YSaC, Vol. 1238: Man over bored.
2012 April 25
free room and bored. For cleaning and cook
Need. Someone. To take care of my grandparents free room and bored. That. Means no billed no paying for food.It all free Just take care of my grandparent and thay will take care of you But you need to know how. To cook. Clean. If this is you. And someone looking for a. Low paying job pleas. Call. Me at. ### ###-####. Are. Cell ### ###-####.
This. Is really slimy. Full time. live in. Elder care is worth more. Than just room and board. Or even bored. Even if. It does seem to be for. Hemingway’s grandparents. Fortunately. I already have a. Low. Paying job.
Thanks. Erin!
omg, my insomnia finally paid off and now I’m first! =D
(yes I’m usually a lurker, how did you know?)
this is super-slimy…and probably illegal, violating all kinds of min wage and employment laws…
And also for being Shatner. Reads. Hemmingway.
Shows. Red. Card.
Points. To. Showers.
Over-emotes Being. Crushed. By. Over-wrought. Prose.
And. Abuse. Of two. Art forms. Two Art. Media. At once.
[gack]Just had a horrible mental vision of Shatner-haiku[/gack]
Scott, tell me “I can’t!”
One more time and I will kick
Your fat, Highland ass.
Or-
Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
If rhyming is out,
I really don’t understand
this “Haiku” at all.
I do like Haikus
But I often run out of
Hippopotamus
A haiku I now can command.
But that is not what I had planned.
Your teaching is epic.
So teach me to Limerick.
Just help me so I understand.
I hope my avatar still shows up. Although I won’t mind being a little quilty for the day. I can probably only stop by on Wednesdays and maybe Thursday mornings if I don’t have a client meeting squeezed in before going to my income-generating job. Not that my law firm isn’t generating ANY income, but I did only recently start taking clients so it’s not exactly a primary income source just yet. But I digress.
[corey] On they total illegality of this, not only is it violating all sorts of employment law, it’s pretty much one step away from slavery. Maybe two steps, I guess you could say that it’s not quite indentured servitude. [/corey]
And who wants. To have to. Talk. Like this. At home. All the time?
Edit: yay, Severus is still there!
Scene – single spot illuminates a bar stool onstage.
Stage left – Shatner approaches stool. He’s dressed all in black spandex and wears a jaunty beret. Picking up the cordless mic that is sitting on the stool, he begins…
Need. Someone.
To take care
of my grandparents free room and bored.
That.
Means no billed
no paying for food.
It all free
Just take care of my grandparent
and thay will take care
of you
But you need to know how.
To cook.
Clean.
If this is you.
And someone looking for
a. Low paying
job pleas.
Call.
Me
Shatner gets up, the sweat dripping off his brow, and lays the open mic on the stool as the stunned crowd stares silently he walks off but not before muttering for all to hear…
“Fecking morons, can’t even write no good poetry no more. Holy clothespin jeebus! Last time I do a favor for that Takei.”
/and scene
Yes, but you missed the all important question – who’s playing the bongos?
Leonard Nimoy of course. Remember the episode where Spock got all hippie and played his funky weird electric guitar.
Coolio, cool daddy-o.
*finger snapping*
Bilbo (Bilbo!) Bilbo Baggins, greatest little hobbit of them all…
And is Tampering involved?
Erp on the all black spandex. All I can think of are the bulges.
Shatner wouldn’t have it any other way.
Bless ‘im.
If the room is dark enough, all you would see is his face and hands.
CJ, many finger snaps and puffs of my Gitanes to you.
I’m. Hearing this in. Christopher Walken’s. Voice.
That’s. Even scarier, I think. Can you just. Imagine his. Grandparents?
But it changed from the plural to the singular mid-list. Does that mean elder care for the grandparents did not get hired soon enough?
I’d hate to see Mr. Walken angry.
I was also wondering what happened to the other grandparent…
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1779511147729523919
Don’t be afraid. Click it. You know you want to.
Thank you, Windy!! That was priceless.
No, no I can’t..not without major psychological trauma.
You will also be given a free uniform with a red shirt. But whatever you do, don’t break the transmuter, or you’ll lose your free room and bored, and Grandma and Grandpa will revert to their original form.
Don’t feed them after midnight, either.
Was that the most important rule? Or was it not to get them wet? Senior Mogwai care is so complicated.
And that is one mean pussy if you touch her transmuter.
Oh hai corner!
Oh, wow! Even the monkey is impressed by that one, CJ.
Heh heh. “Monk-”
*zing! to the corner!*
Funny, I was in the bored room just now…*flush*
Well at least you’re making your “deposits” where you should, not like Monday’s incident on the rug. Bad puppy!
You should take. A magazine. Or in puppy’s. Case. A newspaper.
Day 47: The. Shatner Apocalypse. Continutes to afflict. Everyone in the. City. We have a team. Of medical. Scientists. Working around the clock. To come up. With. A. Cure. So far progress. Has. Been slow due. To the difficulty they. Are having. Understanding each other. Constant full stops during. Chemical Synthesis. Has led to a. Few incidents. No. Fatalities yet.
Day 59: The. Apocalypse. Gets. Worse. People now. Unable to. Speak. More. Than. A. Single word. Or. Two. At a. Time. Very. Annoying to. Try. To. Listen. To. News. It. Sounds like. They are. Doing. An. Overly dramatic. Death scene. All. The time.
Day 73: there has been a breakthrough in the antiShatnerification team currently there appears to be only a few side effects such as the lack of ability to pause between thoughts when talking or writing oddly this has actually increased productivity in a number of sectors we are considering just leaving the cure as is
Day 83: somethinghasgoneterriblywrongwiththecurenoweveryoneistalking
fasterthancanbeeasilyunderstooditslikebeingintheroomwithagroup
ofcaffienatedchipmunks
Day 92: NOW EVERYONE IS SHOUTING! AT LEAST WE CAN UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! BUT, NOW THE WORLD SUPPLY OF EARPLUGS HAS BEEN EXHAUSTED! SOMEBODY HELP US!
Day 107: Cure to. The shouting. Plague has had an. Unfortunate side effect. We’re considering just. Leaving it. Alone.
ADORE!
“antiShatnerification ”
Word of the day right there, peeps.
Day Immemorable: The encrusted and enthroned visionaries of this fetid corpse of a society persist in insistent resistance to the entreaties of their very bodies seeping out like limpid prose from the pen of a distinguished and extinguished hack. Our very essence, the ichor of this ungodly creation, continues to sap away as we dream of scaling empirian heights…
Reference to “The Coffin Cure”? Love it! Antibody against antibody against atibody.
Hee hee hee.
Huh, it was an unintentional reference. Honestly I started with Day 47 and didn’t really know where I was going with it until I got to the shouting bit when I was like, “Oh, full circle! Perfect!”
Truly more than half of the posts I start don’t end up going anywhere so I just ctrl-a > delete. This is one of those rare pieces that actually managed to come to full fruition.
But I’ve added The Coffin Cure to my reading cue so that I might come to understand the reference.
Dammit, Taco, you know that won’t fit in the box!
kc, wish I could have fit your entire opus in the box but hope everyone who reads it jumps back in time one day to get the full effect of your genius and rapier-sharp wit. *gasp* Sorry, couldn’t find the little dot thingy.
Thanks Windy.
I shall enjoy my time in the box. 🙂
*Goes to the corner*
Ouch! Look where you’re going there, buddy! Damn, are you wearing stilettos?
Can’t be bothered to care for his grandparents.
Can’t be bothered to find qualified care for them.
Can’t be bothered to ask for credentials.
Can’t be bothered with spelling.
Truly, this is. a man to do. business? with.
I have low paying job pleas all the time. Mostly “Get me out of this low paying job!”, though.
Oh too bad, I am just a made.
Really! I would have thought a buttler.
PS: Um, I say that with love. And I will now add a smile. 🙂
You know what they say about doin’ it with the butler…or something like that.
Yes: “Always wear an apron”.
Don’t get the Jeeves scared out of you?
Vaguely related.
Hehehe… 🙂
Sounds like a great idea, actually.
And here. I. was thinking. it. was for. Shatner’s parents.
(I really need to read the thread before I post. *sigh*)
kc, you have once more elevated the humor here a couple notches. Don’t let it happen again. Punchity Punch Punch.
Good Morning, Phoebe Figalilly!