YSaC, Vol. 1301: Hey there, Sparky, what’s it like in [location]?
Warning: Sensitive readers may wish to shield their eyes from the following suck.
tee’s shirt Screen Printer / wood boxs 0r 2″_7′-Bar,1″Weights
mostlyfor partsfew missingpaddls Shirt autoscreenprinting tee’s M&R 6 color tee shirt screen printer AutoAir , 6 head frame screen printer Auto/air/ frame 4 $300.oo pads are done , switches are done, are there ares frame Great shape like now frame, heavey , just two case Iron pads with2 – MR black covers are broken 2006? ? about,computer parts box there? ? may be air cyldeners be used
M & R
I allso have Olympic Lifting Equuipment B-Bars &2 inch or Std 1 inch hole Weights & Plates, 4 $ o.40cent a pound
Machines,std New 2 ” bar 7′ long 0 &0r some Std 1 inch hole weights at $0.40 cent a pounds do have a 10-lbs 2″ weight round $60 cent apound for the sets ###a###a#####a
Near CVS & on ########## lane [Location] two-inch 7 feet bar $90 o
wood Boxes one $14 ” sweet box no top $ 45
tons of things stuff weights, bars, drums ,
tons of other stufff just email and ask bEST TO or tell me what you need , and
if I don’t have it i’ll keep a eye on for thEm, wat to look for.ith your info to know when
E-Mailing me please say the what your looking for & price
.Email what you looking for and prices your looking for thanks
######## lane [Location]
I’m looking for a few correctly capitalized and punctuated sentences, Sparky. Can you get me a few of those? Then maybe I can print them on a tee’s shirt.
Thanks for the awful, John!
There was a time, long long long ago, when jargon, argot, and idiom had meaning beyond crossword filler. A time when even the only grade-school educated understood the concept, even if poor in execution of said concepts.
One of the other consequences/sequellae of our modern, anonymous internet “society” is the possibility of only conversing in the short-hand argot and idiom of a given trade or skill. The internet is a poor medium for communicating dumbfounded expressions, stunned looks, and similar cues of miss-comprehension.
Which is probably all the worse when more than one batch of jargon/lingo is run together with others. Any lack of skill in communication only makes this worse, and in geometric compounding–as the example above shows.
Because I’ve lived an odd life, I happen to know that there is a brandname, ARES, for a line of ink-deposition printers, some of which are dedicated to specialty printing–automobile graphics, and t-shirt printing are two examples I know of. The second appears to be what Spark’ is referring towards initially. Said printer being substantially inoperative.
There are some barely-recognizable references to weight-lifting equipment further along in Spark’s screed. The numerous references to prices per pound suggest, to me, that Spark’ runs a scrap or salvage yard.
That trade actually has some standard argot and communication conventions. Apparently, Spark’ missed that convention.
But, I could be biased. It is Monday, and I must, again, set out among the sparkii to go to a job that I hate, that hates me in return, and is only hovering at break-even in the short-term for remuneration (and is a bit of a negative upon the resume, too).
And so, my bolt spent, I exeunt away, Away.
I sure hope you’re right about the scrap yard, Capn. Otherwise “tell me what you need , and if I don’t have it i’ll keep a eye on for thEm” is like finding a big hairy worm in your word salad.
DDD when I lived in Liverpool we used to call that “thieving to order”.
*adds Sparkii to the lengthy list of languages Cap’n appears to be fluent in*
Reckon they have a Rosetta stone series for Sparkii?
Note it’s just “appears.” We wouldn’t want to offend Capn by insinuating that he actually understands these kinds of people. Personally, that would be insulting to me.
My opinion, of course. Some people might find it a point of pride that they can understand people who obviously cannot communicate in a decent way.
Pidgin sparkese..
Craigslatin..
And thus, my usage of the term “sparkii” and deliberately in lower-case, so as to not offend those dialects, which, by concerted, applied, effort, have risen to Pidgin, or even Creole status.
The kids on the intertuubs generally just call sparkii “herr-durr” speech; those who recognize it to a form.
As to this, well, I have some experience around scrap and salvage yards. Had Spark’ been trying to flog, oh, industrial food extruders, or Vogon poetry disposers–why then, I’d have nothing.
With Sparky out of the t-shirt business, where will people get their “iwent TO [location] ,andalligot was This Lousyteeshirt” shirts?
I understand he does web design as well. Very, very shoddy web design.
MR black covers ? ?
MR nawt r thee? ., ?”
MR air cyldeners or case Iron pads. ? !, ;;
No ? ?
El awl bee, MR black covers ? ! ., ;
Keep a eye on for thEm, near CVS. ; ,
tons of things, stuff
tons of other things, stufff ;!,;”
.ith your info to know when ! ! ?
Synserly,
Olympic Lifting
*sits back and waits for the money to start rolling in*
Reading this made my contacts melt into my eyeballs. I don’t know how I’ll drive home now. Sigh.
Simple. Roll down the windows and stick your head out it while driving. Then, “hear” your way home.
Let us know how this turns out. It seems to me that most of the people out there would drive better if they drove like that.
Sure NMN, easy for you, you’re a dog. Sticking your head out the window is fun for a dog.
If I tried sticking my head out the window of a car in motion, I’d get sucked right out. Then I’d go splat on a windshield or grill or get run over. I don’t want to be anybody’s splatsy.
Who would want that?
Hmmm?
*wanders off in an uneven gait mumbling about windy stuff*
Windy’s gonna get you if she finds out you’ve been talking about her stuff.
*grabs a rolled up newspaper* P-rex, what was that you were saying? Come sit over here by me and tell me all about it.
Umm, don’t birds eat spiders? And cats, cats eat spiders too. I’m beginning to feel a bit uneasy. Yes, uneasy. that means I’m not that easy. I’m going to go hide for a bit.
I seem to recall there being a spider that eats birds. Just pretend you’re one of those.
Isn’t that why Botts’ Dots were invented?
Huh…I was unaware that those things were called anything other than “shiny bits.” The more you know…
Dibs on Shiny Bits as my Metallica cover band.*
*I’m no good at the cover band stuff. They’re both shiny, that’s all I’ve got.
I think Sparky inhaled too many printing ink fumes and/or dropped weights on his head.
And that led to the going-out-of-business sale at Sparky’s Gym and Custom T-Shirt Shop next to the CVS on ########## Lane.
Dekapound Lane?
At least the market won’t be flooded with those cheap Got.A.Loin T-shirts now.
Or “Pudding On Tires” shirts.
It almost looks like Sparky was being charged by the word, and came in over budget. Rather than take out the nonsense, sh/im decided to just run words together at the beginning to get the word count down. Now, having examined that through the Spark filter, I’m going to bludgeon myself with a couple pounds of beer, (99 cents a pound) and go back to bed.
*Orders a T-shit with “mostlyfor partsfew” written on it*
Make mine “Great shape like now.”
I want mine to read “Weights & Plates”.
I think we may have discovered a revenue stream for YSaC.
Yay! The tiny dog is safe!
Dibs on “missingpaddls Shirt”.
That’s not fair! That just leaves me with “1 inch hole”, or “std”.
Sailboat pasta girlfrign, ? Shiny; begone…tablechAirsEat.*
Translation: I don’t know how to type and would like money for it, please.
*I figured I’d take a whack at it. Someone pay me.
*puts $20 bill in the computer cup holder, closes it*
The money is on its way!
Really? I actually got money for it…
“Hello, my name is [insert name here]. I am a word-slaughterer. It is a high paying job located in [location]. What words would you like me to eviscerate today?”
My new career has started.
EDIT: I put [location] there by accident. I didn’t notice it was in the title of the post. I just assumed it sounded YSaC-like. Creepy, no?
“EDIT: I put [location] there by accident.”
Yeah, I can relate. I once tripped over the cat and accidently wrote “This is a stick-up. Give me all the money and nobody gets hurt” on the back of my deposit slip.
(awkward)
I’ll bet several old people (possibly some rednecks) did that before someone explained how paying your bills online works. Old people are so cute
Aah ha! Thinly veiled pron.
Sparky’s barbell bar is seven feet long and two inch diameter.
Sparky’s weights have a standard one inch hole in each.
Sparky’s weights are for a dumbbell.
Sparky’s weights were made just for him.
A rather deft syllogism there, OMV.
I like the “sixty dollar cent apound” bit.
“may be air cyldeners be used”
Arrr! may be air cyldeners be misspelled.
“I allso have Olympic Lifting Equuipment….” For an equus? Sparky is a horse’s ass.
“For an equus?”
Ooh, Latino?
By my catulator, $0.40 cent a pounds = 250 lbs for a buck.
Sweeeeet.
Does it tell you how many lbs you get for a buck if it’s hanging on a swing set?
No, but the conversion rate per pound is 3.1456452 lbs per obo. One obo is equal to 27.458 sardines. A pack of 20 sardines goes for 6.25 in Canadian dollars. The conversion rate of Canadian dollars to American dollars is 1.071 Canada per 1.00 American.
Do the math, it’s quite simple.* And no, I have just about zero intelligence or snark. I’m a strange person who likes to talk, and this is the gibberish that you get from me.
*Please, no one actually do the completely real math.
I’ll give you £2/kilo.
Hey, I have a question. I know this is way out from left field, and on a random person’s blog* on the internet, but can I consider you all my friends? Or is that just really weird and inappropriate?
*No offense drmk, bees be upon you.
Well, I can’t speak for the others but I consider any puppy with such a dapper ‘stache as yours to be friend material.
Thanks. I could use some friends in my life.
:waves:
The glowy box is filled with friends.
And YSaC is better than FB. I actually communicate with people here. We don’t just like people here, we open doors….and sometimes fling ’em.
Count me in! I am always glad to see you posting again when you have been quiet for a while. 8)
I’m only quiet because I have nothing interesting or snarky to say. Everyone else always thinks of funny things, whereas I think of unusual things.
If I say yes, can I count on you for bail money?
Also, I’ll be needing a ride to the airport next week, and that sofa isn’t going to move itself.
Hmmm….yeah, sure. What else are friends for?
I would say that friends are for taking you to the ball park to catch fly balls, but coming from me, most YSaCers would just send me to the corner or reach for a tissue. So, lets just leave it at fly hunting. Or fly fishing.
Good point. And the ones who wouldn’t reach for a tissue are kind of strange…and creepy. No offense to you of course.
We are thinking of you as a spider, correct? Or did I just infer that no one would hang out with you. If I did, I apologize.
Definitely as a spider. the fly ball reference is a variation of the “Have you ever smelled moth balls?” joke.
Ah, good. I didn’t offend you. I hate offending people. Mainly because when some people get offended, they feel the need to take action.
That’s not always a good sign for the offender.
Anyways, I don’t really mind spiders so long as they don’t go near me. “Oh, you catch and eat mosquitoes? Good for you, just stay over there away from me and I’ll let you live.”
Just ignore my random thoughts. It’s safer for everyone that way. And this is the internet; so long as I don’t say things that offend anyone I should be allowed to talk all I want, no matter how annoying I am.
NMN Friends are ..to sort you out when you get slightly squiffy? to help you move house? to listen to your stories? to provide some space in their lives for you and your thoughts? …and of course to rip the p*ss out of you. As they say if you end up in prison, a good friend will make up your bail whilst a best friend will be in there with you wondering what you did to get there ! Hapy to be a friend! xx
I…see. Well, I’ll take all the friends I can get. Although it is unlikely that anyone will need to post bail for me. Crime is about as uninteresting and annoying as trying to figure out what goes through Sparkie’s minds.
I’m hoping “rip the p*ss out of you” is one of those colloquialisms that haven’t reached this side of the pond and not meant to be taken literally, because ouch.
NMN, You don’t need to worry about offending me. I don’t get offended. As for avoiding the tissues, I’m pretty quick on my legs. Unlike some of those Octopii Wall Streeters.
I’m lobbing some serious doors at tigprincess for the use of squiffy. That word is one of the best things I learned from directing Me and My Girl.
I’m pretty sure these were the first-draft lyrics to We Didn’t Start The Fire.
Huh…and I woulda guessed “Louie, Louie”.
…which, despite being a bit dated in the political references, obliges me to post this.
Sadly, despite Bill D. Cat’s undeniable charisma, the ACK! party proved no more viable than the Greens or Libertarians.
I think the cat had it right.
Cats are fecking geniuses, ya know.
Just ask them.
This reminds me of my favorite lines from our college theatre production of “The Foreigner:”
Eerlo meerlo momsky meem,
Eevno peevno pomsky peem!
Blit.
—It’s the end of “Little Red Riding Hood” in Sparkish, of course.
Are you sure that’s not Esperanto? I think it might be Esperanto.
Let me go ask William Shatner.
Aww, great. Now everything I’m thinking is in that Shatner/Open-mic poetry slam cadence. Let’s see if I can render this for you in wordy- words:
Awww
GreatNOW. Everything
I’m thinkING
Isinthat
Shatner slash oh, pen, mic
Poetry slam.. Cadence.
*****
Dang, that was hard. (That’s what she said.)
Oops. I broke my brain.
“tee’s shirt”
Ok, socks for your golf clubs is one thing, but shirts for your tees? Come on, really?
Like, nobody should even touch this ad. Didn’t you notice? He has like two Std’s in this ad. Like, eww!
Sorry, 3 std’s. triple eww.
I am looking for a professional spell-checker. Preferably for less than one American dollar. That’s all the cash I have.
Someone, maybe Mindfield, go through the trouble of translating this horrendously absurd mess of the English language into something that we can understand. I don’t even know what this person is trying to say.
Will pay in doors. If Mindfield does it, will pay in doggy-doors.
Spell check!
*casts magic missile* *does dammage* Check!
*casts invisibility* *turns invisible* Check!
*casts oculus repairus* *eyeglasses turn new again* Check!
*casts eyes toward floor* *eyes bounce* Check!
*casts comprehend languages* *still cannot comprehend Sparky’s ad* Umm, boss? We either have a faulty spell here or Sparky isn’t using a real language.
Mages. Never useful when you need them the most. *Sigh* Alright, someone roll for translation.
“tell me what you need”
Food, water, and air to breath.
Is anybody besides me irritated by what people say they need?
ie: “I need a woman.”, “I need a man.”, “I need a new car.”, or “I need someone to buy my junk.”
These are not needs, they are wants or desires. So….
*puts on best deep, suave Don Juan voice*
Tell me…what you desire…If I do not have what you desire, I will keep an eye out for it. Give me your name, your number. Your desires are very important to me. If, no, no, when I find what you are looking for, I will E-mail you. You, you can E-mail me. Tell me, tell me what you desire. Oh, and tell me what you are willing to pay for your desirables. lblblblblblblblb lane.
Side question: How similar is Don Juan’s voice to Bacontini’s?
Um, I don’t mean to be “that guy”, but I can think of five things you need to be a healthy human being.
Food, water, air, shelter, and love. I learned that in school.
Other than that, carry on.
I’m just mostly human. Most people can’t tell the difference. I have those five things. I would say they are needed for health. I’m well adjusted, ask anybody on this forum. Except Windrose, Kelli, ghostcat, Hamcan, taco, Bombdude, Funky Monkey, Cap’nMac, Grampdaddy, Llammanun (BBUH), Ostrimu (BBUH), C” FB…S”J, Irregular fractal, Archie, Silva, the list goes on…maqybe you shouldn’t ask anyone about my adjustment.
Is that a challenge?
Everyone share their opinions on OMV’s adjustment!
If you’re worried about your adjustment, maybe you’re using the wrong wrench.
It’s an adjustable wrench.
OMV has well-adjusted brakes. I’m glad when he stops in here.
This may be a waste of space, but I am going to attempt to translate the post. Wish me luck:
T-Shirts, Screen Printer. Wood boxes for two inches by seven feet. Bar with one inch weights.
Mostly for parts, a few missing paddles. T-shirts with auto-print-screening. M & R six-color t-shirts. Screen printer with Auto Air. Six head frame with screen printer. Auto-air or the fourth frame is $300.00. Pads and switches on frame are done. The frame is in great shape, almost like new. However, it is heavy. Two iron pads with 2 M & R black covers. Slightly damaged, and likely from 2006. May be air cylinders in the computer parts box.
I also have Olympic Lifting Equipment. Two-inch B-bars, and standard one-inch hole weights and plates. $4.40 each, please. Standard machine. New two-inch bar, seven feet long. Additional standard one-inch hole weights going for forty cents each. Also have ten pounds of two-inch weights for sixty cents each. Contact me at [number].
I am near the CVS at [location]. Two-inch, seven-foot bar for ninety dollars. One wood box for $14. One awesome box, missing it’s lid, for $45.
Tons of other weights, bars, and drums. Just e-mail me and tell me what you need. If I do not have what you need I will keep an eye out for it. Leave your info so I may contact you.
I reiterate, please e-mail me what you are looking for and what you are willing to pay.
“looking for thanks”
I was looking for thanks in all the wrong places.
Looking for thanks without any basis.
Searching these ads, without any traces
and I am just finding blanks.
Hoping to find someone who will thank me.
Appreciate me and not want to spank me.
All I am, is looking for thanks.
HamCan, stay away! No taking out of context!
@Ghosty Re:
“I’m hoping “rip the p*ss out of you” is one of those colloquialisms that haven’t reached this side of the pond and not meant to be taken literally, because ouch.”
Yup – ouch but not in a literal way. Translated into ‘proper’ English this means ‘make fun at you’, ‘encourage you to laugh at yourself’, ‘point out (normally via sarcasm and laughter) that you are taking yourself too seriously’. Sometimes used as “take the p*ss …” using “rip” makes it more pointed / cruel / meaningful.
P.S. Kudos, I couldn’t work the ‘quote’ technique so went for old-fashioned Copy and Paste.
Officer: Ma’am, can you identify the person or persons who snarked on Sunday?
Windy: Yes, officer. They’re all in that box right there. Bard Judith, NMN, Ghostie, Archie, Smedley, Dave, the ferrets, Digi, and DDD.
Officer: Thank you. We’ll be in touch with you.
Windy: But I have to punch them! I can’t leave until I have punched each and every one of them. It’s the way it’s done.
Office (to intercom):Joe, bring an I-Love-Me jacket. This lady is crazy, and as she is our only witness, we don’t have a case. (To the box) You’re all free to go, but watch yourselves. No snarking on Sundays, or you’ll be back in the box.
Windy: Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Junk Yard Dawg!