YSaC, Vol. 1248: The size of a cow
2012 May 9
Sometimes I feel the urge to reiterate that we do NOT make up the ads on this site. They are all real ads posted on the actual list of Craig. This is one of those times.
looking to do some mechanic work for a cow
Looking to do some mechanic work for a cow or any other kind of work for a cow I will do a good job
Why would anyone want to work for a cow? Everyone knows cows make terrible bosses. They won’t let you take days off, they can’t run a decent meeting to save their life, and they’re always harassing you about TPS reports. Which they then eat.
Thanks for the link, William!
Sparky wants to do mechanical work for a cow. There are mechanical bulls. Sparky wants to artificially inseminate cows.
Yes, that was my train of thought this morning.
Mechanical bulls can’t inseminate real cows.
…
Or can they?
…
Heaven help us… when they figure out they can make cyborg cows themselves, we’re all doomed.
That sounds like a plot twist in a Stanisław Lem novel.
There just isn’t much market for replacing the belts on a ’06 Dutch Belted any more.
Once again, the sparkii are thwarted by CL not having a “m4?” listing category . . .
“for a cow I will do a good job”
So, if the ungulate were a gelded Wildebeest, are we to expect only average work?
Oh, and “cow” of what?
Spark’ will have to do a very good job if it’s for a female Balaena mysticetus; distaff Wapati could be an issue in the Autumn, too.
Sigh, another time when Bart Simpson has already made immortal the apropos quip: Don’t have a cow, man.
No, wildebeest are only in exchange for an equal quantity of home-brew. This cow could be paid for by something as simple as replacing the shingles on the roof.
Cows don’t read Craigslist. He should have posted this on Bessyslist.
I have EIGHT bosses, Bob, EIGHT…but a cow ain’t one of them.
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays. On a Wednesday.
If you havin’ boss problems I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems but a cow ain’t one.
This calls for a song! I think “Land of a Thousand Critters” would be appropriate… *clears throat and grabs a trumpet*
Gotta tune up the pony,
That ain’t no bologna!
Give a mashed potato…
To the alligator!
Realign that ham’s hip
’cause his backbone slipped.
Work on Watusi!
I call her “Big Lucy.”
Hey! Uh!
Baaaaa ba ba ba baaa, ba ba ba baaaa ba ba baaa ba ba baaa… ba ba ba baaaa!
Help me bleat it now!
Baaaaa ba ba ba baaa, ba ba ba baaaa ba ba baaa ba ba baaa… ba ba ba baaaa!
Moo.
Udderly charming, Taco.
What a bunch of bull.
We are milking the cow jokes really hard today.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to steer everyone wrong.
That was cheesy.
I herd that.
Guys, quit fooling around. Sparky needs a job. There’s a lot at steak here.
But does he really think he’ll be able to meat someone on CraigsList who will hire him?
Ghostie, if you’re not going to pun with us, then burger off.
Edit: Whoops. I guess I put my hoof in my mouth there. I’ll go hide now.
Somebody’s eating humble cow-pie.
What does humble cow taste like?
Yes. My opinion has been suede.
DM! Stop picking on Ghostie! Don’t be a jerky!
Dear Dairy, I herd a lot of really bad cow puns today.
Sounds like camille may have a beef with our punning.
Kinda like Angus, only more low key.
A whole lot better than humble cow-pie….
Now I’m thinking of key lime cow pie.
Camille, We’re just enjoying the Dairy Air today. 8)
Y’all and your quips . . .
The building my office is within stands in the middle of a working cattle operation.
Been a cow outside lowing all day. Do not know why. Was loud enough to interrupt a phone call earlier. No missing stock, either (had one jump the fence the other day–wanted the green grass by the porch).
Mysterious are the ways of the bovine brain.
I can’t tell you how much I love this barter system craze. I will do good work for a cow, mediocre work if you only have a chicken. But, oh mama, if you have a llama, I will do premium work.
I will gladly fix your tranny on Tuesday for a Llama today.
I’ve heard that tranny’s have body-type issues.
Just slap some Bondo and duck tape on it.
If chickens are acceptable forms of payment, can eggs be given for change?
😀
Sounds pretty cheep to me.
Relax, Ghostie, dang. Didn’t mean to ruffle your feathers.
Do cows need much mechanical work done? Oh my heifer was running just great the other day, but now I think something’s wrong with her engine.
Sounds like you may have a zebu on your hands there, Silva. They burn oil much faster than the standard taurine cattle but their mileage is way better.
I find that if you clean out her air filter, flush the system, and then top off her tank with premium hay, she’ll probably run fine again.
[aside]
It’s hay-cutting time around here, with folk cussing rain (or humidity) and frantically repairing cutters and balers.
It means the air is just laden with hay pollens, cut fibers, all the rest of it.
It’s a peach.
[/aside]
Just hit the horn a few times. Oh, wait…that’s bull.
Yes. You have to rotate their stomachs on a regular basis. And pigs constantly need to have their chassis lubed. Ever eaten a dry pork chop? Well, that pig wasn’t lubed properly.
I grew up on a farm. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. And good livestock mechanics are hard to come by. Why, I couldn’t tell you how many times we were stuck on the side of the road, replacing a blown shoe on a horse. Was a sad sight. The horse, on it’s side, this disgusted look on it’s face. Pa Monkey cursing and slamming the shoe with the crowbar. Yup, farm life shore was hard. And you better not neglect to tighten up the valves on the geese. That’s exactly how Grannie Monkey lost her thumb back in ’85.
*moseys off, mumbling about the olden days*
Someone put this guy in touch with Gary Larson.
Dear Sparky,
Holy cow! I was udderly thrilled and even, dare I say, mooved by your ad. It’s not every day that those of us of the bovine persuasion meet a qualified mechanic who wishes to work for us. You wouldn’t believe the kind of boeufophobia we encounter at the typical auto repair emporium. Your attitude and work ethic, however, appear to be a cud above average.
Anyway, I was hoping you could do some work on my 1967 El Cowmino. I’ve been giving it only the highest quality grass and hay, but I think maybe there’s something wrong with one of its four stomachs. Also, I’m having trouble with the steering. Ruminate on my letter for a while and get back to me.
Yours,
Buttercup
Snort. “El Cowmino”. Love it. And the “Yours, Buttercup” makes it so classy!
Story time! My mother had a cow growing up that they named Dairy Queen. They kept her (the cow, not Mom)in the back yard/pasture for about a year, but when she (also the cow and not Mom) went dry they ended up selling her because no one wanted to eat Dairy Queen.
The moral of the story – don’t name your food.
[corey] I hope Sparky has better luck working for a cow than I did. Maybe the difference is that he is offering mechanical work, whereas I did all of mine by hand (wait, that doesn’t sound right). Anyway, I’ve had office jobs working for both cows and pigs, and don’t want to sound speciesist, but prefer working for the actual person I have now. [/corey]
Donkeys make the worst bosses. Always gotta be an ass about something…
And their annoying laughter! that loud braying heehaw heehaww…
And you definitely don’t want to work for a goose. All that honking in the office is incredibly annoying.
My former boss used to really get my goat.
I’m with you, Lola. I left my last job because my boss was always crying over spilt milk and I got sick of his bullshit.
Surprisingly, being a cow mechanic comes from an honored ancient tradition that started around 1200 b.c. in Greece when they were tinkering around with horses during some “retreat” they were having over in Troy.
“Achilles, I TOLD you we should have asked the Horse Mechanic of Mycenae along for the ride! But noooooo, you had to go all Zeus on us and decide we could handle these bolts and doors all by ourselves.”
And ever since, both Horse and Cow/Bull mechanics were always asked along on Greek retreats and thrived to be a respected profession.
Eat that, Agamemnon!
The comments can only be as good as the ad and this stuff writes itself. On a more serious note, this individual shouldn’t be trusted with either cars or livestock.
I work in a dairy… you’d think I’d be able to come up with a good cow and/or milk related joke? But can I? Noooo, of course not. So I’m just going to go sit over here in the lounge and pout. I’ve been gone for far too long. I’ve gotten rusty!
Sounds like you’re soured on this whole experience.
She is kind of stewing about it, ain’t she?
But you… the song up there… I…
More coffee.
Oh, song parodies and dairy puns are two different things 🙂
Spark’ is headed for disappointment if the intention is to get either “free” milk or meat on the hoof in barter.
Dairy cows need, ahem, “stimulus” to make milk. They also need grazing–about 1.2 acres each; or the equivalent in feed (and a production milker needs a lot of feed). They also need rather large quantites of water to drink as well.
If meat production is meant, that’s even more complicated–there are very good reasons packing-houses are the dimensions they are.
Which is why, in the non-sparkii world, people either go to stores for their dairy. Or, they raise sheep or goats for milk. (Read that some astounding number, like 2/3, of the planet gets their milk from sheep/goats.)
Sigh.
If I had enough room, I’d totally raise goats for milk.
Mostly because I hate mowing the lawn.
My father-in-law raises goats, officially, to sell. But then he falls in love with them and can’t get rid of them. They become pets. He right now has seven goats on his farm. They follow him around like puppies. Lordy.
Holy cow-pies, people! I am laughing so hard that I’m having trouble breathing!
You peeps are priceless…
Act NOW, and you can get the ENTIRE YSaC Commentariat on a Plate! Not One! Not Three! But all elebenty entertaining peeps on High Quality Paper Plates!
I’m still trying to figure out what the hell Sparky actually is a mechanic for. I’d say VW – if the O wasn’t there..but what…I mean…
Brain working too hard…must stop thinking…
Perhaps he means “car” but has been raised by people with a speech impediment.
I honestly think Sparky WANTS a cow and will do some mechanic work for one in trade.
*don’t over think the YSaC logical
I wouldn’t want to work for a cow, cows are Bossy. Of course some are Bessy and some are Elsie too.
My neighbor’s car broke down today. Man, he was so upset; he had a big cow right out there in the driveway where all the neighbors could see.
So I walked over there, fixed his car, and took the cow in trade.
It was a good day.
[corey]kc: I suspect Sparky wants to work on Kawasaki bikes, sometimes called Kawis. [/corey]
Who would hire a mechanic who can’t spell the name of a vehicle, unless it’s a Lamborghini Gallardo LP570-4 Super Trofeo Stradale? I doubt Lambo mechanics have to advertise on craigslist anyway.
Don’t have a cow, man. Get a lamb.
Did you say, “Lemontini and Giraldo Super-Tofu Salad?” That sounds delicious!
Thank y’all for the chuckles today. My life would be dull without ya. You’ve helped my giggle deficiency syndrome so much. 🙂
Chuckles, Mike’n Ikes, and Charleston Chews. Just for you. Just lay off the Swedish fish.
Mudsy…
Worst. Joke. Ever.
I am not a joke Mister nor have I never have been one!
8)
I’m thinking that this might be more along the lines of what Sparky is looking for?
Sis, I love that web comic! Had to stop reading it when I realized my life was just sitting at the computer reading comics. Now I sit at the computer and snark on YSaC and then go on Facebook and post really funny things. A huge improvement. 8)
Maybe he could do some work on my moo-ped. *rimshot*
Also trying to think up jokes involving steampunk cows or alien abductions but I am too tired to think up any more bad puns tonight. Someone else try it.
Too late, too late.
ghostie and Taco. Taco and ghostie. Get out of that box! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Farmer Brown!