YSaC, Vol. 1150: Sooner or later, they’re going revoke that reindeer’s permit.

2011 December 23

You know, it’s amazing how sometimes all it takes is just ONE word to transform an otherwise more or less benign ad into something truly disturbing. Can you spot the word here?

Fri Dec 9 and Sat Dec 10 Grandma died again estate yard garage sale – $50


We will post signs in front of the house at 8:30 after the school busses are gone.
We have a lot of stuff. Collectible glass, figurines, jewelry, painting, guitar, clarinet, tractor,
snowblower, and assorted other items.

See you at 8:30.

Yep – you guessed it. “Buses” has only one “s.”

Thanks for the post, Ralph!

66 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 December 23

    In other news, the rug store is having its 9th annual going-out-of-business sale.

    Adores: 15
    • 2011 December 23

      Honest Akbar’s Discount Rugs.

      Proudly going out of business since 1968.

      Adores: 17
  2. 2011 December 23

    I have always thought that in fact Grandpa killed Grandma in her sleep and pinned the whole thing on the reindeer… thus getting away with murder over the holidays. I mean, check out the lyrics to this verse:

    Now we’re all so proud of Grandpa
    He’s been takin’ this so well
    See him in there watchin’ football
    Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with cousin Belle

    So what I read from all of this is that Grandpa likes to get married, murder his wives after he gets tired of listening to the clarinet and looking at glass figurines, and then blame it on innocent reindeer.

    Just how many times has Grandpa done this?

    Merry Christmas and delicious spied eggnog coffee slices for you all!

    Adores: 12
    • 2011 December 23

      And of course I meant “spiced” eggnog, not “spied” eggnog. As you can tell, I haven’t finished my portion of slices yet this morning. :p

      Adores: 6
    • 2011 December 23
      Cindy B. permalink

      Great detective work! I’m at least hoping that Grandpa is smart enough to do the deed in different seasons, or the Elf Union might start getting suspicious.

      Perhaps he claimed that his second wife was pummeled to death with rotten eggs by the Easter bunny. Grandpa got over his grief by downing a dozen chocolate bunnies and hitting the golf course.

      Wifey number five was last seen in the company of a certain small green character with a big hat and pointy shoes, right around St. Patrick’s Day. Grandpa? At the bar doing green jello shots.

      And his eighth wife? Attacked by a pack of wild groundhogs wearing sunglasses in early February while Gramps was playing bridge at the Punxatawny senior center.

      Adores: 15
    • 2011 December 23


      Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
      After she done tried to eat my brains
      You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
      But as for me and Grandpa we believe

      She’d been drinkin’ too much Sterno,
      And we’d begged her not to smoke.
      But she lit up her medical dope,
      And she went up in a big cloud of smoke.

      When they found her she was smolderin’,
      And to life she had come back,
      There were tire tracks on her forehead,
      And a 2×4 protruding from her back.

      Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
      After she done tried to eat my brains
      You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
      But as for me and Grandpa we believe

      Now we’re all so scared for Grandma,
      He’s been smokin’ her stash as well.
      See him in there wearing a football helmet,
      Drinkin beer and tying up his wife from hell.

      A Zomb Grandma is not Christian
      All the family wants her dead.
      So we got out the snow blower:
      And ran it right on over Grandma’s head.

      Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
      After she done tried to eat my brains
      You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
      But as for me and Grandpa we believe.

      Now that Grandma is in heaven
      And the PUDDING IS ON FIRE.
      We counted all the curios and silver
      Now we can sell all Grandma’s things again!

      I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors.
      Better watch out for Grandma’s parts.
      If they should find an arm or brain stem,
      Do not put them together in the same pine box!

      Zomb Grandma got run over by a snow blower
      After she done tried to eat my brains
      You can say there’s no such thing as Satan
      But as for me and Grandpa we believe.

      Adores: 15
      • 2011 December 23
        Tankerbell permalink

        Hammy, to quote Stewie Griffin talking about God, you are so deliciously evil.

        Adores: 2
  3. 2011 December 23

    Zombie Grandma is gonna be pissed when she finds out Grandpa has been selling her stuff.

    Adores: 11
  4. 2011 December 23
    Windrose permalink

    I really have no (PSD) comments to add (click) to this tragic (PSD) tale of holiday (click) loss.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 23

      Must obey hypno-duck …

      Adores: 6
    • 2011 December 23
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      Clicking, clicking, clicking….

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 December 23
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        Still clicking….

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 December 23

          Keep it up and you’ll go blind.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 December 23
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          Well, how ’bout if I do it just until I need glasses?

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 23
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          There ya, Ghostie. I changed my avatar to show what I look like after lots of clicking. ๐Ÿ™‚

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 23
          LimeLolly permalink

          *scrolls past new avvie*

          Oh geez, FM. You made me choke on my popcorn.

          Guess it’s time to stop now? ๐Ÿ™‚

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 23
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          So you’re trying to say I’m unattractive?

          *tear slowly wells up in wee monkey eye, drips down cheek*

          Sniff.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 23

          Awww… It’s so creepy, it’s kinda cute.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 23
          LimeLolly permalink

          It reminds me of my Grandfather. He used to have to tilt his head up like that to keep his glasses up on his nose.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 December 24

          Hmmm…..I see Hugh Hefner, though without the required blonde(s).

          Adores: 1
  5. 2011 December 23
    Fl'amme Appat permalink

    I spotted the word! it was >$50< Are they charging fifty bucks to come in and watch grandma die again? Sounds like great entertainment.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 23
      D "Bah / Humbug!" DM permalink

      Hell yeah! I’d give my paternal grandfather to see a show like that!

      Adores: 3
  6. 2011 December 23
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    The word that makes the ad disturbing is “busses”. Why would they have to delay the garage sale ’til all the fuses are gone from the school?

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 December 23
      CapnMac permalink

      I amwas curiousdisturbed as to why the scheduling was dependent on when scholastic kissing departed.

      If, as the scented simian suggests, it is the power transfer bars, well then, that’s much less complicated–it’s copper thievery.

      Given that such criminality poses an extreme risk of discovering that electro-magnetic physics is uncaring of whatever mitigation one wishes to propound, ol’ grannie might have been shocked into ventricular fibrillation, only to be resuscitated by the EMTs more than a time or two.

      Oh, and there is a vile portion of villainy which employs grandparents for their alleged sympathy factor when pitched into the dock before a jury.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 December 23
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        “scented simian”

        *sniffs pitts*

        Yup, I may have forgotten the Right Guard this morning. My bad.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 23

          [corey] There is actually a fragrance oil you can get for soap/candles/etc. called Monkey Farts.

          http://www.saveonscents.com/product_info.php/products_id/202656

          It’s described as a “playful” scent. [/corey]

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 23
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          The ad says “composed of rich chocolate base and banana brulee”. Probably more like catfood and ass.

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 23

          The version I’ve smelled was kinda like a banana Runt dipped in chocolate milk.

          Adores: 3
  7. 2011 December 23
    Windrose permalink

    BOX UPDATE: ghostie has the well-deserved place in the box today, but there were so many wonderful comments yesterday. valerie’s in-laws for one, and Ralph’s Duct the Halls which led to a happy burst of song from all the usual suspects. Thanks, everyone, for making this job so difficult. 8)

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 23
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      If there’s not a collection of YSaC Christmas carols, by golly there should be. There’s been some great ones on here just this week.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 December 23

        Seriously. Someone should do something about that. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Adores: 4
      • 2011 December 23

        I nominate anyone who isn’t me, because I suck at organizing stuff.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 23
          Windrose permalink

          Eclectic Blue would be PERFECT! 8)

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 23

          She’d be perfect since she’s not here right now to object the most qualified!

          Adores: 5
  8. 2011 December 23

    *Sigh*

    Guys, Grandma died onto the turkey again. Help me get her over to the car. Who saw what happened with the jumper cables, they’re not in Gran’s purse anymore. Never mind, they’re still hooked up to the car from last time.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 23

      It’s just not a party until you have to jump-start an elderly relative.

      Adores: 22
      • 2011 December 23

        I’ve always said that.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 23

          It’s the TacoFamily motto, isn’t it?

          Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 23
        LimeLolly permalink

        CLEAR!! *Bzzt*

        Zap her ag’in, Elmer. It ain’t fittin that Grannie misses the eggnog and sing-a-long, you know that’s her favorite thing.

        Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 23
      Tankerbell permalink

      I’ve got an idea. For New Year’s, let’s resuscitate Gran with the RV.

      Adores: 4
  9. 2011 December 23
    kelli permalink

    Oh my goodness, Grandma is Romanadvoratrelundar! She’s regenerated again and her grandsparky is trying not to reveal that grandma is a Time Lord. It all makes perfect sense except for the parts that don’t.

    Adores: 6
    • 2011 December 23
      DGiovanni permalink

      What parts are those? I understand that timeline perfectly. It does get a bit hairy when Cousin Belle goes back in time to kill baby Santa to save Grandma, but instead meets her own great grandfather and they fall in love… So, I never figured out, is Cousin Belle her own great grandmother?

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 December 23

        I never figured out what the mutant, cyborg, undead, goldfish was so insistent that everyone eat the cheesecake. I figured it was poisoned or filled with hash or something, but it was only burnt and kinda bland. Talk about a subplot that went nowhere.

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 December 23
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        Yes, don’t you remember: That’s why Marty asked her to the Fish Under the Sea dance and the reason that Pedro won class president.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 23

          And Rosebud was made of people!

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 December 23

          It was kind of strange that everybody but the dog died at the end.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 December 23
        Tankerbell permalink

        That set up the sequel. “Zomb Cujo: Puppy of the Damned.”

        Adores: 1
  10. 2011 December 23
    D "Bah / Humbug!" DM permalink

    Fri Dec 9 and Sat Dec 10 Grandma died finally estate yard garage sale โ€“ $50

    There, I fixed it. Phew!

    Adores: 6
  11. 2011 December 23
    mud "" slicker permalink

    I’m impressed that Gran had a tractor AND a clarinet! I’m hoping to find my upcoming birthday card in her pile of stuff. I could use the $5 check that’s inside it right now.

    However, I’m confused as to how the $50 fits into an ad for a yardage/gardard sale (am I thinking too much here?).

    Adores: 4
  12. 2011 December 23
    Tankerbell permalink

    How many zombie grandmas is that now? Seriously, why are all the presidential wanna-bes talking about non-issues like the economy and national security when all one has to do is read YSAC to know there is a clear and present danger from this flock (herd?) of reanimated septuagenerians?

    Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 23
      LimeLolly permalink

      They don’t want brains, either.

      Nope.

      They’re just looking for their teeth. Teeeeefff
      And cheeks to pinch…

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 December 23
        Astro permalink

        Don’t forget the hard candies.

        Adores: 8
      • 2011 December 23
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        And they want to know why you never come see them and did you get your birthday card with the check for $9 in it?

        Adores: 4
  13. 2011 December 23
    Ralph permalink

    So born-again Grandma died again; there’s a song about that:

    Karma karma karma karma, karma chameleon
    You come and go, you come and go….

    Anyway, $50 is a bargain for a garage.

    Happy Festivus and a Spiffy Saturnalia, everyone.

    Adores: 5
  14. 2011 December 23
    Windrose permalink

    Psst. Anybody noitce the thing? Over there ——————-> With the other sucking and linkies? Or did I get the wrong glass of eggnog?

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 23

      Yes, I keep swatting at it but it won’t go away. ๐Ÿ™

      I don’t like sucking forced on me.*

      *This may not be true, baby.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 December 23
        D "Bah / Humbug!" DM permalink

        Get thee to a cornery!

        Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 23
      D "Bah / Humbug!" DM permalink

      In other news, I don’t like the “other sucking” box either. I don’t like webpage elements that jump/pop/dance out at me.

      It’s fun pretending people might care what I think.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 December 23
        Windrose permalink

        Dexter, we DO care what you think!

        Adores: 0
      • 2011 December 23

        I am listening. If you hate it I can consider removing it … but it works for the New York Times, and they’re a calassy joint.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 December 24
          Llama Derp permalink

          Throwing in my two cents, it is annoying and obnoxious. If you have to it for some reason, I’ll understand but otherwise I hate it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 December 24
          Kaz permalink

          Keep it or don’t I’m fine either way.
          Everyone seems to be using these or things like them, I’m used to ignoring them…

          Adores: 1
  15. 2011 December 24
    Llama Derp permalink

    after the school busses are gone.

    Clearly Sparky has someone in mind to pick up Grandma’s stuff for $50 and they don’t want the busses to get in on the action. I would say they are resuscitating Grandma with a do-it-yourself-at-home-defibrillator kit at 8:30 so they can sell her stuff back to her for $50. Talk about not respecting your dead again relatives!

    The other option is they want Satan to drop by and pay the $50 for her soul. They didn’t list her soul in the description of what is for sale but that’s just because they want to throw people off the scent. The assorted items is code.

    Adores: 2
  16. 2011 December 24
    Llama Derp permalink

    Grandma was killed in a tragic accident when she was playing Peter and the Wolf on the clarinet while riding the tractor. The epidemic of woodwinds being played on tractors thus leading to fatalities and major injuries must be given more attention in our society. As a public service, I spoke with the victim of a oboe and tractor related accident while he was recuperating from surgery to remove the oboe from his nose . The victim described the accident to me:

    “I had just finished Tchaikovsky’s Theme to Swan Lake when the tractor hit a tree. I don’t know where that tree came from, it just jumped right out in front of me. I swear I never saw that huge Ponderosa Pine before. When I woke up, my neighbor was waiting for the ambulance to come and I could play a sonata with my left nostril. If I could say anything to others who play woodwinds while using their tractors, I would warn them watch out for jumping trees. I think they are seeking revenge for their reed brethren.”

    Adores: 2
  17. 2011 December 24
    Windrose permalink

    ghostie, Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Dr. Elmo!

    Adores: 0

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