YSaC, Vol. 1171: The Noise of Carpet.
2012 January 23
white outdoor mower – $75
white outdoor mower 21 inch cut 5.5 hp real clean runs great used very little xxx-xx-xxxx
One of the recurring themes on this blog is people who take pictures of vacuum cleaners outdoors, despite their usual mode of use indoors. If Sparky here wanted to be Craigslist-consistent,* he should have taken a picture of this (white) outdoor mower indoors, showing it making short work of that 70s shag in the wood-paneled den.**
Thanks, HamCan!
* Craigslist-consistent is a very different type of consistency than reality-consistent.
** I’m now imagining tiny little lawn mowers making those topographical patterns in 70s carpets.
Dear Sparky,
Your grass is going to grow again next year. $75 isn’t enough to cover it in lineoleum. Just thought you might like to know.
Sincerely,
LimeLolly’s husband who cuts the grass
That’s Hubby Monkey’s dream: Permanent fake grass. He threatened to concrete the entire yard and paint the surface green. When I threatened to do the same things to all of his undies* as they showed up in the laundry room, he changed his mind.
*This is a lie. Hubby does not wear undies.
Were they offered for sale, free, on CL?
*shudders* Oh sweet jebeus I hope not. He’s been going commando since before we started dating, so I don’t know what happened to his unmentionables.
Not sure I needed to know that, LL. (Edit: She means Funky) But, uh, thanks for sharing. If it’s ok with you, I purchased him 9 pairs of breefs for free. They’re in the mail. After all this time, you may need to teach him how to use them. Start with the pink ones, those are the training breefs.
Psst, Tanker! It’s Funky’s Hubby who needs the undies. You want I should fix that for you?
Thanks, Windy. Here I’ve been imagining Mr. LL commando! Awww, what the heck! FREE BREEFS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!
*snerk*
LL Hubby could always use less …’religious’ breefs.
The photo should have been taken in a storage shed with other garden tools leaning against it. With a half full (or half empty) gas can next to it. “Used very little” if that were true, his grass would be taller.
There came a time in suburban [location] when Bubba mowed the lawn in his bare feet, and it came to pass that he earned the nickname “Stumpy”, and lo the once white lawnmower was now red.
No oxidation on his mower!
Hmm.. now why does that sound corner-worthy?
There’s actually a company called White that builds lawnmowers. At least, there used to be. I’m not sure they’re still around. My previous mower was a White mower, even though it was not, in fact, white. That always bothered me.
Didn’t Cream do a song about them?
No. That was Knights in White Satan by the Moody Whites.
How does Barry White figure in here?
(slightly O/T) Regardless of my feelings, y’all’s feelings, or anyone’s feelings re the POTUS, I have to say that when I saw the video of him singing Rev. Al at the Apollo, I was impressed. And I felt like a teenager at a concert. And amazed that he was brave enough to do that.
He could get more for it if it was an indoor/outdoor mower.
I paid $50 for a self propelled “outdoor” mower, lasted 10 years. I got mower for less.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop with the cutting remarks, already! 8)
That one was a bit too mu(l)ch.
Leave those puns alawn! There are so few Sparkies that can actually grass the concept. I will only tell you one mower time!
You guys are pushing it. Give you guys an inch and y’all take a yard.
This whole thread has gone to seed. It’s got its roots in trying to cut a deal.
***tries–and fails–to find puns using stolens, rhizomes, or dendrites in a sensible manner for humor not requiring excess trival knowledge of turf***
Extra points to Cap’n just for even knowing what that stuff is.
Ok, one more before I leave. It is a white outdoor (exit) mower. He has to sell it because the egress has issues with it.
Stupid picky bird.
Outdoor mowers are regulated by the Department of Redundancy Department. One of the rules is that white mowers be at least 50% red.
The grass is always redder on Sparky’s side of the fence.
Today we have an ensemble cast in the box. Today only! Probably. 8)
Do ya’ll take requests?
Would you sing He Ain’t Heavy ?
I could sing solo. So low you can’t hear me. OT/ I miss the TIki Room at Disneyland.
They don’t have that anymore?!?!?! Awwwww. I loved that. Well, the one at Disney World.
Not to be a party pooper but
http://www.whiteoutdoor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/topcategory_10301_17502_-1
Obviously a Sparky-Run company if they actually named their mowers “White Outdoor Mowers.”
Do they also run “Blue Outdoor Cars?”
I just find it hard to fathom that they need to specify “outdoor” regarding their mowers. I figured that was a given.
I believe it is “White Outdoor” mower, not White “Outdoor mower”.
Yes. That totally clears it up.
😛
The Blue Outdoor Cult has taken over the community!
Would need to read
would it not?
This is beginning to sound like gang related type stuff. We got the Crips and La Primera representing. Where are the Bloods?
More like the Blü Møister Cült.
Back in my Sears retail days, a friend of mine got transferred from Appliances into Lawn & Garden. Her first customer in the new department asked her if they had any reel mowers. I heard that the look on her face was priceless as she gestured grandly around her and said, “They’re ALL real!”
Was that the moment when they transferred her over to Housewares?
Returns.
Drmk (BBUH)’s title gave me an ear worm and made me dig my Simon and Garfunkel CD out of the car.
Yes, I love Simon and Garfunkel, to bad they broke up. I heard Simon joined The Chipmunks or something.
(starts filling out check for “stupid” fees)
No no no. When he married Princess Leia, she made him quit the band. She got tired of finding strange panties in his car.
(Why does everything come back to undies for me today? Hum.)
Today only (and possibly all week)
At the 40 Watt.
Funkee Monkee Undees
I’m glad to hear that, except that it’s a Stereolab reference.
So little they forgot what color it was.
It needs a merrer.
And draws…
And a Shiffer robe….
Racist.
Why aren’t you in school young man?
Teacher workday.
Don’t your teachers work everyday?
Stranger still, it looks like the poster also put down his social security number instead of a phone number.
So you can check the size of his soc. check and make an offer on the mower based on his income.
Hello Sparky, my old friend
I see you’re on Craigslist again
Your outdoor mower loudly creeping
cut the rug while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Because you mowed the carpet
In corner dark I sat alone
Thinking of “carpet” to be mown
‘Neath the bulge of a muffin top
You turned your mower on the curly crop
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a mind picture
That split my brain
because you mowed the carpet
And in the bathroom light you saw
Ten thousand curlies, maybe more
Curlies growing, never shrinking
Sparky mowing without thinking
Sparky mowing hairs that most folks never share
And never dare
To try to mow the carpet
“Fool”, said I, “You do not know
That your rug, it will regrow
Hear my words that I might teach you
Keep your mower, you‘ll need it anew”
But my words, like drunken hoboes fell
And echoed
In Sparky’s empty braincase
And the Snarkers bowed and prayed
“bleach out the image Sparky made”
wish I had gotten a warning
Of the image Spark’ was forming
Llamanun said, “The words of the Sparkies are written within trailer walls
And tenement halls”
Of course he tried to mow the carpet
Well done! You are giving SisterLyle a run for her money!
I second that!
Brilliant!
Capn and kelli, and me, Everyone’s a hero, Punchity Punch Punch!
Good morning, Valley City!