YSaC, Vol. 1316: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
UNIQUE AND ONE OF THE KIND, RARE ACRYLIC PAINTING – $2500
UNIQUE AND ONE OF THE KIND, RARE ACRILIC PAINTING!!!!!
Straight from the artist [name]. Very unique and rare for United States style that is no one can do even similar like she. This art has so many details that even professional artists going wild when they see this art. If you have this art in your house, every single visitor will get you complements!!!!!!!!Please call for more information: (xxx) xxx-xxxx
P.S. That picture is small and cannot show all the little details. In order to appreciate it, you need to see it live.
Flamingos: Canvas, Acrylic, Gold, Silver
Size: 16X40
Okay. I’ll admit that I can’t do this. If I tried to paint a flamboyance of flamingos standing on a bed of anchovy salad with a wheel of cheddar behind them, it would look like … well, it would look like it had been painted by a myopic capybara with carpal tunnel syndrome.
But still. Professional artists will go wild when they see this. Of course they will. And they’ll offer me complements. What would complement this? I shudder to think.
But maybe this artist really is an up-and-coming star. Maybe I’m missing something. Let’s see what happens if we search for the artist’s name.
Oh, look. Another Craigslist ad.
***PAINTING ARTIST LOOKING FOR A SALES PERSON***
***PAINTING ARTIST LOOKING FOR A SALES PERSON***
THE VERY UNIQUE PAINTING ARTIST [NAME] IS LOOKING FOR A SALES PERSON WHO CAN SALE HER ART FOR COMISIONS.
PAINTINGS ARE SO UNIQUE FOR US MARKET THAT PERSON WHO IS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING UNBELIVABLE IN THEIR COLLECTION WILL WILLING TO PAY $$$$$$$$$$$$ FOR THOSE PAINTINGS.
THE ARTIST [NAME] WAS BROUGHT TO US FROM RUSSIA BY VERY WELL KNOWN US COMPANY IN USA 5 YEARS AGO AND WORKING SINCE THEN.
DURING HER FREE TIME, SHE IS PAINTING AT HOME UNBELIVABLE ART.
LIKE I MENTIONED ABOVE, THE ART IS VERY UNIQUE AND VERY DETAILED. YOU MUST SEE TO UPRECIATE IT.
SO FAR SHE HAS 5 PAINTINGS READY FOR SALE.
PLEASE GET BACK TO ME IF YOU CAN SALE THEM (xxx) xxx-xxxx
LOOKING FORWARD TO DO BUSSINESS WITH YOU…..
They’ve got one thing right. The painting is unbelivable. I mean, I certainly couldn’t live with it. But I think maybe Sparkoff here is a bit unclear on the “how to become a famous painter” process. Most of the famous painters I know of painted more than five paintings (in less than five years). Now granted, there haven’t been a lot of other people painting “Flamingos with Cheese and Sardines,” and Thomas Kinkade got a lot more famous for a lot less, but …
Thanks, Lamb!
Speechless – a surfeit of exclamation marks and as for the unique piece of art, I am stunned. Next time I have a spare $2500 I really will consider for a nano-second buying flamingos on anchovy salad. It will be a talking point for my friends and family, swiftly followed by a visit from some nice people with a white jacket for me that fastens my sleeves at the back. I will now go back to less unfamous painters such as Manet and Monet and buy prints of their works.
Having re-read the second advert, is anyone else getting creepy feelings that her spare time is when she is not whoring for her Russian pimp? No wonder she paints pretty pink flamingos.
Needs Bedazzling.
And an electric blue skull.
P.S. That picture is small and cannot show all the little details. In order to appreciate it, you need to see it live.
LIIIIVE! I DEMAND YOU GIVE MY CREATION LIIIIIFE!
I was trying to figure out how to make that joke work. Well done.
Well, the evidence does seem to point to an Abbey Normyl brane.
I ain’t got no body, and nobody cares.
Sorry, no can do. It’s unbelivable.
The Redundancy Corporation of Redundancy?
I’ll grant you that one.
Everybody knows Us Co. You may know them better by their former name, KidnappersRUs.
And the sad, sad tale repeats–I du bought dis Rooshyan Bride an’ all chee does iz paints!
(if only there was mention of her live-in “brother” and it would be a Malcolm in the Middle episode…)
The brother would be Borat.
“Do not shrink me, gypsy.”
How Reese managed to not get (a/the) Borat for a mail-order bride remains a question for the MitM fanbase.
I can see professional artists going wild:
“My turn with the flamethrower!”
“Should I use these Fiskar scissors or the Ginsu knife?”
“Needs more black paint…. like THIS!”
“I need three live goldfish, a jackhammer, ten thousand rhinestones, the skin of an apple peeled in a spiral, half of a bowling pin, and a pair of orange cowboy boots filled with resin. Oh, and a small piece of royal blue velvet.”
And the head of Jackson Pollack’s fifteenth cousin, Potnyya!
“Artists going wild”.
Well, I suppose foaming at the mouth and doing the “floppy crappie” would constitute “going wild”.
People attempting to gouge out their own eyes qualifies as “going wild” in my definition.
“artists going wild”
Would this be like the Girls Gone Wild videos that are advertised at 3:am? Bob Ross artistic types with their shirts off, licking each others nipples and bathing each other?
I guess there’s a market for that. Cause, you know, Rule 34.
THOU SHALT NOT BESMIRCH THE NAME OF BOB ROSS. WOULD YOU SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT RANDOLPH SCOTT?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVGFGmoltDs
*monkey runs screaming and crying to the corner to escape the puppy that types in all caps*
runs to the Corner for merely imagining the goggle search results from “Bob Ross pr0n” . . .
Smedley, loved that film, loved it. Kudos for the clip.
You cannot make me click on a link that threatens to be Bob Ross pron.
Step 1: Inadvertantly leave the finger paints within easy access of the toddler and cat and then get busy with something in another room.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: PAINTINGS ARE SO UNIQUE FOR US MARKET THAT PERSON WHO IS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING UNBELIVABLE IN THEIR COLLECTION WILL WILLING TO PAY $$$$$$$$$$$$ FOR THOSE PAINTINGS.
Like this?
Those paintings make me hungry, it looks like he smeared frosting on canvas.
Are you sure that’s frosting?
No silly, those were done by Elijah Rorschach.
Before or after his t-shirt phase?
The flamingoes are supposed to be blue!
—-Col. Spigot
I’ll take a serving of anchovy salad that has NOT been trodden on by flamingos, please. Regrettably, I’m flamingo-intolerant.
No John Waters for you!
Maybe the “artist” is pregnant. After all, she did miss a period.
$25.00
“In order to appreciate it, you need to see it live.”
I don’t want that painting if it’s live. Can you imagine the odor of those fish after a couple of weeks? I’d have to put it outside. I don’t want flamingo poop running down my wall either.
How about a nice live painting of a supermodel? No, that’s no good either. I really don’t need a painting that wishes it was somewhere else instead of stuck with a slob like me. Maybe I could get a live scenery painting. Yeah maybe a nice forest scene. That pine scent should cover up any odors in my place, especially a bad night of beans. Yeah.
Yeah, nobody wants a painting that runs on cocaine and Donald Duck ice cubes. Of course, the stink when she jams another Marlboro Light into her noise hole goes without saying…
Tell me about it. $2500 initial investment would pale to the upkeep and rehab.
I have five of those! Six if you count the
windowone in the bathroom.“But I think maybe Sparkoff here is a bit unclear on the “how to become a famous painter” process.”
To become really famous, she’s gotta die.
At the least she needs to get arrested a few times and go to rehab. We would we ever hear anything about Lindsay Lohan if she weren’t always in trouble?
Then there’s the Van Gogh process, but I think somewhere between “cut off own ear” and “become famous” was the “paint some really awesome paintings” step. Which Sparkovna hasn’t taken yet.
“Flamingos: Canvas, Acrylic, Gold, Silver”
…Green, and Pink. You can’t forget Pink. It’s a painting of flamingos for Floyd’s sake.
(That’s sake as in sāk, not sake as in säkĕ. I don’t think those fish are salmon.)
I think crystal meth would “complement” this nicely.
(I was going to say “WindowPane”, but that probably wouldn’t make sense to you newer humans.)
Actually, I think I’m to old for that reference. I had to go Wiki.
I think Window Pane would aggravate it, or vice versa.
Bad, bad trip.
I’m not sure WindowPane wasn’t involved in the creation of this “unique” painting. It would explain a lot.
Get them wholesale.
“Size: 16X40”
“That picture is small”
[corey] You might think since the painting is in United States style, the unit of measure would be inches. However, that would make it at the very least medium sized or even large. (For a human that is.) The artist is Russian, so I’m guessing the measurements are metric. Meters would be way to big, but people “will get you complements” on getting it into your home. Millimeters would be to small for a wall but might fit into your wallet so you could show it off to your friends when you go visit.( It would have to be microns to fit into my custom made, baby flyskin*maggotskin*wallet.) I don’t know how big the spiders in Russia are, but usually the warmer the climes, the larger the spiders get and Russia is not really known for its warmth.(You can just uncorey that last line). The unit of measurement is quite important to determine where it would fit on a wall and still be small.[/corey]
Of course it is small–did you not note that it is sparkii-square?
And, far-too classay to be from Fingerhut and a mere copy of a print of a lithograph.
Straight from [name], it’s 40 Inches of Flamingos performing their version of US Style to open the Artists Gone Wild tour at the 40-watt. Cover charge: Orchestra – anchovies (in salad, preferred) ; Mezzanine – rare complements; Center Balcony – unbelivable $2500.
On a brighter note for a Monday, the harvest has begun with sparkling wine grapes being the first off the vine. Bring on the bubbly!!!!
Ahem. As you were then.
40 Inch Flamingos just has to be IF’s Buffett-NiN cover band.*
_________________________
*Ow, hurted my brane; imagined “Hurt” set to steel drums and semi-reggae beat . . .
Tho- NiN could probably do an interesting cover of “Pirate Looks at 40” . . .
“THE ARTIST [NAME] WAS BROUGHT TO US FROM RUSSIA BY VERY WELL KNOWN US COMPANY IN USA 5 YEARS AGO”
Waste Management Inc? That’s a well known US company.
“every single visitor will get you complements!!!!!!!!”
Are you saying that the married visitors have better taste in art?
No, that may be the blind pig finding an acorn of truth–
If you get a visitor after staking this to your abode’s wall, you are to be complimented.
Much in the way of the advertizing of the Miracle Chair company–“If you get a good chair, it’s a Miracle”
I’ve got your complement right here.
Ooh, is that fm’s portrait?
*gasp*
I was PROMISED that those photos would NEVER be seen!
“I’ll never share the pictures – they’re just for us, honey.” Monkey, please.
RARE ACRILIC PAINTING!!!!!
Ingredients: Acrilic, Paint, Bamboo, Flamingos, Cheese, Gold, Silver, Green #1, Pink #2.
Allergy Warning: Contains a nut, Flower, Anchovies. May contain Traces Of Insanity, Ego, Unrealistic Expectations and Tastelessness.
Caution: May cause dizziness, vomiting, or diarrhea. Avoid longterm exposure.
Do not taunt painting. Do not feed painting after midnight. Seller is not responsible for insanity, blurred vision, night terrors, irritability, nervous tremors, persistent rash, colic, or mood swings caused by exposure to painting. Pregnant women should not handle, touch, fondle, or caress painting. Keep all flammable material at least twenty yards from painting.
If that doesn’t work, try Ipecac.
Not-a, you have behaved very well in the box. You may now exit; be sure to take all your belongings with you. And here’s a lovely, one of the kind, original art work for you. No, really, take it and get out!
Good Morning, Happy Trees!