YSaC, Vol. 1185: Voles make bathtime lots of fun.

2012 February 10
tags:
by drmk

Two rare 48in clawfoot tubs – $200


Very rare!
Original to 1875 victorian house.
I have two 48″ claw foot bath tubs – need some stripping on outside, but generally in good condition.

All 4 feet attached.

Worth over $1000 – Asking $350 ea.
make me an offer.

Most original fixtures exist.

Pickup only

$800 each – Pick up only.

 

So these two thousand-dollar-plus tubs of yours … they’re $800 each, but you’re asking $350, or $200, so I should make you an offer? Let’s see, what do I have in my pocket? I’ve got a kazoo, a wig cap, and an angry vole.*

Thanks, Anna!

*Let’s leave aside the fact that old clawfoot tubs are certifiably awesome. Though probably covered in lead paint. But awesome. It’s a fair trade. Voles are awesome too.

81 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 February 10
    Ralph permalink

    Blessings on thee, in the can,
    Clawfoot tubs, with streak of tan!
    With thy fixtures still intact,
    And thy other artifacts….

    Your verses here:

    Note: the original has a mole, not a vole, but close enough?

    Adores: 3
  2. 2012 February 10

    Well, it’s been a while but…

    :drags exceedingly fat catulator out of hiding, brushes off dust:

    Add one old Queen Victoria, subtract lead-induced brain damage…

    :nimbly avoids catulator claws, ignores hissing…becomes slightly alarmed at growling:

    Divide by the sine, sine, everywhere a sine….

    :beads of sweat erupt on brow as catulator’s eyes become large and ears flatten against head:

    Ahem…where was I? Oh yes, tangentally crosses streams to get hypotenuse….and…yes, yes, that figure seems correct.

    The answer is – 42

    Wait? Isn’t the answer always 42?

    :jumps out of the way just as coiled catulator springs explode in a fury of claws and teeth:

    I think, if I’m going to risk life and limb every time a catulator calculation is necessary I should get first dibs on the fresh coffee slices.

    Hmm…Bailey’s Irish Creme! Yummy!

    Adores: 12
  3. 2012 February 10

    I prefer my tubs medium well.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 February 10
      mud "" slicker permalink

      Margarine!

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 10

        PAM!

        Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 10
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Pam, pam, crisco and pam.

        But I don’t like pam.

        You can get the hot buttered carpet burrito and pam.
        That doesn’t have much pam in it.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 10

          Hot Buttered Carpet Burrito is IF’s Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute band.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Hot Buttered Burrito Fantasy

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 10

          Is that a proposition?

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          I seriously doubt that you own carpet. πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10

          I do, and the drapes match…

          Corner again?

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          You know, after I wrote that, my mine went ^^^there^^^ but it was too late to tweak it. Twisted minds think alike.

          Gimme some room in that corner.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10

          Oooo, is it a gold mine?

          I’ll probably just get the shaft as usual…Hah, I’m already in the corner πŸ˜›

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 10
      Brer Fox permalink

      I like my tubby rums vigorous.

      Adores: 2
  4. 2012 February 10

    The price is going up and down about as fast as some currencies. Either that, or Tiffany/Tabitha the white truckstop fixture/chocolate lady looking for gentleman wrote the ad.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 10
      valarie permalink

      My love of all things chocolate has dwindled to almost naught with that image in my head. Goodbye, Cadbury Creme Eggs.

      Adores: 5
  5. 2012 February 10

    Most original fixtures exist.

    That’s nice for them, but do they actually come with the tub or are you just taunting us with your knowledge that the fixtures exist?

    Adores: 19
    • 2012 February 10
      Lola permalink

      I was wondering that as well. It seemed surprisingly existential for such a sparkilicious ad, to my way of reading. Is it a cry against modern renovation and a plea for restoration? Is it a subtle fanperson statement about the quality of American Standard’s vitreous porcelain products? Or is Sparky just taking a personal accounting and – inexplicably – oversharing on the topic of his own personal plumbing?

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 10
        SilvaNoir permalink

        I think, therefore faucet

        Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 10
        CapnMac permalink

        The [corey] of this, is that those are “short” tubs.

        A typical bathtub is 30″ wide and 60″ (five feet) long, and is 18″ tall. This will accommodate a goodly cohort of humans in a reclined sort of way.

        If these are 48″ tubs, they had better be “true” ‘Victorians’ with higher sides, and a flare around the end opposite the drain. That’s because at, 48″ (four feet) long, most humans will find they need a seated-sort of posture to used the tub for immersion/soaking bathing. Not having raised sides or a “shoulder flare” will make that posture hugely uncomfortable.

        Now, if these are true victorians, and deep, with that “wingback” they are a huge pain to use as a shower. Not only would the 24-26″ above the floor lip height make for an uncomfortable “leg hike” into the tub, but, the high sides are a pain to get the curtain around, and mop any stray shower water off wall or floor around.

        Now, having been in this business a while, I have a suspicion that Spark’ has shown these tubs a time or two. And the prospective buyers were probably not put off by external paint, nor internal enamel conditions, but by the condition of the drain threads, and accumulations of putty and pookie* these poor fixtures have no doubt accumulated over the years.

        Or, Spark’ has left out of the ad rather pertinent datum points; like this being up more than one flight of stairs; or that none of the openings (door, window, stair, etc.) are wide enough to haul the tub(s) out–which is why Spark made no reference to a storage building, yard, or garage or the like.

        But, that’s just experienced instinct guesstimate–could be the answer is bonito flake and brine shrimp with chicken patΓ© and 2 each play toys, too; I’ve not consulted the catulator.

        ____________________________________
        *”Pookie” is a well-established term-of-art in the building trades, and denotes any of several flexible sealants, draft-sealants, fire-stopping materials, and the like.
        [/corey]

        Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          I used to learn something new every month, whether I thought I needed to or not.
          Now I learn something new everyday. Education isn’t supposed to work this way is it?
          Cranial overload.
          No, really, thanks Cap’n. love the [corey]s.

          *especially when Garfields teddy bear is mentioned*

          Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Forgot the possessive on Garfield. Oopsy

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10

          Wow Capn, that’s a real Wall-rus of text…

          Adores: 2
  6. 2012 February 10

    need some stripping on outside

    Duh, otherwise you get your clothes wet.

    Adores: 28
    • 2012 February 10
      One Moving Violation permalink

      The most obvious is usually the most hilarious.

      Kudos and doors to Hammy.

      Adores: 2
  7. 2012 February 10
    Windrose permalink

    “Hi, I’m calling about the rare claw foot tubs? But I have a question. How much are you asking for them?”

    “Do you feel lucky?”

    “Uh. . . sorry?”

    “Let me spin the Price Wheel, and see what you get!”

    *Sound of typical wheel going clickity clickity clack. Slowing down.*

    “It is your lucky day! You just missed 2 for a thousand, but landed on 3 Obos! Congratulations!”

    *click*

    Adores: 8
  8. 2012 February 10
    CatatonicBug permalink

    Voles are NOT awesome! They are evil!! They’re just tiny gophers that do just as much damage to your lawn!

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 10
      Bombdude permalink

      Here CB, you dropped these:

      [corey] [/corey]

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 10
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I believe that is more of a [matt] [/matt] rant of indignation.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10

          Unleash the Killer Shrews!

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          “Kiss me Kate, we will be married o’ Sunday.
          ..And thereby hangs a tail [sic]…”

          -William Shakespeare

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 10
          Kaziganthi permalink

          Hey, Taco, I’v actually seen the ‘Killer Shrews’! My dad got it on netflix once. The dogs in giant shrew outfits were hilarious. Unbelievable what you can get on netflix.

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 10
        camille permalink

        Awesome Voles is IF’s Modest Mouse cover band.

        Adores: 8
  9. 2012 February 10
    valarie permalink

    Is that what has been air-raiding my lawn? Dang.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 10
      One Moving Violation permalink

      No, voles don’t fly unless you catch ’em and fling ’em first.

      Unless you’re talking about the flying desert vole of SW Idaho. It’s pretty entertaining watching them go splat on your windshield.*

      *this is a flat out lie.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 10
        Bombdude permalink

        Which is a lie? It’s not entertaining? Or they don’t go splat?

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 10

          I think it’s that the flying desert vole is actually native to Nebraska.

          Adores: 9
        • 2012 February 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          See? Ghosty knows all.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          I like dessert voles myself. With heavy cream.

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 February 10

          I knew there was a reason I liked you, OMV.

          Adores: 3
  10. 2012 February 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    I don’t have an 1875 Victorian,
    How many inches of tubs can I get for a 1971 Rambler?

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 10

      for a 1971 Rambler?

      I don’t know, is it a brick—-house?

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 10
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Actually, that was the first car I ever owned.

        It’s mighty mighty.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 10

          Yay for Ramblers! That was my first car as well. On my 17th birthday, Grandpa Eyebrows gave me his ’64 Rambler AMC Classic, powder blue, 4-door, 3 on the column, cloth seats.

          Sweet!

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          My mother had a `64 rambler station wagon. Very quiet at an idle.
          Couldn’t hear it idling unless you put your ear to the hood.

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 10
      brerbear permalink

      That was a very good car

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 10
      Windrose permalink

      It was a Rambler, but was it a Gambler? Or a Midnight Joker.

      Adores: 2
  11. 2012 February 10
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Because I don’t want to spend $800/$350/$200 each, how much if I buy them both?

    $100?

    Perfect! I’ll take 4 for $25.

    Adores: 15
    • 2012 February 10
      valarie permalink

      Oh good! With 4 tubs we can film a really bizarre Cialis ad.

      Adores: 15
      • 2012 February 10
        SilvaNoir permalink

        One thing I always wondered about those ads… why do those people have tubs randomly out on their lawns? Is there some metaphor I’m not getting, like all those medication ads where they talk about horrible side effects while people go on a picnic and swing on swings?

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Yes.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 10

          puts on pretentious beret

          In this work, the bathtub represents the source of man’s frustrations and desires while the individual bathers represent man’s need to stick a pharmaceutically enhanced pecil into things.

          Adores: 9
        • 2012 February 10

          I think if there were more pharmaceutically enhanced pecils, people would need less pharmaceutically enhanced moods.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 10
          Aaron permalink

          I just figured it was a rather dumb way of censoring nudity, but I could be wrong. πŸ™‚

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 10
          CapnMac permalink

          I’ve actually seen that sort of thing, out in Texas ranch country as a nod to frugality. Using either deep claw-foot tubs, or watering troughs.

          While not as communal as a five or six foot diameter soaking tub, individual tubs do use a lot less water.

          But, like as not, all bets are off after you go the See Alice <G>

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 10

        Can we fill them with Jello?

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 10
          Brer Fox permalink

          Lime flavored? *hope, hope, hope*

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 10

          We can fill the with something like Jell-o, but non-edible.

          https://www.trysquishybaff.com/

          It even comes in different scents, like Cola and Popcorn.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 10
          CapnMac permalink

          “Pretentious Beret” has to be an IF cover band.
          Which one?
          Discuss.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 10

          I bet it’s a hair band.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 10

          Pretentious Beret HAS to be a Prince cover band.

          Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 10
        CapnMac permalink

        With 6 do we get eggroll?

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Coo Coo Ca Choo….

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 10
          camille permalink

          Pretentious beret? The kind you find in a second hand store?

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 11
          Windrose permalink

          camille, that scans so well!

          Adores: 0
  12. 2012 February 10
    mud "" slicker permalink

    I’ll have my voles with gin!

    Adores: 6
  13. 2012 February 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Two 48″ claw foot bathtubs. Ok
    48″=4 feet. so far so good.
    all 4 feet are attached. that’s good too.
    Therefore, all 48″ are attached. ok, I guess that’s good.
    They cost $800 if I only have a pick up. not so good.
    Maybe I can use my friend’s car and only pay $350. Yeah.
    But his car isn’t worth over $1000. Bummer.
    I’ll just have to settle for paying $200. Excellent!
    But I don’t have $200. This ain’t good at all.
    I don’t have a house either! This ad sucks!

    I don’t like this ad.*
    In fact, I don’t like anybody who likes this ad.**
    In fact, I don’t like anybody who likes anybody who likes this ad.***
    So there!****

    *this may be misleading.
    **this is untrue.
    ***this is a bold faced lie.
    ****this is juvenile belligerence.

    Adores: 10
  14. 2012 February 10
    LimeLolly permalink

    Very rare….All 4 feet attached.

    Next hunting trip, Sparky is going after the elusive wide-mouthed bidet.

    Adores: 14
    • 2012 February 10
      Lola permalink

      Careful where you sit!

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 10
      mud "" slicker permalink

      LL, I can hear David Attenborough narrating the documentary in hushed tones already.

      8)

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 10
      valarie permalink

      I just know the wide-mouthed bidet will go well next to the clawfoot tubs on the bear tiles.
      (gulp) The bathroom is alive and angry!

      Adores: 9
  15. 2012 February 10

    On a side note, I always feel slightly affronted when everyone refers to the poster as Sparky.

    Sparky is what my bartender calls me.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 February 10

      That’s because you brighten up his bar πŸ™‚

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 10
      Bombdude permalink

      Why? What’d you do to him/her?

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 10

        Well, to be fair I guess, I *do* call him Princess… STILL.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 10

          Maybe you should start calling him Mr. Princess.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Seriously[not-a-corey] Queen used to be Princess in their early years. seriously[/not-a-corey]

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 10
          mud "" slicker permalink

          …and Freddie Mercury used to be called Master Fredrick Quicksilver in his early years.

          πŸ˜€

          Adores: 10
  16. 2012 February 11
    Windrose permalink

    Mr. DaF Tribe, thank you for flying YSaC Boxways. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Nebraska!

    Adores: 0

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