YSaC, Vol. 1187: I’d rather have the actual goat, thanks.

2012 February 14

Authintic mohair original sofa set – $1100


Classic very stylish set for someone with a real eye and taste serious people call xxxxxxxxxx

 

Keri sent this in, saying, “It’s like Ron Jeremy’s set designer threw up a furball of fringe, rayon velour and faux shearling, calling it a sofa set. Even grandma would be ashamed to sit on this, but the cat will be pleased you brought it a lovely scratching post.”

Clearly I don’t have a real eye for this kind of thing, since this sofa set caused me to gouge my eyes out of my head rather than have to continue to look at it. It’s kind of creepy; I keep picturing the shearling dots as eyes, staring at me. It’s as if Chairy from Pee Wee’s Playhouse had a cameo in Boogie Nights.

Thanks, Keri!

*Please tell me that I’m not the only one cringing at the thought of touching 40-year old shearling. The sort-of-still-soft-but-kind-of-oily texture that that stuff gets? Gah. I shudder and flail my arms just thinking about it.

111 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 February 14

    It made my eyes go ouch!
    A mohair couch!
    You know I saw it on a Craigslist ad.
    Oh, oh,
    S-s-s-sparky and the Jets!

    Adores: 12
  2. 2012 February 14
    penguin permalink

    I must have a fake eye.

    Adores: 14
    • 2012 February 14

      What’s the name of your other eye?

      I don’t get it.

      Adores: 10
    • 2012 February 14

      I’ve got one you can borrow, but I need it back by Friday. I’ve got to go to the DMV to take a driving test and the examiner gets a bit jumpy if you show up wearing an eyepatch.

      Adores: 14
    • 2012 February 14

      I love your new show, Fake Eye for the Real Guy.

      Adores: 10
  3. 2012 February 14

    That blanket isn’t going to be big enough to cover the entire couch. I suggest getting one of those big blue tarps.

    Adores: 4
  4. 2012 February 14

    I must admit, I have tasted serious people. Entirely overrated. Personally, I prefer the taste of clowns, but they can taste kinda funny sometimes.

    Adores: 13
    • 2012 February 14

      It’s been so long since I tried a serious person I probably wouldn’t recognize one if it bit me on the ass, mostly because serious people tend to not do that sort of thing in public.

      Adores: 14
      • 2012 February 14
        Lola permalink

        Being bitten by them is still preferable to the taste of serious people. Vitamins, green vegetables, tofu, and cold showers are not very interesting.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 14
          CapnMac permalink

          Ok, I just got through watching this week’s Being Human*, so I’m getting an odd mental twitch from considering tasting, or being tasted by, a sirius-human.

          ____________________________________________
          * The US-SyFy series; I’m still collecting the BBC series on DVR.

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 February 14
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Seriously?

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 14

          Occasionally.

          Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 19
        Keri permalink

        A Møøse once bit my sister…

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 February 14
      Brer Fox permalink

      I had some dreams,
      they were clowns in my coffee,
      clowns in my coffee,
      and you’re insane,
      you prob’ly think this couch set is for you.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 February 14
        Brer Fox permalink

        Oh no, my this is missing.

        *pout*

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 14

          Mama Windy can occasionally be sweet-talked into editing comments, if you offer to email her some birdseed.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 14
          Lola permalink

          Email? I thought you poured it into the “cupholder.”
          Bribery: I’m doing it wrong.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 14

          Once you get it in the cupholder you have to email it to her, otherwise it might get lost in the Intertubes and wind up at some strange parrot’s computer.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 14
          camille permalink

          Strange Parrot’s Computer is IF’s Jimmy Buffett cover band.

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 February 14
          funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

          It’s hard to be missing your this, I know from personal experience. I too suffered from Seasonal Herniated Inactive This (otherwise known as SHIT). SHIT was hard to deal with, but with medication and treatment I was able to put SHIT behind me. I’m so glad that SHIT is over with. SHIT was hard to live with.

          We have a support group called Association of SHIT Sufferers. Google our initials to find groups in your local area. Trust me, there are plenty.

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 February 14
          Brer Fox permalink

          I don’t know how to e-mail. I can get the “a”, but how do I get the little circle around it?

          Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 14

          I use a Sharpie.

          Adores: 6
        • 2012 February 14

          Okay, Brer, this first one is free. Next one will be at the usual rate. 8)

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 15
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Ahh, I’m commentin g in the wrong place again.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 February 15
          Brer Fox permalink

          Thank you Mama Windy.

          *hugs*

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 14
      mud "" slicker permalink

      Personally, I prefer the taste of clowns, but they can taste kinda funny sometimes.

      Clowns taste like sad rubber noses and dusty crepe paper flowers.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 14
        Tankerbell permalink

        And desperation.

        Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 14

        Is there such a thing as a happy rubber nose?

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 14
          Lola permalink

          There is, but I’ll have to go to the corner to explain it to you.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 February 14
          Windrose permalink

          Shhh! You are all seriously risking the return of D-e-p-r-e-s-s-y!

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 14
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Windy, some things should be depressed, like the urge to post furniture like this and call it sty-lish.
          Perhaps I was thinking oppressed or suppressed.
          ?
          I don’t think I’m bright enough to be Sirius.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 14

          Ow! Dang, my pun senses don’t just tingle, they jump up and down on my head! 8)

          Adores: 0
    • 2012 February 14
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Funny ha ha,
      Or funny tainted?

      Adores: 0
  5. 2012 February 14
    Fl'amme Appat permalink

    Which chair would go better with this hat; the red or the blue?
    http://polarisanalytics.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/purple_pimp_hat.jpg

    Adores: 3
  6. 2012 February 14

    “Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo, hey Mo look at the couch nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck.”

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 February 14
      Brer Fox permalink

      *slap* *bonk* *poink*
      Dummy up you. you got the money fur it?
      How ya gonna walk down the street wit’ dignity ownin’ dat thing, huh?
      Ya idiot, jus forgetaboutit.

      Adores: 3
  7. 2012 February 14

    Personally I’d prefer a sofa that has LESS hair.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 February 14

      I’ve got three cats so pretty much all my furniture (and clothes) have about this much hair on them.

      Adores: 12
      • 2012 February 14

        Your cats are blue and purple??

        I haz a jealous.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 February 14

          Fearless and Firefly are going through an experimental phase, every time I turn around they’ve dyed their fur a different color and gotten another piercing.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 February 14

          Kids! You know I love ’em!

          Adores: 1
  8. 2012 February 14

    “Hello, officer Smith?”

    “Yes”

    “I believe we have located the items that were stolen from the mall Santa display…”

    Adores: 11
  9. 2012 February 14
    Windrose permalink

    “Authintic ”

    That’s how you can tell it’s real, it still twitches, trying to get the tics to drop off.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 February 14
      Brer Fox permalink

      I thought authintic meant they starved those poor little mo-goats.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 14
      CapnMac permalink

      I thought an “authnit” was one of the parasites that orbit around professional writers . . .

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 14
      Kaziganthi permalink

      Authintics: as in ‘Au, look at those thin ticks’

      Adores: 3
  10. 2012 February 14
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    I wonder if we can get Cee Lo Green’s chair on The Voice replaced with one of these.

    Adores: 5
  11. 2012 February 14
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Bwaa haa haa haa haa. Hee hee hee.
    I’m *snerk* sorry guys *guffaw* I’m not going to *snort* be able to buy this. Haa haa haa haa. Someone else will have *woo hoo hoo* to. I just *pppptttth* can’t *hee hee hur hur ha…

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 February 14
      brerbear permalink

      REALLY!!!! This came from santas wish list…. waaahhhhaaahhhhaa

      Adores: 2
  12. 2012 February 14
    Lola permalink

    I kind of like these in a terrible way. I actually like the blue and red shades. The styling is slightly (just slightly?) over the top but could be moderated by decor that balanced it out (also if it were one color, say, a neutral). The fringe along the bottom of the couch alone would provide years of entertainment for household felines.
    But … but … mohair? Ancient shearling? *joins drmk in shuddering and flailing*

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 14

      I like how it gets that nice crust on it. It tickles the face when you’re wallowing in the oily smear of hair.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 February 14
      mud "" slicker permalink

      Uh, Lola, I know it’s Valentine’s Day and all, but the only “decor that could balance it” would be a leg lamp, a velvet painting of a lion [a striped one], and being placed in the basement of Graceland.

      Was that kinda of what you had in mind?

      8)

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 February 14
        Lola permalink

        The leg lamp would need (per Graceland’s Jungle Room) tiger-striped shades, but other than that, yes. The “Midcentury Bordello” look would then be complete.

        Adores: 3
      • 2012 February 14
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        *hides leg lamp from A Christmas Story under bed*

        Pfft! Yeah! Some people just got no taste. Yuck!

        Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 14
        CapnMac permalink

        And the “naked lady table” too, n’est ce pas?

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 14
      Kaziganthi permalink

      I was thinking it would go perfectly in my room with the bear paint and tiles…

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 14

        Only if you are putting the paint on the couch set! Of course, you have six months of darkness, so that could make the difference.

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 February 15
          Kaziganthi permalink

          Ya, these things always look better in the dark!

          Adores: 0
    • 2012 February 15
      Burnt Toast permalink

      You’re not alone, Lola. I kinda like it too. I just could never touch it.

      Adores: 0
  13. 2012 February 14
    kelli permalink

    I don’t know what shearling is, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want it.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 14

      [corey]It’s trimmed sheepskin, like what they make Ugg(ly) boots out of. [/corey]

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 February 14
        kelli permalink

        So it’s made of ugliness and unshowered coeds?

        Adores: 9
        • 2012 February 14
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Ummmm, those would be pretty much one and the same, Kelli.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 February 14
          CapnMac permalink

          Yes, there is a reason they are called “Ugg’s” . . . (doubly so downwind)

          Adores: 0
    • 2012 February 14
      mud "" slicker permalink

      Shearling is a variety of ancient Chinese scissors.

      Adores: 5
  14. 2012 February 14

    You may approach the box with reverence and bees, and someone give Taco his meds.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 14

      Coffee slices, extra thick! With vanilla sugar and caramel syrup! Stat!

      Adores: 4
  15. 2012 February 14
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Dr. Shearling’s

    One couch
    two couch
    red couch
    blue couch

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 February 14

      mo’ hair
      no hair
      nowhere
      no chair

      Adores: 11
      • 2012 February 14
        Lola permalink

        *snaps fingers in appreciation*

        Adores: 3
  16. 2012 February 14
    Tankerbell permalink

    I would not, could not buy this couch.
    I would not, could not. Eyes go ouch!
    I could not place it here or there.
    I would not place it anywhere.

    Now, listen here, you Spark-you-are.
    Please take them. Take them! Take them far!
    Old, greasy wool I don’t admire.
    Take them away! Kill them with fire!

    And when that’s done, I do beseech
    Then cleanse them from my mind with bleach.
    And one more thing, then we’ll be done.
    Say “sorry” to the Llamanun. (BBUH)

    Adores: 32
  17. 2012 February 14
    Ralph permalink

    I think Sparky meant this set is for someone with a hairy eyeball and taste..

    Once3 you buy these, you then need to redecorate the rest of the house.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 February 14
      CapnMac permalink

      Or Sparky wanted the Second-Life & Sims city people to stop calling about licensing the images for use in the games . . .

      Adores: 0
  18. 2012 February 14
    LimeLolly permalink

    Hello, Valentine’s gift.

    It’ll match the whore stained headboard, because every home should be decorated like a bordello.*

    *just my opinion because I think these are ugly. Who else hears “Surrey with the fringe on top” ?

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 February 14
      Lola permalink

      Speaking of whore stained headboards, I am now sort of in the market for a new headboard/footboard/bed frame set, and when I was wandering around the furniture store (having chosen the mattress, etc.) I actually found myself wondering if they had customized ones, for those who want to sleep on the famous “whore side of the bed.” I was a little surprised not to find this in my neighborhood.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 14
        funky "eMonkey" monkey permalink

        I wonder if the whore-side-factor would involve the mattress rather than the headboard. Just wondering.

        Adores: 3
  19. 2012 February 14
    Tankerbell permalink

    I wish those guys would pull up in their van, tires squealing, jump out and run into Sparky’s House of Atrocities and somehow make it all right again.
    This is like one of those designer competition shows where I laugh uproariously and think “oh, this loser’s going home!” only to see the judges love Haunted Chairy and the Mohair Monstrosities, leaving me bewildered and disillusioned. And reaching for the remote to switch to Hoarders.

    Adores: 5
  20. 2012 February 14
    camille permalink

    I think Sparky should send this furniture to Sheep Camp.

    Yes, I’ve been reading the archives again – why do you ask?

    Adores: 4
  21. 2012 February 14

    Mo-hair? What, like Rogaine? I’ll see if hubby is interested, certainly looks cheaper than the Hair Club for Men.

    What’s furniture got to do with it, though?

    Adores: 4
  22. 2012 February 14

    OT: Grandbaby #7 arrived yesterday afternoon. She’s pretty and pink and healthy and we are all very happy.

    Adores: 16
    • 2012 February 14

      I thought it felt like there was a little more awesome in the world! Good to hear that everything’s okay.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 February 14
        Windrose permalink

        Congrats, CJ, and please some pictures at the Friends’ Place when you have them. 8)

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 14
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Yes, one more positive force in the world.
      Congrats!

      Adores: 0
  23. 2012 February 14
    Rabbit Roulette permalink

    This particular Sparky is a furniture dealer, going by the various stuff in the background. And it might be my OCD, but in my mind it takes more than being the same style to be a set. It drives me nuts seeing couches of different colors in the same room. THEY DON’T MATCH!!! if the color/ fabric/pattern is completely different. I don’t understand the so called “coordinates” that have nothing in common.

    On a side note, there is not enough Blue Coral in the world that would get me to sit on those without a few layers of couch covers in between. Even furniture that no one has ever used gets a decided “aura” after a few years.

    Adores: 2
  24. 2012 February 14
    CraigsLister permalink

    I’ll take a dozen…

    wait, what?

    Ooooh, shearling couches, not shearling condoms.

    nevermind.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 February 14
      Tankerbell permalink

      Are shearling condoms all white and fluffy/fuzzy, like the arms on these chairs? Huh. Must be a regional thing.

      Adores: 0
  25. 2012 February 15

    Blessed llama-nun, you already own the intertubes so you don’t need your card punched! TC and Taco Something, hold those cards up high! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Paul Reubens!

    Adores: 0
  26. 2013 June 15
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    I think the demon goat couch just ate my soul…

    Adores: 1
  27. 2013 June 15
    Brer Fox permalink

    So, you’re saying people use goats for their hair? Huh, Imagine me learning something about using goats.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 June 15
      Brer Fox permalink

      I think I’m having an identity crisis.

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 June 15

        8) I always suspected.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 June 15
          nojazzhere permalink

          I love that movie!….”The Usual Suspected”…

          Adores: 1
      • 2013 June 15
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        I want to change my avi but they have some new rule about getting an account 🙁

        Adores: 0
        • 2013 June 16

          There’s no cost to the account, or at least last time I checked there wasn’t. And you can store a bunch of avis there. Be sure to say it’s rated G no matter what or you can’t use the picture.

          Adores: 0
  28. 2013 June 15

    Thoughts on reading the comments from just over a year ago:

    1. C””J’s grandbaby is now 16 months old!

    2. Goats are really useful, once you get used to the smell.

    3. We have lots of regular commenters who haven’t joined us on Facebook.

    If you wish to become one of the in-crowd, please friend me on FB (But tell me who you are here, so I know to accept the friending) and once we finish up the initiation process, you’ll be in!

    Demi Hungerford aka Windrose

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 June 15
      MissMommyNiceNice permalink

      Is there a secret group !?

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 June 15

        We’ll teach you the secret handshake and everything. Bring a rubber chicken and a quart of molasses.

        Adores: 3
        • 2013 June 15
          P-Rex permalink

          …but no tissues!

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 June 15
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Rubber chicken
          Rubber gloves
          Rubber glue
          Rubber baby buggy bumpers
          Rubber the wrong way…

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 June 15
          MissMommyNiceNice permalink

          Love it when you talk dirty to me, OMV !

          Adores: 2
  29. 2013 June 15
    nojazzhere permalink

    Windrose…”Thoughts on reading the comments from just over a year ago:”….#4.Bad taste and poor judgement never go out of style. You know there are some people today looking at those pictures, thinking,…”AWESOME”….#5. Did Awesomesauciness have her name legally changed to “C…J” ? Or are you guys trying to confuse me? (again?)

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 June 16

      Nojazzi, yes, we are trying to confuse you. OR CJ is. She started out as CJ. Nice. Then she started her blog titled Awesomesauce, and occasionally posted as awesomesauciness. Then we had a day where everyone was putting a quote in the middle of their handle. C””J was born, and never looked back. The end. That’ll be 2 pounds of bird seed for the map. Just pour it in the cup holder.

      Adores: 0
      • 2013 June 16
        nojazzhere permalink

        Thanks for info-here’s your birdseed. Hope you like it EXTRA-SPICY. Ave Maria!!!!!!

        Adores: 0
  30. 2013 June 16

    Line up, line up! No pushing! Princess L, C””J, and Dave. By the power vested in me by the Llama-nun and Ostrimu, I now pronounce you Punchity Punch Punched!

    Good Morning, Antique Roadkill!

    Adores: 0

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