YSaC, Vol. 1202: Where can I score some “couple uppers?”

2012 March 6

Kitchen cabinets and counter


Older cabinets and counter are solid but older. Approximately 8 feet long with a couple uppers. Centered on window. I will remove tomorrow.

Well – the cabinets may be completely invisible due to the poor light balance in the photo, but at least they’re covered in stuff so you can’t see them.

Thanks for the post, Ralph!

78 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 March 6

    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute!

    Cabinets that remove tomorrow?

    It’s a black hole!

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 March 6
      valarie permalink

      I grant you it is some kind of hole.

      Adores: 8
    • 2012 March 6
      SilvaNoir permalink

      don’t open them!

      Adores: 7
    • 2012 March 6

      Maybe they divide by zero if you install them.

      *looks at his cabinets*

      Huh… what are they doing with all those calculus books? Oh shi-

      Adores: 9
    • 2012 March 6
      Digitalaxis permalink

      That’s right, and he will, unless you deliver Lois Lane to the abandoned warehouse on 14th street by midnight. BY MIDNIGHT! Muahahaha!

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 March 6
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Lois Lane is about a half mile from 14th street right here in Nampa, Id.
        But I can’t dig up all that asphalt by myself by midnight. Could you send over some of your henchmen?

        Adores: 3
  2. 2012 March 6
    Rabbit Roulette permalink

    Well, as long as Sparky doesn’t remove them with a sledgehammer like they do on those home remodel shows things might turn out OK. I can’t watch those shows. I end up screaming at the TV because those damn fools are wasting perfectly nice cabinetry, especially when they put cheap looking MDF garbage in afterwards. Taking them out properly takes about the same amount of time and you can pass them on to someone who would appreciate them. My hatred of HGTV is a problem, though. The only time I get stuck watching that channel is in waiting rooms, and that can get embarrassing.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 6
      SilvaNoir permalink

      every time I flip by that channel it is an endless marathon of “house hunters”

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 6
      One Moving Violation permalink

      HGTV: Hopeless Gamut of Total Vacuity.
      I’ve watched others watch this. I would rather watch the effects of a light breeze on a brick sh*thouse.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 6
      CapnMac permalink

      Well, in some fairness to the shows, what, on tv, often looks like useful cabinets, are, in fact, junk.

      Might be usable stuff, as installed; but not so much on removal.

      The distinction is a fine one, where cabinetry are built in-place, versus cabinetry made as casework, and then installed.

      Casework can be uninstalled as units. Built-ins come out as pieces-parts, and once taken to bits, are not of very much use.

      The difference could be analogized by imagining a print glued to a wall. The a frame fasten around the print and onto the wall under a pane of glass. That, versus framing the print in the traditional manner. Remove the former, and you have a pile of parts that could be re-made into a wall-hung picture. Remove the latter, and you can have a wall-hung picture where ever you’d like.

      ¿claro?
      __________________________________________________
      P.s. One of the worst possible architectural salvage items would be cabinet doors. Despite being around 60-70% of the effort in making fine cabinetry, they are still made to fit the cabinet, and not vice versa.
      The space defines the casework, the casework defines the doors.
      Second worst are cabinet drawers; utterly un-usuable out of cabinet they are designed for.

      Adores: 0
  3. 2012 March 6
    valarie permalink

    Did he place the boatload of crap on the counter to assure us of its solidity? This is like a find-the-hidden-object game.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 6
      Lola permalink

      Anyone else wondering if the ad for the stuff is illustrated with a well-lit picture of completely empty cabinetry, or is that just me?

      Adores: 7
  4. 2012 March 6
    Ralph permalink

    A true story about “couple uppers:” An old friend of mine, who is originally Swiss, was working for the Brookings Institute after WWII, translating Marshall Plan documents. One of her translations referred to “copulating boxcars.” She even looked up the word; one of the definitions was “joining together.” Naturally, the whole office heard about it, and her husband still embarrasses her with the story 60+ years later.

    Also, FYI [corey]:

    Kitchen Counter Taxonomy: There are three kinds: those without sinks, those with under-counter sinks, and those with top-mounted sinks. Any of these can have closed (finished) ends, or open (unfinished) ends. The one pictured is a closed-end counter of the third kind.

    [/corey]

    That may explain the alien hiding underneath, which seems counter-intuitive, but it could have been excluded with proper counter-intelligence.

    Adores: 20
    • 2012 March 6
      Lola permalink

      I believe that “Copulating Boxcars” is IF’s Faster Pussycat-Willie Nelson mashup band.

      Adores: 9
    • 2012 March 6
      valarie permalink

      E.T. really wants to phone home. Has no problem finding Reece’s Pieces on the floor. Can’t locate dang phone. Elliot!!!

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 March 6
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Don’t eat those! Those are actual pieces of Mr. Reese. Besides, you shouldn’t be eating things you find on the floor. The cat has been playing with them all day.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 March 6

          But they’re shiny!

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 6

      Lots and lots of doors Ralph.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 6
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      I think the ad is counter-productive.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 6
        One Moving Violation permalink

        …and counter intuitive.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 March 6
          Rabbit Roulette permalink

          Well, at least he has a counter weight.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 6
      CapnMac permalink

      In the cabinetry trade, those bits of casework installed above the base cabinets are known as “upper cabinets” which is contracted to “upper” in parlance.

      Sparky is referring to the vague dark blobs to either side of the window.

      Which do have the virtue of not having 7 or 8 apartments’ worth of stuff piled atop them.

      Adores: 0
  5. 2012 March 6

    Well, someone is being featured on an all-new episode of “Hoarding: Buried Alive”.

    Adores: 8
  6. 2012 March 6

    Kitchen cabinets and counter

    ——————————————————————————–

    Older cabinets and counter are solid but older. Approximately 8 feet long with a couple uppers. Centered on window. I will remove tomorrow.

    Location: Delta Tau Chi frat house
    Contact: John “Bluto” Blutarsky

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 March 6
      CapnMac permalink

      That’s Senator and Mrs Bluto Blutarsky to you! <G>

      Adores: 1
  7. 2012 March 6

    Sparky is going to need a lot more than a couple uppers for that.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 6
      Rabbit Roulette permalink

      Speaking from experience, having that much junk on the counters is a real downer.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 6
        Lola permalink

        “Junk on the counters” sounds like a euphemism, but I’m afraid to think what it might actually mean.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 6
          SilvaNoir permalink

          junk in the trunk is a big butt, so junk on the counter would be…

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 March 6

          junk in the trunk is a big butt, so junk on the counter would be…

          Clutter, Silva, just clutter.

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 March 6
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          I’ve been trying all day to come up with lyrics for this to the tune of “My Humps” and I just can’t. Sigh. I have snarker’s block.

          Adores: 5
  8. 2012 March 6

    Older cabinets are older. Also covered in paint cans, but that’s all part of the aging process. Or something.

    Adores: 3
  9. 2012 March 6
    Digitalaxis permalink

    Am I the only one who imagines the junk remaining suspended in midair after Sparky removes the drawers and counters?

    Adores: 6
  10. 2012 March 6
    SilvaNoir permalink

    bring yer shovels!

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 6

      Bring outcher dead!

      Oh, sorry…wrong scene.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 March 6
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        Take me to your peter!

        Oh, sorry. Wrong post/website.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 6

          *Rolls over, wags*

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 6

          SEE?! It’s things like this that make us a hardcore porn site!

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 6
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          I thought it was the splodey thongs?!

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 6
          One Moving Violation permalink

          I wear the thong that makes the whole world scream…

          Adores: 5
  11. 2012 March 6
    One Moving Violation permalink

    OMV counters with own ad.

    Eight feet plus couple uppers equals Floridians.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 March 6

      Yes, but if you divide by the square root of Mickey ears, don’t you also get alligator cupcakes?

      I’m not very good with cat math when my catulator is asleep, so I admit I’m guessing here.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 March 6
        One Moving Violation permalink

        The thought of alligator cupcakes makes me hungry.
        *drool drool slobber drool*

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 6
      One Moving Violation permalink

      I could explain why my counter ad makes sense, but I would rather let you guess.
      It’s not funny if you have to ‘splain it.

      Adores: 3
  12. 2012 March 6
    One Moving Violation permalink

    “Older cabinets and counter are solid but older.”
    Stating the obvious is our job.
    So are younger cabinets and counter pimply but younger?
    Newer cabinets and counter ethereal but newer?
    Free cabinets and counter are feral but free?

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 March 6

      I certainly hope they are butt free! How many plumbers have tried to fix that sink before they gave up?

      Adores: 2
  13. 2012 March 6
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Uppers? I take it all that shit on top of them is just there to hold them down?

    Adores: 6
  14. 2012 March 6
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Slightly OT:

    I vote the ninjas!

    Adores: 2
  15. 2012 March 6
    One Moving Violation permalink

    “I will remove tomorrow”

    Request: please wait until Sunday. Remove Monday, and we can jump straight to Tuesday.

    Adores: 6
  16. 2012 March 6

    All right, who put all these people in the baux?!

    And whose elbow is in my spleen?!

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 6
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      Oh, that’s me. But that’s not my elbow.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 6
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Not me, I was gone yesterday. I have a note from my doctor.

      {Please excuse One M. Violation from commenting on 03/05/12.
      He was out of his medication, and was unable to comprehend the craigslist ad posted.

      Signed, Mr. Violation’s doctor}

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 March 6
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        Close the brackets! Close them! For the love of Jeebus! Think of the children!!!!

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 6
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Oh my, that is one of the side effects. Bracket lack-its.

          Edit: Your bird seed tab is starting to climb, One.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 6
      Windrose permalink

      *points at Lola* She did it.

      Adores: 1
  17. 2012 March 6

    I recently posted (on Craigslist)

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 6

      I recently posted a reply to a post made about posting (on Craigslist)

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 6
      One Moving Violation permalink

      I runned intua post yeers ago an my [mental acuity] isda saim.
      Upoligies, I’m unable to speel everthang rong. It’s agin’ my relijun.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 6

      Hmm. Incompetent spambot? We shall see.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 6
      CapnMac permalink

      I became employed due to a CL ad.

      It was cogent and did not hoover at all.

      The 45 mile drive, on the other hand . . .

      Adores: 1
  18. 2012 March 6
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Incompetent Spambot: The Musical!

    Noooobody waaaants meeee…. Or my viaaaaaagraaaaa….

    Adores: 5
  19. 2012 March 7
    One Moving Violation permalink

    *e-mails cupholder of wild birdseed to windrose*
    Thank you mama windy.
    Good morning.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 7
      camille permalink

      Good morning, OMV. Is the coffee sliced yet?

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 7
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Oh yeah, with choco-patties.
        Mocha sammiches.

        Adores: 0
  20. 2012 March 7

    Come on people, I don’t have all day, line up in an orderly fashion! Right. Roll Call: Tasty Steaks? Punchity Punch Punch! Mike? Punchity Punch Punch! Tasty Steaks redux? Punchity Punch Punch! Mudsy? Punchity Punch Punch! Funky da Monkey? Punchity Punch Punch! Subbie Half a Beast? Punchity Punch Punch! MandaB? Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Hampton Bay!

    Adores: 1
  21. 2012 March 7
    Ralph permalink

    Too many punches; it’s time for the counter-revolution.

    Adores: 0

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