free live jackets
hi i have 3 live jakets for free call xxx-xxx-xxxx great for spare or begining boatings thank you
I think they’re dead, Jim.
Thanks, Stacy!
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I come here for funny stuff and have to look at dead bodies!
Sick, sick sick!
Free live jackets.
Free live jackets.
See how they float,
See how they float,
Great for spare or begining boat,
Or scaring the fish in the castle moat,
Free live jackets.
Disclaimer: I have no vested interest in any manufacturer of Type 2 PFD’s.
Win!
Hey, let’s not get personal!
Those . . . “items” look like they have spent too much time in bilges and propping up the trailer. If they so any animation at all, it is from some form of infestation.
Said conditions not applying to anything I would describe as something suitable to depend my life, or the lives of others I’m sharing a vessel with. Further, PFD must be sized to fit–one size does not fit all (or even most).
Perhaps I’m far more picky than most, if only from it being part f my profession to have a fundamental focus on maritime safety for one and all.
There is no body of water upon which one can ply in a watercraft that cannot turn upon the puny humans with all the uncaring kharmic mass of the universe and in mere heartbeats’ span of time. This is not the time to ask “So, where did I put those freebie PFD I got offa CL?” Wearing non-floating (or noxious) PFD when in dire need is not a good thing.
But, legions of others clearly demonstrate the contrary on a regular basis. The water kami are not amused, and will reap what so many have mindlessly sown.
Given that Spark’ probably “jacked” these from some garage or boat sale only redoubles the kharmic risk.
(Yes, I ‘am” in a “weird place’ this morning, since you ask.)
Ya see, Capn, I used to boat with the ex inlaws off Hilton Head. These beauties would do just fine.
So what you’re saying is: You wouldn’t be caught dead in a life jacket like that.
Cap’n, you’re always in a weird place: Texas!
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I resemble that remark!
I think it’s cause of all that dirty talkin’ yesterday, Cap’n. You have a potty mouth hangover.
Cap’n! Get outa my head!
*looks at One with a new sense of having underestimated him* ALL of that was in your head?
It’s a vast wasteland of weirdness.
You’ll fit right in.
(Cap,n): “There is no body of water on which one can ply in a watercraft that cannot turn upon the puny humans with all the uncaring kharmic mass of the universe in mere heartbeats’ span of time.”
I hope your talking whale heartbeats rather than a hummingbird’s. I need the extra time to change from a bath to a shower.
Cuz I b’leave ya.
Is this better, Windy?
CSI: Boat Dock….
Detective Evinrude: Look, Merc, the killer not only murdered three helpless life vests, the sick bastard posed them afterwards and left them on display here at the dock.
Detective Mercury: I know, Ev. Remember last month when we found the same m.o. at the marina on Lake Winnipesaukee? I think we have a serial killer on our hands.
And so the saga of the person known as the “Dead Men Wear No Life Jackets” killer began.
Summer after summer Evinrude and Mercury combed the shorelines and marinas of area lakes in the tri-state area, always one step behind the madman who seemed to delight in taunting the detectives with his murder/display antics.
Finally, a profiler came up with a suspect. The killer, she said, would be someone who had been forced to wear one of those life vests as a child, making him (or her) the object of much ridicule by peers. Not to mention sporting very weird tan lines.
Ev and Merc concentrated their search on known suspects with faded weird tan lines, until one day completely by chance Ev stumbled upon a major break in the case.
He was at the local gift store – buying a birthday card for his best friend’s pet iguana who was turning four the next day, and dammit why did he always wait till the last minute when all the good iguana cards were picked over? – when he spotted a plain white card with a picture of a mangled life vest on the front.
Hands trembling, Ev opened the card and read the inscription:
“You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket. I’d miss you lots and think of you often.”
Snapping it shut, he noticed there were other cards with life jackets on them – some posed in eerily similar fashion to the ones they’d found at various crime scenes. Knowing the photos had not been made public, he was certain this was the break they needed.
Turning the cards over, he noted the manufacturer – “Doormark, Where Slamming is Our Business”.
Ev could hardly wait to tell Merc about his find, and when the two of them entered the headquarters of Doormark it wasn’t hard to spot their suspect.
He was a portly little man, balding and sweaty, with horn-rimmed glasses perched on his nose. His brown tweed slacks and black loafers were not only a major fashion faux pas, as the ever-dapper Merc noted, but they were also about fifty years out of style.
That wasn’t the strangest thing about the little man. Not by a long shot.
He was hunched over a notepad, a #2 Ticonderoga in one hand and a red stapler in the other. His radio was playing, at a reasonable volume, on the desk in front of him and he was muttering to himself.
“I was told I could play my radio from 9AM to 11AM at a reasonable volume, and..and…”
Still, that wasn’t what alerted the detectives that hey had at last found their man. No, it was the orange life vest strapped tightly around his bulging midsection that was the final clue to the killer’s identity. His name was Mr. Johnson.
Placing Johnson in handcuffs, Merc read the man his Miranda rights.
As they led him out the front door he was heard to mutter, “I could just burn the building down…”
Ev smirked, “Right, Johnson, you’ll be doing that from a jail cell. Riiiiiiight.”
Later that evening Ev and Merc toasted their excellent detective work at the Pisshole Pub, but the scream of the fire engines racing by outside stopped each in mid-drink.
Surely, it couldn’t be………
Yes, CJ, it was true! JOHNSON FORGOT HIS TPS REPORTS!!!
For the ocean planet Delta Lyrae XIV, the security officers in the landing party got attractive red life jackets to match their uniform shirts. Since those
security officerslife jackets weren’t expected to be used for very long, Star Fleet decided to go with a very low bidder.The ones dressed in red on the landing party are always killed off. When will they learn?
That’s why, whenever I beam anywhere, I wear plaid.
I already did beginning boating, then intermediate boating, but I don’t remember spare boating being offered at my local pirate academy.
I think spare boating is only offered to those who do well in beginning and intermediate pillaging. That’s the way it is around here, anyway. You’re only likely to get yourself a spare boat if you can capture someone else’s.
free live bait jackets
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hi i have 3 live bait jakets for free, great for spare or begining feedings, color hides the stains, thank you.
Please call Sea World Ext. 911 ask for the shark tank manager.
The little leg in the corner of the picture? Is that all that is left of the live jackets’ last meal?
They just look like puffy keyholes to me.
Either that or they’re three surviving vertebrae from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
Three free live jackets
I’m making a note here: Great for Spare
Or begining boatings thank you live jackets
Three free live jackets
We are quite boyant
because we’re light.
We keep the people afloat,
Except the ones who are dead.
Now I’m going to have GLaDOS’ voice stuck in my head all day.
Yeah, I earwormed myself with that one too.
Everybody floats down here. Would you like a baloon?
I’m pretty sure those aren’t live jackets. Don’t they only turn red after you boil them?
Dead jackets,
dead dead dead dead jackets.
Dead jackets aren’t much fun.
They don’t float anymore.
They just lay there on the floor.
Dead jackets aren’t much fun.
My jacket died near the pool.
Now I’m boating like a fool.
Dead jackets aren’t much fun.
My jacket lived a double life.
he had in VESTments and a wife.
Dead jackets aren’t much fun.
Mom says jacket’s days are done.
He’s no good to anyone.
Dead jackets aren’t much fun.
No no no.
Dead jackets, dead dead dead dead jackets.
Dead jackets aren’t much fun.
Come on everybody, sing along, okay?
Dead jackets, dead dead dead dead jackets.
Dead jackets aren’t much fun.
One more time for all the skippers!
Dead jackets, dead dead dead…
They look embarrassed….and humiliated… to me.
Now, coming to you live from their world wide beginning boating, The Jaketes with their hit, Three Live Jackets, See How They Float!
3 Live Jackets = IF’s 2 Live Crew/ Talking Heads cover band.
Hmmm, if these “jakets” are “alive” then, yes, they should probably be set free. That lest some UN Human Rights Commission round them up in camps while the Commission debates who will foot the bill for Lunch–there’s a new Spaklcranian joint open just down the street, ‘spose’ta be real ‘scriminatin’, like not lettin no diplomates in or nuttin!
i got a red live jacket for sale! take it for free!i got a red live jacket for sale! take it for free!i got a red live jacket for sale! take it for free!i got a red live jacket for sale! take it for free!i got a red live jacket for sale! take it for free!i got a red live jacket for sale! take it for free!i got a red live jacket for sale! take it for free!
Oh, it was just a matter of time….
🙂
Lola, darling, would you please wear this life jaket while we do this? Just in case, you know, there’s a flood. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mae West!