YSaC, Vol. 1237: That’s a technical.
Need Crew Editor’s and Writer’s
Hi. We are a new Network starting up in [location] new York and we are looking for the fouling. Camera Crew and writer’s Would be good if the camera crew hand there own Camera’s provable HD that Run’s with Cannon. We are looking for 2 to three Write’s we are also looking for Editor’s. There is a possible of PAY!! For more information please Contact US.
Where to start?
"Hi." – Hi! Boy, am I glad we got the awkward greeting stage out of the way.
Random capitalization and apostrophes – Of course… hell, why not combine them. Oh, good; you do that later.
"... we are looking for the fouling." – that’s an automatic 15 yard penalty for ludicrous spelling. Your team loses.
"hand there own Camera's provable HD that Run's with Cannon" – I’d have a better chance deciphering hieroglyphics than trying to understand this as part of the English language.
"2 to three" – Good change up. Keep us guessing on what’s next.
"... we are also looking for Editor's." – Really? You think that’s necessary?
"There is a possible of PAY!!" – I instantly looked past the grammar and called bullshit. You don’t have spell check and you don’t have any money. Contrary to popular opinion, editors don’t take their pay in extraneous apostrophes and exclamation marks.
"Contact US" – Ominous, yet intimidating.
Thanks, Mario!*
* Longtime readers may remember Mario as the creative genius behind one of the funniest things to ever grace these pixels — the Spambot Fail Video. If you haven’t seen it, go there now. If you have seen it, go there now anyway. It’s that good.
Good sirs, look no further than your own ad!
Good thing they mentioned needing writers and editors. Otherwise we might never have imagined it.
You don’t say… 🙂
Now I wish I lived in [location] new York instead of [area] Virginia. This has to be how all new Networks start. Even if the possible of PAY!! doesn’t work out, you’ll still be in on the ground floor of Some’thing Big.
They forgot to mention needing someone to clean up the Camera Crew and writer’s fouling. I wonder where the fouling will occur – in the office or perhaps they have a bathroom? Not likely, you say? Hm; me too.
Well, if we take our cue from the Poetry Sketch, it’s all upon the floor, just down from the Toupee Hall, to the dismay of Sir Lord Tenniscourt and HRH Vicky R . . .
The [corey] of this is the ugly reality of the limitations of voice-to-text.
And within the context of a modern under-appreciation of skill.
It takes skill to write.
It takes skill to communicate verbally.
You cannot simply rely upon a machine to ‘fix” things for you; it really does require effort. All of our electronics do not absolve us of the need to proofread, to edit, to consider (one of the great boons, way back in the dawn of electronic communications technology was to be the freedom from the tedium of creating the message, and thus to have more time to consider the content thereof.
It’s supposed to be labor-saving, not effort/bother-eliminating.
Oh, and the probability of finding a crew who just happens to own $3-4000 broadcast-quality man-portable cameras who are also willing to pro bono* toil with that gear is right up there with endless free maid service and pizza for stoners.
The complete absence of a mention of what sort of “deck” the putative network is to organize the content with/upon also suggests chemical impairment, too. (Having to sort through 8, 16, & 25mm digital tape, along with various solid-state media is why broadcast facilities still need garret-like rooms beyond the soundstage.)
Sigh.
___________________________________________
*Actually had to explain that “pro bono” does not refer to fans of the lead singer of a used-to-be Irish rock band. That a ‘dead’ language still exists for communicating ideas across cultural and linguistic divides, only to realize that the “bridge was out” across that particular divide.
[/corey]
The whole thing smacks of a couple of actors (notice what they AREN’T asking for help with) fresh out of college who are getting disappointed they can’t find work, and have decided they can make it big without the tyrrany of casting directors.
(Ext. Poolside with brewskis)
“Dude, we could totally do it if we just get on camera.”
“But apart from being that bystander in that soda commercial you haven’t got anything.”
“You know what? Let’s just do it ourselves. Amber could TOTALLY play Lady MacBeth.”
(Folding tray collapses, sending cooler and iPhone into the pool)
“Man, why’d you have to say the name?”
“It’s the Scottish play!”
“Oh, you mean Macbeth?”
“AAAARRRGGGGH!”
Cue lights…three Dudes are discovered poolside
First Dude
Like – When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Second Dude
When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.
Third Dude
That will totally be at the set of sun.
First Dude
Um – dude – Where ?
Second Dude
Up in [location] New York
Third Dude
There to meet with writer’s and crew.
First Dude
I’m there!
Second Dude
Possible of Pay!
Third Dude
Anon.
ALL
Fair is foul, and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air.
Exeunt.
ADORE!
kd: Bwahahahaha! I TOTALLY read that in Bill and Ted’s voices!
Bill, Ted, and Spicoli.
Ah, forsooth, we swoon bardic
If a day dawn-ed past
Our champion playwright’s
Anniversary.
Would that we would,
Upon the night of the vigil,
Bare our arms and shew our scars
And tel anew, with advantage
Of those famed Scribners and Scribes
We hath carried upon shoulders
Of imagination and wonder
Buoy-ed along by sounds and thunder
As told by idiots and e’en amounting
To naught,
‘Tis better naught than the
Daunting Void of vile sparkii
To Broadcast or not to Broadcast
That is not the question–
Nae, the question, as ever, remains
“Will you stoners ever clean this Kitchen!”
Out, out, you vile befoul’d Spots!
“…endless free maid service and pizza for stoners.”
Really? Awesome. Do I get to pick who I stone or is there a Lottery?
Possible of PAY if IF’s Men at Work cover band.
I wonder what they’re shooting with a Cannon camera…
Wildlife as Cannon sees it.
(smoke, feathers everywhere, the laughing dog from Duck Hunt)
Remember, kids, the Cannon sees you as a series of ones and zeros.
Why, the 1812 Overture of course.
Canon for that is either a 75mm or 105mm howitzer with Signal charges.
I figured Mythbusters. Or The Charge of the Light Brigade.
Didn’t your mom ever tell you not to run with cannons? You might put out someone’s eye.
I’m almost positive that this person writes fan fiction.
This is much more coherent than most of the fanfics we get.
Buuuuuuuurn!
Can’t be fanfic, there’s no sex.
Among the Fanfik tribe of Southern Ish I am known as Runs With Canon.
Hey everyone, it’s George Lucas!
Dear US,
I haz a fouling writer’s camera’s canon. With possible if PAY, I can haz [location] new York in no time. I am to have canon running, but no am to have scissors…except on Tuesday.
I forever am haz waiting,
Peggy
Jeeze, a totally anonymou’s Person trie’s to right an add and You jump all over hymn! Not everywon can affort The fancy spell Checker’s that all You rich people half!
P.S. I’m looking four An editor two. I cant’ pay, but Helping me will look gouda On you’re resume!
That’s so cheesy, Taco. So, when’s lunch time?
The provolone with looking gouda on mai resume is that I smell lim burgers and I’mma vaga-tarian and I parmesan know meet! *moo*
[matt] [/matt] I b’lieve you dropped these, Taco.
So…regarding that editor…did you want four or did you want two of them?
Right….er, I mean write….
‘Need Crew Editor’s drinking habits and Writer’s block‘
I believe I am overqualified for this job.
I have writer’s cramp and I know I’m overqualifed for the job.
“Hi.”
You used the wrong word. The homophone you are looking for is “High”.
Knowing your condition helps us to understand the condition of the rest of the ad.
Digitalaxis: So you think they want to produce Macbeth with cannon? I suspect foul play.
Hmmmm… Does anyone else here think that this “network” belongs to this dude: http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=8150
I’m almost sure! 🙂
Isn’t this the title of the next M. Night Shyamalan movie about a pack of werewolves who have a mad case of Montezuma’s revenge?
Close…I believe that was the working title. They finally settled on “Looking For The Fouling Signs of Lady in Water”. When they asked Doo-Dah Studios about a release date, the exec said…and I quote – “Um…how about the elebenty of Never? Does that work for you?”
Sigh…wish he’d of been in charge of every one of Shama-lama-ding-dong’s movie releases.
Investor Prospectus
new Network companies.
[location] new York
Hear at new Network, weve Got several cool new shows in the Works and we’ll beginning to shoot the pilot’s as soon as are own provable Crew has been assemblied.
Our first Show deals with a seven year old girl growing up in [location] northern South Dakota with a severe case of Writer’s block. Dealing with the possible of Pay, she continues to aggonise over how best to describe her scarf rack made from bedazzled deer hooves which she wishes to depart from via an cleverly pasted ad to the List of craig.
We have several more shows of a similar vane (weather permitting).
We are of seeking several motivator individuals to supply and Crew new Networks staff of editor’s, Write’s, foulers, and Cannon Cameras. Please supply youre own pens, paper, cameras, OBO’s and gun.
p.s We need Lights too, plenty of lightning.
pps. Oh yeah, and Actions, alot’s of Actions.
So to some up, thats lightnings, cameras, Actions. Thats about it, Thanks for youre consideration.
ppps. And we need one of those clicky thingies too.
please Contact US.
Sincerly,
Maxwellian Sparktaculum III
head of Investor Relations
We arre also loolking for stunment for a show. Must be abul to be shot witout dying.
Hammy, ghostie, dog, cat, in the box all day and no ugly fights or swear words. Congratulations! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good morning, Bollywood!