YSaC, Vol. 1247: Now what should I do with this bathwater?

2012 May 8

If your just going to leave your baby somewhere.


If your someone who is reading this, then you are possibly one of the thousands that leave your baby at a hospital or a dumpster. For those of you who leave your children is dirty places like dumpsters, this is for you. If you don’t want your kid and are just going to leave them in a dumpster or some other dirty place or try to kill it because you don’t want it, e-mail me and i’ll tell you where to leave it, so questions asked. It’s alot better than if you left your baby is a dumpster filled with rats and garbage, they deserve better.

Please use your brain.

If someone is on Craigslist, it’s obvious where they’re going to leave their baby …

CURB ALERT- Baby, Etc


[address]

All previously listed items have been taken !!!
Still left : Graco car seat base, wooden picture frames, medium flower pot

Oh, man. Someone already took the baby. I never make it to these curb alerts in time to get the good stuff.

Free!!!


Mixture of nb to 24 months of girl clothing. Toddler carseat for about a 2 yr old. Boy of 6 to 12 months. Some are stained all are washed. As i got these from other people on craigslist for free and now im going through them so im still adding. Not in rush but need gone asap. Email if interested.

It’s like a Craigslist hand-me-down merry-go-round. At least they washed the 6-to-12-month-old boy before giving him away.

Thanks, thechileanblob, Peter, and Kathryn!

57 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 May 8

    I’ve got news for ya, all 6-12 mo. old baby boys are stained.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 May 8
      wanda permalink

      The stains only get worse as they get older. Trust me.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 May 8
        One Moving Violation permalink

        My mother told me that was a birthmark.

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 May 8
          Brer Fox permalink

          On a side note, my nephew, Brer Bear has a birthmark on his back shaped like an iron.
          It looks like someone tried to iron his shirt while he was wearing it.

          Adores: 1
  2. 2012 May 8
    Ralph permalink

    Sparky #1 says: “…i’ll tell you where to leave it, so questions asked.” Probably eBay; they list questions, unlike craigslist.

    I suspect Sparky #2’s baby was not taken; it escaped. Putting a baby in a medium flower pot on a Graco car seat base surrounded by wooden picture frames is not very secure; you have to use barbed wire, preferably with a mine field.

    Beware of the boy of 6 to 12 months. Sparky #3 obviously doesn’t know much about him. He’s probably not housebroken and needs shots and deworming.

    Adores: 6
  3. 2012 May 8

    Boy of 6 to 12 months. Some are stained all are washed. As i got these from other people on craigslist for free and now im going through them so im still adding.

    I’ll just be able to re-post them on Craigslist, won’t I, sweetie? Hmm?

    Sell ’em on. Mark ’em up, sell ’em on!

    Adores: 2
  4. 2012 May 8
    funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

    “your baby is a dumpster”

    Your MAMA is dumpster!

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 May 8

      YOUR mama is a dumpster filled with rats and garbage!

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 May 8

        In Soviet Russia, baby drops YOU into dumpster!

        Adores: 5
      • 2012 May 8
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Funky! TC! Stop that this instant or so help me, I’ll turn this sanitation truck around right here!

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 May 8
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          We NEVER get to have any fun! I wish you weren’t my sanitation truck driver!

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 May 8

          Oh yeah? Well YOUR mama is a dirty place where people leave their kid or try to kill it because they don’t want it!

          (Since we’ve pretty much driven this into the ground, yes, I shall stop.)

          Adores: 0
  5. 2012 May 8
    kelli permalink

    When did a hospital become some other dirty place?

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 May 8

      With all those sick people all over the place? Ewww.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 May 8
        SilvaNoir permalink

        Yeah, don’t just leave your baby at a hospital, give it to a stranger on Craigslist, much safer!

        Adores: 4
      • 2012 May 8
        One Moving Violation permalink

        “With all those sick people all over the place? Ewww.”

        Are you talking about patients or doctors and nurses?
        (I’ve seen some of those shows.)

        Adores: 2
  6. 2012 May 8

    Instead of making a heartfelt yet poorly written plea on CraigsList, wouldn’t it make more sense for Sparky #1 to, I don’t know, put signs on dumpsters telling people not to dump babies in them?

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 May 8

      Or better yet, simply stake out a different dumpster every night.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 May 8
        wanda permalink

        Except that crying from the dumpster in just sometimes a rabid raccoon. So I guess it’s safer to post a cockamamie CL ad.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 May 8
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Yaarrrrgh! You hust made me picture me maimed…. umm, rooster, yeah, me rooster.

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 May 8
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      Ghostie, that’s exactly the pic your comment brought to mind. Cept in my head there was still an umbilical cord strung from baby’s navel to mama’s lady garden.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 May 8

        That’s nothing a Sharpie can’t fix.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 8

          Word of warning: Drawing little mustaches on all the babies at the hospital is a good way to get kicked out, no matter how funny it is.

          Adores: 10
      • 2012 May 8
        wanda permalink

        mama’s lady garden

        Ah, now I know what the medium flower pot is for!

        Adores: 4
  7. 2012 May 8

    Dear citizens of the world, I know you’re all reading this so I’m going to make myself clear and concise:

    FREE ALL BREASTS!

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 May 8
      wanda permalink

      Does that include Newt Gingrich’s?

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 May 8

        And chickens?

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 May 8

          Yes and yes.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 May 8
          wanda permalink

          Taco, I’m going to run a nice cold shower in the corner for you. You’ll be stain free and right as rain in no time.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 May 8

          Hey, it’s your fault for getting me all hot and bothered talking about Newt’s glorious jugs.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 May 8
          Brer Fox permalink

          MMmmmmm! Chicken! Tastes like Mongolian Road Lizard!

          Adores: 0
      • 2012 May 8
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Those aren’t breasts in Newt’s case. Those are totally moobs.

        Don’t confuse those. I’ll still never live down that night at The Devil’s Taint back in ’92.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 May 8

          Sorry, guys, tranny day was yesterday,

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 May 8
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          I’m always a day late and a dollar short.

          (Coincidentally, this led to the problem at The Devil’s Taint in ’92 as well.)

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 8
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          Great. Thanks for the earworm.

          *walks away singing “Moob Looks like a Lady”*

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 8
          wanda permalink

          I refrained from asking all day like a good little purple fish, but someday I must hear of said night at said establishment.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 May 8
      LimeLolly permalink

      I’m sorry, but some breasts just need visible means of support. In other words… a job!

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 May 8
        wanda permalink

        I hear he’ll give lapdances for a nice donation.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 May 8

          Pole Dancing Newts is IF’s The Polecats cover band.

          Adores: 4
  8. 2012 May 8
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Step 1: Collect babies.
    Step 2: Wash stained babies.
    Step 3: Give away babies.
    Step 4: Profit?

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 May 8
      wanda permalink

      Yes! We can call them Upcycled Babies.

      Adores: 4
  9. 2012 May 8
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    “baby is a dumpster”

    poster is a dumbster.

    Adores: 2
  10. 2012 May 8
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    “If your someone who is reading this, then you are possibly one of the thousands that leave your baby at a hospital or a dumpster.”

    If my someone were to read this, she is not possibly one of the thousands that leave her baby at a hospital or a dumpster. Never at a dumpster, at a hospital, she would stay with her baby.
    She is however, possibly one of millions that know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.

    Please use your brain.

    Adores: 2
  11. 2012 May 8
    LimeLolly permalink

    I blame Queen Bavmorda.

    It’s just not safe to leave your baby unattended without a dwarf and some brownies to babysit for you.

    Adores: 6
  12. 2012 May 8
    Brer Fox permalink

    “now im going through them so im still adding.’

    People can be divided into two groups, those who keep adding, and those who keep subtracting.
    Incidentally, those two groups wouldn’t be necessary if it weren’t for a third group. The group that multiplies.

    Adores: 5
  13. 2012 May 8

    Relevant.

    And that’s my snarky contribution for today before I go off to nervously bite my fingernails and wait to see if North Carolina voters have killed my faith in humanity permanently.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 May 8

      Here lies Astro’s Faith…

      It was a young Faith, a good Faith, full of…well, faith.

      It was cut down in its prime by Reality, that stealer of Faith, Hope, and pursuer of Humanity.

      We shall miss Astro’s Faith, but look forward to Astro’s Cynicism with great anticipation.

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 May 8

      …none of the smugglers have been arrested in the various confiscations because the South Korean customs officials said the amounts of human flesh contained in the capsules were too small…

      There’s an acceptable amount of human flesh allowed in capsules?!? Who set their standards, Alfred Packer?

      I think I’m gonna go throw out all my vitamins for no particular reason.

      Adores: 3
  14. 2012 May 8
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    How did the dingo learn to use craigslist?

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 May 8
      Brer Fox permalink

      He looked it up on dogpile.com?

      Adores: 2
  15. 2012 May 9

    kelli, here’s another Punchity Punch Punch to put on your mantle!

    Good Morning, Foundlings ‘R’ Us!

    Adores: 0

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