YSaC, Vol. 1151: Here’s Georg, but what happened to Yortuk?

2011 December 24

To have loving – m4w – 32 (Middle of City)


Are you nice and want for to have sex with foreign guy? I stay in the middle of ####### City for one month at hotel by blue bear. I visit for business but always I look for the nice love. If you are nice faced woman write me your number or look for me in downtown Hyatt. I have wide chest and am loud.

Please know photograph is not of me. It is dead general I admire.

Hello ladies! I am blog writer! Are you nice and for want to have sex with me? Don’t tell llama-nun, but I am looking for the nice love. Or maybe you want to have nice love with ostrimu AND llama-nun? I do not have wide chest, but am very loud!

OK, enough of that. Two more facts of interest:

1. The name of the city in which Borat here is staying does NOT actually contain the word “city.” That was extra.

2. The photograph turns out to be the former second in command of Russian Military Intelligence (Also known as the GRU.) who was found mysteriously dead this summer on a Turkish beach. I swear I am not making this up.

Thanks for the link, Ashley!

(Update: Drmk has just informed me that I will be found dead on a Turkish beach if I follow through with this.)

39 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 December 24

    But everyone looking for the nice love at the hotel by the blue bear has a wide chest and is loud.

    Um, or so I’ve read. I’ll be here in the corner by the green wolf in case anyone needs me.

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 December 24
      valarie permalink

      Dave…does green wolf make for nice with ferret tribe?

      Adores: 6
  2. 2011 December 24
    Windrose permalink

    Are we sure the general is dead? Maybe the Russians just leaked the story so that he could start a new life with a new identity and meet a nice faced woman in middle of ########## City! And create lots of kids with different moms, some of whom will help him in his drug and prostitution rings, and one who will come back and kill him because he used to beat up her mom. . . oh, wait.

    Adores: 3
  3. 2011 December 24
    valarie permalink

    I have small chest (need big styrofoam balls) but all the dead generals say my nice face make up for that.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 December 24
      Grampdaddy permalink

      That’s OK, Valarie – I have a large chest (six drawers, with a mirror on top) and I can assure you, it isn’t the size, it’s what you put in it.

      Adores: 14
      • 2011 December 24
        valarie permalink

        My mother warned me about French perventals like you!

        Adores: 5
      • 2011 December 24
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        Damn! All I have is a chest of drawers.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 December 24
          CapnMac permalink

          Is it hexagonal?

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 24

          What is this “chest of drawers”? Do you mean Chester Draws?

          Adores: 3
  4. 2011 December 24
    LimeLolly permalink

    “Hey big, strong, handsome man! Me like you; you very handsome. Me love you long time. You like? We go, O.K.?” – Urban Dictionary

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 24
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      *pout* You stole my comeback Lolly. ‘Cept I would have spelled it “Me ruv you rong time!” There, at least I got it out of my system.

      Adores: 1
  5. 2011 December 24

    If all online dating posts were required to include a picture of a dead general admired by the poster, instead of one of the poster themselves, it would make it much easier to find someone compatible*.

    *Weed out the crazies.

    Adores: 15
    • 2011 December 24
      valarie permalink

      Oh, to be honest, I could make a better man out of duct tape and nacho cheese than most of the men on dating posts. My gay fish agrees, he does the weeding for me.

      Adores: 13
      • 2011 December 24

        If you’re a good hooker, I’ve got a crochet pattern that makes a pretty nice man.

        Why for am I in corner with wolf covered in ferrets? Is what crocheters are called!

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 December 24
          Llama Derp permalink

          So Taco is a hooker? It must have something to do with the Taco thong.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 December 24

          How do you think he could afford something with that much bling?

          Adores: 1
  6. 2011 December 24

    A new post? On a Saturday? It’s a Nerky Beesmas miracle!

    (Or Dan and I just lost track of what day it was while we’re on vacation.)

    Either way … Nerky Beesmas to all!

    Adores: 12
    • 2011 December 24
      valarie permalink

      And thank you both for it! It was a pleasant gift!

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 December 24

      Many bees upon you both! Enjoy your vacation!!

      Adores: 1
    • 2011 December 24
      Llama Derp permalink

      Yay! Bees! Vacation! Nerky Nerky Beesmas to all!

      Adores: 2
  7. 2011 December 24
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Based on picture and writing of English languages, this might be a red bear with blue balls.

    I am located in corner for business for short time. Would like to meet pretty coffee slice for “hot kuchen”, or maybe blintz… Please to send telephone number and size of your mug.

    Adores: 7
  8. 2011 December 24
    Astrognash permalink

    Well, hey there sailor soldier random creeper. 😉
    I have a hobo in a sock who might be interested in this.

    Adores: 2
  9. 2011 December 24

    Does anyone else have a pop up in the lower right corner that purports to be “Other Sucking You Might Like”?

    Oh, Thank You, Holy Llama-nun and Ostrimu! PrOn for Beesmas!

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 December 24
      valarie permalink

      Yes. I was ignoring it. I’ve had spiked eggnog, and it just sounds dirty *blush*

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 December 24
      Windrose permalink

      I’m glad you said this. I have a blocker thingie so I don’t see it at home, only at work. I thought it had gone away. My only complaint was that I couldn’t move it somewhere out of my way or close it, and whenever I clicked on it, Taco showed up.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 December 25
        D "Too Many / Cheers!" DM permalink

        I generally have a complaint when I can’t move Taco out of the way, too.

        Adores: 2
  10. 2011 December 24

    I want four two, too…

    Adores: 1
  11. 2011 December 24
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    Doing my daily clicking. ‘Cause I know Santa’s watching.

    *click click click*

    Oh yeah. You like that, don’t ya? Talk dirty sponsorship to me. Ooooo, yeeeaaaaaa….

    Adores: 6
  12. 2011 December 24

    Nerky Beesmas Eve!


    Up near the Kremlin Lenin rots
    Out jumps good old Gorbachev
    Out to Siberia go lots of young
    All for a little slip of the tongue

    No, no, no! I wouldn’t go!
    No, no, no! I wouldn’t go!
    Put up in chains, click, click, click
    Down to the dungeon with ol’ Tsar Nick

    Adores: 6
  13. 2011 December 24
    Ralph permalink

    Alas poor Yortuk, I viewed his fellatio, and now how abhorr’d in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.

    Adores: 3
  14. 2011 December 24
    CapnMac permalink

    Alas, poor Yortuk! I knew him well, Horatsevich,
    A fellow of infinitely split preposition, and mien most fancy.
    He hath hosteled many the night in ******* City, and
    How abhorrent his late brow is now.
    Here hung those lips unkisst by nice faced woman,
    None know how oft (and shudder us thus in enumeration).
    Where is your bear, blue, now? Where gibes thy
    Hyatt? Your business meetings with continental breakfasts?
    No, now we also mark your cheek crest-fallen,
    As if to mock your CL longings!

    Anon, Horatsevich, call the lady to ‘er chamber, there
    To lay the foundation an inch deep, ere to this
    Bear come she thus.

    Pray prithee, Horatsevich, doth ye think [asian gentelman]
    Looked so meek and alone as dear Yortuk here?

    Aye, Sire, e’en so.

    And, smelt so rank?

    Indeed, Sire, as a sow’s designer purse left at the starbucks.
    An imperialist plot to besmirch the Rodhina, and sore
    Oppress the Proletariat Workers with the Caffeine inherent
    In the System!

    Adores: 2
  15. 2011 December 24
    CapnMac permalink

    Curst; a jinx laid on, most palpable jinx; Wine, then for honorable Ralph!

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 December 25
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      You’ll shoot your eye out, Cap’n!

      Adores: 1
  16. 2011 December 24
    Llama Derp permalink

    Never has a thread sounded so drunk so early. Well done crew!

    Adores: 3
  17. 2011 December 25
    Windrose permalink

    Nerkey Beesmas to all, and to all a Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Virginia!

    Adores: 3

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