YSaC, Vol. 1297: Black Snake Mown

2012 July 17

BRAND NEW LAWN MOWNER AND TRAILER!! – $2000


6×4 TRAILER
ONLY USE TWICE
###-###-#### OBO
Still under warranty

Wait a minute. Why is there an “OBO” next to the phone number? If their phone number were (hypothetically) 555-1212, could I offer them 555-0986 instead?

Also, why can I only use this trailer twice? Is this some sort of Ethan Hunt thing?

Thanks for the post, Angel!

35 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 July 17

    Is a lawn mowner like a horse whisperer except for vegetation?

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 July 17
      CapnMac permalink

      That is probably determined by the quotient of how much the vagetable in question finds the tractor “sexy” . . .

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 July 17
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Perhaps this is being sold by Kenny Chesney.

        Adores: 1
      • 2012 July 17
        funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

        Snort. You said “vagetable”. Heh heh.

        Adores: 1
    • 2012 July 17
      One Moving Violation permalink

      It’s lawn ninjas, They like riding mowers. I had them when I had a riding lawn mower. I’d go out to mow the lawn and it had already been mown. They are very quiet about it. Not like the landscaping elves my neighbors had.

      Adores: 1
  2. 2012 July 17
    CapnMac permalink

    “6×4 Trailer” is boggling me.

    A trailer is, in the main, an un-powered device that is towed by something else.

    Yet, the notation “6×4” is most commonly used to designate the configuration of number of tires in ground contact and the quantity of those which are powered.

    Most automobiles are 4×2 in this notation, having four tires, and two of those powered. If power is available to both axles, the vehicle is said to be 4×4. If we add a third axle, that configuration could be 6×2, 6×4, or 6×6. If we consider the ‘tractor’ portion of a “tractor-trailer” rig (aka “semi” or “18-wheeler”), those are typically 6×4(2d), meaning six wheel assemblies, four powered, with dual tires on those powered wheels.

    Using a tractor as a trailer requires specialized skills (and a narrow set of particulars). The average sparkii is probably lucky to achieve this once, so twice is about as likely as three full moons in a given month.

    This message will [corey] ten seconds ago. Whether or not you [mr phelps] is probably related to your use of an octant in social interaction.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 July 17
      Ralph permalink

      I think Sparky is referring to the dimensions in cubits.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 July 17
        CapnMac permalink

        Put that way, it suggests a measurement in Fecktons and peckerweights–those Irish & UK units of measure can be ever so confusing.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 July 17
          funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

          Fecktons and peckerweights. Oh mah gawd. I just laughed so hard I puked. Thanks bunches there Cap’n!

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 July 17
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      I wanted to use an octant, but I only had a sextant handy. At least I was able to navigate my 1850s whaling ship home successfully.

      Adores: 2
  3. 2012 July 17
    Ralph permalink

    THIS is a lawn mowner.

    Of course the phone number is OBO. The mower, the merrier.

    Oops, I already used something like that. Never mind.

    Adores: 0
  4. 2012 July 17

    I am much more intrigued by the still that’s under warranty. I had no idea you could get a warranty for such things.

    Not that I know anything about stills…

    Or revunoooers….

    Or corn mash…

    Or, you know what…let’s just pretend this conversation never happened, m’kay?

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 July 17
      Ralph permalink

      [corey] These come with a one-year warranty.

      Or make your own, no warranty required: Some pressure cookers have a tapered vent that fits a compression fitting nicely; just add copper tubing and turn crappy wine into white lightning.

      Not that I know anything about stills….

      [/corey]

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 July 17
      funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

      Great Grampa Monkey was a moonshiner.* He had a warranty for his still – a rottweiler named Stumpy.**

      *This is true.
      **This is a lie – his protection for his still was his shotgun.*** Which didn’t have a name. Unless it was Betsy, he’d sometimes stroke it affectionately and call it that.

      ***His rottweiler’s name was Ol’ Suma Bitch, he’d scream and throw rocks while calling him that.****

      ****This is such a huge lie that I’m going to Hell for it.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 July 17

        My uncle is a retired Rev’nooer, he has some very interesting stories from his still-busting days. My personal favorite is how he followed a herd of drunken cows to a still (the cows had found where the moonshiners were dumping their mash and were getting hammered on it.)

        Adores: 2
  5. 2012 July 17
    funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

    I’ve been a lawn mowner more than once, after a night of vodka and other alcoholic treats.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 July 17
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Are there pictures, similarly taken under cover of darkness?

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 July 17
        funky "aaaarrrgh!" monkey permalink

        I really don’t know. Vodka also makes me black out. I’m not even kidding. I baked cornbread one night and don’t remember doing it. Was some mighty fine cornbread. How I managed to measure and get it right, I’ll never know.

        I don’t touch anything stronger than lite beer anymore.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 July 17

          My sister was on medication once that made her do things like that. She’d wake up in the morning to find out she had made pancakes in the middle of the night and left the kitchen a mess.

          Adores: 1
  6. 2012 July 17

    The seller isn’t kidding about only using it twice. I used mine three times, after midnight, and while it was wet. Now I’ve got about 30 lawnmowers running around causing mayhem.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 July 17
      mud "Grass Stains!" slicker permalink

      I bet you named them all Gizmowner.

      Adores: 5
  7. 2012 July 17
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    But will it cry at flower beds?

    Adores: 2
  8. 2012 July 17
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    If their phone number were (hypothetically) 555-1212, could I offer them 555-0986 instead?

    I can go 555-121, but not a digit higher.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 July 17
      mud "Grass Stains!" slicker permalink

      Low baller.

      Adores: 1
  9. 2012 July 17
    Angel permalink

    I don’t think that’s the lawn moaning. I think it’s the neighbors complaining that you’re driving that thing around in the dark to take its picture.

    [Weird double-take moment of the day: the hypothetical phone number is only two digits off my phone number; one in the first set of numbers and one in the second set.]

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 July 17
      mud "Grass Stains!" slicker permalink

      I’d go out and buy a lottery ticket.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 July 17
        Angel permalink

        Great idea! But Dan should do it, since he came up with the hypothetical number.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 July 17
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Hypothetical Mowner Number is the name of my Matchbox Twenty cover band.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 July 17
          mud "Grass Stains!" slicker permalink

          I thought it was Judas Priests’ Breaking the Lawn cover song.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 July 17
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          We do that tune along with 867-5309. It’s a helluva medley.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 July 17
          Angel permalink

          Thanks for the earworm, IF. Love that song.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 July 17
          mud "Grass Stains!" slicker permalink

          Isn’t that song called 867-5309 OBO?

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 July 17
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          There’s a big 5-minute oboe solo in the break strain. They typically cut that on the radio edit.

          Adores: 2
  10. 2012 July 17

    kelli’s in the4 box, late, and not just because she’s a close, personal friend of mine. 8)

    Adores: 0
  11. 2012 July 18

    And now kelli is out of the box. Huh. I must have slept through it all. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good morning, Guillermo del Toro!

    Adores: 0

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