YSaC, Vol. 1225: Soft, sensitive, and makes sandwiches.

2012 April 6

Vietnamese Speakers


Seeking korean speakers for temporary interviewing job.
ASAP.

 

They’re all the same, right?

Well, just in case speaking completely different Asian languages isn’t your thing, there’s this opportunity:

 

Movie Screenplay Needed


It takes a movie script for writing the script in Russian for the low-budget film.

 

Apparently, in Russia, script writes script.

Sometimes the required language skills are just a little bit more … individualized.

 

Karen speaking translator


Looking for Karen language speaking translator. If interested please email resume to companyXX@gmail.com. Thank you.

 

This person is in such luck! I studied how to speak Karen all throughout college — she was my best friend! Although I’m pretty sure that I can’t translate much of what she says into anything that would make sense to anyone else. I mean, I could try, but it would probably just be filled with obscenities, in-jokes, and quotes from Princess Bride and V.C. Andrews novels.

[Note from drmk: There actually is a family of languages called the Karen languages, but I’m not going to let that stop me from trying to make my friend Karen laugh a bit.]

Thanks, Ted, Johanna, and coopsalm!

72 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 April 6
    Ralph permalink

    There are some pretty cool speakers made in Korea. but why would you want to use these in an interview? Maybe Karen knows, or it’s a subplot in the the low-budget film.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 April 6
      valarie permalink

      Those are cool speakers, Ralph. Do they go up to 11?

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 April 6

      Hey, those look like the ones Bianchi was selling yesterday!

      Adores: 3
  2. 2012 April 6
    CapnMac permalink

    Карен, который был частью России, это было модно в то время, как был одет в белый лук в ремне – желтые, а не те Нэнси красные, – рассказал мне, что она собирается отвезти меня в Crosbyton, что и они называли Shelbyville в те дни, которые были колоритные места заполнены все самое лучшее место для молодого человека найти фантазии женщин, и паром был дешевым, это было всего лишь десять пчел, что и они назвали копейки в эти дни, но вы должны быть осторожны, так как 2/4 такая же, как с чесноком в шляпе.

    그러나 카렌은 여자의 종류, 대신, 그녀는 쉽게 반짝 이는 물체와 사람의 모든 종류에 의해 distratcted되고, 그녀는 제공하지 않겠다는 약속을 할 수있는 일종이라고 아니었어요.

    Karen là loại người phụ nữ phát triển mạnh trên những người đàn ông hàng đầu, đặc biệt là người đàn ông trẻ của một cong lãng mạn, người đã không học được cách mọi người đê hèn – con quay kéo sợi hoặc không – có thể được.*

    _________________________________________
    *Based in fact, sordid, awful, fact.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 6

      Time for Google Translate!

      “Karen, who was part of Russia, it was fashionable at the time, as he was dressed in a white bow in his belt – yellow, not red ones Nancy – told me that she was going to take me to Crosbyton, as they called Shelbyville in those days that were filled with colorful places the best place to find a young man of fantasy women, and the ferry was cheap, it was only ten bees, which they called a penny these days, but you have to be careful, because the 2/4 is the same as with the garlic in a hat.

      But Karen’s kind of a woman, but instead, she easily all kinds of shiny objects and people by being distratcted, she promised not to provide a kind was not to do.

      Karen is a woman who thrives on leading men, especially young men of a romantic bent, who have not learned how despicable people – distaff or not – can be. *”

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 April 6
        valarie permalink

        Can’t we all just learn to speak Esperanto?

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 April 6
          CapnMac permalink

          Ni povas lerni paroli esperanto!

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 April 6
        ArtsyComputerGeek permalink

        I almost passed out reading that first sentence. More deep breathing exercises needed.

        Adores: 2
  3. 2012 April 6

    So this is the slippery slope we go down…
    Script writing script…

    What horror is this world now that ape has killed ape?

    Adores: 7
  4. 2012 April 6

    Sorry Sparky, I only speak Barb.

    Adores: 3
  5. 2012 April 6

    Vietnamese Speakers

    Seeking korean speakers for temporary interviewing job. ASAP. The interview for this job will be conducted in the Tianjin dialect of Chinese.

    Movie Screenplay Needed

    It takes a script to write a script. This film has a low budget, like around $5.47.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 April 6

      Sorry, he actually spent that money on weed.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 April 6
        CapnMac permalink

        $5.47? That’s some high-priced oregano in that baggie.

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 April 6

          I’ve got some dandelions growing in the yard that they could have had for free.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 6
      Digitalaxis permalink

      Let me guess: they’re translating German instructional manuals into Hindi?

      Adores: 1
  6. 2012 April 6
    christina permalink

    Hey, I got that proverb from the second ad in my fortune cookie the other day, except it was written in Karen.

    Adores: 2
  7. 2012 April 6

    In Soviet Russia, script write you!

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 April 6
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      *pouts*

      Adores: 1
  8. 2012 April 6
    mud "" slicker permalink

    I drive a Kia—does that count?

    I’m sure my Korean car knows what it’s like to be a Vietnamese car*

    *Russian car

    Or this: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3405/3668088796_ed4cb72b26.jpg

    Adores: 0
  9. 2012 April 6

    I have a Japanese woofer and a Taiwanese tweeter, but no Vietnamese speakers.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 April 6
      Brer Fox permalink

      What’s with all the word play? If you mean Japanese dog then just say dog. Same for your Taiwanese bird. Sheesh.

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 April 6
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      “Taiwanese tweeter”

      Heh. Heh heh.

      Adores: 1
  10. 2012 April 6

    I might be able to find a jindo and teach it to speak. But I don’t think the job pays enough to cover those expenses.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 6
      mud "" slicker permalink

      Can you get my post out of “Moderation Jail”…? *pretty please*

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 April 6
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        The Good Doctor’s got you covered there, mudsy.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 April 6

          Isaac Asimov is back from the dead?!?

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 April 6
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Oh good. I was hoping it wasn’t the Dentist. I saw that horror movie and that guy gave me the creeps.

          “Is it safe?”

          Thank you!

          Adores: 1
  11. 2012 April 6
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    I can’t stop hearing the second ad in the voice of USA Prime Credit’s Peggy.

    (Who, in fact, is actually a high school math teacher.)

    Adores: 7
  12. 2012 April 6
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    I have learned several languages, but I stopped Karen years ago.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 April 6
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      She had it coming.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 6
      Digitalaxis permalink

      I know Karen! Also Lovin, and Phelin, and Prain.

      Terrible attorneys…

      Adores: 2
  13. 2012 April 6
    Digitalaxis permalink

    “It takes a movie script” to raise a child. Please, think of the children.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 April 6
      christina permalink

      It takes the movie script from the basket.
      It rubs the movie script…
      No, I’m just not going there.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 April 6
        Kaziganthi permalink

        I was going say something along those lines…

        It rubs the lotion on its skin…

        Okay, so I said anyways.

        Adores: 1
  14. 2012 April 6

    “Karen Speaking Translator” is IF’s psychic Carpenters cover band.

    Adores: 12
  15. 2012 April 6
    Brer Fox permalink

    ASAP
    Asian Speakers Apply Pronto

    Adores: 6
  16. 2012 April 6

    Here are translation of common phrases from around the world!

    Konichiwa. – Karen.
    Wie heißt du? – Karen.
    C’est la Vie. – Karen.
    Ni Hao ma. – Karen.
    Please fondle my buttox. – Karen.
    Yandelvayasna grldenwi stravenka. – Karen.
    Semper ubi sub ubi. – Karen.
    Mis pantalones se arden! – Karen.
    Пудинг нет на пожаре. – Karen.

    Yes, with these simple phrases at your disposal, soon you too can be a multicultural traveler!

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 April 6

      30 Karen’s agree…

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 April 6

        What about Karen’s agree?

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 April 6

          It’s not just for women anymore.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 April 6

          Karen’s agree.

          A scent strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for Karen.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 April 6

          I think we’ve been Karen this joke for long enough. 😉

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 April 6

          After all this, I really don’t have a Karen the world.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 April 6
          Windrose permalink

          This is turning into an Intensive Karen Unit.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 April 6
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Karen’s not agree, she’s a grue.

          Adores: 1
  17. 2012 April 6
    Brer Fox permalink

    The following is a list of translator stations for KREN in Stimson:
    KREM in Rusha
    KREA in N. South
    KVNM in S. Pacific

    Persons looking for career opportunities at KREN should Contact kren.com.
    KREN is an unequalled oportunist employer.
    All employees of KREN are paid in scrip.

    Adores: 2
  18. 2012 April 6

    Ok, everyone, get out your character sheets so we can start the quest.

    Through and arduous journey your group has arrived at the fabled Burrow of Bertha, home of the Dwarves. You find that the entrance appears to have been sealed off with a solid sheet of rock. Upon this rock is an inscription in Elven.

    Those who can read Elven know that the inscription reads:

    “Speak Karen to enter.”

    What do you do?

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 April 6
      valarie permalink

      Wait…it’s a riddle!

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 April 6
        Brer Fox permalink

        Sheetrock? Man I got a knife that’s +9 against sheetrock.
        *pulls out +9 sheetrock knife*

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 April 6
          brerbear permalink

          Well I can use my plus 7 rock bow then. Use it

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 April 6
        Brer Fox permalink

        Do the Hobknoblins go all the way up to elven?

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 April 6
          One Moving Violation permalink

          I cast Magic Muscle, then use it on Karen.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 6
      Tankerbell permalink

      We have to do Karen to enter? Meh. I didn’t really wanna see the dwarves that much, anyway.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 April 6

      “Martini, honey, and dont waste any space with those olives!”

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 6

      Is this like the one in which one Karen always tells the truth and the other one always lies?

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 April 6

        Yes!…No!

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 April 6
          Digitalaxis permalink

          The Guardian says that was just a lie, both paths lead to the pit of doom. We don’t want any visitors, go away.

          Adores: 0
    • 2012 April 6

      OK, lets see here, the party takes more than an hour to get past the door: roll on random event table 2-6B.

      *Flips over a few pages*

      *rolls his cat sided dice*

      The party is eaten by a Karen. Bummer guys. Everyone hand over your character sheets.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 6

      Tip the door-dwarf a twenty to let me in.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 April 6
        Brer Fox permalink

        Can we all fit through the dwarf-door?

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 April 6
      Karen permalink

      Change my name to Karen then speak.

      I say, “Karen to enter”.

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 April 6

      What…is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 April 6
        Windrose permalink

        What, African or European?

        Adores: 3
      • 2012 April 6
        Brer Fox permalink

        If I ladened all my swallows from end to end, how many Big Gulps would it take to get to the Volcanic Center of Mount Karen?

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 April 6
          Digitalaxis permalink

          Answer: The Sound of One Hand Clapping

          Adores: 0
  19. 2012 April 7

    Bianchi Sound, the box is a better place since you have been in it twice so recently. Good luck finding your stolen goods. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Takahiro Yokomichi!

    Adores: 0
  20. 2012 April 9
    grumpy grammy permalink

    In the course of my somewhat longish life, I have known a number of people named Karen and I have never understood a word any of them ever said. Now I know why: they have their own language. I bet they understand each other.

    Adores: 0
  21. 2012 April 13
    Chance permalink

    Hate to be a buzz kill on the funny comments, but Karen is a legitimate language that is spoken by over 3 million people. Unfortunately, my Mom is named Karen, so let the jokes march on….

    From Wikipedia:

    The Karen languages are tonal languages spoken by some three million Karen people. They are of unclear affiliation within the Tibeto-Burman languages.[1] The Karen languages are written using the Burmese script.[2] The three main branches are Sgaw, Pwo, and Pa’o. Karenni (also known Kayah or Red Karen) and Kayan (also known as Padaung) are related to the Sgaw branch. They are almost unique among the Tibeto-Burman languages in having a subject–verb–object word order; other than Karen and Bai, Tibeto-Burman languages feature a subject–object–verb order.[3] This is likely due to influence from neighboring Mon and Tai languages.[4] The languages are also considered unusual for not having any Chinese influence.[5]

    I wonder if OP was looking for Red Karen

    Adores: 0
    • 2012 April 13

      The wise Llamanun (BBUH) actually mentions that in her commentary and provided a link to the same Wiki article.

      Adores: 0

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