YSaC, Vol. 1191: Do you want flies with that?
Ross appears to have hit the crazy-art trifecta; he sent in the following three ads back to back:
Odin paper mache sculpture – $95
stands 24″ tall-made with genuine leopard skin, seaweed, pods, bones and lotus flowers
Lord of the Flies lamp shade – $5
held over from a [Location] Artist Guild show-it’s a standard table lampshade size-if you buy this the proceeds got to a woman’s shelter+ it’s pretty cool
Crosses….crosses, and more crosses – $35-65
2 inch wood with flat marbles. It is stained to look like weathered leather in between the marbles. You can get any color, initial or logo in the middle. No two crosses are the same. Get this for anyone who has everything!!!
Here’s my problem: If I get a bedazzled Texas A&M cross for someone who has everything, doesn’t that imply that they already have both a sculpture-thing of a crossdressing and leopard-stole-wearing Norse god and a lampshade honoring a literary allegory for self-interest vs. the common good?
Also, I can’t decide if it’s ironic brilliance or not that art referencing a morality play on the role of violence in civilization has its proceeds going to a women’s shelter. I’m assuming it’s horribly wrong of me that I’m tempted to buy the lampshade and put a bug zapper light bulb in it?
And I just KNOW there’s a “Hook ’em, Horns” joke in there somewhere. Got one? Put it in the comments!
Thanks, Ross!
The Apocalypse WILL be bejazzled
Well, now that we have sparkly vamires thanks to Twilight, we must have sparkly bedazzled crucifixes to wave at them.
Yup. Makes sense to me.
Crucifixes from the Church of Texas Football, no less.
Not being a football fan, I just thought the ATM cross was the “artist’s” way of praying that someone would give him $20.
I first read the ATM to be more of a version of
this.
But I like the way you think Bianchi.
Come to think of it, a football-themed crucifix should be exactly the thing to defeat a sparkly emo vampire, right?
Church of “I’m willing to risk having tag-teams of University Copyright Attorneys come enjoin me for not explicitly licensing my use of trademarked IP and bet that they have no pressures at all in the face of reduced State budgets to justify the sizes of the IP protection offices and the staffs therein” more like.
Lest any doubt that there is a jagged-edge kernel of truth in my satire, the IP staff in Austin spent about $3-4 million suing an entrepreneur in College Station for printing off shirts with longhorn images with its horns “sawn off*.”
Or, that the A&M IP protection office very successfully had the Seahawks organization enjoined from using “twelfth man” without recompense.
If memory serves, A&M employes six IP attorneys, and they have a research staff using search algorithms to seek out and collect licensing fees.
Collegiate merchandise is a billion-dollar industry, and does not suffer cuts large or small into its “action” at all kindly.
Ain’t litigation hysterical?
*no one said you could saw off my horns*
________________________________________
*The A&M fight song, the “Aggie War Hymn” references sawing off the horns of “Varsity” the former name of the t.u. mascot now known as “Bevo” (from ‘correcting’ the branding of Varsity with “13-0” after a significant football victory).
[corey]
Those aren’t crucifixes, to be a crucifix they need Jesus hanging on them, those are just crosses (which also work against vampires) albeit flashy, bedazzled, bling-laden crosses…
[/corey]
BedazzledCrossCorey – the left cross is an Aggie one, and the right cross is UT…and heaven help the person who confuses the two – EndBedazzledCrossCorey
I know … that’s why I referenced the A&M one separately.
And Bees be Upon You for it <G>
*grabs Aggie cross, smashes UT cross*
Hook that, baby!
“Whoop!”
The be-feathered thing with the skull looks like the boogey man from the movie The Village.
That was one strange movie…and I must admit rather anti-climactic in the end.
My Aunty Climactic really enjoys movies by M. Night Shamalamadingdong.
You know what. I think I’ll just GIVE the 5 bucks to the women’s shelter so I can make a difference without owning that mutant fly lampshade.
Oh, I don’t know TC, I think any battered woman would take great comfort in having a gigantic fly-creature staring at her from the nightstand, don’t you? Why don’t you donate the money and the lamp?
I wanted to make a deep fried comment to go along with your “battered woman” reference, but I don’t want to be tacky and ill-mannered.
See! I do know how to act around folks!
We must be rubbing off on you! Hammy, stop that!
Sparky 1 – KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Sparky 2 – Why does your fly look like Hank Williams,Jr?
Sparky 3 – Those things look like bedazzled spoon rests.
Welp, I’m all done for the day.
Sparky 2 – Why does your fly look like Hank Williams,Jr?
But my fly doesn’t look like Hank – it’s more like metal interlocking teeth with a slider on it. And I don’t want metal interlocking teeth on my ‘slider’.
It looks more like a Precious Moments Anime fly to me.
I just really want to be sick. Surely no-one would seriously buy any of those objects? which begs the question: Why TF would anyone make such things? *shivers violently and rushes for bathroom *
Everytime we get a YSaC post like this it makes me re examine my own attempts at craft-iness. I hope hope hope I never pushed a homemade gift on anyone as badly done as these.
PS: The gifts I made my mom in grade school don’t count. And they are better looking than Sparky’s crap, thank you.
“Maybe, if we SELL his statue of Odin, little Horst will be less obsessed with dipping it in sheep’s blood.”
I’m thinking of buying all three. Attach the crosses around the bottom of the shade like fringe. A bit of wiring to convert the statue into a lamp base. Voila! A glowing, glitzy, god(s) and Golding glorifying gewgaw for your guest room
For the person who never wants guests to return. Ever.
Maybe I should perch a raven on top of it and then it will be guests nevermore.
I know people who would not only happily buy one of the crosses, but would do so for the sole purpose of recreating them and injecting more bemarbled fun on the world.
The skull in the first post looks like it might be from either a small dog, a possum or a large rabbit. I can’t tell for sure without seeing the tooth sockets. I can only hope whatever it is died of natural causes. It looks like they put a lot of time and effort into it, I just can’t figure out WHY they would. As for the other two postings, I think my kids could make better looking stuff than that.
Anyone else think that the crosses resemble jeweled scimitars?
Indigo – Me!! I was seeing bedazzled scimitars for sure.
This is what I get for not reading before posting.
Indigo – OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
No, not wrong at all. However this is wrong:
Seth Brundle: Whaddaya think? A fly. Am I becoming a hundred-and-eighty-five-pound fly? No, I’m becoming something that never existed before. I’m becoming… Lampshadefly. Don’t you think that’s worth a Nobel Prize or two?
“Selected Works from the Craigslist Collection” is on display at the [Location] Museum of Angsty Teen Art through March 31. The [Location] Museum of Angsty Teen Art is located at the corner of Lotus Lane and Aggie Avenue, near the [Location] central train station. Be sure to stop by our gift shop; all proceeds will go to an inappropriately chosen charity.
The Ferris Bueller Scholarship for Outstanding Punctuality?
I thought the MATA was just off Emo Terrace? Damn you Google maps!!!!
The inappropriately chosen charity reminds me of something that happened up here:
There was a lottery to raise funds for the local women and infant’s shelter.
The winner of the lottery was an ex-con…
that’s right, you guessed it, he was convicted of rape…
Not sure if that is the Ultimate Irony or the Ultimate Egg-in-Your-Face.
“Get this for anyone who has everything!!!”
You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
-Steven Wright-
Answer: I would leave most of it right where it is.
*runs out into street*
You people… get off my ro[thud, thump, thump]..ow.
If he has everything wouldn’t that mean he already has this?
That’s not Odin. Unless the statue has only one eye. But where are the ravens?
http://brat-halla.com/comic/200-pantheon-games-a-gifted-thor/
(Had to read lots of the comic to find even one raven! Why the hate against ravens?)
Here’s a more classical version:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Odhin_by_Johannes_Gehrts.jpg
Windy, we will Nevermore hate ravens….
😀
Quoth the Mud””Slicker…
I have not yet attained Proper Noun status.
I believe it involves some ritual of spending a Night in the Hood or some such thingy.
To achieve Proper Noun status, you must graduate from an accredited finishing school.
Then lower-case is my fate, as that will never happen.
🙁
[O/T] Sometimes I am unable to post a comment.
I get a message Error: please enter a valid e-mail address
I switch to a different device but still recieve message.
The next day, everything is working again.
Is it just me?
Yes
No.
Aarrgh!
*runs around in circles*
Help, help, help.
Oh, you wanted a serious answer? That’s down the hall, second door on the right.
Those crosses look more daggerish/swordish in shape. Maybe they really are leather sheaths so fans can sneak weapons into games. Who would stop someone from entering a UT/A&M game who was clutching their bedazzled cross to their chest? Gives a whole new meaning to “Hook ‘em, Horns”.
Sorry – that’s the best I could do.
“Who?” Well, the rather over-eager gate and ticket-taking staff, for one.
I think Sparky saw them at Michael’s and couldn’t figure out what they were, but being a denizen of the Bible Belt, he decided they were crosses. He would be shocked to learn they are actually scimitars. Not only because scimitars would make the mind of such a person go immediately to them [insert random racial slur for Muslims here], but also because clearly Sparky has not a shred of creative thought in his being.
Now, TB, watery tarts lurking in ponds have to get their ration of to-be-flung cutlery from somewhere . . . <G>
“2 inch wood with flat marbles”
This guy has a smaller problem than bad art.
I’ll be in the corner.
Okay, there are not enuf doors in all the hardware store in this world for that comment!
Bejeweled crosses because Jesus was all about the bling bling.
Kelli, that only is true in the barrio.
Jesus was always big pimpin’, hanging around with hos and gangstas.
(Note: that sentence was amazingly hard to type of a machine that auto-corrects spelling.)
That’s because you forgot to switch the language over to “Ghetto.”
…And his name is pronounce HEY-zeus! Which is a whole ‘nother thing.
Mammalogy Corey:
1) It looks like Odin is wearing an opossum skull (the snout is elongated); I didn’t know there were opossums in Asgard.
2) FYI, it is a violation of federal law (the Lacey Act) to transport any endangered species (leopard) or its parts across state lines; no immoral porpoises necessary.
/end Corey.
“Immoral Porpoises” is IF’s tribute Phish band, playing the immortal “Squeak, Squeak, Squeak…… bubble – bubble”.
2) I read ‘mammalogy’ as ‘mammary’ and wondered why anyone would have a Corey about them.
3) re: opossum – that’s why you have “Asgard”s – don’t want opossums getting in there – hamsters would be bad enough.
You’re welcome.
Gramps….I think your fear is of gerbils…and rightfully so.
😉
Mudsy – gerbils, hamsters, Richard Simmons – whatever.
Grampdaddy’s cool.
Why do I get along so well with senior citizens?
I don’t even speak spanish.
Don’t worry, Not-a, he can learn ya! He’s a teacher, an all.
Why do I get along so well with senior citizens?
It’s probably because I am an equal opportunity, multi-cultural stalker…
Thank you, Not-a, for thinking I’m cool – normally I’m cold because of my blood pressure meds.
Ralph…I believe that #1 was more deserving of [matt] [/matt] tags.
However, I do love your reckoning skills.
—Opossums were most probably NEVER in Asgard. Silly Sparky for insinuating there was by putting the remains of one there in the piece.
—There really was an Odin and his skull most emphatically did not look like an opossum. I believe it looked more like a raspberry.
A one-eyed raspberry…
wait the skull would still have two sockets…
and I think a one-eyed raspberry is something else entirely…
must be nap-time.
My grandson got a one-eyed raspberry once – slid down the carpeted stairs on his tummy, while naked. Got a wicked rug burn on the end of his …. ummm.
Tough lesson for a three year old.
Why is Odin wearing the dress Austin Scarlett made on Project Runway last week?
Or even the dress that Scarlett O’Hara made out of her drapes last millenium?
The first one reminds me more of something voodooish. Maybe Sparky misunderstood and this is a Vodoun sculpture. It just doesn’t say Norse to me.
*Looks at the items*
*Takes off his glasses and cleans them before putting them back on*
*Hits his monitor a few times to make sure it isn’t acting up*
*Sigh*
I’ll get the fire.
Nice artistic talent. Not!
“Do you want flies with that?”
Yes, with some Flit sauce please.
Oh, and I’d like a hot apple maggot fly for dessert too.
Thank you.
Grampdaddy, just because you won’t show up today to get this Punchity Punch Punch doesn’t mean you won’t have bruises in a day or two. 8) You’re welcome.
Good Morning, Church Police!