YSaC, Vol. 1291: The Mayans mentioned pallet chairs, right?

2012 July 9

~~~pallet lounge chair~~~ – $20


Selling my patio pallet lounge chair. When you put a cushion on it, it becomes very comfortable. I also use it sometimes without a cusion. It is for sure a talking piece. It just needs to be painted of your choice.

Oh no! Look a the date on those pictures! It’s from the FUTURE! This ad has clearly fallen through some kind of time-space wormhole, and is a bleak premonition of a dystopian hell in which we shall all be forced to sit on splinter-infested pallet chairs, with or without a cushion. It’s a bleak future we’re headed for, even if it is painted of our choice.

Thanks for the nightmare, Stephanie!

48 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 July 9
    camille permalink

    I prefer non-talking furniture.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 July 9
      funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

      I imagine a pallet’s voice is very squeaky and rusty.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 July 9
        Demon Duck of Doom permalink

        Not if it’s a soft pallet.

        Adores: 5
      • 2012 July 9
        One Moving Violation permalink

        pallet lounge chair:Let me tell you about being made. It was on March 7th 2006, I think it was a Wednesday. No, no, it was a Tuesday, or maybe it was March 9th, hmm, nope, I was shipped on the 9th. I was definitely made on Tuesday the 7th. Yes, I remember this guy nailing me several times that day. He was unstoppable, 8 nails per board. Sheesh, enough is enough, I mean, how much nailing is one pallet supposed to take. I think this guy nailed several pallets that day, talk about stamina. Well, then I got sent down the line and another guy made me blue as if getting nailed 84 times in one day wouldn’t make one blue by itself, I mean really! Well at least I was made of hard wood, better quality, accepted in more places.
        You know, not like the pine models, the grocery warehouses would refuse those then then they would be hauled off to who knows where. You know, I’ve travelled around quite a bit in my lifetime. I should really still be travelling around from Manufacturing facilities to warehouses to stores, But No! I’m stuck here in your back yard holding up your fat butt all day while you spill your cheap beer all over me.

        Sparky: Shaddap! Or I’ll use you for firewood!

        *whimper*

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 July 9
          funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

          “another guy made me blue as if getting nailed 84 times in one day wouldn’t make one blue by itself”

          I thought NOT getting nailed is what made one blue?

          Corner?

          Adores: 3
  2. 2012 July 9
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Upon reading this, I immediately became curious as to what a cusion is.

    Right up near the top of the Google results was
    this.

    I’ll turn up the heat on the brain bleach.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 July 9
      funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

      Oooh. I clicked on that and got my first malware-malignant-silverware-warning-thingy, I think.

      PS: I Googled “cusion” and the first 10 entries were badly spelled “cousin” comments. Like “if you date your cusion you’ll go to hell”. Heh.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 July 9
      One Moving Violation permalink

      [urban corey]Urban Dictionary sez cusion is an illiterate’s term for cousin. Love cusion is a breast or pair of breasts that you would rest your head upon.[/urban corey]

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 July 9
        funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

        *scratches head, looks puzzled*

        But what if your cousin is a boy and doesn’t have breasts?

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 July 9

          I’ve got a few male cousins who defintely have enough padding in their miniature bouncy castles to qualify.

          Adores: 2
      • 2012 July 9
        tigprincess permalink

        You can only do this in the UK if you’re royalty.

        Adores: 1
  3. 2012 July 9

    Something about this ad is unpalletable.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 July 10
      Aaron permalink

      It’s rather crating on the eyes, too.

      Adores: 0
  4. 2012 July 9

    It is for sure a talking piece.

    I’m sure your neighbors talk about it to no end.

    Adores: 1
  5. 2012 July 9
    Ralph permalink

    Ooh, make me down a pallet from your floor
    Buy me now a pallet from your floor
    Honey, buy it now, paint it green day-glow
    Then maybe my good gal she won’t know.

    (Original version)

    Adores: 0
  6. 2012 July 9
    penguin permalink

    [Spends too much time on Pinterest Corey] Upcycling pallets is the hot new thing. Chairs, coffee tables, vertical gardens, patios, too many to list. [/eco-green Corey]

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 July 9

      I seem to recall something very similar featured in ReadyMade magazine a few years ago.

      Adores: 0
    • 2012 July 9
      funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

      I know! I really wanna try the vertical garden thing. But I’m accident prone, so Hubby Monkey will have to do it and he has said no more new projects til we get some of the old ones finished.

      penguin: Have you been on craftgawker.com? Another cool craft site.

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 July 9
        Brer Fox permalink

        I’m usually more prone than vertical, and that’s not by accident.

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 July 9
      CapnMac permalink

      Seems to have started in LA around the “reality” shows.
      With a healthy dash of “wine barrel” furniture, too.
      Wine/whiskey barrels having the advantage of some slightly ergonomic curves, if in a more expensive medium.

      Now, if you made this furniture using pallets from the Lye plant, or battery acid place, or even the Waste Oil recycler; well, it might be a good idea to use your cousin as a cushion.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 July 9
        CapnMac permalink

        (Woohoo, comment allowed!)

        Adores: 0
      • 2012 July 9
        funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

        Cap’n: Using your cousin as a cushion might be the eighth deadly sin.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 July 9
          CapnMac permalink

          Probably down to the details, like what sort of slipcover is used on/upon the “cusion” (and picayune details of taxonomy, like whether the cousin were, oh, Hylobates, or Phocoenidae, or even Gekkota Sodalitas . . . )

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 July 9

          I just had the weirdest mental image of my cousin Smokey (who sits on the porch and smokes all day) being fitted for a slipcover. It was an improvement.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 July 9
          Demon Duck of Doom permalink

          What sort of cover do you imagine putting on top of ol’ Smokey? Something in a snowflake pattern, perhaps?

          Adores: 3
  7. 2012 July 9

    * Tweezers sold seperately.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 July 9
      CapnMac permalink

      Tetanus shots at the Clinic.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 July 9
        funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

        Film at 11:00.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 July 9
          One Moving Violation permalink

          What is this film doing on my pallet? It needs cleansed. I should eat a cracker.

          (Yes, I know that should be “palate”, and no, I’m not being racist with the cracker comment.)

          Adores: 1
  8. 2012 July 9
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Oh, sure, but when IKEA calls it a Pålüüt, you know everyone is going to want one.

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 July 9
      LimeLolly permalink

      Would IKEA sell the nesting creepy crawlers to go with it? Or do you have to supply your own?

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 July 9
        CapnMac permalink

        Well, they’d be in the bin that used to have the spare parts, and would be labeled
        “Buugz” or “Inzektz”

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 July 9
          Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

          Ünd Büütsuvërken.

          Edit: this should have been under OMV’s comment.

          Adores: 0
      • 2012 July 9
        One Moving Violation permalink

        When handling, you should always wear Glüfenz.

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 July 9
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      I key a,
      Your Kia
      when I see ya
      at IKEA.*

      *Oh no I wouldn’t. Even though two of the schools I went to had Vandal mascots.

      Adores: 1
  9. 2012 July 9
    One Moving Violation permalink

    [corey] The blue pallets are illegal to own. They are called CHEP Pallets and are never sold by the Company that makes them. They are rentals. All CHEP pallets are stated on Bills of Lading and are tracked. Brown pallets are bought and sold and are not tracked. This applies to standard 4-way 40″x48″ pallets.(4-way pallets can be forklifted from 4 directions). 2-way pallets and specialty(odd sized) pallets are generally given away or sold to consumers for firewood or whatever Sparky might want to make of them.[/corey]

    Adores: 0
  10. 2012 July 9
    P-rex permalink

    Ooh, I had a cousin that lived in one of those, nice.

    Adores: 0
    • 2012 July 9
      funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

      Does he have one of those huge wooden cable spools for a table? If so, I haz a jealous.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 July 9
        P-rex permalink

        He uses an old thread spool silly. How much room do you think one spider needs? I live in an old huge wooden cable spool though.(Actually its plastic but it has to be wood for this thread)

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 July 9
          P-rex permalink

          [matt[thread spool corey]]Look it up yourself. You got an internet of your own. Sheesh![[/thread spool corey]/matt]

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 July 9
          CapnMac permalink

          but it has to be wood for this thread

          Ah, the number of weavers no doubt undone by that requirement beggars the imagination . . .
          No wonder they kicked their shoes into the Jacards . . .

          (O Look, a Corner Looms)

          Adores: 2
  11. 2012 July 9
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    I think that may be the expiration date, although judging by the color, it’s already starting to turn.

    Adores: 4
  12. 2012 July 9
    Gary permalink

    “It is for sure a talking piece.”
    And it’s probably saying “throw me in the fire!”

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 July 9
      CapnMac permalink

      [environmental corey]
      Please do not pitch pallets into fires unless you are sure and certain that said pallets are both not pressure-treated wood, and have not had questionable spills upon them.

      None of the existing pressure treatments are very nice to be around when burnt.

      The number of things routinely spillt upon pallets is staggering. Murphy will insist that nothing as benign as vegetable oil or the like is on the lumber sparkii routinely pitch upon bonfires.

      And, discovering that bonfire-building sparkii are unconcerned about spilled copper compounds, or arsenic-based ag chemicals, or caustic solutions might be saturated into those pallets–this can be disconcerting to learn from merely upwind.
      [/corey]

      Adores: 3
  13. 2012 July 9
    subbie_333 permalink

    Ya know, i have always wanted to get blue splinters in my ass, but, didn’t know how to do it. And, Sparky makes a great suggestion at the end, cus, ya know, blue splinters don’t feel the same as red or black splinters.

    As far as the cusion, the only cousin i have that is pretty enough for me to consider is too skinny to be used as a cousin cusion (or is that cusion cousin?). So, i am taking applications for a new cousin who has more cusion for the pushin’.

    But, i think that $20 is a great deal. Just put it into a box and send it to my 4″x4″ PO box. The women at the PO won’t mind cus they are used to me shipping and receiving freaky stuff.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2012 July 10
    DigitalAxis permalink

    All I want to know is, does the pallet chair have enough space for an easy-access crowbar attachment? That’ll come in handy once the Zombie Apocalypse starts on August 8th.

    Adores: 1
  15. 2012 July 10

    Who is the best little gecko in the world? And who is the funkiest little monkey in the world? LimeLolly and Funky Monkey, that’s who! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, EZ-Move Furniture!

    Adores: 0
  16. 2013 April 26

    I would like to take a closer look at some of their memorabilia

    Adores: 0

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