YSaC, Vol. 1181: … with the jaded, jealous smile …

2012 February 6

misc


very good condition, some wear, unique design. bench with arms, green velvet upholstry, make offer. text or call for details. xxx-xxx-xxxx

 

Okay. Let’s start here, shall we? What this ad lacks in specificity it makes up for in … well, it doesn’t really make it up, does it? You just sort of eventually cobble the story together, only to find out that it really wasn’t that great of a story to begin with. Kind of like the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

This ad is like the Star Wars prequel trilogy in other ways, though, as revealed after the cut below:

 

Like the Star Wars prequels, this ad also inexplicably contains Jar-Jar Binks.

Thanks, cabmann27!

64 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 February 6

    It does have arms (and legs) and could be considered a bench if you sat on it, but how exactly to you upholster an alligator? I’f probably use a slipcover instead.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 February 6

      I look a little chilly this morning.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 6
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        *hands Ghostie a hot toddy* You can borrow Hubby Monkey’s electric blanket, if ya want.

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 February 6
      Kaziganthi permalink

      How do you upholster an alligator, you ask?

      Very carefully!

      Ba- dum-bum!

      Adores: 5
  2. 2012 February 6
    valarie permalink

    On the rare occasions I haul my sorry bum over to the gym, and the rarer occasions I bench, I do bench with my arms. But green velvet upholstery? Well, I guess I have seen tackier.

    Adores: 5
  3. 2012 February 6
    Digitalaxis permalink

    Wow, all that work to avoid naugahyde.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 6

      Naugahyde is one of the things that prompted this blog.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 6
        mud "" slicker permalink

        *Used mainly by the Aative American Nahojahige tribe.

        Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 6
        CapnMac permalink

        Naugahyde is still one of those words that gives me a chuckle,
        In Spanglish, “nauga” is a slang term for the external dermis of the human posterior (sometimes the external dermis of the peritoneum, in context).

        No doubt there is a terse and academic wiki on how the term was coined {goes and looks}. Whether the Spanglish term predates, or is a derivative from the material (or Uniroyal’s advertising in the 60’s), will have to remain speculative.

        Still causes a smile for me–but such things oft do.

        Adores: 4
  4. 2012 February 6
    Llama Derp permalink

    The bench is inside the alligator. Does that help? So is Sparky’s dead aunt, a large snake, and Sparky’s room mate Clyde.

    Adores: 7
  5. 2012 February 6
    Rabbit Roulette permalink

    (Star Wars rant) Most hardcore Star Wars fans, of which I am one, have decided that George Lucas went off his rocker or had some sort of brain injury before making the prequels. Therefore, we consider them non-cannon. I’m inclined to think of the New Jedi Order books the same way. Anything that happened after Chewbacca died just wasn’t worth bothering with. EVERYBODY got turned into cannon fodder by the subsequent authors, so I couldn’t be bothered to get attached to any characters anymore. They killed the series when they started killing main characters. (end rant)

    This particular sparky seems to have been trying for a haiku but missed. Or at least that is how I read it.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 6
      camille permalink

      On a side note (and with apologies for being snarky, but that’s what we do here), there is a difference between a cannon and a canon.

      Adores: 10
      • 2012 February 6
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Meesa shoot one, and meesa no exist in other.

        Adores: 18
      • 2012 February 6
        Rabbit Roulette permalink

        My spell check let both of them slide, and double letters have always been my downfall. The English language is probably the only one on earth where even native speakers can never master all the rules.

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 6
          Windrose permalink

          RR, Spell check can only detect misspelled words. Cannon and canon are both spelled correctly. You simply need to know the difference and use them correctly. Ooooh, challenge!

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 6
          Kaziganthi permalink

          That is because the English language is made of from two different language bases (Latin and Germanic). Each of these two language groups have very different rules that cannot be applied to the other language group. So for English it seems every rule has an exception because every rule does have an exception.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 6
          Kaziganthi permalink

          There were [corey] markers around that last comment but I used ‘<' by mistake…

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 6

      Wait a minute!

      Chewy dies?

      Next you’re gonna tell me that Darth Vader is Luke’s dad and he sinks the boat with Leia and Han onboard, only they don’t die but wind up floating in the freezing waters before Yoda rescues them because he hears Leia whistle a happy tune.

      So, please don’t. I need my illusions.

      So.Very.Badly.

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 February 6

        It happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Odds are good that all of them are dead by now.

        Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 6
          Astro permalink

          This reminds me of English II when, upon beginning Lord of the Flies, one of my classmates shouted out quite loudly that [Spoilered for Your Convenience].

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 6

      [matte]I’ve always disagreed with the sentiment that main characters are holy creatures that should be allowed to always live through their adventures. A character that is allowed to live too long starts to fall into character stagnation where they become an iconified device rather than a deep, involved character.

      Either the characters need to be retired after telling their story, or you have to kill them and allow their story to end. If you let them linger beyond their story just for the sake of having them around, you start to get the same symptoms as TV shows that run a season or two beyond where they should have ended.[/matte]

      That said, I’ve never been that close of a follower of the Star Wars franchise and have not read any of the books, so I can’t really comment on whether is was appropriate to kill off those characters.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 6
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I think the latest Priceline commercial says it all. Alas, William Shatner, we knew him well.

        Negotiator my ass!

        http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/20/priceline-killing-off-william-shatners-priceline-negotiator/

        (why is YSaC placing my comments on separate lines?)

        Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 6
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        [/matte]? Why not [/semi-gloss] or [/eggshell]?

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 6

          [corey] Much like the corey tags, the matt (or matte) tags come from a previous commentor and are usually used to express righteous anger (either feigned or real.)[/corey]

          You know, we had a YSaC dictionary at one point. Someone who isn’t me should look into that.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 6

          I’ve always used [matte] to express an opinion that is serious/not snarky in nature but is not factual per se, whereas a [corey] is a factual or corrective post and a [matt] is an expression (feigned or otherwise) of outraged self-righteousness.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 6
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          Ah, I see. Then I’ve been very [matt] at work lately. For about two months.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 6
          Astro permalink

          The YSaCtionary still exists.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 6
          CapnMac permalink

          [ysac]
          [matt][/matt] is for when you fling poo first and make explanations later.

          [matte][/matte] is for “Dear Diary, OOOO! I’m soo MAD I shooda thrown poo! Or said I was gonna fling some! Or I shooda told [name] I was that mad, an’ [pronoun] oughta watch out…”

          If memory serves, the original Matt was outraged, simply Outraged that we were “picking” on which ever sparkii it was, and that we should feel ashamed for beating up on esl or special needs or whatever obvious-to-Matt (only) mitigating circumstances existed. Which came across much as that internet creature bemoaning how “mean” eve’ybody was to Brittany, an’ we shud jus’ stoppit!

          The fact that our audience here might use such obviously empty Histrionics to satirical end was nearly fait accompli; ergo [matte] tags.

          Which I find to have a quite Delicious <entendre in that matte is duller, with decreased sheen, one might say “less shiny’ than [matt] tags–all the better to gleam, to illuminated, to shine, as it were.
          [/ysac]

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 August 16

        [COREYSPOILERS]

        I’m okay with it if it’s in a “famous last stand” kind of way that’s true to the character (Superman, back when he was dead) or in a way that’s set up with previous events and really affects the storyline in a way that’s well handled (Ms. Calendar in Buffy). Not so much if it’s a shock death with no real setup and no real drama, just boom, dead (Wash in Serenity).

        [/coreyspoilers]

        Adores: 0
  6. 2012 February 6

    For sale: one misc. Very good condition, but it ate my stuff and my sturdy tan whateverthatwas. Call or text Sparky at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 February 6
      Lola permalink

      I don’t need a misc, but I’m looking for an assortment. Let me know if you have one of those, will you?

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 February 6
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        I think I have one of those, minty sheel, a few love stains, ect., to many to list. 32 firm oboe?

        Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 6
        mud "" slicker permalink

        So, what your looking for Lola is an ass?

        Gimme a second. I’m sure I’ll find one somewhere.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 6
          Lola permalink

          I’ve found more than one, but thanks for the offer, Mudsy!

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 6
          Bombdude permalink

          Huh, I was at work, minding my own business, when I thought I heard someone calling my name…

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 6
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Not only were we calling it Bd, but we were thinking it too!

          *oh, the horrors!!!*

          😀

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 6
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          Dude, come see me. I’m surrounded by asses.

          Adores: 1
  7. 2012 February 6
    Windrose permalink

    What a great wrap-up to the weekend! I got stuff for $1, something Tan for $200, and now Misc. for which I can make an offer. If only I got the reference in the title of today’s post, I’d be a camper of happiness.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 6
      mud "" slicker permalink

      http://www.lyricsmania.com/crocodile_lyrics_xtc.html

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 6
        Angel permalink

        There’re alligator songs out there but they don’t immediately jump to mind. I had to think about it for a moment before I could come up with any. Bill Haley’s “See You Later Alligator” or Shooter (Waylon’s son) Jenning’s “Alligator Chomp” finally hit me though.

        [corey]You can tell it’s a ‘gator by its broad snout, and also by not being able to see its lower teeth when its mouth is closed. A croc’s bottom teeth always stick out and a gator’s never do unless its mouth is deformed in some way. [/corey]

        … wanders away humming Shel Silverstein’s “The Unicorn Song”… green alligators and long-necked geese…

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 6
          mud "" slicker permalink

          I thought that was the Irish Rovers……

          Lovin’ the alligator vs. crocodile [corey]…..

          8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 6
          Angel permalink

          The Irish Rovers popularized it but he wrote it 🙂

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 6
          camille permalink

          That was the first record I ever owned.

          Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 6

        I didn’t bother to look up whether it was an alligator or a crocodile, because I knew if I tried to research it I would still get it wrong. So I just picked the only song that I know (by heart) that has the word “crocodile” in it. (Er, besides “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John, that is.)

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 6
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          This image explains it quite plainly.

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 February 6
          Angel permalink

          Crocodile Rock earworm whee! Great way to wind up the evening! The pets pretend to be long-suffering when I sing and make them dance with me but secretly they love it. They love it much more than the kids ever did when they were young, come to think of it.

          Adores: 3
  8. 2012 February 6

    It’s a nice enough seat, I guess, but it’s really hard to vacuum.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 6
      valarie permalink

      Hard to vacuum, sure. But every time I sit on a bench at my son’s sporting events I think, “You know what would make this more comfortable? Green velvet. Oh, and arms”

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 February 6

        “A large set of jaws to open my beer with.”

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 6
          Astro permalink

          “A nice tail to beat off undesirables with.”

          Adores: 4
  9. 2012 February 6

    As an added incentive to his little league players, coach Sparkowski introduces “The Bench”.

    Adores: 13
  10. 2012 February 6
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Hey, I think I found your misc bench!

    Looks like Wally Gator to me.

    Adores: 3
  11. 2012 February 6
    Ralph permalink

    I suspect it may be more like this; Sparky just can’t spell Miskatonic.

    Adores: 1
  12. 2012 February 6
    One Moving Violation permalink

    The photo seems to be of a man made setting.
    Non murky water, fake tree trunks growing out of a solid rock formation.
    Like a zoo, though I believe this may have been built behind someone’s house or be part of a moat. I can’t imagine a zoo needing to get rid of green velvet upholstery.

    Can’t tell from photo if Mr. gator is real.

    Adores: 1
  13. 2012 February 6
    funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

    Gator?! Why, I hardly knew her!

    *looks around, ashamed*

    Well, no one ELSE said it, so I thought I would.

    Adores: 5
  14. 2012 February 6
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Perhaps the gator’s name is Misc?

    Gu, gu, gu, gu, gui.

    *sorry, that was a terrible immitation of a Popeye laugh*

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 7
      Angel permalink

      I love Popeye and his muskles, and will accept no imitations.

      I still recall over 40 years ago: I was around five years old and I bawled my little girly eyes out ’cause I slept late through my nap and missed my afternoon Popeye cartoons. *sigh* my hero. I was probably sleep-deprived ’cause I’d had nightmares from watching Dark Shadows with my grammy earlier in the day.

      On a related note… Johnny Depp is playing Barnabas Collins in the upcoming Dark Shadows movie. /purr

      Adores: 2
  15. 2012 February 6
    SpaceBug permalink

    I’ve sat on that bench before. Definitely not velvet.

    Adores: 3
  16. 2012 February 7

    Testing testing one two many

    Adores: 0
  17. 2012 February 7

    I’d love to say something witty about this post but my early morning trip to the dental surgeon’s office (plus their sweet, sweet painkillers) has left me somewhat loopy. I’m trying valiantly to make a connection between the pic of the gator (croc?) and Shel Silverstein’s poem about the croc at the dentist but my synaptic impulses are currently about as present as my 1-8 and 2-8 molars.

    Adores: 1
  18. 2012 February 7

    valarie and kelli, I hope you had a capital day in the box! Get it? Capital? Sigh. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good morning, Amos Moses!

    Adores: 0

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