YSaC, Vol. 1361: ICU at the ICU

2012 October 15

[Hospital] Main ICU – m4w


Hey, this is for S. Who I met at the [name] Hospital ICU on Sunday nite. We was talking in the louge, my wife (who I told you I don’t get along w/ but we stay 2tgether for the new baby) is there after her car acident. You were there for ur grampa who something. You might remembar that my name begins with D. And I was tall & you liked my tatts on my forarm. I made you laugh, and you will probably remember that I told U that you was Fly. I really liked talking to you, but that dam nurse kept interrupting and finally I couldn’t come back because of the feedings tubes problam. When I came back I was like “Dam” bcause U were gone and all. So I am hoping U will see this here. Good news: my wife won’t last to much longer, wich means I can b a free man soon, wich means I would like to take you out for a nite on the town if U see this. So get at me because I got what U need and I will treat you right . Not like all those wankstas U was talking about. Really doe.

PS – U like Red Lobster?

 

Because what better place to meet your next future ex-wife than in the emergency room lounge after your current future ex-wife has “mysteriously” gotten into a car accident? Except for when the nurse comes out to get you and is all, “The doctor wants to talk to you about putting your wife on life support,” and you’re like “Oh, MAN, can it wait? I’m busy being tall for this chick.”

 

59 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 October 15
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Hey, I thought this was “You suck at Craigslist”, not “You’re a horrible human being”.

    Adores: 25
    • 2012 October 15

      The two concepts can be interchanged.

      Adores: 7
  2. 2012 October 15
    Mike permalink

    Dear Karma, you fucked up again. That was the wrong person you got in that car accident, do a better Job next time.

    Adores: 24
    • 2012 October 15

      I know, right? I was just thinking that God may need some new glasses.

      Adores: 8
    • 2012 October 15
      CapnMac permalink

      No, Murphy will not guarantee that the less-conscious one is any better.

      Adores: 5
  3. 2012 October 15
    CapnMac permalink

    In my time in medical facilities, I’ve seen this, for lack of a better word–person, a number of times.

    Ok, no coffee this morning until I can hit a drive through. So, I’m just going to stop typing invective and vitriol after five different misguided rants have been typed and deleted.

    Adores: 6
  4. 2012 October 15

    And….reaaaaaallly? I must call shenannigans on this one, kids. Just not buyin’ it.

    On the plus side, someone loves us enough to do this…cuz, where else would that ad end up but here?

    Adores: 15
    • 2012 October 15

      I’m with you, CJ. The PS there removed all doubt.

      Adores: 10
      • 2012 October 15

        Right! I mean if the p.s. was “U like Ruby Tuesday?” I might not be so quick to call bullshit, but Red Lobster? No way.

        Adores: 17
    • 2012 October 15
      CapnMac permalink

      I wish I could dismiss this so easily. But, sadly, I have seen just this sort of leisure suit larry the lounge lizard lothario in too many ER, too many ICU, too many waiting rooms.

      His (nominal; no relationship to actual male hominids ought be inferred or implied) ilk and crying babies are why I could not take up medicine as a trade (even if Unc’ Sam thought it would be spiffy thing for me to learn “on the side”).

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 October 15
        Windrose permalink

        Agreed, I know of a father who banged a nurse while his wife was delivering their second child. SIgh.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 October 15

          And don’t forget Chris de Burgh, monobrowed purveyor of ultimate filth, who had an affair with his children’s nanny while his wife was critically ill in hospital with head injuries after a riding accident.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 October 15

          Wait, Chris “Don’t Pay the Ferryman” de Burgh?

          *shudders*

          Adores: 1
  5. 2012 October 15

    In case this real, I have three words for S.: Forewarned is forearmed.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 October 15

      And since the forearms are tattooed, there can be no doubt.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 October 15
        CapnMac permalink

        The gloves fit, so you cannot acquit?

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 October 15
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Well, use the forearm, but aim… low.

      Although given this guy’s presentation, it might be easy to miss.

      Adores: 2
  6. 2012 October 15

    If this was you email me tell me what the ways did I fantasyze abt killing my wife.

    I really hope the girl see this.

    Adores: 6
  7. 2012 October 15

    Sparky seems like quite the catch, in that S would very likely catch something from him that requires several rounds of antibiotics to treat.

    Adores: 6
  8. 2012 October 15
    Lou Stool permalink

    Aaaaaaaand……the babby. Our pal “D” is gunna become a single dad. Awesome.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 October 15

      Oh, but don’t you see? It’s a perfect time for S to swoop in and be a mommy. No tedious pregnancy and no baby mama drama!

      It’s perfect!

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 October 15

        Custody Proceedings. Social Worker: Your Honor, even though the mother of this child is dead, we still think she will be the better parent for the baby.

        Adores: 35
        • 2012 October 15
          CapnMac permalink

          Advocate for Child: Your Honor, Move for Summary Judgement as Respondent is corpus mentis delicti.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 October 15
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Minty Delicious Corpses is my Fine Young Cannibals cover band.

          Adores: 16
        • 2012 October 15

          I thought it was Ben & Jerry’s new holiday flavor.

          Adores: 6
        • 2012 October 15

          I hereby decree via YSaC fiat that Windrose’s comment is the comment of the day.

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 October 15

          *blush* aw, shucks!

          Adores: 3
  9. 2012 October 15
    Ralph permalink

    “We was talking in the louge….”

    There’s an ICU on a luge track? An icy ICU?

    It sounds like Sparky is looking for a permanent baby sitter as well as a date. No wonder she slid away.

    Adores: 9
  10. 2012 October 15
    Brer Fox permalink

    You might remembar that my name begins with D.

    Dip
    Dumbass
    Dastardly
    Dick
    Dork
    Disgusting
    Dirtbag

    Yeah, Dirtbag sounds about right.

    Adores: 16
    • 2013 January 12
      Lizzi permalink

      Pretty sure it’s Douche, last name Bag

      Adores: 0
  11. 2012 October 15

    I dunno, on one hand I can tell this guy is a completely unfeeling, uncaring, sociopathic, heartless jerk.

    On the other hand, I really do like Red Lobster.

    Adores: 20
    • 2012 October 15

      They do have good cheddar biscuits.

      Adores: 12
  12. 2012 October 15

    And I was tall & you liked my tatts on my forarm. I made you laugh, and you will probably remember that I told U that you was Fly.

    The poor girl was probably just humoring the guy at the time because she was afraid of getting shanked.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 October 15

      “Oh yeah, that’s a really sweet tat of Tweety Bird in a wife-beater with a tattoo of your face on his arm. Really meta and not trashy at all.”

      “What you said? No, I ain’t never met a Tweety Bird for real. U?”

      “Never mind.”

      “Haha. Girl U so funny. U Fly.”

      “If only.”

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 October 15
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        “( )”

        Adores: 1
  13. 2012 October 15

    I notice there is no reference to the person or persons responsible for sending in this shining example of suckage. I’m sure we would never take revenge on whomever it turns out to be.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 October 15
      One Moving Violation permalink

      I didn’t do it. I couldn’t have done it.
      There is no [name] Hospital ICU on Sunday anywhere near here.

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 October 15

      I apparently found this one myself. The email was from me to me.

      Adores: 11
      • 2012 October 15
        One Moving Violation permalink

        As a completely normal, intelligent, well informed, abnormal, pseudo-intelligent, ill informed commenter on YSaC, I understand why you replace names with [name]. However, me being me, I would have added another set of brackets.
        “And I was tall & you liked my tatts on my [appendage].”

        But you didn’t. I’m guessing because this guy doesn’t need any help looking like a total scumbag.

        Adores: 5
      • 2012 October 15

        Llamanun, did you email yourself back and thank yourself? Grammy Eyebrows taught me that you can never be too polite and good manners are always appreciated.

        She also taught me never to pick up men in the hospital lounge. I wonder how she knew that?

        Adores: 6
  14. 2012 October 15

    /matt – as someone who spent way more time than I care to recall in an ICU this summer, I can say that I’ve seen family dinners, family reunions, bored children, and laughter in the waiting room. What I NEVER saw…not once…not ever…was the total disregard for the reason they were waiting. In fact, I saw tragic grasping at glimmers of hope, tears of joy, tears of unbearable heartbreak, and the vacant looks of shock-filled family and friends when no hope was left. It pisses me off, royally, to think Sparky chose this venue to stage his utter and complete bullshit-filled CL posting for our collective entertainment.

    May you rot in hell, motherf*cker.

    /endmatt

    Adores: 15
    • 2012 October 15
      One Moving Violation permalink

      All of my hospital visits have been like my UFO sightings. Nobody else was around to see it.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 October 15

        Mine mostly feature a bored toddler who wants to run around like a crazy person because he’s already played with the toys we brought for 3 whole seconds each. It also features me hitting the complimentary coffee like it’s an open bar at a wedding.

        The most recent one was me just dropping off my wife and her telling me to take the boy home because it’ll be a less stressful ER visit without him there.

        Adores: 10
        • 2012 October 15

          Smart girl.

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 October 15
      CapnMac permalink

      Dearheart, that was not really a [matt] that was a hard-earned [corey].

      A [matt]would have been some deluded, confused, heartbroken S pipinf up in defense of D, that were dis’ing the tats, and really the slime trail was not that noticeable, really, and for being an ambulatory collection of pond fauna was very nearly like an actual humern bean.

      Adores: 5
  15. 2012 October 15
    Brer Fox permalink

    D is writing this to S. Who is this U person? I know he can’t mean you when he uses U, because he uses you when he means you. Is U her grandpa who something? Is U the dam nurse interruptus? Is U his imaginary friend he told that you were Fly? Is U really doe, a deer, a female deer? Maybe U is a Euphemism.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 October 15

      [Corey] U is an honorific in Burmese names. [/Corey]

      Although I don’t recall that anyone ran into U Thant in an ICU and told him he was fly.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 October 15

        That’s very true. Although, for whatever reason, U Biquitous has been in just about every ER that I’ve ever been to.

        Adores: 5
  16. 2012 October 15
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Since when does “Newt” start with a D?

    Adores: 7
  17. 2012 October 15
    LurkRealClose permalink

    You were there for ur grampa who something.

    Really? Something?

    …was dying?
    …had cancer?
    …fell down and couldn’t get up?
    …needed a kidney transplant?
    …is a doctor?

    I don’t know about S, but I generally don’t get into relationships with men who can’t remember basics of my life, like my grandfather is dying, no matter how fly their tatts.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 October 15

      U know how fly my tatts? How U do that? They ain’t like kites r birds n shit.

      Adores: 4
  18. 2012 October 15
    CapnMac permalink

    Oops, sorry, I seem to have forgotten these [ugly, bitter downer corey][/corey] for some of the above.

    Adores: 3
  19. 2012 October 15
    Bombdude permalink

    humanity is doomed damned.

    There, I fixed that for you…

    Adores: 9
  20. 2012 October 16

    One day wanda was talking to Dave,
    And the words they said put them in the box,
    So the lesson to be learned if your time you would save
    Is to take up a safe hobby like collecting rocks.

    Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Louge Lizards!

    Adores: 1
  21. 2012 October 16
    Pigs like peekaboo permalink

    I’m guessing you guys/gals think it’s improper for a widower/widow to be getting dates at the funeral of their spouses too. Spoilsports.

    Adores: 4
  22. 2013 January 12
    Lizzi permalink

    Seriously, what a douche

    Adores: 0
  23. 2013 April 15

    He could have written her a poem:

    Just as soon as my
    wife die, baby u fly, lets
    go to Red Lobster

    (with apologies to the haiku)

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 October 15
      Lou Stool permalink

      Brilliant! I hope more people come back to this someday in a redux so they can read that.

      Adores: 0

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS