YSaC, Vol. 1186: I’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but there’s no reason to post this.

2012 February 13

Two weeks or so ago, we posted a towering epic of an ad. A massive lyric poem of such scope and breadth that Homer himself would weep at attempting to encompass its majesty.

Oh, no wait.. we posted this:

Cans


Cans

Well, Mr. Cans is back, with a staggering followup to his magnum opus. An Odyssey to his Iliad, a Purgatorio to his Inferno, a “We Built This City on Rock and Roll” to his “White Rabbit.”

Radio


Radio


Who could forget the scene where the Windex bottle drags Hector’s body away from Carthage to found Rome? Or the part where Gilgamesh is frozen in ice up to his neck in the mop bucket for daring to seek the hand of Draupadi in marriage? Or the breathtaking suspense of Grace Slick drinking a can of Mountain Dew?

Incidentally, did you know that in the Mahabharata, the actual test for seekers of Draupadi’s hand seems to have involved shooting some sort of artificial fish while looking at its reflection in a pool of oil? Me neither. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying to be weird, when I can’t possibly match stuff like this.

Thanks for the sequel, sd!

120 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 February 13
    LimeLolly permalink

    Can you hear the radio? No?

    Then clean your ears out!

    Just do it, ya big wuss.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 13
      CapnMac permalink

      Video killed the Radio stars, it is said . . .

      (‘Reality tv’ seeming to have “killed” the music video as programming, too.)

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 13

        “Reality” TV has pretty much killed TV as well.

        Adores: 6
  2. 2012 February 13
    penguin permalink

    Rumor has it that video killed the radio star. Maybe these are photos of the original crime scene and the Windex was used to clean up any evidence. Where’s Gil Grissom when you need him?

    Adores: 11
    • 2012 February 13

      Great. Now that’s in my mind!

      It may also be in my car*.

      *This may be true.

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 February 13
        SilvaNoir permalink

        put all the blame on VCR

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 13
      Lola permalink

      I don’t think Gil can help us – “we can’t rewind, we’ve gone too far.”

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Clearly only one Cure for all this, more REM, ITOTWAIDF!

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 13
          Windrose permalink

          *searches frantically for CapnMac deocder ring*

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 13
          CapnMac permalink

          “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It, And I Feel Fine”

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 13

          I think you kinda faded into Swedish towards the end of the acronym, Cap’n.

          Adores: 5
  3. 2012 February 13
    Rabbit Roulette permalink

    The Dew can is in a completely different spot this time. Instead of being in front of the computer with a lighter in the background, it has the Windex and tv screen in the background. And there are a couple of tv remotes as well. Which section are they posting these in? Maybe it isn’t something they are trying to sell so much as a secret spy message relayed through random pictures and posted on CL? So maybe every object visible in each picture has a hidden meaning. Can someone with slightly more caffeine in their bloodstream help me out on deciphering this? We might manage it in time to save the world from these nefarious Sparkies.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 13

      Oh, oh! It’s one of those Search and Find rip-offs of Where’s Waldo!

      “Somewhere in these pictures there are 2 bananas, a guy in a red hat, six elephants, and a radio. Can you find them all?”

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 February 13
        CapnMac permalink

        If the the timer expires before you click on the brown stain, and risk the fates of the free and oppressed worlds, will Kiefer Southerland come and tie you in a chair and “act” at you for 24 hours?

        Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 13
      P-rex permalink

      I could tell you, but then I’d have to keel you.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 February 13

        Silence!

        Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 14
        brerbear permalink

        well if you could tell me then “oh wait” never mind… KEEL

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 13
      Kaziganthi permalink

      The Windex and toilet paper indicate that they want someone ‘wiped out’ or ‘ cleaned up’.

      The mop bucket indicates this will be a wet works job – close and messy.

      The TV means there are to be no witnesses.

      The remote control means you may not be on your own.

      The Mtn Dew can is the price to be paid. A can is five cents, so you will be paid $500,000.00 upon completion of your mission.

      And finally there is no radio because once you are hired there will be no radio contact and if anything goes wrong the ‘employer’ will deny any knowledge of you or your mission.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 13
        One Moving Violation permalink

        I like your translation better.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 13
          Kaziganthi permalink

          I missed the slot machine that obviously means this whole thing is high risk, a gamble.

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 13

        This makes so much sense it’s almost scary.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 14

          Wait… so is the radio a lie?

          Adores: 2
  4. 2012 February 13

    That must be one of them there fancy new radios what has the movin’ pitchers on it. Those things must get awful dirty if they come with their own cleaning supplies.

    Adores: 14
    • 2012 February 13
      Lola permalink

      Dirty pitchers? Naaah!

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 13
        penguin permalink

        Dirty pitchers are of those who want to live in the limelight. You know, the universal dream.

        (OK – I’m off to take my daughter to class so you will be spared of any further song references.)

        Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 13
          Bombdude permalink

          I know it’s late, but many, many doors for the Rush ref…

          Adores: 0
  5. 2012 February 13
    Digitalaxis permalink

    Is that “Lost” on the TV? ’cause that would explain a lot.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 13

      Previously on Lost:

      Hurley: There’s a problem with the manifest, Jack. It’s about the can.

      Jack: What are you talking about, Hurley?

      Hurley: One of the cans, Jack. The Mnt Dew can. It wasn’t on the plane, they only served Coke products on the flight.

      *Scene change*

      Locke: The island wants something from us. It wouldn’t keep spraying us with the Windex every 120 minutes if it didn’t!

      Jack: You were there, Locke, it’s just a stupid test! You’re like a rat in a glass cage; even after you know the game you keep cleaning the windows.

      Locke: You don’t understand. It’s because of what I saw that I know the Windex is the true path.

      *Scene change*

      Skipper: So you’ve finally come, lil’ buddy. We have a lot to talk about.

      Charlie: Holy crap, I thought it was just a show!

      Professor: We’re missing the last component to our radio, and we think you can help. Tell me, Charlie, what do you know about coconuts?

      *Cuts to black*

      Adores: 15
      • 2012 February 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Coconuts? Will there be swallows of as-yet undetermined lading?

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 13

          We’re working on a new kind of migratory coconut. We’ll let you know how the gene splicing goes.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 13

          Be sure you don’t use any frog DNA, you don’t want those coconuts spontaneously changing sex and taking over the island.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 13

          At least they wouldn’t be able to see me if I stood real still.

          Adores: 4
  6. 2012 February 13

    I see the TV in my manger
    And the touch of a world that is stranger.
    I’m going loopy; this post will show it.
    It makes me feel like a Dada poet.
    I use the Windex to clean a trinket.
    I buy the soda and never drink it.
    I read the rantings of the Sparky.
    Can’t understand, but it makes me snarky.

    I’m on a Craigslist radio. I’m on a Craigslist – whoah – radio.

    Adores: 15
    • 2012 February 13

      DAFT For President. That is all.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 13
        Tankerbell permalink

        *madly searching for Dave / Ferrets ’12 bumper sticker to put next to my Flying Spaghetti Monster decal*

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 13
          Lola permalink

          Given the song source, I think the Wall of Voodoo ticket is just the one to pull off a dark horse upset this year! Anybody got a chicken?

          Adores: 1
  7. 2012 February 13

    My life is not so empty anymore. I mean it. As Clint Eastwood keeps telling me on EVERY DVD I BUY!! “it has a different kind of sweep, a different kind of grandeur.”
    I’m also firmly in the RSquared camp. These are messages. Not very intelligent messages, but messages all the same. Maybe it’s the Al Quaeda “Special” squad.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 13
      valarie permalink

      That was my thought too. If we can crack the message behind the seemingly random listings and guess what the next listing is, should we call the CIA? Will we be Mensa members (honorary or otherwise)? The search for meaning in these meaningless photos is frustrating!

      **sigh**I need a vacation

      Adores: 10
  8. 2012 February 13

    [matt]You people are so intsensitive! Not everyone is ritch enoughe to affrod more than once word a week. Some peopel!

    You should all be thanful at how frotunate you are to have this many words. Some of us have to cruise the oulet stores for factory second wordes. Which is why soem of us have troubel gettning ones that are spelld wright.[/matt]

    Adores: 18
    • 2012 February 13
      penguin permalink

      Don’t fret, Sparky. What are words for when no one listens anymore because they are too busy reposting nekkid pictures of Lady Britney Kardashian?

      Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 13

      That was damn near coherent for you, Taco. Well done! Those “English as a First Language” lessons are doing wonders!

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 February 13

        Looks to me like he’s gotten into Lola’s flask this morning.

        Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 13
          Lola permalink

          So that’s where it’s been! No worries, just refill it before you return it.

          Adores: 2
  9. 2012 February 13
    Lou Stool permalink

    My favoutite part is the janitor bucket on the carpeted floor. Or the slot machine. Or the roll of toilet paper -not paper towels- behind the windex.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 13
      Digitalaxis permalink

      I can’t decide if that’s Batman with a Bat on his chest, or Batman holding up his own severed head.

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 February 13
        Lou Stool permalink

        It’s Facebook Batman – the stock pic FB puts as your default until you upload a real pic – but with a little Batman flair. I also have FB Superman and FB Super Mario. :)

        Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 13

        @ digitalaxis: I just s#@t bricks.

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 February 13

      Personally, I’m having trouble coming up with a favorite part.

      It’s just so good that it’s hard to separate out any one piece as best.

      Adores: 6
  10. 2012 February 13
    Burnt Toast permalink

    Clearly this is a new form of guerilla marketing brought to you by the makers of Mt. Dew, Windex, and TV’s. I am assuming, based on their similar taste.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 13
      Lola permalink

      Speaking of which, since I don’t drink it and hadn’t previously noticed, when did consumer attention spans get so short that Mountain Dew had to shorten its name on its own label to “Mtn Dew”? I think that if it takes you too long to read “mountain” maybe you don’t need to drink more Mtn Dew.

      Adores: 12
      • 2012 February 13

        I blame all the texting that kids do these days. They have the attention span of gnats on meth.

        Adores: 10
      • 2012 February 13
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Lola, that’s the texting version. LOL
        :D

        edit: Aaaah. Get outta my head Ghostie!!!

        Adores: 9
        • 2012 February 13

          Of course even MTN Dew will be too wordy, ere long. You will just see thirty seconds of adolescents with eyes popping and jaws snapping screaming “DEW!” at each other through clenched, rotting teeth.

          Adores: 7
      • 2012 February 13

        I drink the throw-back Mountain Dew with the real sugar. The can spells out the entire word, but it also has a picture of a mountain man with a moonshine jug, so…. Who knows what the hell Pepsi is doing these days.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 13
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Since my sticky brain won’t let it go, I had to look this up. I was satisfied after I read this:

          Now I can move on to my search for a cancer cure….

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 February 13

          Wow, that strikes me as one of them there First world problems.

          Seriously… people get this up in arms if the packaging of a soda gets changed? They must have a mental break down when something serious happens, like when McDonald’s changed the oil it used its deep fryers.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 13

          Or when they add a new color to M&Ms.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 13

          Or when they had the grey M&Ms. MADNESS!

          Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 13
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Or when they changed the logo to The Gap.

          Adores: 11
        • 2012 February 13
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          Or when they change Coke to New Coke and then change it back.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 13
          Windrose permalink

          Yeah, monkey, that was a classic.

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 13
        Brer Fox permalink

        Heh

        “Do the Dew” is due for the doo-doo pile.

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 13

      I liked the original flavor Windex better.

      Adores: 15
      • 2012 February 13
        Lola permalink

        Mmmm, ammonia and FD&C Blue #3.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 13

          The blue is what gives it its tang!

          Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 13
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        Does it come in diet?

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 13

          It comes in caffeine-free diet, but that’s just flavored water with coloring added.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 13

          That reminds me of the recipe I have for caffeine-free diet Mnt Dew:

          Ingredients:
          8 oz cold water
          2 drops green food coloring
          1 drop yellow food coloring
          1 Alka-Seltzer tablet.

          Direction:
          Combine all ingredients. Enjoy.

          Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 13

          That looks suspiciously like your recipe for diet Sprite but with food coloring added.

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 13

        My brother likes filling old Windex bottles with blue Gatorade. We sometimes don’t let him out in public.

        Adores: 4
  11. 2012 February 13

    This is probably going to make me somewhat unpopular here, but I liked the original better. Thematically, it just felt more consistent. With this new one they tried to cram in too many diverse ideas, none of which were thoroughly explored, leaving a more disjointed final product. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still good, it just doesn’t measure up to the first one. It’s probably my fault too — I just went in expecting too much.

    Adores: 15
    • 2012 February 13

      Jeeze, TC, get with the times!

      The theological impact of the single can is so outdated. We’ve moved on to the Trinity of the Can, the Windex, and the wholly Boob-Tube.

      Adores: 11
      • 2012 February 13
        valarie permalink

        But the lighter! Why omit the lighter? It brought it all together so well.

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 13

          And thus the Can spoke to the most beloved Lighter, “Three cigs will you light before you recall my name and speak it true.”

          Adores: 9
        • 2012 February 13
          mud "" slicker permalink

          I believe the beginning of that quote is: “And thus spake Canathustra….

          Adores: 9
        • 2012 February 13

          Swab Bucket is the new Lighter. Edgy, hipster marketing at its best.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 13

          Yeah – the lighter really pulled the whole picture together.

          Wait a minute…what we have developing here is the sequel to The Big Lebowski! “Sparky” Windex is mistaken for the heir to the Windex fortune. He seeks restitution for his stolen lighter from his CL buddies. Jon Turturro returns as Not.A.Jesus and the role of “Sparky” is generating a nation-wide talent search on Where’s Sparky – a new reality show hosted by The Hoff, Simon, and Christina Aguilera.

          Adores: 12
        • 2012 February 13
          Lola permalink

          kc – wish I could give multiple adores for Not.a.Jesus.

          Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 13

      The juxtaposition of various unrelated items expresses the existential aloneness of contemporary consumerist society as well as man’s inhumanity to consumer electronics.

      Adores: 12
      • 2012 February 13
        valarie permalink

        But the man does love his remote controls. Why 2? I do not see a cable box in the picture. For the love of universal remotes…wait…is that a turntable on top of the television? Which is a cool thing to have, but not if it is your sound system.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 13

          Sparky hooked the turn-table up to the TV so that he could use it as a DVD player.

          Adores: 10
        • 2012 February 13

          Which is why he needs two remotes! QED

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 13
      CapnMac permalink

      Ok, this is all from that part in Ulysses I can never get to for having already run out of Jamesson’s, isn’t it?

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 13
      Rabbit Roulette permalink

      I can see what might be oriental writing in the very first picture, but I only recognize the letter shapes from playing Mahjong solitaire so I don’t know what it might say. I’m sure the glasses also have some relevance, but all that comes to mind is “seeing something clearly.” The Windex might be expanding on that theme, since Windex would make it easier to see through something.

      Adores: 1
  12. 2012 February 13
    camille permalink

    No soap, radio. Oh, wait – no radio either.

    Adores: 6
  13. 2012 February 13
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Oh look! A musical homage to the can and the pane. I barely had to tweak the lyrics at all….

    Can you hear the sound of the static noise?
    Blasting out in stereo
    Cater to the class and the paranoid
    Music to my nervous system
    Advertising love and religion
    Murder [crows?] on the airwaves
    Slogans [Do the Dew?] on the brink of corruption
    Visions of blasphemy, war and peace
    Screaming at you

    I can’t see a thing in the video [get our your Windex]
    I can’t hear a sound on the radio [take the ear pods out of your ears]
    In stereo in the static age…

    Adores: 13
  14. 2012 February 13
    Ralph permalink

    A man. A plan. A can.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 February 13
      mud "" slicker permalink

      A fail.

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 13

      Which anagrams to “An Panama Canal”! I think we’re getting closer to our hidden meaning.

      Of course, it also anagrams to “An annal, am a cap.”

      If we include mudsy’s “A fail” in there, it anagrams to “A pan-Mafia anal canal.”

      Adores: 16
      • 2012 February 13
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Of course my contribution brought it down about 25 calassay notches.

        Adores: 8
      • 2012 February 13

        So, obviously aliens are involved.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 13

          What number rule is it that states that at any given time the comments will include references to anal, and your advertising gets yanked?

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 February 13
          Kaziganthi permalink

          Alienas are ALWAYS involved!

          Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 13

        I would throw more adores at that if I could breath long enough to do so… dear god! Hehehe

        Adores: 3
  15. 2012 February 13
    Ralph permalink

    FYI, “A man. A plan. A canal. Panama.” is a palindrome

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 February 13

      Like emu fume and Able was I ere I saw Elba.

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 13
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      So is this ihts i os.

      Adores: 7
    • 2012 February 13

      Thanks! That was going to bug me. Really bug me. I mean, get under my skin and itch. Like rabid scabies.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 13

      Which is why I was amused that it anagrammed to Panama.

      Adores: 3
  16. 2012 February 13

    The reading glasses are gone! Books have been abandoned! The lighter is there to kindle (get it?) renewed interest.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 13
      valarie permalink

      I knew you’d figure it out. I present you my (used) duct-tape badge of honor. Sorry if it doesn’t stick well.

      Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 13

      It’s not fair! There was finally time!

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 February 13

        So many adores for this.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 13

          I’m just glad somebody got it :-) .

          Adores: 1
  17. 2012 February 13

    Box party! Sven, get the table set up!

    Adores: 8
  18. 2012 February 13
    kelli permalink

    First can, now radio. Will telephone be next? Find out next time on As The Sparky Turns

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 13
      LimeLolly permalink

      But who shot RC Cola?

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 February 13
        mud "" slicker permalink

        JR Cola

        Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 13
        penguin permalink

        I shot the sheriff, but I didn’t shoot RC Cola

        Adores: 6
  19. 2012 February 13
    CapnMac permalink

    John has a long mustache.
    Jean a une longue moustache.
    Johan einen langen Schnurrbart haben.
    John ha lunghi baffi.
    ジョンは長い髭を持っています。

    There is fire at the travel agency.
    Il ya le feu à l’agence de voyages.
    Das Reisebüro in Flammen steht.
    L’agenzia di viaggi è in fiamme.
    火の旅行代理店です。

    Wounds my heart with a monotonous languor.
    Blesse mon coeur une langueur monotone.
    Mein Herz mit eintöniger Mattigkeit verwundet sein.
    Il mio cuore con un languore monotono è ferito.
    負傷した単調なだるさと私の心です。

    0ER58 78ERT 08801 R9850 8SD5A
    Mike Corpen 035 SubDiv 4Sierra 010 Speed P2
    The chair is under the door.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 February 13

      Do not stare directly into the Capn’!

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 February 13
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I know of a broom he can use.

        Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 13

      Mitt luftputefartøy er full av ål.

      My hovercraft is full of eels.

      Adores: 12
      • 2012 February 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Oh noes, Ghosty just sent the “go ahead” for the [overwhelming military operation] upon Ish!!11!!

        Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 13

        Dammit, you stole my MP reference! You scratched tobacconist!!

        Adores: 2
  20. 2012 February 13
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Translated:

    Window for cleaner to mop up scene is ample.
    Remote chance slot for next job filled by due date.
    Can do?

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 13
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Must search ads containing pics with eyes or nose in them.
      Ads could have an ab machine (absolutely) or macrame(knots) as well.

      You need to be alert here people. Alert.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 13
        One Moving Violation permalink

        FYI: I don’t know how to spell diligent or I would have used that word instead of alert.

        Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 13
      One Moving Violation permalink

      The first ad is translated to late.

      FYI: Better see if can do. landing(alighting) now.

      Adores: 1
  21. 2012 February 14
    Windrose permalink

    ghostie, Hammy, this is not a repeat from a few days ago, because Sister Lyle is in the line-up, too. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Barney and Ally Hartman!

    Adores: 2

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