YSaC, Vol. 1249: It’s poultry in motion.

2012 May 10

Chicken Eating Eggs – $2


I have a ton of chicken eating eggs right now! Mostly brown eggs. Only $2 a dozen. I have 16 dozen eggs available.

xxx xxx-xxxx
Call or text

 

Wow. I never realized that chickens had it so rough. I mean, in addition to having to worry about snakes, raccoons, coyotes, and Henery Hawk, now they have to worry about their own eggs rising up and eating them?

And does this help with the “which came first” question? This is all very Clytemnestra-esque … from an egg the chicken came, and from an egg the chicken shall go.

Are chickens even capable of comprehending matricide?

Thanks, William!

68 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 May 10

    And at 6:35 a.m. (my time) I am confronted by chicken cannibalism.

    I shall never sleep again.

    Thankyouverymuch.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 May 10
      wanda permalink

      Is it wrong I am visualizing two eggs breaking a wishbone gleefully, making their little egg wishes? Yes, I guess that is a high level of wrong.

      Warm milk will help you sleep.

      Adores: 5
  2. 2012 May 10
    Ralph permalink

    Pullet surprise.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 May 10
      wanda permalink

      Eggs-actly. (Wait, are we doing puns again?)

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 May 10
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        What the cluck?! This makes me madder than a wet hen!

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 10

          This is what comes of being couped up all the time.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 May 10
          camille permalink

          Well, just because we punned all day yesterday doesn’t mean we should chicken out now.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 May 10

          I think our puns may have come home to roost for a while.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 10

          What if we are out of ideas? We won’t have a feather to fly with!

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 May 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          I’ve got nothing here. I won’t bore you with my poultry attempt at humor.

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 May 10
        wanda permalink

        What the shell was that, OMV?

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Scrambled, my mind has been as of late a bit scrambled, yeah.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 May 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Scrambled is my mind
          fried into an omelet
          and way to cheesy.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Wanda, don’t get your banties in a twist. Incubate on that for awhile before you call fowl on me.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 May 10
          Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

          How does a c*** make his intentions known
          to all of the hens in the coup?
          How do they hear him when the breeze is a blowin”
          when he’s strutting outside of the group?
          The answer my friend, is crowing in the wind.
          The answer is crowing in the wind.

          Adores: 2
  3. 2012 May 10
    LimeLolly permalink

    That’s a pretty cheap price to ensure that your yard is not overrun by chickens. Shoot, the dog and cat are pretty much dead weight, now. Can you train the eggs to chase other varmints?

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 May 10
      Lola permalink

      What happens when the eggs run out of … prey? Do they start turning on each other? 🙁

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 May 10
        mud "" slicker permalink

        I’m reading that book! Eat Love Prey

        Adores: 8
    • 2012 May 10
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Did you really name your dog Shoot?

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 May 10
        LimeLolly permalink

        And the cat is named, “Don’t”.

        Adores: 1
    • 2012 May 10
      SpaceBug permalink

      Smithers: Not only do they eat chickens and other varmits, they think employees are varmits too.

      M. Burns: Eggggscellent

      Adores: 4
  4. 2012 May 10
    CapnMac permalink

    The [corey] of this is that chicken eggs are of two types; unfertilized and fertilized. Generally, the former are offered for sale and the latter reserved for replacing the stock of “layers.” For those working the coops, that’s “eatin’ ” and “brooding” eggs.

    For those in the business of eggs for profit, fertilized eggs are sold to become chicks.

    There is a process, “candling,” where the eggs are held up to a point of illumination, and the difference in the eggs can be seen, and sorted.

    My workplace is in the middle of a working farm, they often have an excess of eggs. This can spoil a person, having to take home a half-dozen or dozen eggs about 7-10 days’ fresher than the freshest eggs in the store.
    [/corey]

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 May 10

      If you want the freshest eggs, just put your mouth under a chicken.*

      *May not actually be a good idea.**

      *It’s not.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 May 10
        Mike permalink

        As someone else on a forum said it once:
        “cloaca the best of two worlds”

        Adores: 1
  5. 2012 May 10
    Mike permalink

    I’m pretty bad with us units but…
    So 192 eggs at 1 ton/ 2000 lbs
    That’s 10.42 lbs per egg, I’m not surprised that they are able to eat a chicken.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 May 10
      CapnMac permalink

      If they mean the unit of volume, “tunne” of 100 cubic feet, that’s 100 / (16*12) is 0.52 cubic feet; or 900 cubic inches per each. Which is 14.74 litres for you SI users.
      That’s about ten times the size of an ostrich egg is what Unc’ Goggle tells me.

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 May 10
        mud "" slicker permalink

        [corey] [/corey]!!!

        Adores: 1
    • 2012 May 10

      Brown things that come out the backside of a chicken, and he has over 144 of them. That’s just beyond gross.

      Adores: 7
  6. 2012 May 10
    CapnMac permalink

    Wait, sixteen dozen? How many laying hens does Spark’ have?
    If it’s a “backyard” hutch with 6-10 birds that’s a couple weeks’ worth.

    Also, chicken egg shell color is the result of the feed. Most chicken eggs are naturally brown. What have the other chickens been into?

    I’m getting a disturbing vibe that this ought to be “narc-ed” to the locals, this sounds like some goober who is actually raising roosters, not chickens. (One side effect of raising gallo de guerro is that there is a lot of egg production.)

    < wanders off pondering if CL ads might be a good enforcement tool for finding the coq d’ guerre breeders…>

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 May 10

      I thought the egg color was primarily determined by the breed of chicken laying it? Araucanas and Ameraucanas can lay eggs that are odd colors like green and blue without any special feed.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 May 10

        Blue? Okay, that violates my one inviolate food rule.

        NEVER eat blue food.

        Especially if it’s kinda fuzzy.

        Adores: 5
      • 2012 May 10
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        I know that the colors of the “eggs” I lay are determined by what I eat. If you know what I mean *wink*.

        Um, is that TMI before noon?

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 May 10
          wanda permalink

          It is kind of yolky.

          *damn, I’ve become a punny old aunt type

          Adores: 2
      • 2012 May 10

        We raised chickens for awhile and yes, some breeds lay different colored eggs. We had some that laid the blue and green and also the Rhode Island Reds which laid brown eggs. Figure that one out.

        Adores: 2
  7. 2012 May 10
    wanda permalink

    “Honey, where is that Purdue oven-stuffer roaster I had in the fridge for Thursday’s dinner? You didn’t put it next to the brown eggs, did you?”

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 May 10

      *from inside the egg carton, comes a small – but menacing – voice*

      “Well, it would have been much better with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 May 10
        wanda permalink

        Precious!

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 10
          Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

          What does it have on its tailfinses? My precious! Its is trying to steal my preciouses! Give its back! My precious.

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 May 10
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        This is why you never order the omelet at Hannibal’s Place.

        Adores: 2
  8. 2012 May 10

    Look, Babs. So many little eggies, and I’m still starving, and I’m going to eat them all before I — AAAAAAH!

    Adores: 2
  9. 2012 May 10
    D / DM permalink

    It’s the age-old question: the chicken or the egg… WHICH DIED FIRST? Don’t miss the SyFy premiere of Chicken-Eating Eggs right after the premiere of FernTiger this Saturday.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 May 10
      mud "" slicker permalink

      I’m pretty sure that will conflict with my Chicken Run 12th anniversary party I’m having.

      Dozen years. Dozen eggs. Get it? *wink wink*

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 May 10
        D / DM permalink

        That dozen make any sense.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 May 10
          Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

          0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ +0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ + 0¢ = no cents at all

          Adores: 1
  10. 2012 May 10
    tigprincess permalink

    I think this is a case for catulator math. One ton = 16 dozen which means that if we size up a chicken to human then its pushing out the equivalent of half a Heffalump or 3.333 pandas. Seems to be an odd thing – or several things – to sell on C’list. Eggs? I’ve got 15 tons of ice here – bring your own wheelbarow.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 May 10

      Darn, all I have is this whee-barrel. I guess I’ll have to amuse myself.

      :climbs inside barrel and rolls down a hill:

      Whee!

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 May 10
        CapnMac permalink

        If you loan it out it becomes a “whee-borrow”

        Adores: 1
      • 2012 May 10
        Windrose permalink

        If you place it inside a hill, it becomes a wee-burrow.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 May 10
          One Moving Violation permalink

          I’ve played that game, Wii Burro. I’m pretty good at making an ass of myself.

          Adores: 3
  11. 2012 May 10
    Digitalaxis permalink

    I’ll see your chicken eating eggs, and raise you a cow eating veal.

    You sick, sick puppy.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 May 10

      We had a cockatoo that loved eating turkey.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 May 10
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Pigs have traditionally preferred bacon and eggs and milk shakes to slop.

        Probably why they can never make friends in the barnyard. Even their own kind look at each other with a stink eye.

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 May 10
          Brer Fox permalink

          Foxes prefer chicken and mice and chicken and rabbits and chicken and meadow voles and chicken and gophers and chicken baked with garlic sauce and truffles with a side of prairie dog braised in sweet lemon basting sauce and chicken.

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 May 10
      P-rex permalink

      Digi, Tig is a kitty cat, not.a.puppy dog.

      Adores: 0
  12. 2012 May 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Are the chickens eating the eggs or are the eggs eating the chickens?

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 May 10
      LimeLolly permalink

      It’s an age-old question.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 May 10
        CapnMac permalink

        But, only if you do not cress the road.

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 May 10
          Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

          That should be cress the water.

          Adores: 1
  13. 2012 May 10
    Ralph permalink

    If each egg is 900 cubic inches, beware the henway.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 May 10
      LimeLolly permalink

      I’ll play straight-man:

      “What’s a henway?”

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 May 10
        Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

        About 3 1/2 pounds.

        [corey] Of course that is the answer everyone expects. You should never pound on a Henway. Being a cheap knock-off of the Steinway, pounding would cause it to become out of tune. Henways are best played by just pecking at the keys, milking each stroke (peck) for the smoothest, creamiest sound possible. Thus was the phrase coined, “Out of the whey, peck!”[/corey]

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 May 10
          D / DM permalink

          Spoken like a person who has worked for a cow for far too long.

          Adores: 0
  14. 2012 May 10
    Brer Fox permalink

    It’s “Food of the Gods” all over again! Giant eggs eating their parents. Keep a close eye on your offspring.

    Adores: 2
  15. 2012 May 10

    I prefer brave eating eggs…

    Adores: 2
  16. 2012 May 10
    P-rex permalink

    “Mostly brown eggs.”

    Someone should tell Sparky that Easter eggs should be brightly colored.

    Adores: 1
  17. 2012 May 11

    Camille, I hope EvilSpudBoy was respectful to you in the box, and took you out for walks as needed. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Chicken Little!

    Adores: 0

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