YSaC, Vol. 1163: I can't believe it's not ... oh, ew.
Butter fantasy - m4w - 27
Here's how this is going to work. I have a ridiculous amount of butter, and a spare area carpet. I'm going to melt said butter, douse myself and the carpet with it, and roll myself up in the carpet like some sort of human burrito. Here's where you come in. You will walk in on me in my burrito. You will be dressed up all sexy like. You then run across the room, jump on top of the burrito, and launch me across the room in butter-soaked ecstasy. You will not help me clean up. You will then leave. You can send me your dry cleaning expenses for any clothes that have been embuttered. This is completely legit. Write back with a pic.
We here at the Cartoon Physics Institute would like to remind you that when shooting across the room after being ejected from your embuttered carpet burrito, be sure that you are wearing a crash helmet to protect your head. Cartoon concussions are serious business; those stars and birds and flattened heads can mask a serious issue. Blowing on your finger to reinflate yourself is only a temporary fix and can easily lead to over-inflation.
The Cartoon Physics Institute -- making the impossible adorable since 1928.