YSaC, Vol. 1228: Crib your enthusiasm.
Crib allert
Crib allert every thing must go movein out . 883 bianca dr [location, zip]. Dont make a mess please and thank you
That’s right, I’ve HAD it with these people. They say they’re my “parents,” whatever that means. All I know is that one of them keeps trying to smother me by putting me under her shirt, and the other one has NO IDEA how to change my pants. The only thing keeping me going for the last week has been projectile peeing on him whenever I get the chance.
They both keep poking at me, and making strange noises as if they’re trying to speak, but can’t quite do it. I make the same noises back at them so that they don’t feel so bad about themselves.
Anyway, I’m outta here. Everything I’ve got is in my crib — there’s my wooby, my binky, and that stupid mobile that plays those annoying songs all night long. I keep reaching for it to choke it to death, but I can’t reach it. Maybe someone who’s more than 17″ tall can make the damned thing stop.
Stewie!
That is precisely the voice I heard in my head while I was writing this … which was a nice relief from the normal Barbra Streisand voice in my head.
Wait, that voice isn’t supposed to sound like Julia Child?
I was hearing Orson Welles, myself.
Jack Nicholson’s voice was the voice I heard this in…
I’m trying in Pee Wee Herman’s voice.
*re-reads ad*
Yeah, yeah that will work.
Elmo followed by a second read-through in Darth Vader.
For only ever having been to Rhode Island (and asc’d. Plantations) twice in my life, I hear far too many things in the voice of one Griffin family member or another.
And, this was an ad tailor-made (Liza-macked?) for Buster Bluth to “voice” . . .
Heeeeey, Craigslist.
Unc’ Goggle finds a company called Allert-Tech, which makes plastic products, which, one might assume, could include babby beds. But, it says nothing about whether there are associated banana stands, or a housing division in Iraq. Nor if there is a corporate Stair-truck.
Anthony sleeps in a babby crib
Savin’ his blanky for some day
Mama and Papa left an allert on the crib
They said “Don’t make a mess please and thank you”
Ah but sleeping too much can give you
A diaper rash, ash, ash, ash, ash, ash
You oughta know by now
Who needs a crib for a babby boy?
Is that all you get for your money?
And it seems such a waste of time
If that’s what it’s all about
Mama, if that’s movin up then I’m movin out
Mm, I’m movin out, mm oo oo uh huh mm hm
“…every thing must go….”
Including the children of the corn crib?
It’s GOOD that you sent Daddy to the cornfield, Anthony.
Boy, you’ve got
the ShinningThe ShiniyingThat thing you can do with your brain!Careful, you do not want to make Opie mad,
He does bad things when he’s mad.
Like start production on a Cocoon III . . .
Or whistle
You mean thinking?
Silly Taco, Sparkies don’t think.
Crib Alert is IF’s Kid Rock youth punk band.
I am very not good at nesting comments.
But we hear you’re good at cuddling.
I think it’s the squirrel costume; it’s super fluffy.
How is it that this kid can get an ad posted on CL but he can’t dial Child Welfare and report these so-called parents? I mean come on, Please AND Thank you? That’s rough.
Hmmmm….around here “crib alert” usually meant something more sinister. And usually Mr. B and I tried to trick each other into being the one who had to change it. “Everything must go” was applicable, but the mess was occasionally unavoidable, having been pre-made.
In a similar way Diaper Blowout is NOT a clearance sale.
It is, however, my Skid Row cover band.
IF just won the internet.
There aren’t enough doors in the world for these two comments. Thanks, Taco and IF.
*goes to find a tissue to wipe the tears that are running down my face from laughing so hard*
Manda, have you tried posting an ad on Craigslist to trick a total stranger into doing it?
That kind of creeps me out. Tremendously.
Anyone else notice that things are rather slow on the internet today? Traffic is way down on both websites I admin for and there are only 16 comments on YSaC.
Usually hump day is one of the busiest of the week but it’s oddly quiet today.
*tumbleweed rolls by*
*wind stirs up dust*
* someone whistles ‘do-dee-do-dee-do do-do-do’*
*Clint Eastwood squints*
Clint fires his . 883 bianca. Wow. What a crappy gun, he thinks.
It’s Thursday’s Eve….
The Night Before Thursday
…The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions on YouTube danced in their heads…
With me in my Snuggie
And Pa taking a crap
I surfed on the internets
Till I needed a nap
*whispers to Taco* This is part of my plan, dude. I’ve eliminated my “competition” so I have a better chance at the baux.
When out on the lawn there was a green Furry
I sprang from my bed to do a demo in a hurry
Away to the bee hive I flew like the flu
Started moping, then stuttered and threw up some glue.
And the glow of the TV did light all the things
From tables to deer hooves to vintage nose rings.
When what from behind my hedge did I spy?
But a slobby old hipster, with a winking left eye.
The hipster was so smelly, the stench was so thick.
I went to the potty and loudly was sick.
This was so gross! This was so lame!
I was so pissed of that I called him some names.
PS: How do you guys post in italics? I’m always behind on these tricks.
I’m horrible at poetry…grrrr!
Something something something snow…
something something something blow!
Yeah, I know whatcha mean, like the time I took one of those uh…….
[Thingies]?
Yeah, and I shoved it up my uh…….
[nouns]?
Yeah, just to see how far it would go. Talk about painful. I hate when that happens.
Yeah, I know whatcha mean.
Hey, isn’t tomorrows post hilarious?
monkey: just put your post in between the tags (i) and then close with (/i)
easy peasy…
(i) testes, I mean testing, one two (/i)
Replace the ( and ) with angle brackets.
I’m wishing this post had been posted on our much-beloved weekly holiday – S.H.I.T.
I’m sure tomorrow I could think of something funny to say.
Just as sure as I am that today I seem to have lost my snark. Better go check the couch cushions.
Watch out for snakes.
And ninjas.
Gah! My favorite MST3K line ever. I love you, Ghostie. (And you too, FM, but just because you’re you.)
I was always a fan of them shouting “Huzzah!” when anyone with the “Renascence fair” look did something.
That and the “He tried to kill me with a fork lift” song from Fugitive Alien duo.
Aww, stop. You are! I don’t have a funny y bone in my body.
I found it in Dayton last week. Be sure to check there, too!
To Val: *sigh* That’s okay, you don’t have to throw me a bone. I know I’m not as funny as Ghostie. Sniff.
Funky Monkey is gonna turn into Blues Monkey at this rate.
*Puts on his shades* Or maybe we could all settle for some Jazz?
Yes! The Blue Monkey. Sounds fun and seedy.
Sounds kinda like a drink. To Google!
:opens new tab:
Holy carp, it is a drink. Also a bar and a theater troupe. And there are actual blue monkeys!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_monkey
Hey, that’s my address. I’m tellin’ yuh. Get sentenced to 2 weeks in the slammer and yer kids start gettin’ rid of all yer stuff.
Psst. What cha in for, grammy?
T’weren’t nuthin reely. I was just sellin the kids on ebay.
MandaB, you are free to go about your business, and thanks for showing the box to all the interested potential buyers.
Good Morning, Skid Row!
🙂
/wow/