YSaC, Vol. 1176: She came in through the bathroom window.

2012 January 30

$250 / 800ft² – Needs cool roommate


Ok so here is a lil about myself Im sweet, cool, outgoing, loud, love drinking, and fall asleep a lot with the music playing loud. Im looking for someone who likes to hang out and do the same kind of things I do my roommate who still lives here and does not have plans on moving but is never home so when you are here and he comes home you have to act like your just my friend and you are just hanging out for a lil bit or the night this might happen like twice a week. It would be sweet if u were a really hot chick since im a single dude, about the rent you wont be aloud to bring anything in or sleep here so the $250 is more the cost of hanging out with me you have to pay for the pleasure of my company…wait if you have a vaporizer u can bring it!!!

Wow, this is awesome! For $250 I can hang out with a loud, drunk stoner but not actually live there or anything.

But wait — what thought through my single brain cell breaks? I might actually want to have a place to sleep every so often. I know, I’ll check Craigslist for that, too!

$400000 Room to share in [location]


I am a divorced parent of 1 child who is looking for a potential room share with a 20-80 year old. Can be pretty tight, but if you like, you have. Needs some work, esp. near the entri=ance (can’t really get in) and u hav 2 go in thro the window (no wrrys, large, easy to open windows in back) but u need a room, I give you one! You just have to put up with me!!!!!!

This is like little $$$, in this naighborhood, 1 mil is not to much to ask for 1 house!!!!
Close to Metro stop!!!!
&bus stop!!!!
Plz, don’t got money for rent!!!!
Nd help now gotta pay child support!!!

House is in superb |=|!!!
Only srious offers!!!
Thanks!!!

email me @httmanxxx@xxxxx.com!!!!

I swear, I’m the luckiest person in the world. I can crawl through a window to my room, and it will only cost me $400,000 to do so? Today just keeps getting better and better.

Thanks, Naomi and Robovampire!

49 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 January 30
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Oh, I’ve got a vaporizer I can bring:

    Adores: 19
    • 2012 January 30
      mud "" slicker permalink

      I wonder if vaporized Sparky looks like glitter rain.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 January 30

        I bet I know what it smells like…

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 January 30
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Cheetos?

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 January 30
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Dude, don’t bogart the vaporized stoner rinds.
          (Incidentally, Vaporized Stoner Rinds is the name of my Spin Doctors cover band.)

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 January 30

          Teen Spirit?

          Adores: 4
    • 2012 January 30
      Digitalaxis permalink

      But are you a hot chick? You too could pay to hang out with the loud music man, for only $250 and having to pretend like you don’t really know him when the roomie comes over. And much molestation when the roomie isn’t in.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 30

      That’s the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator I’ve been looking for!

      Adores: 4
  2. 2012 January 30

    When I get tired of crawling in and out of my $400,000 room through the window, I can pay to watch some wannabee Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo fall into a drink- and drug-induced stupor to loud music. Then I’ll know I’m truly alive.

    Adores: 4
  3. 2012 January 30
    camille permalink

    I love the age range on the second ad – lots of 80 year olds must be looking to climb in and out of windows to get into their homes.

    Also, I think there must be some cat math involved here – if it costs $1 million to own a house, why would one room (with window access only) cost $400,000? And do I then own 40% of your house and land? If so, can I build myself a door?

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 January 30
      CapnMac permalink

      [observational corey(s)]
      Just what sort of million-dollar homes have blocked-off doors, and require egress by way of windows?
      My mental image keeps varying from Detroit to Vegas to South Florida–and not to any great good end but worsening my pre-existing headache.

      I strongly suspect that Sparky-2 has been delivered a writ demanding $400K in back child support payments forthwith and soonest. Being totally unaware how rents; mortgages; house-evaluations work–i.e., how Spark’ got in the mess in the first place–Spark’ has hit upon this (no doubt Spark’ “hits on” a lot of ‘strange’) solution.

      Alternately, this is a “nigerian” involving a foreclosed property, a squatter, and a fundamental–unfrozen Dr. Evil sort of way–misunderstanding of how currency units work. Or, they could be from Zimbabwe or Central African Republic, where 400000 is only about US$200-250.

      Which is a happier supposition than all that have gone before in my agonized knoggin today . . .
      [/coreys]

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 January 30
        camille permalink

        It occurs to me that since Sparky “don’t got money for rent,” he clearly doesn’t own this million dollar abode anyway, so he has no right to sell it to anybody.

        Adores: 2
      • 2012 January 30

        I thought of Florida, too. I wonder why that is? I know very little about the state but, apparently, were I to be given a word association test, my answer to “accessing home through window” would be “Florida.” Hmmm.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 January 30
          Kaziganthi permalink

          Sadly, my own home state (Alaska) comes to mind when envisioning window access to homes, cabins, etc. Maybe some ‘wasilabilly’ in ‘the valley’, or any ‘bush community’ home/cabin…

          Adores: 1
  4. 2012 January 30

    I do my roommate

    I think I found the secret message in that first ad.

    Adores: 14
    • 2012 January 30
      PrincessLuceval permalink

      *Can be pretty tight, but if you like, you have*

      And I found it in the second.

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 January 30

        We do the weird stuff.

        Adores: 10
      • 2012 January 30
        Kaziganthi permalink

        That is the first thing I thought when I read that line…

        Adores: 2
  5. 2012 January 30
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    “$250 is more the cost of hanging out with me you have to pay for the pleasure of my company”

    Hey, that’s my ex! He cost me at least $250 a month. He must be looking for another sugar mama.*

    *I never had enough money to really be a good sugar mama. I was more of a Sweet-N-Low sister.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 January 30
      SilvaNoir permalink

      edit: I didn’t mean to reply here… so um… yes

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 January 30

      I prefer my sugar free…

      Hey, who put this window in the corner?

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 January 30
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        So you’re saying you take your mamas like you take your coffee?

        (Whether or not I go to the corner will depend on Hammy’s reponse)

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 January 30

          Full of Monkey’s?

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 January 30
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          *urp!*

          I’ll be laying here with a cool cloth on my head, thanks.

          Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 30
      tigprincess permalink

      I was more of a mobile bank!

      Adores: 3
  6. 2012 January 30

    Nobody offers a half-million dollar room with window access without some kind of catch. My guess is the tenant will end up participating in a new episode of “Hoarders”.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 January 30
      funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

      Or “Intervention”.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 January 30
      CapnMac permalink

      Or involves something along the lines of “When the video crews get here…”

      Adores: 1
  7. 2012 January 30
    Digitalaxis permalink

    $400,000? Paying for child support? And the front entrance is inaccessible? Sorry, I mean entri=ance.

    I’m guessing this person is an inveterate hoarder, and is gonna make you pay full price for one of the 2.5 rooms in the million-dollar house that are still habitable (better hope one of the others is a bathroom). Still, it’s all-you-can-eat !!!!s

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 30
      SilvaNoir permalink

      I read that as “invertebrate hoarder” and imagined sparky #2 as a large worm

      Adores: 10
      • 2012 January 30
        Digitalaxis permalink

        He’s just a little shellfish

        Adores: 5
      • 2012 January 30
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Invertebrate Hoarders is the name of my Arrogant Worms cover band.

        Adores: 8
        • 2012 January 30
          Windrose permalink

          Did you ever think that maybe some bands don’t rate a cover band? 8) No, me either.

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 January 30
      Astrognash permalink

      If it’s 2.5 rooms, I think it must only be a half bath.

      Adores: 2
  8. 2012 January 30
    Windrose permalink

    This is perfect! I’ll pay the $250 per month to hand out with Stoner Rind, and when his roommate comes home, I’ll go crawl in a window at my real pad. As long as money is no object and I don’t want to have a life of my own, it all clicks. Now, where should I keep the birds?

    Adores: 4
  9. 2012 January 30

    Sparky 1 – You seem unclear on how the concept of friendship or prostitution works. I don’t care how fascinating your inane ramblings seem to you, no one is going to pay to hear you wax poetic about the floor-pizza you found under the futon last week.

    Sparky 2 – There is no such thing as an “inaccessible” room. That’s why God invented the Sawzall.

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 January 30
      CapnMac permalink

      Now, now, the Tao of the Sawzall™ is rather like that of the hammer and the copier–it’s all in knowing where to use the tool.

      So, I rather expect that Sparkhaus-2 has had application of reciprocating saw, and poorly, too. The results of which have been boarded up, and “traditional” egress points blocked, which is why egress requires traversing the fenestration.

      A door is a wonderful and elegant simple machine. Like many, if not most, simple machines, it is very easy for such simplicity to go awry. And, once awry, very much in extremis is very probable.

      ***begins to meditate on the Do of Demolition Excavators***
      <Kensetsu kikai jitsu>

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 January 30
        valarie permalink

        I just got to check in now. Doors to all! And double doors (no windows) to the Capn for the cute cat!

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 January 30
          Camille permalink

          With all those doors, surely we can get into the apartment now.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2012 January 30
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Dear @httmanxxx:

    I am willing to bet that you are neither.

    Regards,
    Not Your Roommate

    Adores: 2
  11. 2012 January 30
    Karmyn permalink

    I think I’ll stay where I’m at now with paying my parents $400 a month so we don’t have to live on the streets. And it has front door access. Imagine that.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 30
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Living here is free, and no noisy roommate. Silence is golden. So apparently is solitude.

      Adores: 3
  12. 2012 January 30
    tigprincess permalink

    I’m guessing that both ads were unsuccessful? Right? Please say Yes !

    Adores: 5
  13. 2012 January 30
    Ralph permalink

    The words of the parents are written on the craigslist walls, And tenement halls….

    Adores: 8
  14. 2012 January 30

    I think Sparky one is my annoying downstairs neighbor. Let me see…

    Loud – Check
    Drunk – Check
    Fall asleep with loud music playing – Check
    Bring home hot chicks and chase them around because quiet roommate is never home – Check
    Vaporizer for the phlegmatic cough when I am awake – Check

    So…if I pay him the 250.00 will he just STFU? It would be worth it for me to get a decent nights sleep.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 January 30
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Check to see if he doesn’t have a window. If not, make the door inaccessible and in a week to 10 days, your problem will be solved.

      Buy some real strong air freshener first…

      Adores: 3
  15. 2012 January 31
    Windrose permalink

    Taco, Dee, here’s your Punchity Punch Punch! Nice sharing the box with you. No, I don’t think I’m forgetting anything.

    Good Morning, Shanty Town!

    Adores: 0

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