YSaC, Vol. 1238: Man over bored.

2012 April 25

free room and bored. For cleaning and cook


Need. Someone. To take care of my grandparents free room and bored. That. Means no billed no paying for food.It all free Just take care of my grandparent and thay will take care of you But you need to know how. To cook. Clean. If this is you. And someone looking for a. Low paying job pleas. Call. Me at. ### ###-####. Are. Cell ### ###-####.

This. Is really slimy. Full time. live in. Elder care is worth more. Than just room and board. Or even bored. Even if. It does seem to be for. Hemingway’s grandparents. Fortunately. I already have a. Low. Paying job.

Thanks. Erin!

54 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 April 25
    LurkyLoo permalink

    omg, my insomnia finally paid off and now I’m first! =D
    (yes I’m usually a lurker, how did you know?)

    this is super-slimy…and probably illegal, violating all kinds of min wage and employment laws…

    Adores: 0
    • 2012 April 25
      CapnMac permalink

      And also for being Shatner. Reads. Hemmingway.
      Shows. Red. Card.
      Points. To. Showers.
      Over-emotes Being. Crushed. By. Over-wrought. Prose.
      And. Abuse. Of two. Art forms. Two Art. Media. At once.

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 April 25
        CapnMac permalink

        [gack]Just had a horrible mental vision of Shatner-haiku[/gack]

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 April 25
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          Scott, tell me “I can’t!”
          One more time and I will kick
          Your fat, Highland ass.

          Or-

          Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
          aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
          aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

          Adores: 11
        • 2012 April 25
          One Moving Violation permalink

          If rhyming is out,
          I really don’t understand
          this “Haiku” at all.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 April 25

          I do like Haikus
          But I often run out of
          Hippopotamus

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 April 25
          One Moving Violation permalink

          A haiku I now can command.
          But that is not what I had planned.
          Your teaching is epic.
          So teach me to Limerick.
          Just help me so I understand.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 25
      Bridgete (is back...?) permalink

      I hope my avatar still shows up. Although I won’t mind being a little quilty for the day. I can probably only stop by on Wednesdays and maybe Thursday mornings if I don’t have a client meeting squeezed in before going to my income-generating job. Not that my law firm isn’t generating ANY income, but I did only recently start taking clients so it’s not exactly a primary income source just yet. But I digress.

      [corey] On they total illegality of this, not only is it violating all sorts of employment law, it’s pretty much one step away from slavery. Maybe two steps, I guess you could say that it’s not quite indentured servitude. [/corey]

      And who wants. To have to. Talk. Like this. At home. All the time?

      Edit: yay, Severus is still there!

      Adores: 2
  2. 2012 April 25

    Scene – single spot illuminates a bar stool onstage.

    Stage left – Shatner approaches stool. He’s dressed all in black spandex and wears a jaunty beret. Picking up the cordless mic that is sitting on the stool, he begins…

    Need. Someone.
    To take care
    of my grandparents free room and bored.
    That.
    Means no billed
    no paying for food.
    It all free
    Just take care of my grandparent
    and thay will take care
    of you
    But you need to know how.
    To cook.
    Clean.
    If this is you.
    And someone looking for
    a. Low paying
    job pleas.
    Call.
    Me

    Shatner gets up, the sweat dripping off his brow, and lays the open mic on the stool as the stunned crowd stares silently he walks off but not before muttering for all to hear…

    Fecking morons, can’t even write no good poetry no more. Holy clothespin jeebus! Last time I do a favor for that Takei.

    /and scene

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 April 25
      Dan permalink

      Yes, but you missed the all important question – who’s playing the bongos?

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 April 25

        Leonard Nimoy of course. Remember the episode where Spock got all hippie and played his funky weird electric guitar.

        Coolio, cool daddy-o.

        *finger snapping*

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 April 25
          Digitalaxis permalink

          Bilbo (Bilbo!) Bilbo Baggins, greatest little hobbit of them all…

          Adores: 4
      • 2012 April 25
        One Moving Violation permalink

        And is Tampering involved?

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 April 25
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      Erp on the all black spandex. All I can think of are the bulges.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 April 25

        Shatner wouldn’t have it any other way.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 April 25
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          Bless ‘im.

          Adores: 0
      • 2012 April 25
        One Moving Violation permalink

        If the room is dark enough, all you would see is his face and hands.

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 April 26
      Supreme Ruler permalink

      CJ, many finger snaps and puffs of my Gitanes to you.

      Adores: 0
  3. 2012 April 25
    Lola permalink

    I’m. Hearing this in. Christopher Walken’s. Voice.

    That’s. Even scarier, I think. Can you just. Imagine his. Grandparents?

    Adores: 3
  4. 2012 April 25

    You will also be given a free uniform with a red shirt. But whatever you do, don’t break the transmuter, or you’ll lose your free room and bored, and Grandma and Grandpa will revert to their original form.

    Adores: 7
  5. 2012 April 25

    Funny, I was in the bored room just now…*flush*

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 25
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      Well at least you’re making your “deposits” where you should, not like Monday’s incident on the rug. Bad puppy!

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 25
      One Moving Violation permalink

      You should take. A magazine. Or in puppy’s. Case. A newspaper.

      Adores: 0
  6. 2012 April 25

    Day 47: The. Shatner Apocalypse. Continutes to afflict. Everyone in the. City. We have a team. Of medical. Scientists. Working around the clock. To come up. With. A. Cure. So far progress. Has. Been slow due. To the difficulty they. Are having. Understanding each other. Constant full stops during. Chemical Synthesis. Has led to a. Few incidents. No. Fatalities yet.

    Day 59: The. Apocalypse. Gets. Worse. People now. Unable to. Speak. More. Than. A. Single word. Or. Two. At a. Time. Very. Annoying to. Try. To. Listen. To. News. It. Sounds like. They are. Doing. An. Overly dramatic. Death scene. All. The time.

    Day 73: there has been a breakthrough in the antiShatnerification team currently there appears to be only a few side effects such as the lack of ability to pause between thoughts when talking or writing oddly this has actually increased productivity in a number of sectors we are considering just leaving the cure as is

    Day 83: somethinghasgoneterriblywrongwiththecurenoweveryoneistalking
    fasterthancanbeeasilyunderstooditslikebeingintheroomwithagroup
    ofcaffienatedchipmunks

    Day 92: NOW EVERYONE IS SHOUTING! AT LEAST WE CAN UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! BUT, NOW THE WORLD SUPPLY OF EARPLUGS HAS BEEN EXHAUSTED! SOMEBODY HELP US!

    Day 107: Cure to. The shouting. Plague has had an. Unfortunate side effect. We’re considering just. Leaving it. Alone.

    Adores: 29
    • 2012 April 25

      ADORE!

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 April 25
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      “antiShatnerification ”

      Word of the day right there, peeps.

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 April 25
      Digitalaxis permalink

      Day Immemorable: The encrusted and enthroned visionaries of this fetid corpse of a society persist in insistent resistance to the entreaties of their very bodies seeping out like limpid prose from the pen of a distinguished and extinguished hack. Our very essence, the ichor of this ungodly creation, continues to sap away as we dream of scaling empirian heights…

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 April 25
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Reference to “The Coffin Cure”? Love it! Antibody against antibody against atibody.
      Hee hee hee.

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 April 25

        Huh, it was an unintentional reference. Honestly I started with Day 47 and didn’t really know where I was going with it until I got to the shouting bit when I was like, “Oh, full circle! Perfect!”

        Truly more than half of the posts I start don’t end up going anywhere so I just ctrl-a > delete. This is one of those rare pieces that actually managed to come to full fruition.

        But I’ve added The Coffin Cure to my reading cue so that I might come to understand the reference.

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 April 25

      Dammit, Taco, you know that won’t fit in the box!

      Adores: 1
  7. 2012 April 25

    kc, wish I could have fit your entire opus in the box but hope everyone who reads it jumps back in time one day to get the full effect of your genius and rapier-sharp wit. *gasp* Sorry, couldn’t find the little dot thingy.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 April 25

      Thanks Windy.

      I shall enjoy my time in the box. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 April 25

        *Goes to the corner*

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 April 25
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          Ouch! Look where you’re going there, buddy! Damn, are you wearing stilettos?

          Adores: 0
  8. 2012 April 25
    Digitalaxis permalink

    Can’t be bothered to care for his grandparents.
    Can’t be bothered to find qualified care for them.
    Can’t be bothered to ask for credentials.
    Can’t be bothered with spelling.

    Truly, this is. a man to do. business? with.

    Adores: 2
  9. 2012 April 25
    Digitalaxis permalink

    I have low paying job pleas all the time. Mostly “Get me out of this low paying job!”, though.

    Adores: 4
  10. 2012 April 25

    free room and bored. For cleaning and cook

    Oh too bad, I am just a made.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 April 25
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      Really! I would have thought a buttler.

      PS: Um, I say that with love. And I will now add a smile. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 April 25

        You know what they say about doin’ it with the butler…or something like that.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 April 25
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          Yes: “Always wear an apron”.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 April 25
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Don’t get the Jeeves scared out of you?

          Adores: 2
  11. 2012 April 25
    Ralph permalink

    Vaguely related.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 April 27
      Aaron permalink

      Hehehe… ๐Ÿ™‚

      Sounds like a great idea, actually.

      Adores: 0
  12. 2012 April 25
    mud "" slicker permalink

    And here. I. was thinking. it. was for. Shatner’s parents.

    (I really need to read the thread before I post. *sigh*)

    Adores: 1
  13. 2012 April 26

    kc, you have once more elevated the humor here a couple notches. Don’t let it happen again. Punchity Punch Punch.

    Good Morning, Phoebe Figalilly!

    Adores: 0

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