YSaC, Vol. 1338: From the files of Police Squad
2012 September 12
Police lights! – $65
I have working police lights for sale! CAN’T NOT BE USED ON THE ROADWAY!!!! Will send a pic if u want one! Have about 12
I love the enthusiasm on this guy. I mean, he’s right – if you had a gen-u-wine police light, how could you possibly not use it on the roadway? You couldn’t! You absolutely couldn’t not use it on the roadway. And now if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to run around with a police light on my head making fire engine noises.
Thanks again, 318!
12 available, huh? I have a feeling Sparky is in a hurry to sell these, because there are a whole lot of unhappy cops missing their light bars in his town. He must have been waiting in ambush at the local donut shops to swipe that many.
Or, these are the magnetic-base, plug-in-the-lighter socket variety of Emergency Services lights, and there were twelve in the box that “fell offa da truck” that are not busted.
I thought he was referring to how many pics of the lights he had.
I haven’t had my Policeman’s Special breakfast yet this morning: Coffee and donuts.
True story: someone once offered to sell me a computer that “fell off the truck” and my first question was, “but wouldn’t it have been damaged?”
Yeah, I’m a little naive sometimes.
Was it a turnip truck?
🙂
Only problem with the genius idea of stealing them off a cop’s car is that now he can sneak up on you when he comes to arrest you.
This sounds like one of those logic puzzles on admission tests. If it can’t not be used on the roadway, does that mean that it must always be used on the roadway or only that you have to use it on the roadway every so often to avoid voiding the warranty?
Yes.
:peeks at cheat sheet:
Begonias.
*whips out catulator*
Children under 12 get in free.
Hello, Sparky! This is Offic– erm..Mr. McGruff…yeah, like the dog I know.
No, I’m definitely not a police officer.
I’m interested in your police lights. You see, I run a small business catering to the needs of the commun— the, umm….circus industry..and I help outfit all the clown cars.
It’s called “Precinct 9”. Clever name, eh? See, it came about because I purchased a very old building downtown and you see…well, the name was already spelled out in bricks on the front right over the steps.
You just bring all your police lights down here, we’re on the corner of 5th and Main, around 3:00 this afternoon, and we’ll be glad to take you, I mean them into custody.
Sincerely,
Mr. McGruff
Dear Sparky,
My name is Vito “Not an Alias” Vitale. I am in the profitable and legitimate business of restoring and collecting old police cars for legitimate recreational purposes, and it sounds like you may have exactly what I need to finish three 2007 Crown Victorias. Please contact me at your earliest convenience; I need the light bars for a thing what I’m doing on Friday.
Sincerely,
Mario “Candyman” Razetti
PS. I hope cash is ok. I prefer dealing in unmarked bills.
Just remember, Kiddies, it’s not illegal if you post it on CL!
(just looked, car-top light bar runs $400-600; dash-mount is $45-75)
Fast forward one week: who’s surrounded Sparky’s house with cars that have flashing lights? Cops, or dissatisfied customers?
Frank,
I don’t care how desperate you are to help out Nordberg, you simply can’t sell police equipment on Craigslist!
-Capt. Hocken
I used to watch Police Squid! That was my favorite show when I was 12. I loved the theme song about not being able to outrun the long arm, arm, arm. arm, arm, arm, arm, arm of the law. And his best friend and partner, Sharkey Shakedown, would whistle that when they were on patrol. Good times, good times.
Me too! My favorite episode was when Police Squid was trying to practice his clarinet and Spongebob and Patrick kept making so much noise that he couldn’t concentrate and…
Uh, wait, wrong squid show.
“Please put ‘NOT A COP’ in your reply, so I know you are a real person who is not a cop.”
(Because, as all criminals know, it’s illegal for police to lie and say they’re not police. :/ )
Isn’t that under the same section of legal code as the “no backsies” rule?
No, it’s under the same section of legal code as the “don’t taz me bro’!” referendum.
But it’s completely nullified by the “my fingers are crossed behind my back” addendum.
I thought we weren’t going to update the Snark Lounge rules until next year!
I’ll take the whole dozen.
There’s someone I want to sing ” Every Breath You Take” to, and these lights will really enhance the mood.
Sparky sighed. He had failed yet again. When that unfortunate “incident” at the plaster plant that cost him his job, he decided that being a worker bee just wasn’t suited for his personality. He needed to be the boss of himself. He was going to be rich.
It hadn’t been as easy as he thought it would be. He had tried putting a saddle on his Great Dane and passing it off as a mine hors ride but even the neighbor’s three-year-old hadn’t been fooled. Scoring some free massage lube glitter lotion, he then tried his hand as a masseuse but ditched that idea when his first client was sixty-two year old, 300 lb woman who was overly fond of onions and garlic.
His latest adventure was inspired by that movie about male entertainers. Yes, typically younger men did this. But 50 is the new 30, right? And he wasn’t much over 50 – just a few years. He was in pretty decent shape for a couch potato and, thanks to Popeil’s “hair in a can”, his bald spot was hardly noticeable. OK, when he gave out his picture, he might have given out one of his face photoshopped onto a bodybuilder’s body. But he was sure that when he started stripping off his cop uniform to “No Parking on the Dance Floor” while the police lights flashed, they would be begging for more. They were begging alright. For their money to be returned and for him to leave before they called the real cops.
So now he was broke with only a case of dark brown hair spray and twelve police lights. Maybe he could sell them on CL and use the money for his next business idea. He knew that this one would make him rich for sure.
Hey! I almost resemble that remark about the lady with the garlic and the onions! I’m keeping my eye on you, Penguin.
corey: The police light bars now used are strobe lights; the old rotating bulb versions are obsolete and far more trouble-prone. There are lots of those available that have been removed from service. If the maker is still in business, the lenses can be changed to red for use by volunteer firefighters, yellow for snow plows, or similar uses.
/corey
yessum i kin vowelsafe fer thats i changeded myuns out fer black lensses on me hearst
Digi, please exit the box through the gift shop. Funky Monkey will help you with any purchases you make. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Car 54, wherever you are. (Wow, did I just reveal my age! My cane is too far away for me to shake it at you young whipper-snappers!)