek*
Sniff.
Awww… It’s so creepy, it’s kinda cute.
It reminds me of my Grandfather. He used to have to tilt his head up like that to keep his glasses up on his nose.
Hmmm…..I see Hugh Hefner, though without the required blonde(s).
I spotted the word! it was >$50< Are they charging fifty bucks to come in and watch grandma die again? Sounds like great entertainment.
Hell yeah! I’d give my paternal grandfather to see a show like that!
The word that makes the ad disturbing is “busses”. Why would they have to delay the garage sale ’til all the fuses are gone from the school?
I
amwascuriousdisturbed as to why the scheduling was dependent on when scholastic kissing departed.If, as the scented simian suggests, it is the power transfer bars, well then, that’s much less complicated–it’s copper thievery.
Given that such criminality poses an extreme risk of discovering that electro-magnetic physics is uncaring of whatever mitigation one wishes to propound, ol’ grannie might have been shocked into ventricular fibrillation, only to be resuscitated by the EMTs more than a time or two.
Oh, and there is a vile portion of villainy which employs grandparents for their alleged sympathy factor when pitched into the dock before a jury.
“scented simian”
*sniffs pitts*
Yup, I may have forgotten the Right Guard this morning. My bad.
[corey] There is actually a fragrance oil you can get for soap/candles/etc. called Monkey Farts.
http://www.saveonscents.com/product_info.php/products_id/202656
It’s described as a “playful” scent. [/corey]
The ad says “composed of rich chocolate base and banana brulee”. Probably more like catfood and ass.
The version I’ve smelled was kinda like a banana Runt dipped in chocolate milk.
BOX UPDATE: ghostie has the well-deserved place in the box today, but there were so many wonderful comments yesterday. valerie’s in-laws for one, and Ralph’s Duct the Halls which led to a happy burst of song from all the usual suspects. Thanks, everyone, for making this job so difficult. 8)
If there’s not a collection of YSaC Christmas carols, by golly there should be. There’s been some great ones on here just this week.
Seriously. Someone should do something about that. 😉
I nominate anyone who isn’t me, because I suck at organizing stuff.
Eclectic Blue would be PERFECT! 8)
She’d be perfect since she’s
not here right now to objectthe most qualified!*Sigh*
Guys, Grandma died onto the turkey again. Help me get her over to the car. Who saw what happened with the jumper cables, they’re not in Gran’s purse anymore. Never mind, they’re still hooked up to the car from last time.
It’s just not a party until you have to jump-start an elderly relative.
I’ve always said that.
It’s the TacoFamily motto, isn’t it?
CLEAR!! *Bzzt*
Zap her ag’in, Elmer. It ain’t fittin that Grannie misses the eggnog and sing-a-long, you know that’s her favorite thing.
I’ve got an idea. For New Year’s, let’s resuscitate Gran with the RV.
Oh my goodness, Grandma is Romanadvoratrelundar! She’s regenerated again and her grandsparky is trying not to reveal that grandma is a Time Lord. It all makes perfect sense except for the parts that don’t.
What parts are those? I understand that timeline perfectly. It does get a bit hairy when Cousin Belle goes back in time to kill baby Santa to save Grandma, but instead meets her own great grandfather and they fall in love… So, I never figured out, is Cousin Belle her own great grandmother?
I never figured out what the mutant, cyborg, undead, goldfish was so insistent that everyone eat the cheesecake. I figured it was poisoned or filled with hash or something, but it was only burnt and kinda bland. Talk about a subplot that went nowhere.
Yes, don’t you remember: That’s why Marty asked her to the Fish Under the Sea dance and the reason that Pedro won class president.
And Rosebud was made of people!
It was kind of strange that everybody but the dog died at the end.
That set up the sequel. “Zomb Cujo: Puppy of the Damned.”
There, I fixed it. Phew!
I’m impressed that Gran had a tractor AND a clarinet! I’m hoping to find my upcoming birthday card in her pile of stuff. I could use the $5 check that’s inside it right now.
However, I’m confused as to how the $50 fits into an ad for a yardage/gardard sale (am I thinking too much here?).
How many zombie grandmas is that now? Seriously, why are all the presidential wanna-bes talking about non-issues like the economy and national security when all one has to do is read YSAC to know there is a clear and present danger from this flock (herd?) of reanimated septuagenerians?
They don’t want brains, either.
Nope.
They’re just looking for their teeth. Teeeeefff
And cheeks to pinch…
Don’t forget the hard candies.
And they want to know why you never come see them and did you get your birthday card with the check for $9 in it?
So born-again Grandma died again; there’s a song about that:
Karma karma karma karma, karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go….
Anyway, $50 is a bargain for a garage.
Happy Festivus and a Spiffy Saturnalia, everyone.
Psst. Anybody noitce the thing? Over there ——————-> With the other sucking and linkies? Or did I get the wrong glass of eggnog?
Yes, I keep swatting at it but it won’t go away. 🙁
I don’t like sucking forced on me.*
*This may not be true, baby.
Get thee to a cornery!
In other news, I don’t like the “other sucking” box either. I don’t like webpage elements that jump/pop/dance out at me.
It’s fun pretending people might care what I think.
Dexter, we DO care what you think!
I am listening. If you hate it I can consider removing it … but it works for the New York Times, and they’re a calassy joint.
Throwing in my two cents, it is annoying and obnoxious. If you have to it for some reason, I’ll understand but otherwise I hate it.
Keep it or don’t I’m fine either way.
Everyone seems to be using these or things like them, I’m used to ignoring them…
Clearly Sparky has someone in mind to pick up Grandma’s stuff for $50 and they don’t want the busses to get in on the action. I would say they are resuscitating Grandma with a do-it-yourself-at-home-defibrillator kit at 8:30 so they can sell her stuff back to her for $50. Talk about not respecting your dead again relatives!
The other option is they want Satan to drop by and pay the $50 for her soul. They didn’t list her soul in the description of what is for sale but that’s just because they want to throw people off the scent. The assorted items is code.
Grandma was killed in a tragic accident when she was playing Peter and the Wolf on the clarinet while riding the tractor. The epidemic of woodwinds being played on tractors thus leading to fatalities and major injuries must be given more attention in our society. As a public service, I spoke with the victim of a oboe and tractor related accident while he was recuperating from surgery to remove the oboe from his nose . The victim described the accident to me:
“I had just finished Tchaikovsky’s Theme to Swan Lake when the tractor hit a tree. I don’t know where that tree came from, it just jumped right out in front of me. I swear I never saw that huge Ponderosa Pine before. When I woke up, my neighbor was waiting for the ambulance to come and I could play a sonata with my left nostril. If I could say anything to others who play woodwinds while using their tractors, I would warn them watch out for jumping trees. I think they are seeking revenge for their reed brethren.”
ghostie, Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Dr. Elmo!